" The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring."
-Carl Sandburg
***
When Easy was pulled off the lines, they moved back to Mourmelon. They entered through the familiar gates, which made Charlotte somewhat sad. She was so happy to finally be back, off the line, and safe, but there were so people that they'd left with those months so long ago that weren't here now. Her heart broke. She tried not to think of the ones they'd lost as she jumped to the ground gently, with some help from Webster who steadied the girl. The 502nd were there, the sister regiment to the 506th, and they were many relieved faces when Easy appeared, even playing some tunes as they entered. But the 502nd also saw all the tired, exhausted, horrorstricken faces that had dealt with too much pain in the past few months. Charlotte could barely move her feet as she walked forward, ever so slowly making it towards her designated billet. She walked in the 10 man billet and was relieved to see that most of her friends were there, the rest in other billets. As the men spread out to find their beds, with their trunks of personal belongings, Charlotte finally pulled the aching medic satchel from her shoulder as well as her helmet. She found her bed, between Babe and Webster. She dropped the two items onto the bed, before promptly dropping onto the bed herself. She let out a sigh. This was the first time she had felt a real bed, with warm sheets and a pillow under her head in over 2 months. Her muscles were sore, from the constant moving, now finally able to rest, and her body felt weak and over used. Charlotte noticed that next to Webster was Luz, and next to Babe was Liebgott. Across from her was Skinny, then Talbert, Shifty, Perconte, and Grant.
" They got showers here, Sunshine." she heard Talbert call as he unbuttoned his OD coat to reveal his white shirt underneath.
" I can't even move." she groaned tiredly, her eyelids already wanting to slide shut.
" You don't even wanna move for showers?" Perconte called, pulling a toothbrush from his footlocker.
" You call me smelly, Perco?" she asked, sitting up with a light smirk on her face with a pair of bright eyes. But everyone knew she was just trying to make the solemn mood more lighthearted. Perconte laughed lightly.
" Whatever you say, Sunshine." he said. The girl swung her feet over the edge of the bed, and pulled a towel, and the bar of soap from the footlocker and started with the men out of the billet. There was a bit of brightness back in the girl, with this certain new found swagger that wavered around her entire aura. It was similar to the type she had coming into Toccoa. But it seemed that what had happened before at Mourmelon had affected her while heading into Bastogne. However those 2 months of pain aided in producing that confidence that she gained. She felt much better after showering, with a real shower head and soap and conditioner and shampoo, and shaving! She felt clean and once she had finished, she let her hair down and sighed at how wonderful it felt to finally be clean. She was one of the first to finish, surprisingly enough, and she began eating as night fell outside. She watched as the cooks placed her food on her plate. Her eyes widened. She thanked the cooks quietly before turning and sitting down at a table alone. She stared. Why could she actually know what she was eating? She felt dazed and confused, even from the luxury of the shower and it only made her feel more dream like. She felt a body next to her and she looked over to see it was Shifty, with his own plate, hair slightly wet from his shower, and an exhausted, yet happy look on his face.
" Shifty..." she mumbled, still shocked from the identifiable food. He sipped his tea with a raised brow.
" Do you know what this is?" she asked, pointing at the meatloaf on her plate.
" Uh, food? Meatloaf?" he asked, placing his tea down.
" Yes!" she exclaimed making the man almost choke on his food, but he chuckled afterwards.
" Correct because, we can identify it as well! It's actual meat with ketchup, and corn on the side and bread. There's texture, and color! Color! I never thought I'd miss color!" she cheered, grabbing the fork and plunging it to the sky. Shifty only chuckled.
" Sure you aren't a food critic?" he asked lightly. She turned with a smile at Shifty.
" I think there wouldn't be any food to critique." she answered back with a knowing grin. Shifty laughed with the girl. They finished up their meal, no one else really showing, suggesting they were already passed out back at the billet. Shifty and Charlotte walked back to the barracks and headed inside the warmer billet, shutting the door behind them. She noticed that some of the men were already asleep, which included Babe on her one side. She went over and pulled his blanket up a bit higher, and she noticed the tiny smile appear on his lips as she did so. She went over to her bed, and pulled off her boots, wiggling her wooly socked feet, before undoing her jacket and taking off the cargo pants and snuggling under the bed. Luz, Talbert, Perconte and Grant were already asleep along with Babe, and Shifty was already climbing into bed to follow. Webster sat up next to her, reading his book quietly, with the light on beside him as he did so. She turned over, the covers pulled up to her chin to face the man.
" What're you reading, Web?" she asked softly. Webster looked up, and over and smiled lightly.
