hello my lovelies! another chapter sooner than expected and im honestly so proud of myself. I moved across the country and im just now getting settled in so updates should be much more frequent. ive also been going back and reading some of my older books I published way back when and im really considering publishing a few of them. anyway if you guys have any questions about me or the books ask away because I want to start interacting with y'all more! thank you so much for the support.
-Dani ❤️
Jayde
The next morning I awake with a sense of loneliness and emptiness lingering on my mind. Through everything I've faced with in my life, with and without Harry I've never felt this low. I feel as if I'm amounting to nothing at the moment, everything I've had to my name has either been taken, sabotaged or ruined within the course of just weeks and I don't know how to handle it. I never once thought in my life that id be living under the same roof as harry, let alone his fiancé whose confessed her hatred for me on many occasions. This definitely is not the mist ideal situation and it makes me feel like I'm failing at life but everything could be worse.
My children aren't with me but they are healthy and safe, my house and my belongings are completely gone but I came out alive and with the things that mean most to me and I'm living with my ex-boyfriend slash baby daddy and his fiancé but I'm lucky to have a roof over my head, food on the table and practically bill free until I can land my own place.
I have to physically drag myself out of bed in order to get myself ready and presentable for work today. I have no energy left inside my entire being, I'm physically, emotionally and mentally drained from all thats happened and I really just need an out or a moment to help me forget about reality for a moment. I have no thoughts of putting any grave effort into my appearance, my hair is thrown into a messy bun at the top of my head and I only apply strip lashes to my eyes and call it a day. My outfit consists of dressy joggers, black flats and an acid wash jean shirt. It is very casual for the office but I don't have it in me to deal with heels, a skirt and blazer today. As I exit the room and pad down the hall to the kitchen, I see harry folding blankets and setting them on top of pillows on the couch.
He looks up and his eyes instantly connect with mine. "Goodmorning." He manages to greet through an exhausted yawn. The bags under his eyes are the darkest I've ever seen and he looks like he could fall over and go to sleep. "You look horrible." He flashes a forced smile and saunters into the kitchen.
"Gee, thanks. I love having compliments about my appperace after I've just had the worst sleep of my life on the couch." He reaches for a coffee mug and places it under the coffee machine while waiting for the coffee to dispense. "She really made you sleep on the couch." He tiredly nods, each bob his eyes taking longer to open. "She locked the bedroom door on me so I really had no choice."
"I couldve taken the couch or one of the kids rooms so you could sleep on an actual bed." He quickly shakes his head and drags himself to the fridge to retrieve the creamer and some sugar packets. "No, thats your room until further notice. Besides you've stressed out enough I don't want you sleeping on a couch when we have a perfectly good bed." I only nod in response feeling slightly guilty that he had to sleep on a couch in his own house due to his fiancés inability to behave like a well mannered adult. "So whats on the agenda for work today?" I miserably ask knowing that its not going to be an enjoyable day for either one of us. "Human Resources has been blowing my phone up like bill collectors so I'm going to stop by them for a meeting of sorts, then I'm going to light into the board for already reconsidering your position for a re-hire. After that its just a bunch of ass kissing and outlining a statement for me to present to the company and our partners regarding all this bullshit that came up. Ive already got some of my realtors looking at places close to here and work for you to live in but most are already booked out side people have moved into town for the start of school and work so it may be longer than anticipated."
"The only place I could afford on my income alone over here was Silver Gems. Everywhere else was way too expensive, I cant afford this side of town Harry." He flashes a sly smirk as he takes a sip from the steaming mug of coffee. His faces twist into discomfort and his tongue shoots out of his mouth in an instant as he begins to furiously pant. "Shit, this is hot as hell," He quickly recovers by taking a few gulp of the filtered water from the fridge and clears his throat. "But its already taken care of, I've given them a limit not to go over and id pay for your rent as long as your in there. You have bigger concerns going on than trying to stress over rent being paid, you just lost everything Jayde and I want you to focus on getting your belongings and your life back. Don't fight me on this now."
I appreciate the offer, I really do especially with everything going on right now but I feel like he's going a tad too far. Paying my rent? Its not something I'm comfortable with to say the least but he is right, I practically have to start from scratch with buying things for my new place whenever that may be so I decide to keep my mouth shut as he maneuvers throughout the kitchen to gather his breakfast and materials needed for work. A comfortable silence falls between the two of us and I unconsciously replay Jenna and Harrys conversation from the previous night. Woman to woman, I do sympathize with her and how she's feeling because I went through the exact same thing with Harry when we were teens. That gut wrenching, heart shattering and undeniably numbness felt each and every time I discovered his infidelity and sexcapades.
