TW: Mentions of Abuse
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The next day it took both James and Sirius to get Remus through classes. By dinner, which Remus wasn't eating a single bite of, it was clear that their friend wasn't hearing a single thing any of them were saying.
"Remus Lupin is a real wanker. And his deepest desire is to snog Lily Evans~" James teased, waving his hand in front of the pale boys' face.
"I'm beginning to think that's your deepest desire," Sirius scoffed, quite pleased when James' neck went a bit pink.
Poor Remus seemed to just be trying not to pass out where he sat. His face nearly fell into the bowl of soup that he'd only taken a single bite of the whole time they sat there.
"Guys, do you think we ought to take him to the matron?" Peter asked for the third time that evening, glancing at Remus with wide eyes.
"Mn, no. Not time yet," Remus whispered with a pained expression. This caused Sirius to slam his cutlery down a bit too loud, wondering what the hell that meant!
When Remus didn't even flinch at his nonverbal outburst, Sirius motioned James to try and help Remus up as inconspicuous as possible. It was much harder than it should have been. Despite being quite out of it, the bloody stubborn fool seemed to be fighting them to stay.
"What's going on here, you four?" Frank Longbottom asked, coming over with a concerned Alice and Patricia on his heels. Sirius immediately felt protective of Remus and didn't want any of the three to know what was wrong with him. James seemed to have a different idea.
"Hi, Frank. Remus isn't feeling well," James said casually.
Patricia looked alarmed, then worried. But James had said it with such a matter-of-fact openness that Frank merely nodded, thinking nothing of it. He went over to Remus hunching down and placed a hand on his arm. "Not feeling good, huh? Come on, then. Let's take you to Madam Pomfrey lad."
Remus looked like he was going to protest. But at Frank's gentle tug, he followed his lead and the two of them left the Great Hall. The rest of them got up to trail behind but Patricia stopped them from following.
"Why can't we go? Alice is going!" Sirius protested loudly.
"That's because she's Frank's girlfriend. Besides, more than four is a crowd. Remus sure gets sick a lot, huh?"
Sirius glowered at her wanting to go along. James sighed and nodded. "Yes, he sure does..."
Patricia seemed a bit surprised that James didn't sound like a lovesick puppy. She nodded, ruffling his hair. "Cheer up. I'm sure he'll be feeling better in no time."
She looked them all over as if making sure they weren't keeping something from her, which they were. For a second, Sirius considered telling her about Remus' uncle. Afterall, Patricia was quite a bit older than them. But Sirius said nothing and she gave them a few more words of encouragement before going back to her half-eaten dinner.
As Sirius watched her leave he realized he did have an older student he was close to, someone he could trust, someone nearby. Someone who would probably know what to do, considering she'd be a mother soon and that meant some sort of innate wisdom, or so he'd been told. He sat back down and leaned in, Peter and James following suit.
"I'm going to talk to Drommie. I mean...I think she'll know what to do."
"Better than nothing, I suppose," James sighed, still looking upset. Peter nodded eagerly.
"Yeah, it's better than nothing," Sirius echoed, feeling hollow.
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Remus didn't return that night, or the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. It was two days before James' birthday and they were all beginning to worry he wasn't going to make it. It was also that Saturday that Sirius sought his cousin out, deciding he really needed to talk to her.
"Shhh, Ted. Stop that!" Andromeda chided gently. She had been trying to focus on studying while Ted leaned on her shoulder. It didn't seem like either of them were trying to be particularly subtle about their relationship.
Of course Sirius found her where he gambled she'd be. In that courtyard, where he had first seen her and Ted snogging and where he had first found out he was going to be an uncle. Well, close enough to one. If he considered any of his cousins his sister, it was Drommie.
"Drommie, can we talk?" he asked, not even bothering to make it seem like he stumbled across them accidentally. Andromeda looked at his sad eyes and kissed Ted on the cheek, whispering something to him before they both walked over.
"Alone," he muttered, shooting Ted a dark look. Ted didn't seem at all surprised or bothered by the glare, really. Instead, he stuck his hand out with a wide and friendly grin.
"I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Ted Tonks, your cousin's boyfriend."
"I know," he muttered darkly.
"Sirius..." Drommie said in her warning tone. But he didn't want to behave, not in front of the idiot who would cost Drommie her family.
"I'm not shaking his hand. Not after what he did to you!" he shouted, upset at himself for thinking this was a good idea.
He ignored the look of shock, then horror, on Drommie's face and took off running. He bolted out of the courtyard and to the lake as fast as he could, tears blurring his eyes. Behind him he knew his cousin was chasing after him and could hear her shouting after him. He heard Andromeda call his name but he didn't listen, didn't want to listen. It was Drommie that was supposed to be the one who would listen, who would make this all better.
