Despite my best attempts at finding a solution, I still had nothing on Monday. And anyhow, the cold war between Lex and me was still on. It felt childish to resort to ignoring the shit out of him, but I really needed to keep a straight head.
Maybe if I ignored him for long enough, I'd grow indifferent to him. But clearly, I was far from reaching that point. The entire day, I was particularly aware of his presence, next to me. It was as if every cell in my body had turned its focus on him. Things were getting worse by the hour. I had to find a solution.
I was being a coward, and I knew it. Avoiding my issues and pretending they didn't exist was wrong, and it wasn't something I usually did. But in this particular case, I had so much to lose, I couldn't dive headfirst into the matter.
By the end of the day, about fifteen minutes before it was time to leave, someone knocked on the door, and it was the first sound I'd heard in at least three hours. As it turned out, Lex and I were mutually good at not talking to each other. And was coming from a rather talkative person. A talking machine, as my brother had so gently put it. But when it came to Mr. Bossman, the norms didn't apply.
"Come in," Lex ordered, not looking away from his work. Since I wasn't a cold machine like him, I turned around to see who it was. The door opened to reveal Oliver. I smiled at the sight of my friend, and he grinned back.
"Hi, guys," he said, coming toward the desk. "Lex, I crossed Karen in the hallway, she asked me to give you this," he explained, handing Lex a thin folder of papers. "She said it's for the Hello World Con."
Since the subject interested me greatly, I stopped what I was doing to pay attention to their exchange. The Hello World Con was a mix between a congress and a convention held in the Silicon Valley, where companies, firms, and corporations from all over the country gathered for three days of intense nerding. There were conferences regarding advancements in programming, demonstrations of tools and software, as well as lectures and such. It was somehow the nerdiest convention held in the US, including all the Comic Cons.
Apparently, it was a tradition that Lex went with two people from the dev team. From what the guys had told me, it was epic, and they drew straws every year to determine who could go. The last ones to go had been Brian and Mace, and they spoke about their time there with stars in their eyes. The straws hadn't been drawn for this year yet, despite the convention happening in under two weeks. We were waiting for Lex's go. I wished I could win a spot, but it felt like I hadn't been here for long enough to deserve one.
Going to the HWC had been a dream of mine since way before I'd started working at Kelex. It was an event praised among coders, and I usually watched a few videos from debates and conferences every year. Maybe next year would be my chance to witness one in the flesh.
Alexander took the folder Oli was giving him and skimmed through it. "When you get back downstairs, you can tell your colleagues everyone is going this year," Lex said, putting the papers aside.
Oli and I exchanged a shocked look. Wait... What? Everyone is going to the Hello World Con?
As confused as I was, Oliver turned to our boss. "You mean everyone from the dev team will do the trip?" he asked, to make sure we weren't misunderstanding things.
"Yes. I'm tired of the never-ending complaints and whining from the ones who can't go."
"Everyone, including me?" I asked, standing up so I could see the man.
"Yes. All seven of us are going this year. We have also scheduled an hour-long slot in one of the big halls, to talk about some of our work and advances. Depending on where we are on the current hand recognition algorithm, we will present that. If not, Brian and Steven will prepare something for the braille tool they finished three months ago, as a contingency plan."
Oliver and I were still stunned by the amazing news. Honestly, it sounded like some sort of perfect vacation between colleagues. A trip to San Francisco would give us some much-needed sun, and the effervescence of the area would provide some great activities. I couldn't believe I was going to spend a few days in the heart of the high-tech world and groundbreaking advances. Getting this job really was a blessing, and I thanked my luck once more.
Well, it was mostly a blessing, because not quite everything was perfect.
Oli was still grinning, also very pleased with the news. From what I remembered, he had been unlucky enough to draw the short straw two years in a row. "Okay then, that's great. Thanks, Lex, everyone will be ecstatic. Some might even ask for your hand in marriage."
A discrete smile pulled Lex's lips up before going away in an instant. "No need to go to such length. The company has been doing well enough to afford a spot for everyone, so I thought we'd change things a little."
"Still, thanks a lot," Oliver insisted. "Anyway, I was here to see Andy, I'm having some issues with a script she worked on, a couple of weeks ago. Mind if I borrow her?"
Lex's eyes sought mine, and he gave me a cold glare before looking back at Oli. "Borrow away."
Ouch. Salty much? At least now I knew I wasn't the most immature one in this situation. Oli didn't notice the harsh tone and nodded before coming to me. Dismissing Lex's attitude, I focused on what Oli wanted. We worked together for about ten minutes, and I could tell he still wasn't as comfortable around me as he used to be. It was a shame because I really liked confident and forward Oliver.
