He took a moment to process the words that had come out of his mouth. For a tenth of a second, I saw fear cross his face, but he quickly wiped it away and hardened his expression. He responded back in anger. "Are. You. Pregnant. Wi-"
"No! Stop that! I know what you said. What the hell would possess you to EVER say something like that to me?!" I felt so angry that he thought that it was okay to talk to me like that. This was a first, and if this was how it was going to be when we fought, I wasn't going to have it.
But there was a part of me that was terrified at the thought of it though. Shit, what if I am pregnant?
"You're not denying it."
"No! I'm not pregnant! I would have to had sex with someone for that to happen, Eli." He rolled his eyes at me. "What is your problem?"
"You're lying to me about something!" He yelled at me. I flinched out of old habit. He had never talked to me like that. Ever.
I whimpered in response. This was not the Eli I knew. The Eli I knew was gentle and patient; he never raised his voice at me and he had never accused me of anything. Where was that Eli now? I needed that Eli.
I was also beginning to freak out about the fact that there was a possibility that I could have a child growing inside of me at the moment. I was trying my hardest not to panic, not to seem weak in front of him. If he saw me as weak, he might take advantage of it. "What happened to my Ellie?" I whispered more to myself than to him.
"He walked out the door when you started lying." He said, his voice quieter than before, but it was rough and closed off.
"Eli, I didn't do anything. I swear!" Xavier did. He's the one lying. My thoughts screamed at him. Tears were threatening to spill because I knew what was coming, but I held them back. I needed to be strong. He didn't believe anything I was telling him, because this was all my fault.
He shook his head, took another deep breath and, "Wren. This needs to stop."
My heart stopped beating. The tears that were caught in my eyes fell and my breath caught, "what does?" I asked, hoping he didn't mean it how I thought, but somewhere deep down I knew it was false hope.
"Us." He told me.
"No." My heart shattered and I couldn't see. The tears were blurring my vision. I could barely see him grab his things from beside the couch and walk towards the staircase, "I thought you were different. My mistake." I thought it was soft enough that he couldn't hear it, but I was wrong.
His voice cracked as if he had started crying too, "I'm sorry." He said before starting down the stairs.
"No, you're not."
He didn't care. He didn't care about me. This was my fault. I knew it. I knew it was a mistake to let my guard down and believe anything he said to me. I knew it, but I still did it. That was a mistake I would never make again. I cried for hours and hours, my sobs wracked through my body so forcefully. It felt like someone had pulled my heart out and tore it in half, then stomped on it as if it were a bug and tried to make the damaged half fit back in like it were still whole. The tears only ceased when a sudden thought crossed my mind. I could be pregnant!
Several curse words flew from my mouth as I wiped the tears from my face as best I could. I grabbed my wallet and car keys then rushed to my car. I sped to the grocery store and got there in record time. As I walked around, looking around for what I needed, I tried so hard to tell myself to stay calm and that everything was going to be okay. I was doing my best to maintain even breaths. After grabbing the item, I found my way to the self-checkout line. I quickly paid and rushed out of the store and back home.
As I pulled into the driveway and made my way upstairs. I went straight to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, and chugged it. I knew that within a couple minutes I'd get the urge to release my bladder, so for now I just had to wait.
I started thinking about the possibility of there actually being a child forming in my body and it was freaking terrifying. I had no idea what steps to take if there was. I knew I couldn't get rid of them; I didn't know if I was capable of keeping them or if I should give them away. The decision would be a difficult one to make and execute, no matter what. But this was all hypothetical. There was no way I was pregnant, especially not by Xavier.
Bringing the test with me into the bathroom, I went about my business and made sure I followed the directions for the stupid stick, so I could get the most accurate result. I, once again, was stuck playing the waiting game, after I finished up. Five minutes. I could last five minutes. Right?
I paced as I waited those five agonizingly long minutes. My thoughts continuously running. They never stopped. When my timer went off, I began to panic again. Picking the test up from the counter, I looked at it.
No.
No!
NO!
This is not happening. I can't be. I thought as I read the test over and over again. Pregnant.
My vision blurred, my heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it, and my throat closed up. My body scrunched to the floor, knees pulled up to my chin, and rocked back and forth. The only things going through my head were the word 'no' and flashbacks from the night that gave me nightmares every time I closed my eyes. Tears formed in my eyes at the things I was seeing in front of me.
It felt like it was happening again. Like Xavier was really in front of me, hovering over me. Touching, kissing, hurting me. And I couldn't stop it.