Because Sirius didn't know what to do about any of it and he hated it.
"Sirius Orion Black!" she shouted, now almost caught up to him, her face flushed with exertion from the run, her hair that had started in a ponytail now flowing freely behind her. Andromeda did not look pleased. He stopped at the water's edge, wishing he had some food to throw to the giant squid. "We need to talk." Drommie continued now softly from behind him. He shrugged his shoulders a bit, feeling moody even though he knew she was right.
"You didn't tell me," the Black heir muttered, trying to keep the childish hurt out of his voice and failing.
"I didn't tell anyone, Sirius. But I was going to tell you." She put a hand on his shoulder which he quickly shrugged off. Sirius wouldn't be consoled that easily. He heard the frown in her voice as she continued, clearly worried, "Which begs the question of how you found out."
She put a hand on his shoulder again, but this time it was firmer and she used her hold to spin him to face her. Both her eyes narrowed in a way that Sirius was accustomed to which meant he was in trouble. Despite being mad at her himself, he folded quickly> With Drommie, he was unable to stand the mild look of anger, and even worse disappointment, in his dear cousin's eyes.
"It was an accident. Remus and I were in the courtyard that I just found you in. We were there one night and you were talking about it..."
Drommie gave him a weird look, but seemed to calm down. The disappointment had left her eyes as soon as she could tell he wasn't lying. "What were you two doing? Surely you weren't snogging, were you?"
Sirius felt his face get hot and quickly pushed away the slight fascination he felt. Just a twinge of intrigue for half a second and he was quick to convince himself it was only because he was becoming curious about that stuff, now that he was twelve.
But if he was going to snog anyone, it would be a respectable pureblood female to produce heirs with. That way his mother wouldn't disown him completely from the family. He wouldn't even consider snogging one of his mates!
"Ew! Gross, Drommie. No, we were just talking!" Sirius exclaimed in the same tone a boy might use when exclaiming 'ewwww cooties.'
"Calm down, Sirius. Obviously that's the case. I'm just giving you a hard time!" Drommie rolled her eyes in amusement at the look of disgust that had twisted his features. Then she looked at him a bit skeptical before sighing and shaking her head. "I suppose you being in the kissing courtyard was a mere coincidence then. You didn't tell anyone, either of you?"
Sirius shifted guilty and her stern look was upon him once more.
"Only James and Peter, but they won't tell anyone! They're my good mates," he explained, having utter faith in them to keep this secret. Drommie gave him an exasperated look, then sighed heavily. Excitement unexplainably bubbled up in Sirius now that his cousin knew he knew. Despite everything, he gave her a grin and a quick hug. "Congratulations! I'm going to be the best uncle there ever was!"
His outburst made her chuckle slightly, but then her expression grew sad and serious. Sirius knew exactly why. It was the same reason that almost more than being happy for her, he was scared for her. It was the same reason why he couldn't feel pride about her pregnancy and actually felt more than a bit of shame which he'd never admit to, in part because of how improper it all was.
"Sirius, you know what this means right? Ted isn't 'good enough' for our family."
"You could always..." he began but knew that wasn't an answer by the disgusted look Drommie gave him.
"I am aware of my options Sirius," she coldly began, the suggestion to get rid of the child that would complicate her life hanging in the air before she continued with an air of finality, "I am choosing to have this baby and nothing anyone says will change that. Besides, I would always choose my new family over my old one!" she insisted passionately with her hand reflexively caressing her belly. She saw Sirius flinch and her gaze softened. "But that doesn't include you, Sirius. I want you to be a part of my life, of this baby's life. But I'm not going to put you in that position because it's not fair to you." Her voice was sweet and soft and it felt like a knife through Sirius' heart.
"No! I want to be a part of your life. I'll even be nice to Ted. Please, Drommie, oh please don't leave me when you leave them."
He was quite proud of himself for not crying, even though he felt really close to doing so.
"Sirius, I can't...not with how your mother treats you. Not with how angry they are already that you're in Gryffindor."
"I don't care!" he shouted. Now Drommie was crying slightly, quickly wiping the evidence of tears away with her sleeve in a much more elegant fashion than Sirius ever could.
"They'd beat you so badly! You'd end up in St. Mungo's again Sirius, or down in the basement," she continued.
He flinched at that and she pulled him into a hug. This time, it was a long one so that he could bury his head into her chest and cry privately.