" It's about sharks." he said, noticing the wide curiosity in her eyes.
" Come on." he said, patting the spot on the bed next to him. She smiled wide, escaping from her warm covers and grabbing the spare blanket and cuddling up next to Webster in a ball. She laid her head on his shoulder and watched in a marvel as he read quietly to the girl. She saw the faces in her sleep, behind her eyelids. She saw each feature, each little noticeable fixation that anyone outside of their close knit circle wouldn't notice. She could've saved them if she had turned a half second earlier, or had told them a different thing, or did that extra run. She could've pulled them to safety, but now they were dead and she was still here, living with that matter. She saw how they died too and the visions sprinted over her vision. She also saw everyone that had been hurt and how it happened and the limb blowing off from their body and it scared her. She screamed. She screamed and screamed trying to make those nightmares disappear, but all she saw were them there lying helpless and she had done nothing. She shot up out of bed, sucking in large breaths of air, her lungs quivering inside her body as the tears cascaded down her cheeks and sweat glistened over her entire body. The quiet cries bubbled from her lips, as her hands scrambled to grab something, to touch something comforting. Charlotte swung her feet over the edge of the bed, and sucked in loud breaths trying to calm herself down as she stared forward, trying to tell herself she was ok. She stood, grabbing her coat overtop her PT shirt, and then pulled her boots on untied onto her wooly feet with her PT shorts before marching straight out of the billet. She figured her hair was a mess in her braids. But she had to get away. Get away from her sleep and the terrors that followed it. An icy chill blasted her, but her red puffy eyes kept her going straight towards the bathrooms. She marched right into the stall and profoundly threw up. Tears streamed down her face from her eyes, as she pulled back from the toilet seat and sat, heaving against the stall door. She figured it was about 3 in the morning, and this was the last thing she wanted to be doing. How was she supposed to comprehend the last few months? How was she supposed to live with the hardship? How was she supposed to continue like it never happened? How does a person do that? Then suddenly, there were some footsteps and she froze.
" Charlotte?" the quiet voice came. It was Lieb, his voice gentle and caring and soft. She let out a sigh and stood, flushing the toilet before opening the stall door and walking straight to the sink, placing her hands on either side of the sink staring down at the basin.
" Charlotte..." Lieb said quietly and she heard his footsteps walking her way.
" Are you ok?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on her back. She flinched. It was all too familiar. Everything about the entire situation was too familiar, and her heart pounded. She knew it was only Liebgott, but her heart raced. She remembered the way that boy had grabbed her in the bathroom stalls and threw her against them before beating her. She couldn't think about it. She looked over at Liebgott, with the fresh tears still in her eyes. She turned to Liebgott, wrapping her arms around his center and shoving her head into his chest, like she were attempting to hide away from the world.
" Hey, hey, hey, it's ok." he whispered softly, wrapping his arms around the young medic, and pulling the girl close to him. He felt her sigh in what sounded like a trembling relief with a soft cry to follow it afterwards. She was not the girl that had first walked into the barracks on that summer afternoon those many years ago. She was already tough when she came into Easy, mentally, physically and emotionally, and it only strengthened over the years. Many of the men had seen the girl break multiple times, and they knew she wasn't afraid to let it show in front of them. She'd said it herself; they were like her band of brothers, and she'd never have to go through anything alone. The next morning she woke up, having rested after Liebgott coaxed her back to sleep and was practically a mess. She looked around confused she wasn't in some shack or foxhole, or that the wind wasn't biting her nose. She was comfortable and under a bed, as well as snuggled up with her pillow. She looked around the room, faint rays of sunshine streaming in through the window curtains over the men. They all looked innocent in their sleep, like little boys waiting for their mother to tell them breakfast was ready. The girl sighed, she'd survived Bastogne against all odds. She debated getting up, but instead yawned, shut her eyes and snuggled against the pillow once again. She was glad to be off the line. In March of 1945, a ceremony was held to present awards, officially, and new promotional rankings that had yet to publicly announced.
