Allyson
I'd never really liked dead people— their deathly gray skin pulled tight against their bones with eyes open wide, like they're staring at me forever. It's not that I didn't respect them, I just sort of preferred them sealed inside a coffin under the ground, where they could rest in peace. I probably should've thought about that a little harder before accepting my invitation from Harvard University for medical school.
Despite the chemicals used to preserve her body for our gross anatomy class, her nails were still painted a soft baby blue. A small detail that never failed to make my mind race with a thousand possibilities. She could've been going on a date with her husband or maybe she had a little girl who wanted to paint them for fun. I unwrapped my fingers from the scalpel and it clattered onto the shiny silver table.
I couldn't cut into her.
My mind wasn't in the right place. Our professors had warned us that we'd have to grow tough skin to be in the field of medicine, but it seemed so cynical to only view her body as something for students to dig around in. I mean, at one point, she was a living, breathing woman—a woman not much older than me. She had dreams and plans too.
I tried to push away the thoughts that had been haunting me for months. A shaky breath escaped my lips as I worked to pull my blue gloves off and toss them into the nearby trash can.
"Ally." Kylie could never whisper because her voice always had a million reasons to shout and it echoed throughout the empty lab. "Shane and I are going to grab some drinks? You coming?"
I rolled my eyes and chose not to respond. Before lab I'd made it a point to tell her I had a ton of things to do, even going out of my way to show her my planner with everything I had to get done this weekend. Needless to say, Kylie was very intelligent, but bless her heart, I guess common sense wasn't a flower that grew in everyone's garden. My fingers pulled the zipper on the opaque plastic bag, zipping it back around my anatomy cadaver and sealing her away again.
Eventually, I'd actually make some progress in lab.
I sighed and wheeled my cadaver over to the large silver freezers which really made this place look like a morgue. Kylie's blonde hair fell into my peripheral vision, but I didn't need to see it to know she'd moved closer. She was a perfectionist who loved to hover, and it surprised me when she didn't give her thoughts on my lack of progress.
"Did you hear me?" Her high-pitched voice rang in my ears.
"Yeah, sorry." I shoved my cadaver back into the freezer and closed the door. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."
It'd been two years since Daxson and I made the move to Massachusetts. On the outside, it looked like we had our life together, but that was just a ploy for the media. We wanted to keep them out of our personal lives as much as possible.
Kylie folded her arms across her chest, digging her fingers into her over-sized white coat that swallowed her small frame. "So, you're coming to get drinks?" A big toothy grin spread across her freckled face. "It'd help you get your mind off things. I mean, you could literally forget everything if you wanted."
"Oh, I'm sure. I always have a great time going out with y'all, but Daxson and I have already made plans to spend some time together. This weekend is his first game of the season and he definitely wants me to be there for him." I snagged my purse from my lab locker and headed to the exit, secretly hoping her small legs couldn't keep up.
"He can come too," Kylie countered, grabbing her bag and following me outside.
I sighed and gripped the strap of my purse tighter. "We want to spend some time alone. We both have busy schedules. I mean, I'm in my first year of med school and he plays in the NFL." I turned to face her. "You understand right? Isn't your boyfriend a professional soccer player or something?"
Kylie rolled her eyes. "I do understand. My boyfriend and I have the same problems, but don't you live together?"
I tucked my hair behind my ear and glanced at the ground to hide the annoyed look on my face. "Yeah, we do."
"Then, you see each other ever—"
I yanked my buzzing phone from my purse and held it up in the middle of her sentence, flashing a picture of Daxson and I. "Speak of the Devil. He's supposed to be picking me up, so I need to answer this."
Kylie nodded, but she couldn't hide the pout of her thin lips. "Fine. I'll let it go this time. Try to have a good weekend."
I waved at her as I took a few steps back. "You too."
"Don't forget we made plans to study for our anatomy test on Monday!" She called behind me as a friendly reminder.
I'd already turned my back on her and put the phone to my ear. "Hey, you have no idea how good it is to hear from you."
Daxson chuckled on the other end of the line. "Well, hello to you too, beautiful."
"Sorry, it's been a rough day for me." I kicked a rock with the end of my tennis shoe as I walked down the sidewalk.
"Anatomy again?"
I hated the fact he knew me so well.
An exasperated sigh escaped my lips. "Yeah, I thought it would get easier, but it still hasn't. Maybe I wasn't made for med school."