"Please." His voice broke. He couldn't lose Drommie, he just couldn't. She was one out of only two, sometimes three if he counted Regulus, which made his family bearable. Without her....he wasn't sure how he'd survive family functions, let alone day to day life in that grisly manor.
"Look...I'll send you pictures and letters while you're at Hogwarts. I promise as soon as you are away from the family, you can come to visit. But I know they will react badly to this and I don't want you getting hurt more than you already do."
"They won't find out!" Sirius shouted, knowing he would be extremely careful and would make sure their family never discovered the continued interaction between him and his one good cousin.
"Sirius..." Andromeda eyed him warily. She looked at him in exactly the same way she used to look when he was a greedy child, trying to get her to sneak him another chocolate.
"Please!" he begged shamelessly, gripping her hands in his eyes widening in earnest. He could tell he was wearing her down, that he was winning, and it relaxed him some.
"I'll...I'll think about...about it," Drommie relented carefully.
"When are you leaving?" Sirius asked quietly. Letting go of her hands, he was surprised when Drommie took his other one, interlacing their fingers tightly.
"Soon as I get my part of the inheritance," she said honestly, swinging Sirius' arm like she used to do when they were little. He wouldn't be surprised if she broke out into the little nursery rhyme she used to sing him when he would cry to her. They used to walk around his aunt's grounds when he cried so that one of the nannies didn't see and report Sirius' shameful weakness back to his mother.
"I'm done crying," he assured her in a similar fashion to how he would've back then. It was both his way of saying thanks and that the coast was clear for them to return. Drommie gave him a small smile.
"Still, let's stay like this. I don't know how much time we have left."
Something about her tone made Sirius stop dead in their walk around the lake. "Drommie...when are you leaving?"
"Over the break," she whispered, not meeting his eyes. Sirius pulled away from her feeling betrayed.
"Aren't you going to finish Hogwarts?" he hollered, even though this was only the beginning of the many problems he saw with this. Drommie rubbed the back of her neck and sighed.
"Yes, of course. But I can't bear it anymore, Sirius. I'll announce everything at the end of spring break so that way when I graduate I don't have to go back there. Unless...unless of course, they accept me, Ted, and the baby."
There was a gleam of hope, ridiculous unearned hope, in her eyes that hurt Sirius' chest. He looked away from her.
"They never will," he said quietly, finding it kinder to break her heart now rather than let the hope grow over the next few weeks. He certainly was aware of how easy it was to hope their family would be better, and to have that hope crushed painfully. She sighed, straightening her posture.
"I know," she responded coolly. Sirius felt both relieved and bad that the faint glimmer of hope in her eyes was gone.
"Where will you stay? After Hogwarts?" he pressed.
"Ted's parents. They already know and are super supportive. They are going to help us get married as soon as Hogwarts is done. That way the baby will be born into a proper loving family."
Her tone had softened, and she truly seemed happy about her prospective future. Sirius knew he should give in and just be happy for her. But he felt a lot of worries about it all, which made it impossible just to be supportive.
"When is the baby due?" he asked.
"Early September."
"Can this Ted guy provide for you? I mean...you won't just be living off the money you nicked from grandpa?"
Drommie colored slightly and put her hands on her hips. "Now see here, Sirius Orion Black. Ted is a good man who will provide for us but I'm not exactly helpless either. And the money I OBTAINED was mine to begin with. The money I convinced grandpa to loan me was going to be partly spent on a business prospect I ran by him. That I'd run my own patisserie."
Sirius gaped at her, finding it impossible that their strict grandfather gave Drommie her money over such a stupid proposal. "Grandpa bought that lie?"
"With my mother's persuasion, yes." Andromeda gave him a sly smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I may have agreed to actually meet some marriage proposals in exchange. But mother got grandfather to see the wisdom in the idea. After all, a lady has to have her proper hobbies. Running a little tea and baked goods shop seemed to qualify."
Sirius wasn't sure whether to feel horrified that Drommie had lied so successfully or impressed that she had pulled off what very few Blacks had ever done: getting their inheritance before getting married. He found himself smiling and shaking his head. Drommie smirked and shrugged her shoulders, though Sirius could tell she was more upset than she would ever let on about having to do so.
They continued their walk around the lake, discussing baby names, what sort of pastries Drommie would make for her pretend shop, and even what sort of terrible dates her mother had set her upon. By the time they had made a whole lap around the lake, the sun just beginning to set, Sirius had forgotten all about why he had come to talk to her in the first place.
"Well, I should probably get back to Ted. It was good getting to talk to you, Sirius. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Just please don't tell anyone else."