Once the problem was solved, he took his leave, saluting Lex as I accompanied him to the door. He wished me a pleasant evening and left with one last grin. As soon as the door closed behind him, I turned around to return to my desk and saw Lex was standing ten feet away from me.
He stared at me, his inquisitive brow arched up. Ignoring him, I looked away and walked to my chair. "Now, I have to ask. What happened between you and loverboy?" he said, his voice almost mocking. It stopped me in my tracks.
"Excuse me?" I retorted with shock, whipping my head to glare at him.
"Why is he looking at you with those sad puppy eyes all of a sudden? Did you break up with him?" he insisted, not getting that I didn't want him to clarify, but rather shut the fuck up.
Lex's intrusive attitude was enough to make me angry, and I let out an exasperated laugh. "Oh, no. You don't get to ask this. Not when this is all your f—" I stopped mid-sentence, realizing what I'd been about to say.
The man was far from stupid, though, and he still understood what I'd meant. "Is this why you've been ignoring me for the past days?" he asked arrogantly. Oh, now he was really pissing me off. Who the hell did he think he was? Wanting to hurt him, I let my murderous gaze travel up and down his frame in a detached manner.
"I honestly don't see what you mean. I've been trying my best to ignore you ever since I started here."
"Trying and failing, it seems."
"It's not my fault if you keep harassing me, and even managed to make me work in here, with you." The volume of our voices was slowly increasing, and I was now bordering on yelling.
A dark shadow passed over his eyes. Good, I wasn't the only one getting pissed here. I would confront him, we would clear all of this, and I would feel better, be free of him.
"You are acting as if I were the only one at fault here, but weren't you on my lap, ten days ago, almost begging for my cock?"
My eyes opened wide, shocked he'd be so crude. Oh, this was getting vicious. Maybe Kate was wrong, after all, and all I needed was to loathe the man enough so he'd disgust me.
"Fuck you!" I hissed, holding back the slap I so desperately wanted to inflict on his cheek. "You're a cold and arrogant prick, and I'll never understand why I'm like this with you."
His eyes became even darker, his pupils dilating drastically. His mood shifted lightly, and he seemed less angry and more... Something dangerous. That wasn't a good sign. He slowly walked toward me, menacing.
"That's the problem, right? You want to fuck me so bad you can't even date Oliver."
I took a step back as if he'd physically hurt me. It wasn't so much the brutality of his words, or the harsh tone that got me, but rather the accuracy of what he'd said. Yes, it was exactly my problem, and as much as I wanted to deny and fight it, the fact that it was true made me hold back the plethora of insults that jammed my throat.
How pathetic did he find me right now? The miserable little employee lusting after her boss? I felt like one of those ridiculous heroines from corny romance books, too obsessed by their superior to have a mind of their own. I wasn't like that. It wasn't me. But still, here I was, staring at Lex, clueless as to what I should say, my mind tormented.
Sensing my fighting spirit slowly abandoning me, I decided I couldn't let him win. Raising my hands, I pushed on his chest, hard, wanting to hurt him. He barely moved, and I felt humiliated. Why did I have to be so weak and puny compared to him? Even angrier, I pushed again, harder, and this time the impact made him take a step back. Good, he wasn't invincible after all.
I did it once more, passing all my exasperation on him, wanting to make him pay for the psychological torture he was imposing on me. Fuck him. Fuck Alexander Coleman and his perfect face. Fuck his arrogant attitude. Fuck his hypnotizing eyes. Fuck the fucking man and his ego. Why did it have to be him? Of all the people I could have felt those things for, why did it have to be the heartless cerebral man? Of all the men I'd come across my entire life, why was Alexander Coleman so different?
To my great dissatisfaction, I never got the chance to push him a fourth time, as his hands swiftly grabbed my wrists and he held them up, effortlessly. I tried to get free, writhing my wrists, but his hold on me was as firm as iron. Frustrated, I looked up at him, my eyes sending daggers. He was looking down on me, his stern mask on.
He had to stop invading my dreams, to stop occupying my mind, to stop ruining my chances at a happy relationship...
I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to slap the shit out of that handsome face. I wanted to yell at him.
I wanted to... I wanted...
Him.
Desperately.
All of my anger slowly shifted into a much more primal feeling. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep blaming Lex for the things he made me feel. Those were my fault, and I was the only one to blame. I was the fucking imbecile ruining her own life.
I could either embrace whatever lustful feelings I had for him or keep internalizing them and complain about it. For nearly six weeks now, ever since meeting him, I'd been trying to quench and suppress my desire for him. But everything had failed, and it had even gotten worse. None of my attempts at getting over the man had done anything good.
Maybe I'd been going at it wrong this whole time. Maybe the other solution would work better. What if Kate had been right all along?
