Midnight Drives And Rendezvous
"We're leaving," mom said. I could feel the blood draining from my face. My god, Seffy! Why did you ever do that?! Paano ka haharap ngayon sa buong pamilya?! It wasn't as if I could just hide inside our house forever... e minsan pumupunta din sila dito!
Think, Seffy! Think!
"I'm feeling bad..." I said and even had the audacity to fake a cough... right in front of my doctor mother! I was just so desperate to skip this welcome party! Bakit naman kasi ngayon lang nasabi sa akin! Had I known about this, e 'di sana kahapon pa ako umalis para hindi ako mapilit na pumunta dito!
Mom touched my forehead. "You're not sick."
"Well, I feel sick."
"Just drink water," she said and then tapped my cheeks. "Magbihis ka na. We'll leave in an hour."
I grunted and shouted against the pillow. Ano'ng gagawin ko?! Hindi dapat ako pumunta doon! Hindi dapat ako magpakita! What if... what if maalala niya ako?! Bakit naman kasi hindi ko alam ang itsura niya! I should've known that it was him!
And had I known... hinding-hindi ko gagawin iyong mga pinaggagawa ko noon!
I tried to concoct a plan... but every plan I built inside my head all ended up with me accidentally bumping into him. Because who was I kidding? We're from the same circle... our families, though not blood related, were close—too close if you ask me.
God... there's no escaping him this time.
Or...
I quickly grabbed the scissors. Huminga ako nang malalim. Kaya ko 'to. Kaya ko... My god! I closed my eyes and just blindly cut a portion of my hair and turned it into bangs. Huminga ako muli nang malalim. That's it, Seffy... That's it. Your hair would grow again... kaya mo 'yan.
My whole body was shaking when I finished my artwork. I looked at my reflection... Not bad. I looked like I belong to Cleopatra's era.
Kinuha ko iyong phone ko at saka tinignan kung ano ang itsura ko nung nasa New York ako. Malayo na iyong buhok ko ngayon... I was wearing light makeup there. Okay... Time to eyeliner my way out of this situation.
By the time I was done, I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I looked like a confused Cleopatra wannabe and rocker. Whatever. Muntik na nga akong magsuot ng dark lipstick, but I figured that I might give my father a shock kapag ginawa ko 'yun.
"I'm ready," I announced.
"Okay, sweetie. We're—" Mom's words were paused when she took a look of me. I smiled at her as I watched her lips part in confusion. "What is... happening here," she said, motioning at my face.
"Did you lose a bet?" Dad asked.
Umiling ako. "No. Just new style."
"Have you seen yourself on a mirror?"
Tumango ako. "Yes. Can I..." sabi ko bago humugot ng malalim na hininga, "Leave early? I need to go somewhere."
Both of them nodded in unison. Mas gusto siguro nila na umalis na agad ako kaysa ma-weirduhan lahat ng tao sa akin. I couldn't blame them, really... I looked confused. Like I rebelled late.
We rode in a van. I was silent on the way. Of course hindi pwede na ganito ang itsura ko palagi... Baka tanggalin ako sa trabaho ko kapag ganito. But this was an emergency solution to a pressing problem. Kailangan kong mag-isip ng permanent na solution.
Maybe I'd talk to him. He seemed like a sensible guy.
Tama. Kakausapin ko siya. Though hindi ngayon... Kailangan kong mag-isip nang paraan para maintindihan niya iyong mga katangahan na ginawa ko noon. Kailangan niya akong maintindihan dahil hindi naman pwede kaming mag-iwasan! For God's sake, sigurado ako na magkikita kami palagi! Lalo pa ngayon na sabi ay dito na siya sa Pilipinas!
I felt like my heart was already in my throat when my van pulled over. Dad opened the door and assisted Mom. Nang ako na iyong pababa, naka-kunot pa rin iyong noo niya.
"Are you having a nervous breakdown?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Probably," I replied. Nababaliw na ako kakaisip kung ano ang solusyon sa problemang pinasok ko!
Dad rested his arm on my shoulder. "You want to talk to me? Or to someone?"
Umiling ako. "No... I'll be fine," I assured him. I knew he's just worried since I'm his only daughter. I knew Dad had always wanted a huge family because he came from a huge family... Pero ano'ng magagawa kung ako lang ang binigay sa kanila?
Dad kissed the side of my head and told me he loves me and my emo phase. Napa-iling na lang ako. Nag-eyeliner lang, emo na agad?
The whole place was packed. Hopefully, hindi ako mapansin—
"What in the world?" Amaris asked.
"I need my cam!" Gali shouted before he ran away.
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."
Tumawa si Amaris. "But seriously... what's up with this?" she asked and then pointed at my bangs. Tuwid naman iyong pagkaka-gupit ko!
"I look cute, okay?"
I should just claim it. Principle of attraction. Cute ako.
I spent the next hour telling my cousins that I didn't lose a bet and my titos and titas that I wasn't in the middle of some nervous breakdown. My God! Ito talaga ang hirap kapag sobrang tight ng family... Although I'd never exchange them for anything.
A little while later, nahati na ang mga tao. There's a huge table for all the adults and the cousins. Unfortunately for me, hindi ako maka-relate kaya tahimik lang ako habang nag-uusap sila about work and stocks and all adult stuff.
"Is it true that he's gonna stay here for good na?"
"Yes."
"Why? What happened to his work in Cali?"
"Don't know... but maybe they just asked him to come home na? I mean, he's been there for so long! I was just 14 when he left. I'm 23 na!"
My head automatically snapped at their direction. Were... they talking about him?
I wanted to pry some more details, but I was afraid that they'd catch on to me... Ayoko talaga na malaman nila iyong mga kalokohan na ginawa ko dati! My God! They'd never let me hear the end of that! Baka kahit sa kamatayan ko, isama pa nila iyon sa eulogy.