Sirius reassured her he wouldn't for the hundredth time that day. She gave him a brief hug and made to leave, but Sirius grabbed her arm tightly. The real reason for all of this coming back to him like he'd been hit with a quaffle.
"Drommie, wait. I...I have something to ask you."
"Sirius, I told you I'd think about it," She sighed, misunderstanding the sudden hesitance and sadness on his face.
"No, not that. Listen...one of my mates...he.....well, his family situation is quite a bit like mine minus the dementor..."
"You mean he gets beat when he acts up or causes trouble?" Andromeda tsked impatiently. Sirius flinched at her rather neutral tone about it. He could basically hear her saying "then he should behave better," as she had said to him in the past so many times. But Remus was different. Sirius knew he often deserved the beatings he got because he had ultimately done something wrong or stupid. But Remus, he really doubted that his friend was the kind of kid to cause trouble at home. He didn't deserve the treatment he got, not one bit.
"NO! It's different. Drommie, he does nothing wrong. He gets really good grades but if he messes up his grades even a bit they get really mad at him. He recently told us all and we don't know what to do?"
"Sirius, if he gets good grades he should be fine. Pureblood families often put such pressure on their children. Perhaps James should spend less time goofing off with you if he's going to get whacked for low marks."
"No, that's not...I mean....just...can't I help him somehow? Should we tell someone?"
Drommie's eyes narrowed and she lashed out, gripping Sirius' arm hard and pulling him towards her. "Did you tell anyone, Sirius?"
"What? No...I mean, only my mates but..." He was surprised at the anger in Drommie's eyes. She shook him a little, looking stressed.
"You better hope they don't tell anyone. You know that won't do any good and you'd end up in a lot of trouble. A Black doesn't air their dirty laundry. Our family is too good for that."
Sirius bit back the sorrow rising in him. He thought Drommie would be sympathetic. She had always seemed to be supportive of him, only telling him to shape up for his own good. Not only did she not see anything wrong with Remus' situation, but she was also mad at him for saying something! The disappointment in him churned and churned inside until it soured into cold bitter anger.
He yanked away from her. His eyes just seconds before were filled with tears, now hardened in anger. "You mean MY family. They aren't yours, not anymore. You aren't really a Black anymore. You threw that away for your Mudblood baby daddy!"
His harsh words did the trick. They hurt Drommie almost as much as she had hurt him. She raised her hand, her eyes flashing, looking more like her mother than ever. He was sure she was going to slap him, was entirely ready for it, expected it, really. But her hand which lashed out towards his face stopped mid-swing. She gave him a look of utter betrayal which hurt more than a slap would, then turned and stalked away.
Sirius watched her go, realizing with a heavy heart they had both acted more like their parents than they ever had before. He felt gross and contaminated. Soon afterward he jumped into the lake, screaming obscenities into the water until he finally calmed down and felt the influence of his family seep away from him, sinking into the depths of the lake along with his hope that Drommie could make things better.
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It took him a long time to trudge across the grounds back into the castle. He didn't think anything could cheer him up, but that was before he found Remus sitting on his bed reassuring Peter and James over and over that his dad didn't hurt him when he went to see his mom.
Sirius didn't think, merely leaped onto Remus' bed to hug him tightly.
"You should have told us you were leaving to see her!" he solded Remus, who shuddered at the cold contact.
"Would you have let me? Sirius, you're soaked. What happened?"
He let Remus go, realizing he was indeed still very wet. Now so was Remus, looking at him with a mixture of irritation and concern. Sirius grinned and shook himself like a dog all over Remus and his bed.
"That's what you get for leaving!" he said smugly, James and Peter laughing as they walked over to join them, staying on Sirius' bed which was dry. Remus was trying to look stern but Sirius was pleased to see his lips twitch in amusement.
"Did you just decide to go swimming in the lake out of nowhere?" the recently-returned boy asked incredulously. James gave Sirius a confused look, clearly wanting to ask how his talk with Drommie went, but a subtle head shake from Sirius kept him quiet.
"Actually, yes. You should try it sometime. It really increases one's ability to focus on homework."
"In that case Sirius you might want to go swimming a lot more," James teased. Sirius stuck up one finger to show him what he thought of that comment, a signal that wasn't in their secret language so even Peter understood. "You can't be rude to me, Black. It's almost my birthday!'
"Correction, Potter. I'll only be the most respectable gentleman on your birthday, and not a single day more," Sirius taunted.
James laughed and Remus, who still seemed pretty pale and tired, stifled a laugh. "Sirius, I doubt you could even pull off a day."
Sirius stuck a tongue out at him but laughed along with the others. He was so glad Remus was back safely, so very glad indeed.