Lennon.
Harry pulled back into the driveway of the extensive house. After he pulled the keys from the ignition neither of us made an inclination to move. He dangled the keys between his fingers, our gazes both focused on the front door.
He let out a deep sigh and slouched back into the seat.
"I still can't believe you can run that fast." He heartedly laughed as he lazily turned to face me. I grinned back but a sudden wave of nausea swept over me again. I was beginning to think this was more than just anxiety brewing in my stomach. He noticed my discomfort and sat up straighter again.
"You look really pale."
"I am pale." I wittily responded as I rested my head against the cold glass of the window.
"You need to rest. Take a bath and sleep it off."
"Yeah... A nap sounds good. Great actually." I agreed, opening my eyes to look at him. He was staring back at me, he had worry written all across his face. "Harry, it's nothing to worry about. Most likely just a dodgy breakfast, you'll get frown lines from worrying too much."
"I know," he sighed heavily. "But the same thing happened in Sicily. You were sick, Zayn wasn't yet you ate the same. We ate the same and I'm fine."
"It's just a coincidence and anyway we decided the problem in Sicily was the dodgy tracker stuck in me by a someone who knew nothing about germs and stuff. I need a nap and some vegetable soup and I'll be right as rain."
“I thought I was stubborn until I met you,” He muttered under his breath as he climbed out of the car. I rolled my eyes and joined him on the driveway. He closed my door behind me and placed his hand firmly on my back.
“I feel sick, I’m not dying.” I responded, commenting on his helpful gesture. I had a great sleep which is why I couldn’t understand why I felt so grouchy.
“Do you have to be so morbid?” He sighed heavily and unlocked the front door.
“I can’t seem to help it half the time.”
“I’ve noticed.” His half smile turned the awkward conversation to slightly more light hearted. The pain in my lower abdomen was like a strong punch to the gut, it only meant one thing. Mother Nature was ready to make her visit and disrupt my life for a week straight.
Harry’s hand moved down my back and tapped my butt as he nodded his head towards the stairs. “I’ll get you some soup, you go get changed. I’ll bring the bags in too.”
“Mm’kay.” I mumbled, ascending the stairs slowly and carefully. Harry had disappeared into the kitchen by the time I reached the top of the steps.
“You look bloody awful.” I scowled at Perrie and walked around her. “What did Harry do?” I furrowed my eyebrows and turned to look at her.
“Nothing?” I questioned confused by her accusation. “Just had the complete opposite of a Michelin star breakfast that's all.”
“Is Harry sick too?” She asked, following me into the bedroom I shared with Harry.
“Of course not,” I laughed sarcastically. “The boys here could eat sixty year old bread and still be fine.”
“You get sick a lot.” She replied bluntly. I yanked my jumper over my head and slid under the duvet, too lazy and too tired to attempt to change the rest of my clothes. Perrie sat on the end of the bed, her hand resting against my foot trying to comfort me.
“Not really, it’s only been a few times. I just need a nap.” I added a yawn for dramatic effect, hoping she would get the hint and leave me be. As much as I loved Perrie, she was a great girl, all I wanted to do was sleep and pretend my head wasn’t spinning and my gut wasn’t literally killing itself.
“You know sleeping can’t solve everything.”
“You haven’t known me long enough then.” I slid under the duvet, my face completely hidden by the sheets and pillows piled up around my head. It was too hot to breathe but I would suffer until I was left alone.
“Im just saying, maybe you should open your eyes and think about the reasons why you might be feeling like this.”
“And what reasons would they be?” I pulled the sheet down so my eyes peeked over the cotton mountains. She shrugged her shoulders and acted as if she was inspecting her nails. “What reasons?” I repeated firmer this time. She looked up at me and put her hand back down on my foot.
“Well you and Harry are quite….” She paused, attempting to think of an appropriate word to fill the blank without making things too awkward. “Active.”
“And…?”
“Well…”
“I don’t like what you’re implying.” I muttered and flung the duvet back over my head. She ripped it straight back, almost taking half my hair with it.
“You may not like it but-“
“No, I’m not. We’re always safe.”
“But-“
“No buts. I’m sure.” I stated adamant I was right.
“How can you be sure?”
“I just know.”
“But you have the right symptoms. Zayn said in Sicily it even seemed like you had morning sickness.”
