(Trigger warning. mild SH, Ana, Assault, etc.)
Armin sat in the dark, on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands, shaking uncontrollably.
Ever since he had confessed, there was one thing on his mind- Eren.
It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.
Everytime he saw Eren, it was like being stabbed in the chest, knowing he never even had a chance. He remembered passing Eren in the halls, and the way he just wanted to grab his hand, and hold him... And then Levi would show up. During history class, all Levi and Eren did was discreetly stare at eachother, and everytime they were together, their faces lit up. Armin had never seen Eren so happy before. And he felt horrible. He didn't like it. He felt... almost disgusted, in a way, every time Levi was anywhere near Eren. Yeah, it was jealousy, but Armin felt so selfish. He didn't want to make Eren unhappy... He just wanted Eren to be his, and his alone. But he knew Levi was the only one who could ever make Eren's eyes light up the way they do, Levi was the only one who Eren loves, Levi... Levi is Eren's whole god damn world, and Armin had been completely and utterly rejected.
Honestly, he was so... so tired of putting on a fake smile, so tired of pretending to be a cheery, innocent little kid. He couldn't take anymore of that bullshit. Everyone treated him like a weak little animal, not a human! Every time he spoke up, people would just laugh at him, act like everything he said was completely irrelivant. When he looked in the mirror, all he saw was an ugly, useless, helpless, good for nothing pice of shit child.
Armin stood, wiping away the hot tears on his cheeks. He didn't want to lie anymore.
Turning on the lights, he walked over to the mirror on the wall, staring at himself. He looked dead. It was how he always looked. What he saw in that mirror... He hated it.
He hesitantly pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him shivering in just his boxers, staring sadly at his reflection.
His whole body was freakishly pale and his rib cage was clearly defined. He wasn't really underweight, but, he wasn't muscular, and he was thin, and too curvy and too ugly...
Armin worked out all the time, and almost ate himself sick at times... He didn't understand why he couldn't put on weight. Just seeing his own body nearly reduced him to tears. Just looking at his face disgusted him. No wonder Eren wouldn't love him. No wonder he was rejected. No wonder Eren had been his only friend.
Yet, he knew it was all his fault that he was so... so frail. He was nothing but weak.
When they were in the third grade, he decided to have a pool party for his birthday. Armin had never thrown a party before, especially after his parents died two years before. He was finally adopted though, after being thrown around multiple orphanages and foster homes. He was so happy, even though his new parents were never home. So, he finally got to have a party. He though that, just maybe, his life would finally get better. He invited the whole class, and he had never been so excited for something in his life. Finally, maybe everyone would be friends with him!
No, he was wrong.
Everyone was there, the whole class, splashing around in the water. Armin marched out of the changing rooms, smiling, his eyes shining with enthusiasm. All his classmates were having a blast, and he thought that he would finally make some friends.
"Hey guys! D-do you like the party!?" He asked cheerily, his long blonde hair bouncing as he rocked back and forwards on his feet nervously.
Everyone turned to face him, stopping dead in their tracks.
Suddenly, there were whispers and giggles everywhere.
"Hey, blonde loser! This is your party? I had no idea someone as stupid and ugly as you could even afford this." A boy yelled from the other side of the pool, smirking. Everyone laughed.
Armin felt his heart sink. "Well- I-I... Uh..."
"Ha! You're so fat!" Someone joined in.
"You look like a girl!"
"So disgusting!"
"Ew, what are you, a whale?"
"Fat!"
"Hideous!"
"Disgusting!"
"Overweight!"
"Haha, you ugly freak."
"Yeah! Go die or something."
"Yeah, you worthless loser!"
Armin's heart sunk instantly. Tears stung his eyes, but he held them back, still smiling, trying to hide it. Everything hurt, and he never wanted to be seen again. Was he... really that horrible?
And yet, even though he felt like he had been crushed by a boulder, he just kept smilling. "I hope you're h-having fun!" He kept trying to look happy. He didn't want to disappoint them.
After that, Armin speant years surrounded by insults, harrasment, and even being beat up. Sometimes... Sometimes boys would hit on him,and call him horrible, horrible things, and tried to do horrible, horrible things... lucky for him, a teacher would get involved right before it got serious... But he insisted it was his fault. Maybe it was. And he just kept smiling. He never stopped. He didn't want to disappoint people.
And, well, he didn't eat. For three years, he got sick constantly, he was weak and shaking and passed out in gym... He was hospitalized, he was in pain, he was disgusted by himself, he cried himself to sleep every night, and he was so alone.
Now, years later, he couldn't gain the weight. He was actually the average weight for his size and age, accoriding to his doctor, and his therapist told him it was all in his head, but... Why would his own mind torture him like that? Why was he constantly called a girl? Why did he not have any friends? It must be his looks... or was it something else... was it because he's so annoying?
More tears fell rapidly down his cheeks as he remembered when he first met Eren, when he first felt his heart skip a beat, when he made his first friend, and when he fell in love, for the first, and maybe even the last time.
He was in eigth grade, and he was still incredibly miserable... But, hey, just keep smiling, right? Although, on this particular day, he wanted to do anything but smile. He wanted to curl up and die.