The tears continued as the panic attack painstakingly slowly came to an end. I stayed for a few minutes just rocking back and forth, crying. When I got up, I grabbed my phone, and dialed. Praying to anything that he wasn't busy. The phone rang and rang and rang.
Finally, the phone picked up. There was some shuffling and mumbles, before I heard, "hey Wren. Hold on." There were a few more seconds of shuffles and mumbles before he said, "hey."
"Maxie?" I questioned, the tears were still streaming. I tried not to let him notice that I was upset.
I guess it didn't work, "what's wrong?"
"Are you busy?" I asked. I sniffled before he could respond, which gave me away. He knew me too well.
"Wren, are you okay?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
I broke down again in that moment, "no. Come over? Please?" I practically begged.
"Of course. I'm on my way." He told me. I thanked him before hanging up the phone. All I had to do was stay calm until he got there. That was easier said than done.
A couple minutes went by before the tears stopped, but I paced and paced. Twenty minutes passed until there was a knock at the front door. I ran downstairs and opened the door for Max. I immediately rushed to and wrapped my arms around him, leading me to once again break down.
It took a second or so for him to respond and wrap his arms around me. He started shushing me and trying to comfort me by telling me that everything was okay, but all I could do was cry and say "no, it's not." Once I started saying that, all I could do was keep repeating it.
Max pulled away from me and said, "Wren. Stop. If things aren't okay now, then they will be soon. I promise."
"How do you know?" I asked him, tears still falling, though they were slowing.
"I just do. I've seen it happen before. Things always work out for the best and they always get better, even if it takes some time to get there." He said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I nodded in response and pulled him inside. We walked upstairs and I made my way to the couch, throwing the comforter around me. As if it was my support system or something.
We sat there for a few minutes in silence, and before I knew it tears were falling again. "Eli's gone. Everything he ever said was a lie. And he... he doesn't love me. How could he? He just left like, like I meant nothing. He accused me of cheating. Which I did not do, but he didn't believe me. He believed Xavier over me. Xavier! Over me! Just because he was the one that told him and said I did it with him. He yelled at me, Maxie. He's never yelled at me! An-and he asked me if I was-" I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. I was bawling my eyes out at this point.
I looked towards Max and I could tell he was livid, but he was trying to fight his anger. He came over to me and wrapped me in his arms, trying to calm me down. "Keep going Wren. I know it hurts, but you gotta get it off your chest."
"He asked if I was pregnant with his kid. He told me we needed to stop. Like we couldn't be together anymore. He had the nerve to apologize, like he was sorry this had to happen.
"How can someone do that?! How can you be with someone for so long and just lie to them the entire time?!" I did that. "An-and how can you treat someone like they mean something to you and then just throw them away?!" I stopped for a minute and regained a bit of my composure. "How could he just throw me away?"
This time the tears were quiet, and they wouldn't stop. "I'm gonna kill him." Max said it so quietly that I wasn't even sure I heard him right, but when he released me and started pacing, I knew I had. "I'm going to kill him." He said, louder this time.
My eyes widened, no. No. "Please, Maxie. Please don't. Please don't leave." Pathetic. "I-I-" c'mon Wren. You can do this. "There's more that I have to tell you." I paused for a second, and his pacing stopped. "Just, please. I'm begging you. Don't judge me."
He squatted down in front of me and grabbed my hands, "never."
I was quiet for a bit, not sure how to say it. But I took a breath, looked up at him, and mumbled, "I'm pregnant."
"What?" He asked. Fuck. I took another deep breath and said it louder this time. Max stood up and started pacing again, repeating that he was going to kill Eli over and over again.
"Please, stop. It wasn't his fault." I said, stupidly. I'm making this worse.
He stopped, "then whose was it?"
I gulped, "mine."
"How? Why are you blaming yourself?"
"Because it's my fault, Maxie. If I'd have been more careful, none of this would have happened."
"Been more careful how?!" He raised his voice, and I flinched. He looked taken aback; I very rarely flinched when it came to Max. I could count the amount of times I had on one hand.
Max was confused and a bit frustrated. He had questions but didn't want to ask until I answered his most recent one. He took a breath and stepped up to me. He held me at my arms and I couldn't help but pull away from his hold. Xavier held me that way when he pushed me into my room and onto my bed that night.
I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts, and I could see the hurt in Max's eyes before he hid it. More questions. That caused more questions to float around his head, I could tell. He was also more suspicious of what was going on with me. I've never once pulled away from him like that, ever. Not even when Jordan started hitting me and while I was dealing with trying to recover from it. He knew something more was going on and was wrong now. Nice going, Wren.