Everyone was dressed in their uniforms. The last time they'd been in those were at least before Holland which was months ago. And now looking at the group they were much thinner, but had more lively color in their faces. Charlotte opted for her pants this time around, the slight chill of the air brushing her legs in the skirt a few times and she knew she had to change. The cold brought back too many memories that she couldn't bear to think of. The girl pulled her hair into the lovable braids that the company adored and smiled to herself in the mirror. LIebgott had consoled the girl last night, and she even managed to finish sleeping the rest of the night without waking again. She and the men were all stood at attention in their respected platoons and companies. Gene had hurried up the girl before hand, carefully wrapping a clean white medic brassard around her bicep. She sent a beautiful smile up to the ranking medic and he gripped her shoulder gently, giving it a squeeze. The two made way to their way to 2nd platoon. Charlotte stood, her head held high, arms crossed at resting position behind her back, Gene just next to her. She stood next to 2nd platoon, casting a glance their way towards the men. The sun was bright that morning, warming up the tired soldiers, and putting small smiles on their faces. Charlotte focused her attention back up at the stage and her heart nearly popped out of her chest. In front of the entire 101st was in fact General Eisenhower himself. She nearly fainted. She noticed the men's expressions shift and then remain cool from there on. She stood, head held high, as she looked forward with pride.
" Well hello there 101st Airborne." General Eisenhower called over the entirety of the multiple platoons and companies.
" Hello, sir!" came the responses back, containing the giddiness and excitement behind her tone.
" You've all done an outstanding job on holding Bastogne and taking over multiple towns in the surrounding areas. President Roosevelt would be damned proud to see you all here now." he said, his eyes washing over the group.
" There were many heroics faced while in Bastogne and it's still evident today. I'd like to introduce to you all, as the papers would say, the Sunshine Soldier, Sergeant Charlotte Tarvers!" General Eisenhower called over the group. Cheers erupted from Easy Company, as Charlotte felt her cheeks warm as she stepped forward through the multiple groups until she reached the front and walked up the multiple steps to the stage. The cheers from Easy Company seemed almost deafening as she turned slowly and walked towards the General. He smiled at the girl, holding his arm out as she stopped right next to him before turning out to the crowd. Easy Company was the loudest, the cheers rising above the rest and it made her heart swell.
" Sergeant Tarvers, well, she seems to be one of a kind for Easy Company. With her fellow medics, battling illness, disease, and constant shell fire, made multiple runs to Bastogne to deliver the wounded, while also gathering supplies for the men. She made practical, game time decisions, as well as forgetting to take care of herself before anyone else in the line of fire to make sure the men of Easy Company were alright. She took authority in the capture of the town of Foy following Easy Company CO Captain Speirs into open fire across the battlefield, taking initiative, picking up a gun and firing heroically towards the enemy in an effort to save another soul. And it saved many lives that day, and the matter of even more days worth of fighting as well." Eisenhower explained. Charlotte beamed a wide smile.
" This is why I'm presenting to you, Sergeant Tarvers, the Combat Medical Badge, awarded to those who provide medical support and aid in a dire time of need in battle." Eisenhower said as she turned to him, pinning the medal to her uniform. She beamed at the General and saluted him with pride.
" Congratulations, Sergeant Tarvers. Those men are lucky to have you." he said, the microphone pushed away from his mouth.
" Thank you, sir." she said, shaking his hand firmly. He patted her shoulder and she scaled down the side of the stage toward the cheering group of Easy members. Everything became 10xs better when the entire 101st was awarded a Presidential Unit Citation for holding Bastogne. The young medic donned a bright, beautiful smile that the company hadn't seen in what felt like ages. That night, after getting back from the parade and their tiny PT training session, they said in their beds, smoking or reading quietly, not really talking, but more like just enjoying all their company together. Charlotte sat on her bed, hair donning the lovable braids, legs curled up against her, her Grey's Anatomy book in her hands, tattered and torn yet readable, wearing her large PT shirt and shorts as well as fluffy socks, her eyes wide in aspiration as they skimmed over each word on the page. Skinny, who was reading his own book, couldn't help but look over at the young medic from time to time. He admired her. A lot, and it was fairly obvious even if it was only to him. Charlotte felt eyes watching her, and glanced up gently, the curious look written onto her face as she noticed it was Skinny. She gave a faint smile his way before turning back to her book and skimming her eyes over the words again. Luz stood and traveled the few beds down and sat on the edge of Charlotte's bed, smoking a Lucky Strike.
" You know, Sunshine," George started, " There's a USO dance tonight and I'm sure the company would love to see you there." Charlotte looked up from her book and shrugged.
" I might catch some sleep." she said with a small innocent, smile. She wanted to, but sleep was more important.
" Oh come on Sunshine! This'll brighten up everyones week. I promise you'll have fun." Luz urged. Charlotte only gave a weak smile in return.
" I bet there will be some handsome soldiers there that will want to say hello." Luz muttered sarcastically.
" But I have you guys." she answered with a giggle.
" You calling us handsome, Sunshine?" Babe asked, yawning. Charlotte's cheeks turned red, and her entire face engulfed to a different level of warmth. The men in the room chuckled at the young girl, as she only felt more embarrassed. Of course she thought the guys were handsome, they were like brothers to her, just really handsome.
