Yangjin glanced warily at the young woman curled up on the passenger seat next to her. Yue had been sitting in the same exact position for the last twenty minutes, uncharacteristically silent. Their shared car rides were typically filled with gossip, laughter, general discussions about the schedule and the occasional philosophical debates, but today was different and Yangjin knew exactly why. She had walked in on the tail end of that reshoot and seen the look on her young charge's face. It was a mixture of emotions but the one that stood out the most was stunned surprise. And it didn't look to be the good kind.
"Yue, do you want to talk about it?"
A pair of large brown eyes blinked at her, the light in them unusually dimmed. Yangjin couldn't help the pang in her chest. She was aware of how difficult it was to be young actor, having managed others in the past, but she was especially sympathetic towards Yue simply because she liked her. Anyone would have to be blind to miss the way Yue and Dylan lit up like firecrackers around each other, but so far the two of them had kept it strictly platonic. The reason Yangjin knew that was because it was her job to know that.
She also knew that Yue needed to talk to someone. Despite her outwardly optimistic personality, Yue could be extremely sensitive and prone to tears. The last thing Yangjin wanted was Yue to internalize all of her feelings and have it affect her, both personally and professionally. Troubled, Yangjin picked up her cell phone, scrolled the contact list until she found the number she was looking for and sent a quick message. A few seconds later, she received the response: I'm on my way.
***
Yue tucked her feet neatly onto the couch and pulled the throw blanket more snugly around her shoulders. She stared listlessly outside her apartment window. The rain had come unexpectedly, deceptively light before quickly turning inclement and sending people outside on the street running for cover. A streak of lightning flashed across the sky as the rain pelted violently against the side of the building, splattering water across the window pane. She watched in fascination as one droplet gradually trailed down and merged with another, the process happening over and over again, until the heavy burden had nowhere to go but straight down into one big, messy heap at the bottom.
How fitting. It felt like a sign - almost as if the universe was warning her that if she persisted on her current course, she would just as quickly crash and burn.
Yue almost rolled her eyes and giggled at her dramatic interpretation of what was, really, only rain; but then her mind flashed back to what just happened and her own involuntary reaction to the entire thing and she quickly sobered. It wasn't funny at all.
Wang He Di kissed me.
She knew it was him and not Daoming Si because the kisses were not like the ones she had received in the past. Those kisses had been short and chaste and sweet, meant to evoke a sense of youthful romance while remaining appropriately restrained to comply with the modesty standards required by censorship rules. She always knew where she was supposed to be standing, what she was expected to do next, and to never, ever show any initiative unless it was required for the scene. That meant she was supposed to act like she was responding but to keep her mouth relatively shut, literally and figuratively – the perfect Chinese drama heroine. Prim, proper, and passive. Shen Yue was a consummate professional. She did her job and she did it well.
That was, until today.
Until Dylan Wang.
What the hell could he have been thinking? What the hell could she have been thinking? She should have known that he would do something to provoke her if she deliberately ignored him. It simply wasn't in his nature to let sleeping dogs lie. Yet, she remained stubborn. She was still upset about her dream and the fact that he had called her out on it. Worse still, the feelings from that ridiculous dream lingered on and she found that she couldn't look at him the same. She was frustrated and flustered and so she went out of her way to avoid interacting with him unless absolutely necessary; but Dylan being Dylan, refused to be ignored.
I kissed him back.
Yue gingerly placed a finger on her lower lip. She could still feel the heat of him there and the knowledge of how he branded her with his touch scared her. He made her want things... impossible things... did he even know the havoc he was wreaking on her? She closed her eyes to push out the unwanted thoughts, but all she could see were a pair of darkened jet black eyes locked onto hers and warm, gentle lips that kissed her so restlessly, she forgot where she was, who she was, and what she was supposed to be doing. She had wantonly kissed him back, for goodness sake, in front of all those people.
She should have known this was coming. She should have known. From the moment she met him, his energy had drawn her in like a magnet, and it made absolutely no sense because they were as different as the sun and the moon. He was loud, boisterous and childish. She was quiet, introspective and practical. He was a natural athlete, an avid gamer, big into rap music and flashy things. She had zero athletic skills, enjoyed thrift shopping and preferred to spend her time locked indoors with her sketchpad and books. Yet somehow, they had immediately found a common ground in their shared passion for acting and music and everything else just fell easily into place. The constant laughter. The late night talks. The shared meals. The prolific meme wars. The never-ending games. The playful bickering. The magical chemistry. The way they never had to actually speak words to know what the other person was thinking. The way they naturally gravitated towards each other despite all the other people in the room. The way all of her senses came alive when he was near - her smile brighter, her laughter louder, her happiness more evident.