Every time I was crushed and it felt like all the breath would be sucked for my lungs and id be despretly gasping for air. I felt like I couldn't go on and that I didn't have a purpose in life; Harry and I were so attached we became grimly toxic to one another but couldn't see it for what It really was because we were so blinded. After countless lies and scandals, through the thousands of tears I shed and the mutitudes of heartbreaks I suffered, I finally saw reality for what it was and that reality was Harry didn't love for me as he said he did and he didn't care fr me like he tried to convince me all those many times. I finally gained enough strength and courage that was hidden within me and decided to not only separate him but separate myself from anything that reminded me of Harry or that kept us connected. It was one of the hardest decisions in my life to date, but I wouldn't go back and change a thing I did. Had I not, he wouldn't be as successful as he is today and I wouldnt be in the headspace I'm in today and the kids probably wouldn't be acceling as well as they are.
Ghosting him was so hard but easily the best thing I've ever done, it was the best decision for everyone involved.
As I look on this current situation I can't help but to notice the vast similarities and put myself into Jennas position and I can tell exactly how she feels. With me knowing her precise pain of how she may be feeling, you would think that it would incline me to cease all fornicstion and rendezvous with Harry and have a professional relationship with him, the logical side of me yerns to be like that because even though I truly despise the girl I don't want her feeling the pain I felt from harry all those years ago.
But Harry is like a drug; a drug when taken consistently you begin to get addicted. Addicted to the point of no return and it'll take loosing yourself in his wrath and clawing your way out in order to be able gain sometime of self dignity and relief. As upsetting and terrifying as it sounds, I fell back into the hole that Harry created and this time I hadn't realized it until now.
As I sit wallowing in my own hurt and misery, a single tear rolls down my cheek just as Harry steals a glance at me. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I quickly nod and wipe the tears away. "Yeah im good." He flashes skeptical look of dis ay towards my way, knowing that im nit telling him the whole story. "You can talk to me you know." I nod, the pitiful sorrow is replaced by a burning annoyance from him. "Jayde come on, I hate to see you so upset like this."
"How? Were not together and we have no strings attached yet you feel all of these emotions towards me. Yet you have a fiancé who is madly in love with you, will do anything for you yet you just throw her aside like she means absolutely nothing to you. You've been with her for three damn years Harry, when is the cycle going to stop? You did this exact same shit to me and here we are all these years later and nothing changed about you. You still act like the same sex-thirsty teenage boy who cant keep his dick in his pants. I let this go on for way too long and thats partly my fault but im not doing this anymore. I know the pain shes feeling and im feeding right into it and now its eating me away." He stays silent as he drives the car foward. His knuckles are gripping the wheel as tight as possible, nose is flared and his jaw is clenched. We are silent for the remainder of the drive until we reach the parking garage. Once the car is parked in its original spot we begin to unbuckle our seat belts and gather our belongings for work. However, before we exit I speak once last sentence.
"You need to get your shit together Harry. Ive left you before and I won't hesitate to do it again, with this kids this time. I got caught up in your games once and I won't do it another time, get your shit straight." Letting out a breath of nervous frustration I exit the car and head towards the elevators.
Im met with a few coworkers standing against the back wall, all keeping their eyes on the ground as I enter and press the top floor button. An awkward silence falls between the us but from the corner of my eye I can see the smug grins and quiet laughters shared between the three. Its completely immature for a group of thirty and forty year olds to be acting as if they were still high school students about this whole situation. I uncomfortably shift and pray to God the elevator opens fairly soon. One by one, the workers step off the elevator and onto their designated floors until I'm the sole one left.
I pad through the office and I feel my confidence draining the further I walk down the aisles and to Harrys office. So may stares, glares and laughter are thrown my way about the obvious, obviously. Everyone is still conversing about the video that was leaked and whispering behind our backs as if we were in a cliche teen movie, I walked in with my head held high but by time I reach Harrys office I'm violently shaking from the anxiety and the embaressmen coursing throughout me, tears are threatening to spill over and I can feel a lump rising in my throat. I push open the door and slam it close behind me, pressing my back against the door and sliding down to the floor in tears.
Incoherent but quiet sobs escape past my lips as my anxiety get the best of me. My body shakes rigorously as I attempt to relax it and aid it back to normalcy. My mouth quivers and my hands vibrate against my skin as I wipe away the continuous waves of tears. As I bring myself back down from my involuntary high, Harry barges into the office, as if he's in a fit of rage.
"Okay, thanks. Ill get back to you later." He annoyingly rolls his eyes and throws his phone half way across the room that it lands onto the couch. He turns to me with an expressionless face and crosses his arms across his chest.
"We leave for our annual conference this Wednesday, I always bring my executive assistant when I go, so pack your bags. All expenses will be paid for its practically a free trip for you."