Before my brain could even form a coherent thought, I pushed myself up, my wrists still in his hands.
Given the surprise in his eyes, half a second before our lips met, it was clearly the last thing he expected me to do.
Just like the first time, an intense wave roamed through my whole body. I barely had the time to register the sensation before his hands freed mine. Instead, one circled my waist, while the other tangled in my hair on the back of my head. I used my freedom of movement to force him closer, grabbing his face and pulling him down to me. Two seconds into the kiss, we were already getting greedy, clinging to each other with desperate need.
Impatient, both of us opened our mouths, wanting more. I let out a soft moan at the first brush of our tongues. The very candid reaction affected him, his hand on my hip clutching the flesh harshly. With my head tilted to the side, I took and granted, devouring as much as I was being devoured.
Kissing him felt so good. So right... Just like the first time, our moves were feverish, our eagerness rendering our attempts clumsy. I was on my tiptoes, one arm hooked behind his neck, trying to anchor myself, while he was trying to keep our balance, his hand on the back of my head keeping me exactly where he wanted me. The hand at my hip traveled to my ass, his fingers squeezing impatiently the soft mound, pulling me closer to him.
"Aah, yes..." I whimpered in his mouth, the hard shape of his desire for me digging into my lower stomach.
We stumbled a little as I was forced to move backward until the wooden panel of the door met my back. He leaned on me, pressing me harder against the door with a groan. His hand in my hair mirrored the other one, and he was soon holding my behind firmly, fondling the flesh, sending maddening jolts into my intimacy. The flesh between my legs was throbbing, my insides clenching around emptiness, dying to be filled. I whimpered in his mouth, the sensations of his hands on me so much and yet not enough. Our kiss intensified, and I knew we were slowly reaching the point of no return. If we kept this on, we would most certainly end up having sex in his office.
Not that I'm complaining...
Wanting him to know how much I wanted all of this, I arched toward him, pressing my aching core against him, grinding my lower belly against his erection. Oh, how I longed to have this part of him inside of me...
And it would be. I would let him fuck me because I might implode if he didn't. That was everything I'd wanted for weeks now, and I didn't have the strength to resist any of it anymore. It didn't matter if he was my boss. It didn't matter if he was infuriating. It didn't matter if things would be awkward afterward. It didn't matter if he had a girlfriend.
Wait... Actually, that last bit did matter.
Ripping my lips away from him, I turned my face to the side, needing to sort this through before going any further. His mouth didn't seem ready to leave my skin, as he then kissed, licked, and sucked on the tender flesh of my throat.
"Lex, wait..." I breathed out, struggling to form coherent thoughts and sentences. He let out a disapproving mumble, and it made something clench low in my pit.
"Do you— Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked, ignoring the way I was melting in his arms. If he did, I would have to find the strength to push him away, even though it seemed impossible right now.
"What?"
"Do you have a girlfriend or a woman in your life?"
With his hands still on my ass, he lifted me slightly to press his hardened crotch right over mine, making me gasp at the acute sting of pleasure it unleashed. Fuck, at this point, it didn't matter if he said yes.
"No, I don't," was his answer, between two languorous kisses up my throat. My relief was instantaneous, but a part of me felt compelled to make sure.
"Really? What about the blonde, from the... photo?"
Why the fuck was I insisting? If he said no, I should take his word and just enjoy the ride.
Lex interrupted his exploration of my neck to move back and give me a heated look full of lust and promises. "She was never an important part of my life, and she wasn't one anymore by the time she sent that picture."
Maybe it was positive thinking, maybe I was just too starved for his dick, but I perceived the honesty in his words and decided to trust him. I hated the idea of being the other woman, but if he was lying, it wouldn't be my fault at this point.
Invigorated, I grabbed his jaw to bring him down again, and retook his lips, boldly slipping my tongue into his mouth, sampling the addicting taste of him. Listening to my needs and my body, only hearing the primal call of sex, I sent my hands for his belt, with the firm intention of opening his pants, to access what I so desperately wanted.
More reasonable than me, he stopped my attempts by pushing my hands away before interrupting our kiss. "Not here," he breathed out, his heated eyes piercing through mine. "I'm not doing it like this where anyone could interrupt."
"They are all gone by now," I countered, boldly reaching for his belt again.
With a soft growl, he pushed my hands away once more. Frustrated, I looked up at him, almost ready to beg for him to take me. He moved away from me, taking a couple of steps back, and the numbness caused by our throw of passion was fading slowly. As I came down from it, the harshness of our argument came back.
I was so pathetic. He'd been despicable and hurtful, but still, I'd thrown myself into his arm like a weak, puny creature. Bringing both my hands up to my face, I hid the reddening of my cheeks, flushed from the immense shame I suddenly felt.