Remember that one time when Seffy did—
Ugh! Imagination, stop it!
"What does he look like na? I forgot what he looks like already! He doesn't even have facebook!" Cornelia said. See?! It wasn't my fault that I didn't recognize him when I went to Cali! I was 11 when he left! And he never came home to the Philippines dahil laging siya ang pinupuntahan doon. Tapos hindi pa siya magamit ng SNS... and hindi pa ako friends sa FB ng mga Tito and Tita ko dahil duh... privacy.
I really had no clue that it was him! Ano ba naman kasing name niya na 'yun?! Sobrang common! Malay ko ba na siya 'yun?!
"You know how he is," Jeanne said. "His head's always buried in a book."
"Well... That's true. When we visited him before, we had to go to his lab pa because he was so busy that he couldn't take time to see us," Amaris added. "But we knew he didn't mean to offend... That's just who he is."
Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kutsara. Right. He's that kind of doctor! Sobrang nakaka-hiya talaga iyong mga ginawa ko dati! My God! Mamamatay muna ako bago may makaalam nun! I should really fix this mess before it became an even bigger mess!
Parang biglang nagkaroon ako ng bionic ears dahil sobrang nakikinig ako ng kahit na ano na feel ko ay magiging useful information para sa balak kong pakikipag-usap sa kanya.
"Are you alright?" Elara asked. I looked at her and nodded. "Are you sure? You look like you're about to cry."
Maybe I was about to cry... Bakit ba kasi sobrang nakaka-hiya ng ginawa ko?!
"Can I get a hug?" tanong ko sa kanya. Elara laughed for a while, but nevertheless hugged me. Buti pa 'to mabait... Iyong iba kong pinsan hindi ko na lang alam talaga.
Tahimik lang ulit ako at na-iisip ng paraan pero natigil ang pag-iisip ko nang maka-rinig ako ng boses na nagsasabi na nandito na raw sila. My God! Ito na!
We all stood up in anticipation of his return—akala mo kung sino'ng sobrang big time! Ano naman kung sobrang talino niya?! Ano naman kung kaya hindi siya umuwi ng matagal kasi sobrang laki raw ng offer sa kanya nung company nila para doon siya magwork?! Dapat doon na lang siya? Na-stress ako talaga!
"Welcome home!" sabay-sabay na sigaw nila nang makita namin sina Tito na dumating. Biglang nanlamig iyong buong pagkao ko nang makita ko iyong mukha niya... Shucks. Siya nga talaga 'yun! Medyo nagmature lang iyong mukha niya ng kaunti, but it's him! It's really him! Patay na talaga ako!
"Seffy, are you okay?" Dad asked.
I looked at him, feeling utterly helpless. "Dad..."
"What is happening? Do you wanna go to the hospital?"
Mabilis akong tumango. Akala ko kaya ko. Akala ko ready na ako... pero ngayon na nasa harap ko na talaga siya, hindi ko pala kaya. Mamamatay na talaga ako! Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko!
Dad talked to mom and both of them stood up. Sasamahan talaga nga yata nila ako sa hospital... Akala ko sasabihan na naman ako ni Mama na uminom ng tubig. Pero kailangan ko na yata ng pampa-kalma sa sobrang kaba ko.
I saw my parents talk to my other titas and told them na mauuna na kami dahil may emergency. Buti na lang hindi na nila sinabi na ako iyong emergency dahil ayoko talaga na nalalagay sa spotlight sa pamilya na 'to. If I could stay under the radar, it'd be perfect... Na mukhang possible naman dati kasi ako na iyong pinaka-normal sa aming magpipinsan...
Well, until now.
Sigurado ako na kapag may nakaalam, mag-iiba ang tingin nila sa akin. Kaya wala dapat makaalam!
"We'll head straight to the hospital," Dad said. I nodded. "Wait, let's say hi muna sa pinsan mo."
"He's not my cousin, you know?" I said, trying so hard to make what happened not weird. Hindi naman talaga kami magpinsan! Hindi kami blood-related! Sobrang close lang talaga ng family na 'to kaya sobrang dami kong pinsan!
"Whatever," Dad replied. "Let's just say hi, and then we'll leave."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "O-Okay na ko, Dad."
But my complaint was heard by deaf ears because before I even knew it, we're literally face to face. Shit! Sana gumana iyong bangs and emo attire ko! Hindi ako ready! Hanggang ngayon nga hindi ko pa rin complete iyong recollection ko ng mga nangyari!
"John, welcome home!" Dad said. Ramdam na ramdam ko na talaga ang panlalamig ng buong pagkatao ko. "We have to leave but I want to talk to you about some portfolios, is that okay?"
He nodded. "Sure, Tito."
"Good, good," Dad said. Gustung-gusto ko na siyang hatakin. "By the way, this is—"
"Persephone," John said, looking at me like he was studying every inch of my face. I felt like getting sick. Nagkatotoo na yata talaga iyong sakit ko... baka next na iyong mental breakdown ko talaga! "I know. We've met."
"You really have great memory, huh? Seffy's still little when you last saw her," Dad said, obviously impressed. Bakit nga kasi 'di ko siya nakilala noon?! I mean, out of all my cousins, si John talaga iyong laging binibida ni Dad kasi sobrang amazed siya sa talino ni John—which was super ironic dahil mortal na kaaway yata ni Dad iyong tatay ni John.
"We met just last year. In Cali," he responded, still looking directly in my eyes. Gusto ko biglang hatakin iyong emergency bangs ko para tuluyang takpan ang buong mukha ko.
Great. He remembered! I'm dead. So dead.
**
Preorder from September 22 to November 15, 2019. More details in Eydee Aldea Sandoval on fb.