" Listen to the silence, it has so much to say."
- Rumi
***
Charlotte was frozen at first. All she could see was Leroy's face in her mind, and the happy boy back at home that he was. She didn't know how to feel at first, how to even react to what Winters' had just said. But then suddenly, she felt more tears rush to her eyes than ever before, and she was trying so hard to hold back her quivering lip, and the sob that wanted to escape. Charlotte could only feel her mind scrambling and breaking down, further and further away from sanity. The tears rushed her eyes, and she didn't realize how white her knuckles were until she realized she was squeezing her fists clasped together. She felt her breathing rate pick up, and she couldn't meet the eyes of the two men in front of her.
" D..D..D-Dead?" she whispered, voice breaking, a sniffle following, as she attempted to wipe the tear that fell from her cheek. Her bottom lip trembled, with overwhelming power, as she stared at the letter in Winters' hands. She couldn't hold herself, even compose herself somewhat in front of the two men. She let the tiny, heartbreaking, vulnerable cry escape her lips, and the tears bubble over and down her cheeks, the dimples completely gone by this point, and replaced with sadness. The girl shoved her head into her hands and let the sobs flow from her entire being. She'd never cried so hard in her life, as she felt her stomach grow sore as she heaved one after the other. She felt someone sit down next to her, and the next thing she knew, she was holding onto them so tight, her arms wrapped around their center as she sobbed into their chest, probably wetting their fresh ODs in the process. But she didn't care. She finally had dropped the act. Her heart ached and she felt the only thing she could do was heave sobs out of her body that shook the CP. The person rubbed her shoulder gently, pushing a few soothing circles on her back, as she hiccuped, and tried to regain some dignity and composure. She slowly opened her eyes, her shaking figure curled around Speirs, surprisingly enough to her, and she met Winters' eyes that looked at her with pity.
" We're pulling you from the patrol." Winters said to the girl. The thought of her on patrol after everything that's happened, and how sick she was and emotionally destroyed, hurt Winters.
" We're sorry about your brother." Winters said softly to the girl, reaching forward a placing a hand on her knee and giving it a squeeze. She was afraid to speak, fear of breaking down all over again, filling her brain so she merely nodded at the Captain.
" Sorry, sir." she whispered hoarsely, her voice raw with emotion, as she pulled up from Speirs who looked worriedly at the distraught girl. She wiped her eyes, and stared emotionless forward into whatever abyss she was focusing on.
" Is, is um, Louis ok?" she asked softly, " Sir?" Speirs and Winters looked at each other.
" 2nd Rangers headed out to Reims the other day and they say your brother's with them, so we can only assume they are ok." Speirs said softly to the girl. She nodded, and sucked in a shaky breath as she thought about Leroy again, and the fact she'd never get to see him ever again, only in her memory, just like the rest of her brothers that she served with.
" How about you go and eat something with the boys at OP 2, sunshine, knowing them, you'll get more love than what the two of us can do." Speirs said rubbing the girl's back. The two leaders' hearts had broken as the cries had escaped the young medic's mouth. It was the first time she really showed how young she really was and the amount of innocence that still remained and the vulnerability. She nodded, putting on her beanie, then placing her over large helmet on her head and pulled on her medic satchel. She sniffled rather loudly again, and felt that the fever had only worsened. The two men stared at the young medic as she stood. Winters stood and handed the girl the letter that he kept clasped in his hands, and she tucked it into her pocket carefully, sucking in a shaky breath. Speirs had been tempted to hug the young girl, just for a moment, to help her forget about all the bad things that had happened to her and to her friends, and that it could just be her, there, hiding from the world for a little bit. She could only nod to the two before hurrying out of the CP and making way towards OP 2 for some type of food that Malarkey was cooking up. But that was the last thing on her mind. All she could think about was the fact that Leroy was dead. Her oldest brother, who only wanted to fight for their country and serve it with pride and dignity, was now dead somewhere out in the pacific. She sucked down the tears that welled in her eyes as she took the small staircase down to the basement of OP 2. She walked in silently to the room where there was some quiet chatter amongst the men. She really didn't want to say a word at all, about her brothers, about the patrol, how she felt, nothing. But she knew she needed to eat something.
