first grade
January 3rd, 2003
i ran upstairs and into my mother’s room, slamming the door shut and running into her closet. they were fighting again.
they always did now.
i turned on my flashlight and shut the closet door, hugging my knees to my chest.
they're fighting was muffled, but still audible.
my mum was yelling at my dad about how he should have gotten a job by now, and how we're barley getting by on the bills, while he sits on the couch all day watching television. and my dad was yelling about how he was trying, and that if it’s so easy, why doesn’t she get a job, and how if they didn’t have me and mali things would be easier.
i let out a sigh and shone the flashlight around the small dusty closet, immediately spotting a small blue box.
i set the flashlight down, and pulled it into my lap, removing the dusty lid.
several bright colored bottles lay in the box. nail polish. it was nail polish.
i chose a light blue and unscrewed the cap, swiping it on my index finger.
it felt cold on my hands, the aroma of the potent polish filling the small closet. i dunked the brush back into the bottle, getting more polish, and swiping it on my left thumb.
~~
by the time my mother opened the closet, i had painted all my fingernails baby blue, and leaned against the wall, nodding off to sleep.
"calum. time for bed." she rubbed my leg.
"what’s this?" she said, grabbing my hand. i immediately became more alert, afraid i'd get in trouble for using polish. nail polish is for girls.
"is this nail polish?" she asked, looking at my face.
i pulled my hand away, and nodded slowly, avoiding eye contact.
"alright." she said, standing up and reaching out her hand, "time to get to bed cal, its already 10' o'clock."
i looked up confused, why wasn’t she yelling at me?
"you aren't mad?" i asked, grabbing her hand and standing up.
she shook her head, with a light chuckle, "why would i be mad?"
"because nail polish is for girls." i stated, as we exited the room and continued down the hall.
"who told you that?" she asked.
i shrugged. no one really told me this. it’s just something everyone knows. boys don’t wear nail polish.
"boys can wear nail polish just like girls can. you can do whatever you'd like cal." she said, as i climbed into bed.
she went to the door, and shut off the lights
"so long as it makes you happy."
I'm sorry its so cliche but i pre-wrote this and i swear to god the rest of the book IS NOT so please i beg you continue reading it.
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thanks you ♡