The neighboorhood that they lived in was incredibly dangerous at the time. Terrible things happened all the time. Murder, kidnapping, harrassment, fights, shootings, robberies... and so much worse. Armin had been abandoned by the people who had adopted him, and now he had been back in the foster care system for almost a year. He moved away from his old school a long time ago, but was bullied just as much in this new school, if not worse.
His current gaurdian warned him not to go to the subway alone, several times, but Armin had no regaurd for his own safety. He didn't care anymore. He wasn't suicidal... he just stopped giving a shit.
Well, on that day, short, small, weak, underweight, little Armin was walking out of the subway, slouched over, a blank expression on his face. He had been told that, next week, there was a chance he would be adopted again. He didn't want to be abandoned again though, and he was anything but enthusiastic. He didn't want to go through all of that again.
He walked past an alley, still sulking and trying to hide his face behind his hair, when someone snatched his arm with an iron grip.
Long story short, some bad things happened, but he couldn't recall them due to how hard he hit his head afterwards. All he remembered was that He was cornered, he was crying, and he didn't know what the three of them would do to him. But, to his shock, just as they reached for his shirt, a voice sounded behind them.
"Yo! Hey, you assholes!"
"Great..." Armin thought to himself. "A fourth one... isn't that brilliant." he braced himself for the worst.
The three men spun around, surprised.
There was a click, and the flash of a camera, as the figure of a young boy approached them.
"Hey..." He said darkly. "I've got a photo of you in the act, with your faces in it. Back off and walk away or this will 'accidnetally' find itself in the posession of the cops."
Wait, this guy was trying to save him? "perfect timing..." he thought, greatful they hadn't done anything to him yet.
"You little brat, how dare you..." The man released Armin, who let out a final whimper, and he picked up the knife.
"Oh no, you have a big bad knife? I'm so afraid!" The mystery figure chuckled.
The man with the knife let out a growl and charged at whoever the antagonizer was.
Next thing Armin knew, the boy had slipped past the guy with the knife and grabbed his arm. "LETS GO!" he shouted, dragging him to his feet and impelling him towards the exit.
"NO YOU DON'T!" the man shouted, and caught up to us quickly, grabbing my hair and yanking Armin away from the other boy and back into his iron grip.
He screamed, as the man held a knife to his throat. He then lowered the knife to Armin's hips, and made a deep gash. Then another, and another. Armin screamed each time, struggling hopelessly, until sirens sounded in the distance.
"Bentley!" One of the other guys yelled. "We have to go, NOW!"
'Bentley' dropped him roughly onto the ground, and his head banged against the pavement . "Little brat."
The three of them took off, leaving me sobbing and bleeding.
The mystery boy quickly ran to my side, grabbing his hand and stroking his shoulder.
"Shhh, shhh, it's okay..." He comforted him, speaking gently. "I've got you, you're gonna be okay..."
He stayed sat beside me. "What's your name?" he whispered, still stroking my arm.
"A-A-Ar-Armin A-Arlert..." He stuttered.
"I'm Eren. I promise I'll protect you, okay?"
Armin just nodded, dazed.
Within seconds, an ambulance pulled up, and Armin was hoisted onto a stretcher, still shaking. But, Eren stayed beside him, running alongside as they rushed him into the ambulance.
Before he blacked out, Armin caught a glimpse of a gorgeous, tan face with teal- blue eyes. That face, he would never forget.
The next few years, he never left Eren's side. They were inseperable. Eren always stood up for Armin. He was there for him, always, like he promised. Armin filled with happiness every time he saw Eren so much as smile. The next few years... He spent being joyful around Eren. He never told Eren about the pool party, never told him about the bullying, and never told him about how much he hated himself. Eren was like his lifeline, for a really long time. Now...
What did Armin have left?
AUTHOR NOTE: I AM A LITERAL PEICE OF SHIT, I AM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED
AND I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO DEPRESSING
AND I MADE MYSELF CRY
I AM SORRY
LET ME START BY SAYING THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING ALONE, THERE ARE GOVERNMENT LIFELINES, CHAT SITES WITH TRAINED PROFESSIONALS, COUNCELORS, THERAPISTS, SCHOOL COUNSELORS, SOME CHURCH WORKERS ARE TRAINED IN PSYCHIATRY, EVEN REHAB. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. USE THEM.
okay look guys, this is probably hitting home with some of you in many different ways, and I am so sorry. But, please, eat healthy and regularly, and get help if something like this happens to you. Assult is a real thing and a real problem and not everyone gets out alive and not everyone can continue life easily. I don't like writing about this stuff, but it is the job of a writer to create the character image and story and development that they see fit. I don't like writing it, but I felt like it fits.
Just remember that you are gourgeous, you are amazing, and you have a purpouse. I promise. Please trust me on this. I have never been assulted and I was never orphaned, and I'm not physically weak, but, at one point in time, I let my looks consume everything, for a whole year. I cried all the time, I felt so purpouseless and alone, but now... I'm so happy. I am at a great place in my life, and it took a long time and a lot of work to get here. But I'm so glad I am here, and I'm so glad I never let any of that completely destroy me. It takes a long time, months, even years, possibly even DECADES, but life gets so much better, trust me. I love you guys, hang in there. Keep breathing.
~Volume