Second Sunday of September, hindi gaya ng mga nakaraang araw, walang GT na nagparamdam sa umaga. Umabot ng tanghali, wala rin. And what was more disturbing about the idea na missing in action siya? He deactivated his FB account, and I couldn't reply sa chat. I wasn't sure if blocked ba ako o inactive lang talaga siya. I had no other choice but to call Boss Ayen to ask his whereabouts.
"Boss, where's GT?"
Hindi naman sa nami-miss ko si GT, pero kasi, sobrang weird talaga ng last conversation namin. And that was two days ago pa.
"If I'm not mistaken, he's fixing his business with his publisher. This coming week na kasi ang end of contract niya."
"Boss, may contact number ka ba niya aside sa nasa résumé niya?"
"Why do you ask, Niz?"
Napaisip ako roon sa sinabi ni Boss. Ano'ng why do I ask?
"Boss, collab partner niya 'ko."
"And?"
I just rolled my eyes and said some unknown curses in the air. "That's it, Boss."
"Wala siyang iniwang contact number sa 'yo?"
"Wala nga e," sabi ko, at parang gusto ko nang bawiin kasi kahit ako, narinig ko na sa tono kong nagsusungit na naman ako. Si Boss Ayen pa naman ang kausap ko. Nakakahiya.
"Okay, I'll try to contact him, Niz, ha? Update na lang kita later."
For the past two days, ilang beses ding nagtanong si Justin kung ano ba talaga ang relasyon namin ni GT nang magbati na ulit kami, kasi nga . . . my every bukas for him is my okay day. Sinabi ko lang na "boss" ko si GT, para lang mag-match sa alam nina Daddy. And so-called new friend ko rin pala. He was expecting that GT would be around last Friday kasi nga, g na g makipagtalo sa kalagitnaan ng gabi—and I expected din naman—pero wala. Walang paramdam. Kaya nga inisip ni Justin na for professional thing lang talaga ang amin ni GT kasi parang bigla akong iniwan sa ere. Yesterday, I thought okay na kami ni Justin. At okay naman na kami. Hindi ako nagalit dahil sa ginawa niyang eskandalo noong nakaraang gabi. Lalo pa, may atraso din ako dahil kapag tinitingnan ko siya, nakokonsiyensya ako sa ginawa namin ni GT kinaumagahan.
At talagang hindi ako mapalagay kasi MIA pa rin si GT. Mas inuna ko pa nga siyang isipin kaysa panibagong umagang wala na namang morning greetings si Justin. Kahapon ko lang nalaman na deactivated pala siya. That was why I took an effort to know what he was up to today just to be sure na buhay pa siya at matutuloy pa ang collaboration namin. Then I received a text message from Boss Ayen saying, "GT said do something sa GDocs. Active daw siya roon."
What? Napakamot ako ng ulo. GDocs, seriously?
Okay, sige. Sa original draft namin, dalawa kaming co-author sa document file na 'yon. Whatever I write on that piece of fucking blank page, mababasa niya.
All right! So, he was playing hide and seek with me, huh? Then, so be it.
Two days na akong nasa bahay dahil tinapos na niya ang pending editorial jobs ko for the whole month of September kaya bahala siya. Hindi ako pupunta ng office para tumambay roon.
Hinarap ko ang PC at doon ako nag-type.
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Hindi naging maganda ang araw ko. Yung collab partner ko kasi, MIA.
And I couldn't imagine na naghintay ako ng ten minutes kakaabang ng inline comment, o kaya ng susunod na part doon, o kaya paramdam ng revision history. Kaso wala!
Napakasinungaling talaga ng GT na 'to. Pati si Boss Ayen, ginagamit sa mga kasinungalingan niya.
Ganito pala ang gusto niyang laro, ha. Fine.
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Ayoko sa sinungaling. Na gagamit pa ng ibang tao para lang paglaruan ang iba.
Nakabukas ang tab ko for FB kaya automatic na narinig ko ang notification sound for chat.
At ang akala ko, ang magaling na GT na!
Myra San Miguel. Hindi ako familiar sa pangalan. Kaano-ano 'to ni Justin?
Myra San Miguel
Hi Eunice.