"Ally, don't let those thoughts come back. You've worked so hard to get into this position. Don't give up on your dream. You've got this. I believe in you." The warmth in his voice seemed to pour from the phone and fill me from head-to-toe.
Despite the comfort Daxson's words brought, it wasn't quite enough to quiet my thoughts. "But Dax, every time I see her, I see myself."
Daxson let out a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone. "You know, I'd never let anything happen to you."
"I know."
He was quiet for a moment like he was trying to decide how to respond. "Then, why do you think you've been struggling with this?"
We both knew the answer to his question, but I refused to admit it aloud. It was easier to keep my problems to myself because that's what I was used to, it was what I'd always done with my bulimia. I thought that a mixture of time, and happiness with my new life, would help put everything that happened behind me. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Two years after my father attempted to kill me, the court finally set his trial for next month, and I'm still struggling to cope.
"I'm not sure." My eyes fell to my feet.
There was shuffling on the other end of the line before the call abruptly ended. I pulled the phone away from my ear to look at it, but Daxson exiting the car just a few feet away caught my attention. His tall frame was swallowed in an oversized-black hoodie which he paired with a second jacket and ripped jeans to accommodate for the chilly weather. He never had problems with looking good, but his sense of style seemed to flourish once we moved away from the southern heat. His golden eyes locked on me as I approached.
"I didn't mean to hang up on you," he whispered, snaking his arms around my waist the second I got close enough.
I leaned into his warm embrace and buried my cold face against the soft fabric of his hoodie. A mixture of his favorite cologne and our laundry detergent overwhelmed my senses, but it was welcomed smell.
"I figured it was an accident. You have your bad boyfriend moments, but you know better than to hang up on me," I teased, hiding my smile by tucking my face back into his chest.
He chuckled which shook his whole body. "You've got me well-trained, huh?"
I nodded and looked up at him."Yup. You're on a tight leash."
"I'm happy with a tight leash because it means I'm closer to you." He placed a kiss on my forehead before tilting his head to sneak a few more kisses along my ear.
"Dax." I leaned my head away from him and giggled. "You sure know how to make a girl swoon."
He laughed and tossed his free arm around my shoulders, steering me toward the matte black car. Don't get me wrong, I loved the luxuries of the blacked-out Rolls Royce Ghost that he purchased after his first season in the NFL, but nothing would ever compare to his father's black truck that sat in the garage at our house. His plan was to keep it in good condition so that he could pass it down to his son just like his father had done for him. I admired that sentiment. It stirred a warm fuzzy feeling inside me to think about the life we could give our children.
"So, about your answer to my question before we hung up the phone... I know you don't want to hear it, but I've been telling you since day one that you should talk to your father. You need that closure, Ally." He opened the door to the car for me.
His voice brought me from my thoughts and I sighed, tossing my purse into the floorboard. "You know I can't talk to him. He doesn't deserve to see me, to see how successful and happy I am. Besides, I don't want to hear anything he has to say."
Daxson braced his arm against the door and shook his head, causing his blonde curls to bounce in the breeze. "I really think it would be good for you if you sat down with him."
I shook my head and stared into his eyes. "No."
"But babygirl, when have I ever steered you wrong?"
"Can we please just agree to disagree on this topic?" I reached forward to tap his nose before falling into the passenger's seat.
He sighed and stepped away from the car to close the door. I leaned back against the leather seat and watched him stroll around the front of the car. He seemed more stressed than unusual and no matter how hard he tried to hide it from me, it was easy to tell from the stiffness of his body. He carried his stress in his shoulders, and they were hunched forward when he walked. Without another word, he slid into the seat beside me and started the car.
I reached across the console and took his hand, interlacing our fingers. There were times I disagreed with him about things, but I never wanted him to think I wasn't on his team. His eyes flickered to our hands and then my face as he pulled away from the school.
I offered a small smile. "Why don't you tell me about your day?"
Daxson shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm tired because we did a lot of route running during practice. They've been working us really hard. I'm also feeling a little anxious."
"About what?" I stroked the tips of his fingers with mine.
"Brady won't make the opening game. He's been struggling with a shoulder injury. It's been bothering him for weeks, so to minimize the risk of any complications, Coach has decided to sit him this weekend. It makes me anxious because I haven't had many reps with our back-up, Mullins." His eyes remained focused on the road, but a frown formed upon his face.
