Just one more step
Thick fog hugs the water like a child afraid to lose its mother. Beneath the fog, the dark water surges forward pushing against anything in its path. Whispers of wind caress my skin, sending a wave of goosebumps down my arm.
Looking out towards the river as my toes curl around the edge of the gritty concrete, I relish in the serenity before me. A bird cries out as it flies freely across the water, dipping down before soaring back up into the sky.
The wisps of my breath curl away before disappearing. Tears stream down my cheeks, kissing the corner of my lips before dripping off my chin. I'm crying for a place that I don't even know exists. There is this emptiness that I feel. It is a lost child sitting deep in my soul, clinging to my broken heart, playing with the beats and making it a song. My chest hurts physically and emotionally. I am exhausted. Crawling into bed with clothes on and not taking off one's makeup exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that makes every move feel like one has cement tied to their muscles.
With a sigh, I close my eyes leaning my head back praying aloud, "I do not know if there truly is a God or if heaven exists. I am sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I hope you can forgive me." Heavy, hot tears stream down my face as I sob. "I tried man, I tried so hard. I thought maybe, just maybe, that one day I would be good enough for someone. I am sorry."
I open my arms with my eyes still closed, crying softly.
"Forgive me, God"
Everything happens so fast. I feel as if I am falling, the wind pushing against me. There is a loud noise and my back and head hit something hard. Everything becomes a blur and a piercing ringing penetrates my head.
When the world seems to slow down, I pry my eyes open finding myself staring at a small child, not much older than 8 years old. Even though she sobs, my eyes draw attention to the large white feathers speckled with gold and golden tips that splay from her backside.
"Stay and be patient. Your time to grow is coming soon. Stay true to yourself, and you will not fail. There is always hope."
And with that, she disappears making me wonder if a child angel just save my life.