Seriously, what the hell had she been thinking?
Stupid, stupid, S – T – U – P – I – D, stupid!
Her eyes stung with frustrated tears. She had warned herself not to think about him this way. She had consistently talked herself down from the ever-present precipice. The fall down was infinitely long and she had absolutely no need to experience it. She had sternly reminded herself that they were too different, that he was too much, that he was the last thing she needed now that her career was starting to take off. In fact, she told herself that he didn't like her that way anyway so she was worried for nothing! She took note that the growing number of his fangirls corresponded with the growing number of hate comments she received online. It didn't matter whether the two were related; she made that correlation because it suited her narrative that she needed to keep a distance between them. For all these reasons, and many more that she didn't even want to think about, she had ignored the damn chicken wing and all that it made her feel. Until today, when Dylan with his stupid eyes and his stupid smile and his stupid impromptu words and his stupid lips –
Ding dong!
For one disconcerting moment, Yue wondered if Dylan somehow knew she was insulting him and had magically teleported here to take revenge. She almost wished it was so she could smack him with the throw pillow and kick him in the shins for making her feel this way.
"She-ennn Yue-ehhh!"
She looked at the door in surprise. The tone was definitely whiney enough to sound like Dylan when he wanted something he knew she didn't want to give, but the voice was decidedly female and she recognized it right away. Yue opened the door and in swept her oldest friend who gave her a speculative once-over before demanding answers to questions Yue didn't even know existed.
"What happened? Yangjin-jie messaged me and said you needed to talk to a friend. Then she made sure to emphasize that it needed to be someone who doesn't work in the film industry." Xiaowen gave her a sly look. "One can only guess at why she made such a request."
Yue almost groaned out loud at the knowing smile on the other girl's face. Weng Xiaowen had the tenacious instinct of a bloodhound – she never failed to know when something big was happening and she had an uncanny ability to guess what that thing was without anyone having to tell her. Not only that, the two of them had been nearly inseparable for more than a decade and it was damn near impossible for Yue to hide anything from Xiaowen and Yangjin-jie knew it. Yue was still trying to figure out how to politely kick her out when Xiaowen got right to the point.
"What did Didi do?"
Yue's mouth dropped open. "He didn't do anything!"
"Then what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!"
"Then what did you both do together?"
"NOTHING!"
Xiaowen gave her a disbelieving look and began unnecessarily counting all the things she apparently knew on her fingers. "I know you had to reshoot a scene today. I know it was just you and Didi. I know it's your last scene together. I know..."
"You know too much," Yue grumbled under her breath as trudged back to the couch and buried her face into the pillow. Xiaowen's gaze followed the unusually despondent figure and sighed. All teasing aside, she was very concerned; after all, it wasn't every day that Yangjin-jie felt the need to call in reinforcements.
"If you promise to talk, I promise I'll just listen quietly and without judgment," Xiaowen offered soothingly as she tried to pry the pillow away. However, Yue was surprisingly strong and the pillow remained stubbornly in place. Xiaowen blinked in surprise when she heard a few choice expletives filtering through the thick material. Whatever this was, it must be huge because Yue rarely ever swore. In fact, she was the first to admonish anyone who did.
"Yue –"
"We had to reshoot a kissing scene today!"
Yue peeked out from underneath the pillow before letting out a long, frustrated sigh and burying her face again. Xiaowen slowly digested this information before cautiously proceeding.
"Okay, but Daoming Si and Shancai kiss all the time..."
"They don't kiss all the time!"
"They do when you and Didi mess up all the time."
"We don't mess up all the time!"
"Sorry, I meant when you pretend to mess up all the time so you can keep kissing each other."
Yue's head snapped up, her eyes narrowed in consternation. "XIAOWEN!"
"Ha! At least now you're looking at me instead of the pillow." Xiaowen nudged her playfully and Yue sighed in resignation. It was obvious that Xiaowen would not leave until she got the full story, and if Yue was honeset with herself, she was grateful for the company; she didn't know what she would do if left alone with her wayward thoughts. Pulling herself into a sitting position, Yue grudgingly told Xiaowen what happened.
"He didn't kiss me as Daoming Si. He kissed me as Wang He Di. Even worse, he did it while we were reshooting the scene." A reluctant smile appeared as Yue recalled his outrageous nerve.
"Did you kiss him back as Dong Shancai or Shen Yue?"
