My mother always talked about my father. She would go on and on about him. She always talked about how much she loved him, how much she missed him. And of course, I asked if I could see him. I asked if I could meet my father. But every time I asked she would always say no. As I got older I tried to reach out to him. I tried so many times but I never found him. Sure I found things he wrote. I found out things he did, but I never met him.
I still remember the day she told me about him. I was about ten years old and I had come home from school. I walked into the house to find that she wasn't in the living room. She wasn't in the kitchen and she wasn't even in the bathroom. So I went and looked in her room and there she was laying there on her bed crying while holding a box of tissues. "What's wrong mom?" I slowly walked up to the bed and touched her arm. She quickly turned back to look at me. Her makeup was smeared all over her face and hand tons of tissues scrunched up in her hands. "Oh, Alexandria, it's just you. I thought it was Jacob..." Even at such a young age my mother always told me that James wasn't my father. She called him really bad names. I could tell as I got older that she didn't like him. "What's wrong mom? Was it something I did?" Her eyes grew wide as she quickly sat up. "No no no no honey. It's not at your fault." She picked me up, sat me on her lap and started petting my hair. "Then what's wrong?" She started thinking for a second before looking at the door. She stared at that door then looked back at me. "Have I ever told you how I met your father?" I shook my head. She wiped her eyes a little then continued talking. "It was the summer of 1791. James had always beat me, always told me what to do, and always scammed good people out of their money. He used me repeatedly. I know you won't understand much of this until your older but I swear everything is true."
*Knock knock.* Alexander heard a knock from downstairs but chose to ignore it so he could keep writing. *Knock knock.* "Ugh. Don't people know that I'm busy?" He took the steps downstairs two at a time. "I have so much work to do and no one lets me get anything done anymore. I'm already stressed as it is." He opened the door to find a young woman standing there. She had a long red dress that covered everything except her chest. She had her hair in the face but he could still tell she was wearing make-up to cover up the marks and bruises on her face.
"My name is Maria Reynolds. I know you are a man of honor, I'm so sorry to bother you at home but I don't know where to go. I came here all alone." She looked down and her hands before looking back up at the man. "Well, if that's all you wanted to say, then I'll be going. Have a nice night." Alexander went to close the door but heard her say something else. He mentally groaned. "My husband's beats me, cheats on me, and is mistreating me. Suddenly he's up and gone. I don't have the means to go on." So what does she need me for? "I could give you a loan or walk you home? If that's what you want. But I have things to do." She slowly nodded as she turned to leave. "Give me a minute."
Maria stood outside contemplating whether this was a good idea or not. Her thoughts were interrupted as Alexander shut his door once he was outside. "Sorry. I brought some money. And I had to get my coat." She looked at him thinking, he brought a coat for me? Her face as he put the jacket on himself. "So what do you do?" Maria asked genuinely curious. "Well, I fought in the war. I'm a lawyer and a politician. Being a lawyer isn't easy. Do you know who Aaron Burr is? Well, he's this guy that despises me and he thinks he is better than everyone. He is-" Maria stopped listening after she realized that he was going to stop talking. Why this man James? Why did it have to be this man? "Hey! Are you listening?" She nodded as she realized that he asked her a question. "I'm sorry, what?" She looked around at the streets before looking back at him. "I asked if you were married? I'm sure a fine young woman like yourself has to have someone." Was he not listening to me before? "Yes. How about yourself?" She sighed as they continued walking.
"Yes. Her name is Elizabeth Schuyler. She has two sisters and-" He stopped talking as she stopped walking. "Well, do you want to come in?" She asked moving her hair out of her face. "No that's okay. Here is thirty dollars. I have to get back to writing and-" He stopped talking as she grabbed his hand. He looked at their hands that were joined and she looked at him as she slowly pulled him into her house. "I really shouldn't be here." He looked at the house as they walked through it. He moved around a vacuum cleaner and suddenly felt chilled as he felt the cold air from an air conditioner. "It's okay. You can finish it later. I don't want to be alone right now." They walk up some stairs and into the second room down the hall. "I really should go." He turned to leave but stopped for a moment. He slightly turned around and saw that she was sitting on the bed with her hands on either side of her as she slightly leaned back. "Just stay." He awkwardly turned around and looked at her. "Hey." He gave her finger guns and slowly started walking away. I need to leave, Alexander thought to himself. She got up from the bed and walked up to him. Before he knew it, her lips were on his. They both knew how wrong it was, but they both did it anyway.