"Been more careful how, Wren?" I don't know how he managed to do it through everything I knew was going on in his head, but he managed to ask me this softly.
"I don't know. I could have done so many things to prevent it. And I didn't. I just put it off and put it off and now look where I am. Pregnant and alone." Images of what Xavier did were going through my head and I fought back the tears.
"Did he hurt you? Physically?"
"Who?" I asked.
"Eli." I unintentionally whimpered at the sound of his name, and I could tell by looking at him that Max was confused as to why I would even ask that.
"No. Absolutely not." I said with certainty. I may not have known Eli like I thought I did, but I knew he would never, ever hurt me like that. I thought that about Jordan too.
"Then who did?" I didn't answer him right away, so he continued, "the only time you've ever flinched around me was when you were around Jordan. And you've never pulled away from me like that. Who hurt you?"
"I can't tell you." I shook my head.
"Why not?" He asked.
"It'll be our little secret."
"No one will ever believe you."
"You wouldn't believe me." I was convinced. He would laugh at me and tell me I'm crazy. Then walk right out the door. And who knew what Xavier would do to me if he found out I told someone?
"Try me."
"Maxie," I started, the tears returned, "I can't. Please, stop asking me this."
He sighed, and I could feel his frustration rolling off of him in waves, "I want to help you, Wren. But how can I, if you don't let me?"
"I'm sorry, Max. Maybe some other time." Liar. "Today, I just can't do it."
He was quiet, and his body rigid. After a few minutes, he relaxed on the couch next to me, pulled me into his lap, wrapped his arms around me, and just held me.
I didn't know how long we had been sitting there for before he started moving. It seemed like hours, and probably was. It looked like it was starting to get dark outside. Maybe he thought I fell asleep, I'm not too sure. I looked up at him. "Max?" I started, he looked down at me. "Can you please stay? I don't want to be alone." Tears formed in my eyes and I willed them not to fall. If I had to choose anyone to see me like this, it would be Max.
I am so weak. I can't even be by myself for a while. Pathetic.
I'm allowing myself this ONE day to be weak.
As he was watching me, I could see he was conflicted. I didn't know what he was mulling about, but if he couldn't stay, then I wasn't going to force him. "It's okay. I understand if you can't. I was ju-"
"I'll stay."
"Are you sure? I don't want you to be stuck here if you have somewhere else you need to be?"
"I don't have somewhere else right now."
"Then what's wrong? Something's troubling you. I can tell." I paused for a second and he was about to respond before I said, "and don't lie to me."
"I just.. I have so many things I want to ask you. I want you to talk to me and tell me what's going on because I know there's more than what you've already told me. But I don't want to do that and have you push me away. I don't think I could stand it if you did that again." He stopped, like he was thinking over his next move, "can you promise me that you will tell me eventually? On your own time, of course."
I took a minute to answer him, "yes. I promise."
"Okay. As long as you're not getting hurt or in danger in anyway, I'll wait for you to tell me. But if I think it's necessary, I will ask again."
"Okay Max." I said, and leaned back into him. He nodded, turned the TV on, and found something for us to watch. It wasn't until the previews were over and I saw a little blue animated alien falling out of a sky that I realized he put on one of my favorite movies, Megamind.
We watched quietly for a while before I spoke up again, "what am I gonna do Maxie?"
He took a deep breath, and said "I don't know. This is all on you; whatever it is you decide, I will stand by you and help take care of you, like always."
I tried to ignore his comment about taking care of me; he spent too much of his time taking care of me and I hated it when he mentioned it. It made me feel like I was keeping him away from living his life to the fullest. I replied with a simple "okay," before turning my attention back to the movie.
We sat in silence watching the movie, and when it was over, Max turned on Hercules, another one of my favorites. I started drifting off before we got to my favorite part and Max seemed to notice this. He turned the TV off and got up from the couch with me still in his arms. I realized that he was going to head towards my old room and without opening my eyes I just said "guest bedroom." When he asked me why, I told him I would tell him another time.
Max opened the door to the guest room and I heard him comment on all of my stuff being in there. I chose to ignore his words as he continued to the bed. He laid me down and was about to pull his arms out from under me, but I grabbed them before he could retract them all the way. "Please don't go."
I heard him sigh again, but he laid down next to me anyway. I'm sorry, Maxie. Just for tonight, I promise.
"It's okay Wren. Try to get some sleep." I must've spoken out loud. "Everything will be okay in the end."
💜❤️
Tada!!
Here's the next chapter, and it's 3,198 words!! I have been on a much needed vacation this week and I'm really not looking forward to going back home and to work 😅
Anyway, hope you enjoyed!!
TM