“How does Zayn even know what morning sickness is like?” It wasn’t a question I honestly wanted an answer to but of course she gave one anyway.
“We all saw what Paul’s wife went through with their baby, most of us are all squared up on morning sickness, nappy changing and how to get a two month old to eat.”
“Cool, great but it doesn’t prove anything. I’ve been sick, what twice?”
“This isn't some stomach bug or food poisoning you play it off to be.”
“Since when were you a doctor?” I shot back. “And anyway I haven’t missed my period and by these bloody cramps I can tell it’s still waiting to give me hell.”
“You know in some cases women still get their periods whilst they’re pregnant.” She mused. Hearing the ‘P’ word out in the air, straight from her mouth sent a shiver all round my body. I almost wanted to be sick, I didn’t despise children but I was only nineteen and the thought of having a child had me running for the hills.
“Well sucks for them but sorry to burst your bubble but their is no vacancy in this womb anytime soon.”
“Wouldn’t you rather be sure and no for certain instead of it constantly haunting your mind.”
“It wasn’t haunting my mind until you brought it up twenty seconds ago.”
“El’s noticed your mood changes too, we’re just concerned about you. Us girls have got to look out for each other.” Her voice was soft and sympathising, it was hard to stay annoyed by her despite the fact she wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn’t bite back at her, It would only make me feel guilty.
“If I take a test will you drop it?”
“Of course!” She cheered enthusiastically, just as Harry walked into the room. Our bags were slung over one shoulder and he had a bowl of soup with slices of bread sticking out the top in the other.
“What are we celebrating?” He questioned as he looked quizzically between Perrie and I.
“I was just telling Lennon how we finally managed to get the red wine stain out of the carpet in the front room.” Perrie exclaimed, leaving both Harry and I looking utterly confused. He then focused on me, eyes wide.
“Yeah, I was losing my mind over that stain, where would we be without Perrie?” I laughed in a completely fake way that was in no way believable but he dropped the conversation nonetheless.
“Right, well I’ll leave you two love birds to enjoy your soup date and I’ll see you later Lennon.” She winked as she left the room, her subtleness really needed work.
“What are you up to?”
“Nothing,” I sighed and accepted the bowl from his hands. “What flavour is it?”
“The tin said a hearty broth I think, it was either that or carrot and I know how you feel about carrots.”
“Thank you.”
I dipped a slice of bread in the steaming soup and carefully took a bite, burning my tongue in the process. I mumbled a string of ‘ows’ as I fanned my face. Harry had his back to me, sorting through our belongings we had taken with us over the past few days, but he still managed to let out a small laugh. I stuck my tongue out trying to cool it down and relieve the burning sensation.
“I’m going to visit my mum in a minute,” he announced out of the blue. I dropped my spoon into the bowl, it clinked against the china getting his attention.
“Oh, right.” I awkwardly responded.
“I just want to tell her straight away, I don’t want to leave her out of the loop anymore, it would be better to tell her about our plans now rather than the day before.”
“No, no I understand.”
“Are you upset because I’m going alone?” He asked, as if he was reading my mind.
“Well you came with me to tell my mum, I want to be there with you too. I don’t want your mum to think I’m some controlling freak forcing you to do this and I can’t even show my face.” I rambled.
“What are you talking about? She won’t think that, she loves you. She loves me, she will understand I just feel guilty that she doesn’t have a clue yet and I don’t want Niall spilling it at some inappropriate time.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”
“You look as pale as a piece of paper, you stay here and sleep and I’ll be back to play doctors and nurses in an hour or two.”
“I wouldn’t let you near a stethoscope, let alone give you a phd.”
“Your faith in me is so inspiring, I could be the next best neurosurgeon you know.”
“Yeah okay, Dr Styles.” I replied sarcastically and smirked.
“I’ll be back soon and if you think of moving from this bed I’ll ..”
“You’ll what?” I rose my eyebrow, looking at him expectantly.
“I’ll think of something,” he mumbled, waving off his statement. He went to kiss my lips but given my nauseous state he placed his lips against my forehead for a few seconds. After his lips pulled away he placed a hand against my forehead. “You’re burning up.”
“Nothing a nap or two can’t fix.”
