Anyone who was anyone threw a party before school started. It was an unwritten rule in the Bridgewood Academy handbook. But Junior and Senior year, that was when all the stops were pulled. When whoever wanted to be someone put their mark on the map.
Which was why it had been known since my Freshman year that that responsibility was on me. It was almost like my parents knew too, because they took off for the entire weekend before school started, giving me ample time to set up and clean the mess before they ever got home.
I threw a rager. It was Hawaiin themed since the summer stuff was on sale, not that anyone noticed once it really got going, because there was enough alcohol no one gave a shit if they were wearing a plastic lei or not.
Lakyn had shown. Even though I hadn't expected him too.
"I'm sure you won't fail this year again, dude!" I told whoever I was talking to as I managed to wiggle my way out of the crowd and back towards the kitchen. Matt was there now, sitting on the counter and using the window to smoke a joint. I thought about the heart attack my mother would have if she knew, and fought back a smile.
Lakyn was next to him, a bottle of Malibu dangling from his fingers. He was leaning back on the counters, his pale neck on display, his dark hair a mess over his eyes. He looked board, but he was still there.
I shoved myself between Lakyn's thigh and Kaitlynn's side, leaning my weight against him. He didn't react. He never did. But Kaitlynn gave me a smile.
I smiled back as Matt asked, "You're going to be in our building this year, right?" he made a face at the joint he was smoking and added, "This is awful, by the way."
"Yeah, I'm finally in high school hell," Lakyn said. He sat up to take the joint, and I watched as he inhaled. It didn't look great, I couldn't remember who had brought it.
"Wait, you're only a freshman?" Dana asked - she was there hanging off of Kaitlynn, but I didn't think any of us knew her well.
"I'm sixteen. I started kindergarten late at the public school and Bridgewood Academy made me repeat it when I moved over."
He was behind, but he was smart. "You're going to be in most of our classes though, aren't you?"
"Yeah," Lakyn said. "Advanced Placement. Trying to make up for lost time. If I keep at it then I'll graduate with you guys, too. No one will know I was a repeater by college."
It was ridiculous that I was proud of that. Like I had a reason to be. Like I had bragging rights or something. 'Oh look, my friend is so smart, he's right on par with everyone else his age.' I was drunk and smitten and a mess.
"It's a good thing you've been hanging out with us then," Kaitlynn said. "You'll already have friends."
Matt nodded, but I had a feeling I was the only one who noticed the subtile difference in Lakyn's face. He still wasn't sure about the subject of schools and friends. I took the joint from him and said, "I've heard Mr. Vera is a real hardass. I really hate Algebra, I'm gonna fucking fail."
"We can have study dates. I mean, I'm no genius or anything, but I'm sure it would help." Kaitlynn offered. She'd helped me through English the year before, but I knew her math grades were low.
"Yeah, maybe," I said, and nudged Lakyn's knee. I wanted to hear him talk more. "Hey, weren't you always really good at math?"
Lakyn nodded, but I knew I'd lost him. He wasn't paying attention anymore. I sighed and looked at Kaitlynn again. "We should ask if Jessie wants to study with us. I think he's already on Algebra 2."
Kaitlynn grinned and grabbed my arm when she said, "Oh my gosh, we'll bring Dana, we can set them up!"
"Oh my god," Lakyn muttered, and I internally cringed because the tone of his voice wasn't nice. He took a long drink out of the bottle he was holding, passed it to Matt, then leaned down in order to catch Kaitlynn's eye. "Kaitlynn, honey, he's not interested, okay?"
That was interesting. I opened my mouth to pop off something stupid like 'are you jelous?', but Matt whispered "Oh damn," in a way that said things were more serious than I realized.
Kaitlynn's eyes were wide, her attention darting between me and Lakyn while she stuttered, "I-I didn't mean-"
"I'm sorry," Lakyn said, cutting her off quickly. Kaitlynn was stumbling over her words, trying to say that she hadn't meant to make anyone uncomfortable. She was naturally flirty, but I wasn't her type. I didn't have enough tattoos or mommy issues for that.
Lakyn slid off the counter and I caught his arm when he swayed, intending to keep him there, but he pushed me off with a quick, "I'm fine, I drank too much."