The smile on her face quickly faded. Trust Xiaowen to be as sharp as a nail and as blunt as the accompanying hammer.
"I don't know."
"You really don't know, or you don't want to admit the truth?"
"I think you know the answer to that."
The room was silent as the weight of Yue's response sunk in. Before Xiaowen could figure out how to tactfully respond to that admission, Yue buried her head under the pillow again and kicked her feet in frustration. "Thweafristmastayme."
"What now?"
The pillow lifted and a pathetic voice peeped out from underneath. "I said that wasn't the first time."
"WHAAAAAAAT?!"
More pathetic muffling could be heard as Yue continued to squirm under the pillow. "Yueyue!" Xiaowen called out in frustration but the pillow remained firmly in place. "How can you say something like that and not elaborate?!" After almost a minute of fierce tug of war, she managed to pry the pillow out of Yue's deadly grip and gasped in exhaustion, "WHEN?!"
***
The Shanghai winter was unforgiving and filming at the Bund certainly didn't help. She was freezing and being so close to the water only exacerbated the cold. She could feel the open jacket flapping on her back and she struggled unsuccessfully to try and close the buttons. Her arms were too short, however, and she ended up spinning around like a frustrated cartoon character.
"ARGH!"
Her entire body slackened in defeat and she crouched down into a huddle to try and keep out the cold air. Suddenly, the lapels at her back were drawn sharply together and a strong force pulled her upright. She felt immediately warmer as the buttons at her back were quickly and efficiently snapped into place. She spun around in surprise and came face to face with a smirking Dylan.
"What –"
"You're welcome."
"But –"
"You can't afford to get sick right now. If you get sick and I kiss you, then I get sick, and we both can't be sick. At least not for the next few months."
She knew he was right but his arrogant stance was annoying her. "First of all, I am not sick. And even if I was sick, this is a short kiss. You won't have time to catch a cold from me."
"How do I know you won't try and take advantage of me, Shen Yue?"
She tried to kick him but he expertly dodged to the right. "You can't pay me enough to take advantage of you, Wang He Di!"
A new voice suddenly emerged, deep and full of good humor. "How would you know what being taken advantage feels like, Didi? This is your first kiss," Director Lin teased as he came up to them.
Yue heard the words, but she immediately dismissed the outrageous claim as a joke. Dylan was too handsome, too much of a flirt at times, to have never kissed a girl. In fact, she was willing to bet that girls had lined up for the chance to kiss him even before he became a Super Idol. However, when she turned to look at him, the unexpected blush on his face made her pause. Dylan rarely blushed at anything – he was by nature a transparent, confident and humorous person. He was comfortable in his own skin. He knew what he was good at, he knew what he was bad at, but he did it all anyway.
"Having regrets is a sign you've done anything interesting in your life."
That was his motto and he's lived true to that statement since the first day she met him. But then that would mean... her eyes lit up with amusement and the blush on Dylan's face turned into a miniature scowl. He could tell she wanted to tease him (which would only be fair given how much he teased her) but this was about kissing after all and he's a guy and she's the girl and, well, it was flat out embarrassing that she had more experience than him.
"Okay, let's go over this one more time. Yue, you need to be aggressive, okay? This is the first time Shancai has shown any initiative towards Daoming Si. You have to make it clear that she is kissing him first. And Didi, you have to act surprised." Director Lin looked expectantly at the two of them and they stared expectantly back at him. He cleared his throat. "Um... do you guys want to practice?"
Neither of them said anything, nor did they make a move towards each other.
"I meant now." The exasperated director looked from one to the other. "So we can start filming in ten minutes." That seemed to break them out of their silence as they mumbled "right" and shuffled towards each other.
Yue was suddenly very, very aware that she was going to be Dylan's first kiss ever. She couldn't help but feel sort of bad for him since she herself didn't have much experience. Her first kiss was during the filming of A Love So Beautiful and any kissing in that drama had been very limited. Looking down at her feet, she pulled on his tie as instructed; unfortunately, she yanked too hard in her nervousness and his forehead came crashing down on hers. A horrified apology immediately flew from her lips but Dylan merely rubbed his pain away and reassured her it was fine. She tried again and this time their lips barely grazed each other before they both immediately pulled away. He was blushing terribly but she was almost certain she was blushing even harder.
"Eh, why are you more shy about your first onscreen kiss with me than I am about my first kiss ever?" Dylan teased, obviously trying to ease the awkwardness between them. It worked – Yue couldn't help but laugh at how silly both of their reactions were. After all, they were actors, and it didn't matter if this was Dylan Wang's first kiss or Shen Yue's third kiss or their first kiss together. They had a job to do.