" Fine." she groaned, the color in her cheeks returning to the normal color. She closed her book and stood to grab her uniform.
" I'll be back boys." she said and walked gently out of the room, toward the bathroom, with her private sector. After she changed, the girl hopped back up the stairs into the billet and found all the boys dressed and looking freshly combed, with their medals polished shiny.
" Holy shit." she heard Liebgott say as she walked in, tying up her freshly braided hair. She noticed his eyes were focused on her skirt. She realized that it had been months since they'd seen her in a skirt since before the Holland jump, or another female for that matter.
" It's been a while hasn't it." she said walking past him and sitting down on her own bed, and finishing tying her hair up.
" Yeah." Liebgott answered. She giggled softly. She leaned down and pulled on heels. Her feet felt weird in them. She'd been in combat boots for months by this point and having a heel to her feet now felt weird. The girl leaned around and picked up the purple hearts and the combat medic medal, and the Bronze Star from Brecourt as well and pinned them onto her uniform before shakily standing to her feet. She wobbled for a second and fell back onto the bed. It was like she had forgotten how to walk without her combat boots on. She let out a small laugh.
" You look great, Charlotte." Shifty said adjusting his boots before standing and holding a hand out to the girl. She smiled, grasping his hand and standing beside him.
" Thanks, Shift." she said, and then smoothed out her skirt. She adjusted the medic brassard accordingly onto her arm, and smoothed it out before adjusting her cap again, ready to head out with the boys. The group walked towards the USO hall and once they entered, they were overwhelmed with members from Easy. They were Nurse Corps, Nurses from the Red Cross, towns girls, and WAC members as well as some other American soldiers, like sailors, pilots, and soldiers. The girl made her way over to the other women, getting some time away from the boys for once. She loved them, but she needed other females to talk to.
" Hey!" she called walking over, and pulling her uniformed hat off her head and pushing it into her pocket.
" Hi!" a voice called back, with a few more chorus' of hellos following.
" I'm Charlotte Tarvers." she said, shaking a few of the women's hands.
" Are you a Sergeant?" a nurse with blond hair and big blue eyes, and a soft spoken tone asked.
" Yeah! I'm from Easy Company, their combat medic." Charlotte explained, with a soft smile.
" You're that Sunshine Soldier we've heard so much about!" another woman with big brown eyes and long dark brown hair said excitedly. Charlotte nodded with a smile.
" You've really inspired so many of us. How is it with all them?" another woman with raven hair asked looking over to the group of her friends all talking with drinks, smoking, laughing and taking casual glances over at the group of women. She turned back to the girls and shrugged.
" They're like brothers to me, all of them in their own ways." she said.
" But sometimes I'm glad when they hold these and I have other women to talk to. So much happens that I can tell them because I know they won't understand." she said, sitting down at a table with a few of the girls.
" Well, don't worry, sugar, we love gossip. Anything we can get our hands on." a Southern woman with blond hair said leaning forward. " I'm Ginger Thompson, I'm from Alabama, and I was sent into the Red Cross because my parents couldn't afford anything else really."
" I'm Eliza Wilkes. I'm in the WAC, had me positioned near Paris though for a while, finally had a break and I'm glad I'm here." the raven haired girl answered, glancing at the group of men from Easy. Charlotte smirked.
" I'm Annie Gildes, from New York actually, and I saw an article on you, and it made me want to join actually. I stuck with the Nurse Corps, but I loved how you went in as a combat medic. It's really inspiring." Annie said softly, with her bright eyes.
" Oh and I'm Tilly Hendricks, but people call me T. I'm also in the Red Cross, but I come from California." the brown haired girl answered smiling. " So, you have anything to spill?" Tilly wiggled her eyebrow and then nodded to the group of guys.
" It's just us, we won't tell." she said, smiling. Charlotte was glad to finally talk to some girls finally.
" I bet you love going to bed and seeing those fine chests when they lift those shirts, ah man, I can't imagine how you feel." sighed Tilly. Charlotte's cheeked flamed as she thought about it now. She'd been with men for so long she forgot how to feel like a giddy teenage lovesick girl.
" Ok, ok, ok." Charlotte giggled leaning forward, making the other girls lean in, " They're really hot."
" You have any in mind?" Eliza asked leaning forward. Charlotte sat there, staring forward. She'd never openly thought about them like that.
" Maybe." she whispered honestly to herself. All the girls squealed and then froze and stared wide eyed behind the girl. She turned and a smile broke onto her face when she saw it was Shifty there with a Coke in his hands and his own beer in the other.