"You'll be fine, Dax. Your quarterback doesn't define you, you define yourself. You've been one of the best receivers in the league for two years. I don't see that changing because of a new quarterback." I squeezed his hand to comfort him.
"You're right. New England drafted me because they saw long-term potential which means the era after Brady too. I think I'm just letting it get to me." He flashed me a cocky smile. "Just like you're letting all these thoughts about death get to you."
I rolled my eyes. Of course, he was going to bring it full circle and back to me. He had a habit of always trying to fix my problems. It obviously meant he cared about me, but the thing he didn't quite understand is that sometimes my problems are mine, and mine only to fix.
I took a deep breath to control my irritation and sat forward in my seat. "I think we both just need a break. You know, some time to get our mind off of everything."
"Are you trying to break up with me?" He questioned with an amused tone and quirk in his eyebrow.
I laughed and brushed my hair behind my ears. "I meant a break from everything except us, you jerk."
"So, like a date night?"
"Basically, but I already turned down Kylie and Shane's offer for drinks." I leaned back into the seat and studied his face.
He chuckled. "Such a shame. I actually had a good time last time we went out with Shane." He wiggled his fingers above the steering wheel. "Kylie is sweet as can be, but she can be a tad annoying."
I couldn't help, but laugh at his assessment of our friends. "I was just kind of wanting to spend some time together at home."
Daxson shifted his weight beside me. A huge grin spread across his lips and lit up his face. "You could just say it, you know."
I raised an eyebrow. "Say what?"
"Sex." He glanced over at me with a teasing smile and mischievous glint to his eye. His hand released mine and slid to rest against my thigh with his fingers spread wide. "It's okay to admit you want it."
His hot touch against my thigh sent pulses of desire straight to my core. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to have sex with him. In fact, we'd come close to going the whole way a few times. It was hard to stop in the heat of the moment, but I wasn't quite able to break the "wait until marriage" vow I'd made to myself.
"Dax."
"I know, I know. We agreed to wait. I'm not trying to change that. I was just saying I can see how bad you want this lovin'." One of his hands tightened around my thigh while the other gripped the steering wheel so firmly some of his veins were visible beneath his skin.
I pushed my hips down against the seat and slipped my hand under his to interlace our fingers again, nibbling at my bottom lip. "You're right. I think about it often."
"Mmhm, don't tell me that, Sweetheart." His tongue ran along his bottom lip before it was hidden by his white smile.
I leaned my head against his arm to hide the warmth that had rushed to my cheeks. It was quiet for a few minutes.
He lifted his shoulder and glanced down at me. "Have you thought about our future? Like about getting married and having kids?"
"Yeah, I've been thinking about it more often these days, especially with Madison and Keith's wedding right around the corner," I whispered, tucking a few strands of my hair behind my ear.
"What exactly do you think about it?" He questioned without taking his eyes off the road.
"I mean I need to focus on school, but I'm in love with you, Dax. If you asked me to marry you, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. Then, if I just so happened to get pregnant, I wouldn't be mad. With your income, we'd be more than capable of caring for a child." I pulled my face away from his shoulder and lifted our hands up between us. "I feel like I'm rambling a lot, but basically what I'm trying to say is if you're ready for that step in our lives, then so am I."
He brought my hand up to his lips and gave it a small kiss. "Good to know."
I raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to know where your mind was with everything. Since they set a date for your father's trial, you've been so tense and anxious." He shrugged. "I just didn't want to put more pressure on you."
"Thanks for being honest with me, Dax." I stretched across the console to give him a kiss on the cheek.
Before I knew it, he'd parked the car in front of our house next to the fountain that spurted water high into the air. The house towered above us with windows that reflected the darkness of the night. Daxson opened the door for me and took my hand to lead me up the paved driveway toward the front porch. I couldn't shake the suspicious feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Dax? What's going on?" I asked, squeezing his hand.
"Just a surprise for you, babygirl. I know you said you wanted to spend some alone time at home, but...." He smiled down at me.
I stared into his eyes for a moment, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but the front door swung open. My eyes flickered to the person standing in the doorway, and once I realized who it was my heart threatened to burst from my chest. Wiping away my tears, I released Daxson's hand and stumbled up the stairs.
Somehow, even with everything going on in our life, Daxson knew exactly what was needed to settle the storm.