Zhishu He had a restless sleep. He woke up early in the morning, tired and feeble. After staggering to take a bath, he put on the pajama and quietly went back to lie on the bed again. Zhishu He was cold but the quilt with Wenxu Jiang inside was warm like a comfortable stove.
For the northern part of China, the sunrise in winter was normally very late. Wenxu Jiang, who was obviously exhausted recently, was still in a sound sleep. Biting the lower lip, Zhishu He carefully moved closer to softly hug his man’s waist. Zhishu He’s love for Jiang was so deep that the fear and affection for Jiang had merged into his blood and soul. Even though he had accepted hemodialysis several times, his love for Jiang was never filtered out; it was just there, in each cell, and had become an unspeakable instinct since long time ago.
There would be no such person as Zhishu He who would accompany Wenxu Jiang for seven harsh years, endure three years of long wait as Jiang was having affairs outside and spend the last year of his life to love Jiang. It was only Zhishu He, who could always be so tender and brave. Only Zhishu He.
Wenxu Jiang woke up to find Zhishu He still sleeping in his arms. Jiang tightened his grasp over He in the half-awake state. Due to the subconscious love for He, no one was allowed by Jiang to stay in his bed for the whole night, except Zhishu He.
Zhishu He’s physique didn’t change a lot over these years, as he slept in Jiang’s arms now as a cute cat as if they were back in high school. Wenxu Jiang just couldn’t remember when Zhishu stopped to cling to him, when Zhishu stopped to ask for his whereabouts when he stayed out all night, and when Zhishu He stopped to look into his dubious friends. Zhishu He was always alone, just becoming more and more taciturn and cheerless. Even Wenxu Jiang thought he was bored with Zhishu He for quite a long time and didn’t want to stay with He, but until today Jiang suddenly realized that he was simply too afraid to face Zhishu He. Jiang was afraid to confront He’s tender but vacant look, evasive eyes, and subconscious resistance in bed.
Wenxu Jiang reached out his hand to tuck He’s messy hair behind the ear, while looking at Zhishu with soft and deep look. Zhishu He was still sleeping with regular breathing, and his breath made Jiang’s heart itch. In the end, Jiang couldn’t help but touch He’s flushed face. Wenxu Jiang was in a daze when he found that Zhishu He was having a fever.
“Zhishu? Be a good boy, get up,” Wenxu Jiang said with raised eyebrows, and slightly pinched the tip of Zhishu He’s nose.
Zhishu He was used to a low fever, so he didn’t have any obvious feeling of discomfort. Instead Zhishu He was suffering from the headache after being woken up by Wenxu Jiang. So He gently shook his head and snuffled in a soft way to show his rejection.
Wenxu Jiang enjoyed Zhishu He’s “spoiled” manner like a willful child, so he just tucked Zhishu in and got out of bed to search for medicine.
Surprisingly, the bookcase, though not big originally, was now half empty and the other half was filled with different sizes of glass bottles with medicine inside. They were supposed to be medicine, however, they didn’t look like to be. If they were really medicine, then it was weird to have so much over here. Wenxu Jiang didn’t take it seriously; he found the medicine for fever from the medical box and hurried to Zhishu He’s side.
“Take some medicine first, and then continue sleeping,” Wenxu Jiang brought a cup of water to He’s lips, “I will cook millet congee for you later.”
Zhishu He slowly came to sense, and moved over to take the medicine.
Wenxu Jiang asked, “Did I hurt you in bed last night?”
Zhishu He wrapped the quilt around himself, turned his back to Jiang, and didn’t answer him.
“I have time today; let me take you to hospital after breakfast. Have you been treating yourself harshly, baby? You are so thin!” Moving his hand gently over He’s hair, Wenxu Jiang was a little astonished to find He was so skinny.
Zhishu stiffened and sullenly replied, “I don’t want to go to hospital.” Pausing for a few seconds, he added, “Go to feed my cats, please.”
“Don’t be like this. Listen to me,” Wenxu Jiang would never compromise on what he had determined to do, but he realized he was too tough on words when speaking with Zhishu He, so Jiang also added, “I will go to feed the cats, so don’t worry about that.”
Seeing Jiang walk out of the room, He still didn’t want to go to hospital. Their relationship was doomed to end, and it was too late to make up for what had been missed. Zhishu He would never accept apology or guilt, if they were based on sympathy.
Wenxu Jiang, where were you in the very first place? The look in Zhishu He’s eyes was sad, as He recalled that just two months ago, Wenxu Jiang neither agreed to come home to eat dumplings with him, nor asked about why his face was so pale. Otherwise, Zhishu He wouldn’t have kept his secret so long on his own. It took more than love for one to withstand all neglect and hurt, and to devote one’s affection and even life to the other, in disregard of death.
Zhishu He’s face got paler, He could pretend to be tough, or display his weakness to resist the things he didn’t want to do.
After Wenxu Jiang made breakfast and went back to bedroom to call Zhishu He for the breakfast, Jiang found that Zhishu curled up in bed, and He’s little face was pale and covered with cold sweat. Zhishu He noticed Jiang, and he lifted his head with eyes filled with tears. Zhishu wanted to speak but only opened his mouth, and murmured, “Brother…”
“I am aching…”
“Which part is aching? Tell me. Zhishu, don’t frighten me…”
“I am feeble, and my waist and legs are so aching.”
Wenxu Jiang held Zhishu He into his arms with the quilt wrapped around his body. Jiang only supposed that the sex last night made Zhishu tired, and Zhishu happened to have a fever, so he felt so uncomfortable. Jiang softly comforted, “You need to have a good rest; let’s take congee later. I will accompany you to have a physical examination some other day.”
Zhishu He nodded, knowing that he had kept his secret one more time.