" Thanks Shifty." the girl said, taking the small bottle from him in her hands.
" No problem, Sunshine. Oh and uh some of the guys were wondering if you wanted to dance soon?" Shifty asked pointing over to the group of soldiers. Liebgott waved back and started awkwardly dancing by himself next to Luz who smacked him with a cigarette box trying to get him to stop.
" 'Course!" she said, sipping her coke and standing. " Anything to stop Lieb from doing whatever the hell he's doing." She stood as the girls laughed, and looked at the ladies who all looked at her with wide eyes.
" Have a good night! Maybe I'll see you around later!" Charlotte said with a small smile before following Shifty back over to the boys. The girl arrived and Perconte immediately raised a brow in her direction.
" Who were those lovely ladies you were talking too?" he asked, looking over the girl's shoulder. Charlotte could only roll her eyes with a small smile.
" Some Red Cross nurses and a WAC girl." she answered, " Honestly Perco, don't just stand and stare at them, they think that's weird." Perconte immediately straightened up and turned away, rubbing his head. She sat down at the table, chatting with a few of the men there, before slowly moving from table to table and talking with other various members of Easy. The girl made her way alone over to the bar eventually for a refill on her coke. She leaned up against it, kindly nodding to the man behind the bar as he went behind to grab another Coke.
" I hope I'm the first one to say it, but those braids are adorable." she heard a voice say to her left. She looked up, her cheeks lighting to a soft flame as she came to look back into deep brown eyes.
" You aren't the first." she answered back turning and looking back at the bar.
" Sorry, uh, that sounded weird." the man said again, making her turn to look at him. He had brown hair, but all she could think of was how it looked like Lieb's and he had a rare, gentle smile similar to Speir's, and his eyes twinkled like Luz's. But he was tall, broad, and a whole dose of underlying cockiness.
" You're the sunshine soldier right?" he asked, pointing to the medical brassard on her bicep.
" Yeah." she answered with a small nod, putting a barrier up in her mind.
" You're a Sergeant?" he asked. She nodded back, in an obvious way. Could he not see the T-4 sign on her arm? Finally the bartender came back with her soda and she thanked the man.
" Uh, nice meeting you." she said, holding out her hand to shake. The soldier, from the Army as well, yet not a paratrooper, grasped her hand gently and kissed the knuckles lightly. She pulled back immediately as he let go, and she turned to leave.
" Wait, what's your name?" he called to her.
" Charlotte." she said hesitantly back. The situation was too familiar. She stumbled away quickly hurrying back to her table, but immediately flashing a smile onto her features, to mask the slight fear that had bubbled inside her. Charlotte sat back down in her chair next to Chuck, who sipped his beer and then glanced over at the girl.
" You good, Charlotte?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked over at him with a small smile.
" I'm fine, thanks Chuck." she said softly, but Chuck saw through the wall she had built up.
" Hey," Chuck moved his chair closer and wrapped an arm over the girl's shoulders. " You know you can talk to me. You're like my sister." He reached up to brush a stray hair from the girl's eyes. She nodded, biting the inside of her lip. She began to fiddle with her hands curled up in front of her.
" I can't sleep at night anymore." she said, " I can't stop seeing their faces, or hearing those pained calls for medics. I can't even deal with having to think back to those memories even though they are engrained into my brain."
" I don't think anyone can. I can't either, Charlotte. You're not alone." Chuck said softly to her. Charlotte looked up at him, a small smile on her lips.
" I know." she whispered softly. Chuck placed his beer on the table, and let Charlotte take his hand into both of her hands. He squeezed her hands gently in reassurance.
" The 1st night here, I went to the bathroom and threw up." she said, and glanced at Chuck. " I was thinking of Joe and Bill. And I couldn't shake it from my brain, and I just felt so guilty, and it made my stomach hurt until I felt I couldn't breath and I had to get something inside me out."
" Don't ever think for one second it was your fault, Charlotte, because it's not. I know you Charlotte. I love you, ok? I don't want you losing sleep because you feel guilty for something you couldn't prevent." Chuck said to the girl. She nodded up to him, a smile growing on her face.
" I love you too Chuck." she said smiling. " Who knew my twin from another mother was so good with words?" Chuck chuckled at the girl, breaking the moment.
" Well, I'm assuming since you say that, that you're good with words, too." he mused at her, and she smiled wider at him.
" I suppose you could say that I'm saying that." she said. Chuck laughed and she laughed as well. Chuck smiled, seeing the girl happy again, with that beautiful sparkle in her eyes and smile on her lips.
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thanks for reading!