Just now
Eu Niz
Hello
Just now
May instances talaga na bigla ka na lang kikilabutan at kakabahan sa hindi mo malamang dahilan. Iyan kasi ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Gumapang ang kilabot ko sa braso hanggang hita. Dumamay na pati heartbeat ko.
Myra San Miguel
pwede ba taung mag usap abt justin
Just now
At mukhang may dapat nga talaga akong ikakaba.
Someone asked me before, bakit mahalaga ang conflict sa story?
Sa conflict tumataas ang tension ng story. May ibinubunyag at nangyayari sa conflict na nakapagpapataas ng excitement ng readers para basahin pa nang mas maigi ang story. Ito kasi ang part na sisirain ng author ang buhay ng character niya.
And if my story's conflict were to be this part . . . I don't know if I'm that strong to handle this one.
Myra San Miguel
kung pwede lang ha,, layuan mona yung boyfriend ko,,
Myra sent a photo.
Myra sent a photo.
Myra sent a photo.
hes the father,, dont ruin us. respeto lang,,
hes w/ me later,, may nyt out kami,,
i ll tell him nag usap na tau,,
Just now
The pounding in my chest was unexplainable. I swallowed hard. I got chills all over my body. My eyes were flooded with tears that I wasn't able to stop from falling—without feeling anything but . . . something I couldn't explain.
Parang biglang huminto ang oras habang nakatitig lang ako sa monitor at sa chat thread. Umiikot ang bigat sa dibdib ko.
And instead of typing a reply sa chat ng Myra na 'to, nag-type lang ako sa document namin ni GT.
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GT, akala ko si Shanaya.
Ang tanga ko naman hahaha. Putang ina.
Sorry, ha? Alam kong ayaw mong nagmumura ako pero kasi . . .
GT . . .
Bakit gano'n?
Another chat message popped up.
Justin San Miguel
love may nyt out kmi mmya
Just now
When everything is too much to handle, it is hard to communicate with people. To ask for an explanation. To ask for an acceptable reason. Kasi . . . what for? May mangyayari ba? May magagawa ba?
Nag-clog na ang ilong ko habang tahimik na umiiyak—habang nakikita ko, naka-maximize pa ang photo na sinend ng Myra na 'yon.
Photo niya at ni Justin. Magkayakap. And know what was more fucked up than that?
That fucking Shanaya was there!
She was there . . .
She was the one taking the photo, for fucking sake!
Ang mas masakit, yung isang photo sa hotel—same shot ng reason kung bakit ako nalasing last time. It was taken early in the afternoon.
Early. In. The. Fucking. Afternoon!
This is bullshit.
I called Justin. I knew I didn't need any explanation, but I wanted to know everything at gusto kong manggagaling sa bibig niya mismo.
"Hi, love!"
"Hey," I said, sobbing.
"Love, umiiyak ka ba?"
"May"—another fucking sob, and I needed to shut it up—"may night out kayo?"
"Yes. Nagpaalam na 'ko sa 'yo para hindi ka magalit. I'm with my friends naman."
"Friends . . ." Gusto kong matawa. "Can—can I," I gulped, "can I go . . . with you . . . tonight?"
"Love, mabo-bore ka lang, kilala kita. Hindi ka partygoer. Uuwi ako nang maaga, promise."
"I'll go," I said, nodding in assurance. "Pick me up."
"Pero, love—"
"PICK. ME. UP."
"Oh—okay? Pero sure ka? Hindi ka ba busy sa work mo?"
"Kapag sinabi kong sasama ako, sasama ako!"
Walang sagot sa kabilang linya.
"Justin San Miguel."
"Later. At six." Then he hung up.
It was painful to see—to see the evidence I had been asking for a very, very long time.
At ang taong pinagbibintangan ko, hindi pala siya ang—
I typed again sa document file namin ni GT. At gaya nga ng sabi niya, gusto niyang malaman ang nararamdaman ko. Ang pain, ang point niya last time. Lahat.
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Are you happy now?
Are you happy that I'm sad, huh?
GREGORY TROYE, ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW!
If this is what "it's complicated" really means, gusto kong ipa-revise iyon dahil hindi lang ito basta complicated. This is total bullshit.
At kung sino man ang putang inang nakaimbento ng pagmamahal . . . mamatay na sana siya.
♥♥♥