He left quietly, the door barely made a noise and the handle clicked into place. I smiled as I slithered down into the pillows, wrapping the duvet tightly around me and taking a deep breath, a sigh of relief. Peace and quiet at last. I managed to eat half the soup before I could sense the threat of seeing again all too soon.
I slept contently for two hours straight. As soon as Harry had left my eyelids grew too heavy to hold themselves open any longer than five minutes. My head felt light when I woke again and I cringed at the loud presence in the room. I peeked an eye open and frowned into my sheets when I saw Perrie and El tiptoeing, badly, around the room.
“You’re awake!” Perrie exclaimed. I shut my eyes tightly and hoped she would think she was pretending to see my eye open a second before. I groaned and turned myself into a duvet burrito. “You’ve napped long enough, I got what you wanted.”
“There is never too much nap time and I didn’t want it, you did.”
“Well it’s now or never.”
“I choose never.”
“Lennon,” El sighed and sat down next to my curled up body on the bed. “It won’t take long I promise and then we can finally put this to rest. I know you don’t want to even think about children but it’s better to just be safe right?”
I let her words sink in and I hated that they had some sense behind them. I was ninety nine percent sure I wasn’t pregnant or anything of the sort. But then you read about those stories about women who didn’t know they were expecting or the ones where their birth control method failed. And if it would stop the girls getting all up under my nose, I would suck it up and pee on a stick.
I threw back the covers and let my eyes adjust to the dim light emitting from the ceiling. The sun had now set and outside it looked pretty gloomy. Perrie jumped to her feet and helped me out of bed. She quickly shoved a box into my hand.
“Did you buy this today?” I asked, her footsteps were right behind mine as I walked towards the bathroom.
“No, I’ve had it a couple weeks.”
“Why? Are you expecting?” I probed as I turned to face her.
“No but -“
“She worries a lot.” El finished for her. I nodded understanding and agreeing at the same time.
“It’s not out of date is it?”
“Of course not ya silly! Now get in there and do your thing.” I rolled my eyes and closed the door, letting them wait giddily outside the bathroom.
I must have read over the instructions at least fifty times, I just wanted to make sure I did it right. If I messed it up no doubt Perrie would force me to do it again.
“How was Brighton by the way?” Perrie shouted through the door, by the clearness of her voice I presumed she was pressed right up against it.
“Great, it’s a lovely place.” I answered whilst trying to concentrate on the task at hand.
“Louis said you would like it there.” El chimed in.
“Really?”
“Yeah, he says it suits you.”
Her words were some what confusing, I didn’t think Louis knew me well enough to make that assumption. I felt like Brighton suited me and I suited it, it sounded strange to hear he would even consider that. I could confront him about it but I had no doubt in thinking he would deny any comment of the sort.
I sat silently on the empty toilet seat. I felt sick but this was a different type of nauseous. I was terrified. The thought of carrying a human being inside of me petrified me. What would Harry say? Would he support us or make a break for it? He’s great with his little brother Evan but this isn’t even on the same level. Does he even want children with me?
It felt like the longest five minutes of my life. I climbed off the seat, eyes tightly closed as I took a step towards the test lying on the counter. I picked it up with my shaky hands and gulped harshly. I peeked an eye open and then both eyes. Walking towards the door, my hand was unlocking it before I could stop myself. But the door flung towards me almost sending me to the floor.
I wasn’t greeted by the faces of two slightly anxious girls, instead Harry came crashing through the door. El and Perrie waiting outside the bathroom most likely made it look suspicious. I went to speak but no words came out when I saw the scowl on his face. His eyes quickly trailed down to my hands, widening when he noticed what I was grasping. I tried to hide it but he snatched it from my fingertips and pushed around me.
“Harry-“ I pleaded, my voice was shaky and weak.
“What the fuck is going on?” He spun around and shouted, the closeness and echoing of the bathroom made his voice so much louder than it was. He threw the test into the sink as we both watched it break into several broken pieces. I didn’t know what to say so I let my tears do the talking.
A/N I know I hardly ever update anymore, I'm really sorry :( When people told me the last year of uni is the hardest, hectic and you hardly get to sleep... I didn't believe them. I should have. I don't have a life anymore, if you want me you'll find me buried under a mountain of books, projects and puddles of tears.