" Hey, sunshine." came Malarkey's gentle response as he passed the girl a cup of food he'd made up. She looked up at him with her sad eyes and he felt something change inside him. Her usually bright eyes, minus the fever, were now dull, and scared, and red from crying, and utterly distraught and upset.
" Are you ok?" he asked her, as she took the cup of stew from him. She nodded, her lip trembling slightly. She had never felt so dumb to feel the type of pains she currently was feeling. She felt even worse because she was now used to the idea of people close to her dying and her not having the ability to do a thing about it. She felt guilty that she couldn't force herself to feel better that he was in a better place. She felt guilty. She wasn't going to cry not here with 15 other men surrounding her. Malarkey nodded to her, his worry and nerves rising just slightly at the young medic's sight, but he decided to let her go. She turned, and sat down in the corner of the room, on a small crate where she could lean her back comfortably against the wall and kick her feet up in front with some afternoon sunlight streaming in. She looked down at the stew in her hands, but it only made her stomach churn at the thought of eating. A few of the men had noticed Charlotte's changed mood as she had entered the room. There was this undeniable sadness that radiated throughout the entire room, and it tugged on the men's hearts. They knew that Winters had to speak to Charlotte, something had happened and it could've been anything at this point. She could tell eyes were watching her, so she slowly looked over at the rest of the men and cleared her throat.
" I'm not going on patrol." she said, quite softly, her voice cracking at the end. It made her look down and force her to regain her composure. She looked back up, noticing some men had placed their food down and were giving their full attention to the girl.
" Does this have something to do with what Winters had to speak to you about?" Martin asked the young medic. She sucked in a shaky breath. She nodded and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear.
" My brother's dead." she whispered, her voice cracking and completely dying off in the end, so much so that she almost couldn't complete the entire sentence. A silence fell over the room. Charlotte stayed cold and stone faced as she stared forward, her jaw set, a few tears pooling in her eyes. What surprised the men more was the fact that she sat there, with tears in her eyes and didn't let one fall.
" All because of this stupid, ****ing war, my brother is dead." she snapped suddenly. " Because Hitler couldn't ****ing care about a single human being, which shoves us all out here becoming expected to do something about it!" Her voice rose, her sharp tone resounding over the entire basement. The men had never heard Charlotte speak like this before, with such a powerful tone of anger and complete utter pain. Except now, the tears had begun rolling from her eyes by this point, and she couldn't help, but attempt to wipe them away.
" I don't know what to do." she whispered ever so softly, silence falling after, you could hear the wind against the windows from the outside world. She sucked in a shaky breath, and that's when a heart breaking sob left her mouth. It was soft and quiet, but completely innocent and vulnerable to the rest of the men. Immediately, Liebgott his stuck up persona having followed him from Bastogne dropped quickly, as he placed down his food and hurried over to the girl. He pulled the girl quickly into his embrace, and rocked the young medic, currently curled in a ball, back and forth like a child. He whispered soft words to her, in an attempt to calm her down. He felt her, through the fabric of the ODs, how warm she still was, and the fever that still ran through her entire body. She was shaking against him, long hiccups coming from her mouth as an attempt to stop crying, but it only worsened. The men watched in silence. Lieutenant Jones watched from the corner. From his entire time being with Easy, the whole half of a day, he'd already learned so much about the guys. And the Sunshine Soldier. She'd clearly carried so much weight around for so long and she needed to let it out. She'd stayed strong for too long. She had unique relationships with all the guys of Easy, like they were her big brothers, and it really showed. He knew she was strong, just by the force and anger that ripped from her throat as she yelled in anger. The girls quiet whimpers were still there, now going off every few minutes, but Liebgott softly kissed her temple, and continued to rock the girl that had become like a sister to him, back and forth.
" You should go and rest." he whispered softly to the girl in his arms, who was still trembling.
" Will you guys be ok?" she whispered back.
" We'll be just fine. We're more worried for you, sunshine." Liebgott whispered, pulling back from the girl, and brushing the hair from her wet cheeks. She sniffled again and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
" We're sorry...about your brother." Liebgott said gently to the girl. She sniffled again and looked distraught like at the ground.