They tried again. "You have to make sure your lips are touching!" Director Lin chastised as their mouths hovered over one another. "Isn't this touching?!" Yue asked exasperatedly as Dylan leaned his head closer, a teasing smile coasting his lips. "Just pretend you're smacking me on the shoulder with your arm, except do it with your mouth on mine," Dylan whispered playfully, earning him a real smack on the shoulder. "See, you're so good at that!" She shook her head at him but a tiny giggle escaped. He was funny, she'd give him that.
They did a few more takes. Dylan continued to whisper outrageously scandalous things to her and she responded in kind. Before they knew it, they were both laughing so hard that Director Lin split them up to calm them down. A few minutes later, they were ushered to their marks as the crew did some last minute preparation. Gazing up at Dylan, she couldn't help noticing how handsome he was – the color on his cheeks was heightened from so much laughter, and the wind gently ruffled the ends of his pineapple hairdo. He was the epitome of shuai, but he seemed oblivious to that fact and it only made him more attractive. He smiled down at her and she couldn't help smiling back. In that moment, she knew what Shancai must have felt when she looked at Daoming Si.
And when they filmed that final take, it was like she was transformed. She didn't know what got into her; all she knew was when she tugged at his tie and found his beautiful mouth only a few millimeters from her... she wanted to kiss him. Not because it was part of the script, but simply because she was all of the sudden undeniably curious as to what it would be like to really kiss him. Besides, no one would know, right? So, with a tiny mischievous smile, she went for it – she rose on her tiptoes, the smile still lingering on her mouth, and gently pressed her lips to his. She felt him stiffen slightly and she froze; for a brief moment, she wondered if he knew what she had done. But then his mouth had softened on hers and everything faded to black as he began kissing her back.
It was business as usual after that. She never said a word and he never asked her about it. It was obvious he took that scene as Shancai kissing Daoming Si.
Which was just as well because Shen Yue had no business kissing Wang He Di.
***
"What in the living hell?" Xiaowen breathed as she stared at Yue in amazement. "Shen Yue, I can't believe you did that! And that you never told me about it!"
Yue blanched at her friend's shocked reaction. Xiaowen was staring at her as if she had grown another head, her expression overtly scandalized but also slightly tinged with admiration. Yue squirmed uncomfortably and her cheeks reddened under the other girl's watchful, expectant gaze. Oh, hell, she could tell that Xiaowen knew what was coming; she was merely waiting for Yue to admit it. Was there no end to her embarrassment and humiliation spiral today? Giving up, she quickly mumbled, "Fine, there was also a second time..."
The sudden high-pitched squeals coming from Xiaowen pierced the otherwise silent room and Yue covered her ears in pain. Somewhere outside, several dogs started barking and she could hear their owners' gated doors opening in a panic. Running to the door, Yue called out, "Everything is okay! We're just watching a scary movie in here!" She could hear her neighbors making annoyed, unflattering remarks as they returned to their apartments and she turned to glare at Xiaowen who merely shrugged and said, very unapologetically, "Sorry."
"This is why I should never tell you anything!" Yue hissed as she shut the door and came back to the couch.
"Nooooooo! Tell me when the second time was and I swear you won't hear a peep from me!" Xiaowen begged. She made a big show of covering her mouth with a pillow, her eyes wide with expectation. Yue sighed. This was such a bad situation but she had gone too far, so in one breath she let loose: "I maybe sort of kissed him during the birthday rooftop scene but it wasn't my fault because he kept messing up and that messed me up and we had to film it so many times and I was so tired because it was late at night and finally I don't know what he did but he kissed me differently and I don't know I just sort of forgot what we were doing and I accidentally kissed him back for real." She finished and looked up at the ceiling.
"You accidentally kissed him back for real," Xiaowen repeated.
Even Yue knew how ridiculous that sounded. She was wracking her brain for something intelligent to say when Xiaowen suddenly asked in a serious tone, "What are you afraid of, Yue?"
"What are you talking about? I'm not afraid of anything."
"Then why haven't you made up your mind about this yet? It seems pretty simple to me. Didi kissed you today and you kissed him back. In fact, you kissed him before today even if he doesn't know it. You like each other. If you choose to be together, you can hide it in public – the two of you are discreet enough and your friends would never betray your relationship. You don't have to give up your career or yourself. He wouldn't make you do that. And if you don't want a relationship right now because of your career, you should just tell him that. He's an actor too. He'll understand. So I'm asking you again – what are you really afraid of, Yue?"