He was gone in a moment, out of the kitchen, and Matt said, "Dude, is he okay?"
"I don't think so," I answered. There was an ugly feeling twisting in my stomach as I dropped what was left of the joint in the sink.
"Shit," Kaitlynn said. "I don't know what I did-"
"Nothing," Matt and I told her at the same time. Dana was getting huffy, saying stuff about boys being boys and hurting girls feelings for no reason. I ignored her in favor of trying to follow Lakyn.
It wasn't easy, the house was packed, but I knew it's layout and there weren't a lot of places Lakyn could have gone. The bathroom door was shut, so I knocked a few times.
It was loud. The music was carrying down the hallway, so I hit hard, but there wasn't a response. Not until I started calling his name.
"Go away."
"Lakyn, come on," I said, knocking a few more times.
"No."
I sighed in frustration and finally tried the damn knob. The door opened.
Lakyn was in front of the sink. His hands were gripping either side of the porcelain, but his body was hanging below it. His shoulders were shaking.
"Lake," I said softly. My fingers touched the base of his neck and he jumped. "Hey, what's going on?"
"Nothing!" he snapped, but the heat in his voice was broken by a trimmer. I reached for his wrist and jerked, pulling him from the sink. He couldn't fight me, but he couldn't control his momentum either, so he crashed against the floor.
"Lakyn, hey, hey!" I shouted. He was losing it. He was shaking and his breathing was ragged, but he was glaring by the time I kneeled down in front of him. He had his hand to his chest and I wondered if his heart was beating too fast.
"Do you want to go home?" I asked. I didn't know what had set him off, but I didn't think he wanted to stay there either.
"No!" Lakyn snapped. "I don't want to go anywhere, Scott! Not home. Not school. It's so fucking weird to be alive. I was done, do you get that? I'd given up, tapped out, no thanks, don't wanna advance to the next fucking level! Do you know how much life sucks?"
He laughed. He laughed like he was losing his entire mind. "No, of course you don't, because you're fucking perfect. With your perfect house and your perfect family and your perfect smile. I hate you, I really hate you. Why do you like me anyway? Seriously. Do you need something a little broken to spice up your life? You should really get over that because you have no idea what a damn mess I am. You can't handle it."
He was still laughing. I hated it. I hated the sound of it. It wasn't funny, it wasn't light. It was full of worry and stress. Lakyn looked at his hands but he couldn't uncurl his fists. His face was red, his eyes wet, and I wasn't sure he had taken an actual breath in awhile.
I'd never seen a panic attack in person. I opened my mouth, tried to think of something to say that would calm him down. Anything, really. But I didn't even know what had sent him spiraling.
I pulled him up, onto his feet, intending to shove him into the bathtub, turn the cold water on, but once he was there, in my arms, looking up at me like he was afraid and hurt and needed me all at the same time...
I didn't think. I pressed him into the wall by his hips, and then my mouth was on his. It wasn't a kiss, not really. It was some desperate thing, some prayer that maybe I would be able to calm him down enough that he would survive this moment.
Lakyn's fingers twisted into my hair and then he pulled me closer. I let my knee slide between his legs and pushed up. He responded immediately, rocking into my body while he held on.
It was all instinct after that. Tongue and teeth and shoving my hands under his shirt. I couldn't breathe so I pulled away and zeroed in on his neck instead. Lakyn's grip on my hair stayed, but his other hand went around my body and his fingers dug into the small of my back. Please.
I bit down on his collarbone and his entire body melted with a shudder. He buried his face into my hair, muttered a curse word, and then we both slid to the floor. We sat there for what felt like forever, foreheads pressed together.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Don't be," Lakyn said. He sounded far away, but calmer. His breath was back, his shoulders weren't shaking. He jerked at his pants for comfort then reached for me. I let him drag me closer, and watched as he curled himself into my chest. He sighed and closed his eyes. "It was exactly what I needed."
"Do you want to go home?" I asked.
"No," he whispered. "But don't tell anyone I let you let me sleep in your bed."
I hid my smile in his hair. There would be more to talk about later, but right then, all that really mattered, was that he was staying.