" There was nothing I could've done." she said quietly back, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her ODs. A chorus of solemn ' sorry's ' rang out throughout the room, leaving heavy weights on the men's hearts. Liebgott helped the girl to her feet slowly, and he placed on her helmet and medic satchel.
" Let's let you rest." he said softly to her. She nodded, grateful for Liebgott as he led her out of the room of the boys' wide eyes. She was still extremely sick, so that wasn't making the situation any better, and the girl also was so broken down and beaten, without reprieve when she did need a break. The walk to CP was quiet, the girl's endless thoughts mulled over with her brothers' faces, and the horrified looks from her parents. She couldn't imagine the letter they'd received as well. It made her grip just a little tighter to Liebgott's ODs, the fear and worry for her parents washing over her body. The two took the steps slowly and she gently prodded him in the direction of where Lipton was with the extra bed. Liebgott led the girl over to that open and she immediately sat down on the edge staring straight forward, with half closed eyes. Liebgott slowly seated himself next to the girl.
And to be honest, she looked terrible. Between the dull eyes, pale facial features, her slumped shoulders, the feverish hue around her eyes and the shallow breathing topped it off. Liebgott slowly pulled the helmet and satchel from her body, before reaching down and undoing her boots for her. Once they were slipped off her feet, Liebgott helped the girl settle onto the bed, comfortably. She was past normal battle fatigue and the grief and pain. She pulled the blanket up to her chin and looked up at Liebgott with wide, puppy-dog, tear filled eyes. And he saw it. He saw the fear that she had masked for so long finally make it's way into the open, and he felt terrible watching her life this. He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently, as if a silent reminder that they were here for her and that everything would be alright. Liebgott turned and left the room, leaving Charlotte to stare out the window. It wasn't the first, and it surely wouldn't be the last, but she cried herself to sleep that night, letting the tears run down her cheeks, ever fading, until all she could see and hear was dark silence. She saw the searchlights and the distant mortar explosions in her sleep. She glanced at her watch noticing it was 0030 meaning the patrol would be starting in half an hour. The room was dark, the only light being the moonlight that streamed in through the window near Charlotte. The door opened to the hallway where a few beams of light from the fireplace in the great room was coming from, and a few quiet murmurs of people talking together in light conversation. Charlotte sat up, her head dizzying itself for a few moments before she regained composure, and she stood slowly, she grabbed the extra blanket from the bed and wrapped it over her shoulders and around herself before shuffling and making her way towards the great room. She was nearing the area, when she realized the voices were talking about her. It was clearly Luz, Gene, Winters and Speirs in the room, all sipping warm tea as they sat around the fire.
" She's still sick, sir." Gene's voice rang gently, " I've been giving her meds, but the fever been's slowly going down."
" We heard about her..um, brother." Luz said, and for the first time in a while he sounded serious and closed off.
" She needs a few days off the front lines, that could change a person." Speirs said.
" Pardon me, sir, but I've tried multiple times to take her from the front lines and she won't budge. She won't leave these men even if her life depends on it." Gene explained.
" Well, sometimes things become an order and they have to be followed." Winters answered quietly, sipping his own tea. She took a few cautious steps forward, and noticed how the 4 heads turned her way when she entered.
" Hey," she whispered softly, " I was just wondering if you wanted to check my temperature, Gene." Gene nodded immediately, standing and placing down his cup and grabbing his medical satchel, shouldering it, and walking with the girl back to the room.
" I'm sorry, about your brother." Gene said gently, placing a hand on the small of her back. She'd cried enough tears and could only shake her head.
" It's war." she whispered, " I was gonna have to accept it at some point." She still felt guilty that right now in the middle of the war, she couldn't be more upset about. She sat back down on the bed, and Gene handed her the thermometer and she carefully took her temperature. She was still hovering at about 101 degrees, but it was slowly dropping, meaning it was coming down, but that was probably because of the large intake of medicine she'd consumed.
" You want to come out and have some coffee with us? We're just waiting for the patrol to start and when they get back." Gene explained to the girl. He knew she wouldn't go to bed and he could only offer anything that dealt with any type of warmth.
" Yeah, that'd be nice." she whispered. She felt slightly less dizzy now as she pulled her boots to her feet.
" Lip was up a few hours ago while you were passed out, and he said he was feeling a bit better, but he's resting again." Gene explained, as she tied off her last boot.