Alexander got a letter from Mr. James Reynolds on December 19th, 1971, six months after the affair had begun. The letter basically said, Mr. Hamilton, I know you have been cheating with my wife. If you give me thirteen hundred dollars I will walk away with our daughter and no one will ever have to know what you did. You have until tomorrow to get this done or I'm telling your wife. -James Reynolds. Once Alexander read the letter he became furious. He hid the letter and raced to her house. "How did he find out? And don't tell me that he hasn't found out, I just read a letter from him." She claimed she didn't know about any letter. "So was your whole story a setup?" She claimed she had no idea what he was talking about. "I am ruined. And this is all your fault, Maria! Why did you have to go and do this?" He screamed as he felt slightly dizzy from his anger. "Just give him what he wants and you can have me. Do whatever he wants. If you pay, you can stay." He looked at her like she was nuts. How could she possibly think I would stay now? Does she really think it's that easy? Could it be that easy? He left there without saying another word.
Even if I did, how could I get a hold of that money? Where could anyone possibly have that kind of money? The government has money. He later got the money he needed from the country's funds. He eventually paid them back, but he was an immigrant. If anyone found out that he was using the country's money, he would be considered an immigrant embezzling funds.
"So?" James Reynolds stood there and looked at the pathetic man in front of him. Alexander sighed as he handed James the money. "Nobody needs to know." James smiled looking at the money. They both went their separate ways after that.
The affair continued until around June of 1792. James had decided the month before that Alexander could no longer see his wife. But by then, James had already scammed $1,300 from him.
Through the next several years, Alexander felt so much guilt. He was in The Federalist Party and for some reason or another, he destroyed John Adams, the only other member of his party, with The Adam's Pamphlet. After that, he published what was known as The Reynolds Pamphlet. The Reynolds Pamphlet was 95 pages long and was read by pretty much everyone. Alexander's wife found out and decided to burn every letter that he wrote to her. When Maria found out about their affair going public, she couldn't feel anything. For a good couple of days, her feelings seemed to just disappear. After that, she just cried. She cried for hours, days, and even months. Because she knew, she knew she wouldn't be able to raise another child, especially on her own.
"That's how we met. That's how everything happened. Now you know. And I..." She looked like she was about to start crying again. She looked up and blinked fast to make the tears go away. "I'm such a bad person. I didn't even tell the man I was in love with that he had a daughter. Or that I was in love with him... I'm such a bad person." I immediately felt bad. This wonderful person that I call my mom, she feels bad. She feels bad because she hasn't told my father about me. Why hasn't she told him? "It's alright mom. You're not a bad person. But why haven't you told him?" A few more tears rolled down her face before she answered. "Well, I knew that he never wanted to get involved with me in the first place. The entire affair is my fault. I also thought he wouldn't care. I didn't want to make life harder for him than I already have." She grabbed a pillow and put her face into it as she cried even harder. It makes sense why she didn't tell him. But why is she crying? Can't she just tell him now? "Why can't you just tell him now? I'm old enough to understand whatever he decides to do. And I swear I would be-" She looked up from the pillow and looked at me. "I'm so sorry Alexandria." Why was she sorry? Did she do something wrong? "The reason I've been crying all afternoon is because I got a call from Eliza, his wife. He-" She paused to breathe but it sounded more like a gasp. "He died, Alexandria."
So now I stand here, in front of his grave as the rain pours down my umbrella and onto the ground. "Hey dad." I look at some papers I have in my hand that he wrote to my mom before looking back at the gravestone. "I know you don't know me, and it's been like what, twenty-four years since you died?" For some reason, I stopped and listened like he was going to respond. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry it took me this long to come here. And for not meeting you when you were alive." I felt myself starting to tear up so I decided to change the subject. "I got married to someone. His name is Andrew. He's a good man, has a stable job, and he really loves me. And guess what else? You are a grandfather. I mean, I know you had seven other kids and you were probably already a grandfather, but you know..." I stopped for a second to make sure I wouldn't cry. I gasped a little as a failed tear fell down my face. I dropped my umbrella and fell to my knees like a pathetic person would right in front of their dead father. "Why? Why couldn't you have stayed? Just a little longer. You're making me feel so petty right now. I don't even know you and somehow I still care about. I still wish you were here. I don't even know you and I'm still wishing you were there. That you would have been my father." I stopped talking and listened to the rain hitting the ground. "I'm so sorry dad. I'm so very sorry mom. Maybe if I just wouldn't have been born you wouldn't have had so many issues." I stopped as I suddenly heard something in my ear. We love you. I froze. Could there really be such a thing as the afterlife? Could it really be them? I realized I should probably leave. My clothes were soaked and I was freezing. I smiled while saying, "I love you too" before walking away.