"I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm in this situation again, 'almost begging for your cock'," I told him, reminding him of his bitter words.
At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. What he did next surprised me greatly, so I didn't dare to move, stunned by the gesture. Lifting his hand, his thumb gently caressed my cheek as he studied my face. "I am sorry, Andrea. I went too far. I shouldn't have said those things."
I could never get used to seeing him apologize.
But in all truth, if his words had hurt me so much, it was because of how accurate they were. There was no need to pretend. I had a problem, I might as well use this occasion to take care of it. "How pathetic is it that you are right? It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it. I've tried, I really did, but you're just... constantly on my mind. I'm ruining my chances with Oliver, the greatest guy I've ever met because all I want is..." I halted, realizing I was saying way more than what I intended.
Well, who cared? At this point, I might as well get everything off my chest and quit this job. I was always direct and honest. It was my nature. But this whole mess had taken me too far from who I was. It needed to be corrected.
Lex was silent, his stern mask back on, only the redness of his cheeks and the mess of his hair proving what had just happened. Pushing my chin up, I squared my shoulders and straightened my spine. I would do this with dignity.
"I'm not attracted to people like I am to you, and it's messing with my head. This needs to stop. Being near you is exhausting. So, either I go back downstairs with the guys and we keep our interactions to a minimum, or I have to quit. I don't know what else I can do. I am at a point where the only solution I can think of is to have sex with you until you are out of my system."
Lex, who had moved back a few feet, was still silent, his brow slightly frowned, as his stern expression was slowly cracking. "You can't quit, it's not an option."
"What?"
"We need you here. I know I don't compliment people enough, but you really are an asset. You can't quit because of something so trivial."
Oh, right. What we were having was trivial. Duly noted. And eat that, self-esteem. "Can I go back downstairs with the guys, then?" I asked with hope, ignoring the sting of pain he'd just inflicted.
"If that's what you want, we'll do it like that. Although, I think I like your other solution better," he added, confusing me.
"What solution?"
Lex came closer, his intense gaze studying me. He seemed to be fighting and processing thoughts at a rapid pace. His brows twitched lightly. He stopped, one foot away from me, still observing my face, and only then did I understand what he'd meant.
Oh, that other solution...
I'd told him about fucking him out of my system more as an argument, for him to understand the depth of my internal conflict, not as an actual solution. But he was taking it as a genuine possibility to deal with this.
Well... It could be a solution, but I hadn't expected him to adhere to it. A man like him had probably been subjected to those kinds of advances his whole adult life. Surely, he was now immune to them.
He was considering it, though. No, he was even offering it. Lex was suggesting we had sex, so I could rid myself of the ridiculous attraction I had for him. I imagined he wasn't exactly forcing himself here, and he wanted this too. Knowing a man such as him, brilliant, handsome, and successful wanted me made my ego inflate dramatically.
It seemed so strange how a few minutes ago we were practically yelling at each other, and now we were standing in this sexual tension, considering if we should fuck each other's brains out or not. With this man, my feelings were all over the place, and everything seemed heightened. How was he doing this to me?
He was still waiting for my answer, and I was caught in his dark gaze. He wanted this. I wanted this.
Maybe I should stop acting like a teenager and see this as an adult.
I liked Oliver. We had been on one date, but there was nothing official between us, far from it. I didn't owe him anything. I was a free woman, who was in control of her body. We were in a modern time, where plenty of women lived their sexuality as they wished, and I could be one of them, without blushing about it. Our female ancestors hadn't fought for equal rights and burned their bras for me, Andrea Walker, to hold back over some archaic notions.
Yes, the man was my boss, but he was also the smartest, hottest, and most fascinating man I'd ever seen. I'd never wanted someone like I wanted him. Who could blame me for giving in? I'd lasted almost six weeks. It was enough to prove my attempt at resisting the irresistible.
Taking a deep breath, I mustered the strength to say the few words I so desperately wanted to say. "How do we do this?"
I saw his pupils dilate, and a veil of desire darkened his gray irises. "We are going to my place. We'll improvise from there," he declared, his voice even lower than usual.
Under his imposing frame, I was feeling fragile and tiny, but I held strong and nodded. We were doing this. No going back this time.
After forty-two days of knowing the man and wanting him, I would finally have him. Tonight, my curiosity would be satiated, and I would know what it was like to experience passion in his arms. The only thing I hoped for was that it would be enough. This wasn't the beginning of an affair. It was just an attempt at flushing Lex out of my system.
But as Kate had pointed out, it wasn't the worst thing in the world if we ended up having to do it once more until the lustful enthrallment was gone. And maybe a few more times after that.