" Good." she whispered. She stood, discarding the blanket, and following Gene with crossed arms towards the great room. She gave a small smile to the men in the room and took a seat at an empty chair, as Winters handed her a cup of coffee. She eventually moved to sitting next to Gene, her head starting to pound. She placed her head in Gene's lap, as he rubbed his fingers through her hair soothing, calming her pounding head. She shut her eyes with a soft smile as she continued to hear the men talking. She eventually fell asleep, snoring softly, as the men watched her with soft smiles.
" She's finally sleeping." Speirs said looking at the girl with soft eyes. He had held her as she cried her so vulnerably about her brother, which hurt him as a leader. But he bottled up his emotions, and remained cold. Now as she watched the young girl sleeping softly in Gene's lap, eyes shut with a soft smile on her face, cuddled snuggly with a red nose, and her hair sprayed everywhere as Gene's fingers massaged her pounding head gently, he had to smile. She woke up half an hour after that, a bit more awake, but still with soft sleepy eyes, as she cuddled with the blanket, hair a mess around her frame, but beautiful, nose still red on the tip, as she sipped her coffee. The group talked quietly together, exchanging stories from when they were younger, and they even got a few smiles and giggles from the sick girl. It was a strange assortment of people in one room together, but they all enjoyed each other's company well. Luz told hilarious tales of when he was a kid and what he'd get himself into and it made everyone laugh in this dark moment. Charlotte, surprisingly enough to herself and the men with her, began telling a story about her brothers and sister and her when they were younger, surprising the men as well.
" We'd all been obsessed with the Marvel Comics of Timely Productions, and me being 16 years old was in love practically with Captain America, so the 5 of us created this game with old cardboard my dad brought home from work, mind you we're all teenagers with a 7 year old brother, and our parents would look out the back and see us fighting with fake cardboard swords, and shields dressed with our mother's dresses as caps as we 'battled' in our backyard. Leroy, he was always Captain America, which made Louis, Falcon. I always was Black Widow, and Lucie was Vision, and Felix was Bucky Barnes. We always found ways to sort of 'create' our own timeline and battles, and we'd come up with so many ideas every day on what to battle for next." she said softly. She thought of all of them wearing their mother's dresses as caps and her coming and yelling at them in rapid-fire French, until she'd give in and get a dress of her own and join in as The Human-Torch most of the time. She always called herself the " Furious Fire French Woman".Charlotte laughed quietly to herself. All the men had small smiles on their faces by now as they had noticed the girl's change in behavior. The group heard the gunshots and explosions coming from the Germans side and their side. They figured that by now the 15 men that had gone across were now on their way back and hoped everyone was safe.
" I'm going head out to the aid station and stop by OP 2 to make sure they are all settled when they come back." Gene said, standing with his mug of coffee, almost finished, in his hands.
" I'll come too." she said softly, getting a bit shakily to her feet. Gene looked at her, and sighed.
" You need to rest, cherie." he said softly, placing his helmet on his head and shouldering his pack.
" I want to make sure they're ok, it's the least I could do." she said softly. Gene could only sigh, with knowing looks from Speirs and Winters. The girl, smiling quietly to herself, placed her helmet on her head, and then got her medic pack. The cold blast of air hit the two medics as they walked towards the aid station. She felt a bit better with some warm liquid in her stomach, but she was still stuffed up, with a headache and light fever. And she had remained with the shivers, but otherwise she wasn't all too achy, just around her neck and shoulders though. She heard the fire of the bullets and saw the multiple search lights as well scoping the entire night sky. Her and Gene hurried to the aid station and began filling crates with various items by candlelight. They began inventory, and we quietly talking, until they heard the sound of rushed footsteps coming their way. The two medics looked up and met each others eyes before turning and seeing it was Johnny Martin, looking extremely stressed and disoriented, with Alley behind him.
" It's Jackson, he's been hit." the word's fell out of Martin's mouth quickly and messily. There was however a stern tone to his voice, the kind that a good leader who had trouble waiting for him always used. Charlotte, hearing Jackson's name, dropped whatever was in her hands, and burst past the 3 men, heading straight toward OP 2.
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thanks for reading!