A whirlwind of complex emotions was quickly building up inside of her, a million obvious reasons why swarming in her head, but she couldn't formulate the words to express a single one.
"Is it because of Hu Yi Tian?"
The name was like a punch to her gut, the bitterness slicing through her with such alacrity that she almost lost her breath. She had forced that name out of her mind for so long now and yet it still had an unwanted formidable effect on her – anger, when it had come from Dylan's mouth weeks ago, and now fear when it came from Xiaowen. How long until that name no longer wielded any power over her?
She had been pathetically innocent. He was handsome, more worldly, and had a good sense of humor when he chose to show it. She fancied herself in love with him. He was a bit too serious but she thought that made them perfect for each other – she could loosen him up and teach him to have fun, and he could keep her more focused. Just like their characters. Her crush was evident and Sun Ning and Zi Wei often teased her good-naturedly about it. Only Zhi Ting, the most guarded of them all, stayed silent; the first and last opinion he ever offered on the subject was to warn her to be careful. And he had been right. Hu Yi Tian was not who she thought he was and she had learned that the hard way. He had been kind and charming to her during filming; perhaps he really was a decent guy who fell into a bad situation. But after his taped remarks were released, she couldn't help but wonder if it had all been an act to promote their upcoming movie and she was just the idiot stupid enough to fall for it. It wouldn't have mattered if she wasn't his type; after all, she knew she wasn't attractive to a lot of people. She didn't have the looks of a classic beauty and she was fine with that for the most part. But she had believed that they were, at the very least, friends. So when those comments were made public, she expected him to call and apologize, to talk to her and explain what happened. She waited and waited and waited but nothing happened. She cried for days. Finally, all she got was a two second voicemail that simply said, "Sorry."
It took months for her to get over it; at least, as over it as she could get. She beat herself up mercilessly before swearing that she would never be that big of a trusting idiot again.
And then she had met Dylan.
Dylan with his playful aura, loud personality, boyish charm and silly antics.
Dylan with his respectful manner, considerate gestures, warm humor and teasing remarks.
Dylan, who could rile her up with a single word and disarm her with just a smile.
Maybe it was all an illusion. After all, her Shancai was supposed to fall in love with his Daoming Si. Maybe the playfights, the inexplicable bond, the flirtatious exchanges, the lingering glances... maybe all that chemistry was borne out of their characters and the close proximity during filming. Maybe she was just doing her job a bit too well and time and distance would cure whatever feelings she had. Now that filming for Meteor Garden had ended, there was no need to conjure up that chemistry anymore. Dong Shancai and Daoming Si were done.
Without those characters, was there even anything between Shen Yue and Wang He Di?
Even worse, what if Wang He Di was just another Hu Yi Tian and Meteor Garden was just another A Love So Beautiful? She knew it wasn't fair to make that comparison but her heart couldn't take it if the same thing were to happen again. The first time, she could forgive herself for being young and inexperienced and naive. The second time... she would have no one to blame but herself.
Everything was all jumbled up and moving way too fast. She desperately needed time. Time to think things through. Time to sort out her feelings. Time to gather her wits about her. Time to decide all the reasons why --
The touch of a warm hand on her arm startled her from her thoughts and she looked up to see Xiaowen gazing at her with a concerned, sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, Yue. I shouldn't have brought up his name."
Yue blinked in confusion before realizing that Xiaowen didn't mean Dylan. She smiled wanly. "It's okay. I just have a lot on my mind and..."
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Glancing down at her cell phone, Yue's heart skipped a beat when she saw who was calling.
Wang He Di.
It would seem that time, like most things, wasn't on her side.
***
Author's Note:
Hi again.
So I get that this update is really long but I figured since I haven't updated in awhile, those of you who are still reading (THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART) probably won't mind. 🙇♀️
Our poor YueYue has a lot on her mind. Will she have the nerve to ask for the time she needs? Will Dylan be patient and give it to her if she does? What happens when they come face to face again, post-MG?
If you know, please tell me so I can write it.
Okay, kidding! From the beginning, I've had this whole story mapped out. I just need to find the time and the ability to write what I need to write. I truly appreciate your time, your patience, and your kind words and encouragement. Really, the only reason I keep writing is because you all keep reading. 💕
I made a certain promise that I will get to The Slap by end of October. Of course, I made this promise at the beginning of September and now it's three weeks in and I've written one chapter... 😭... but I will try my best. I hope you guys are still around reading by that time!
Until next time,
J.