*The picture's not exactly right (lowkey kinda annoyed by it) but anyways...hope you enjoy this chapter!!!*
He shouldn't have done that to Bucky. He knew that. He couldn't get the look of fear in his best friend's eyes as he lunged for him. It was stuck there, ingrained in his mind. And he deserved the guilt pushing down on him.
The past days have been hell. Every time he turned, he swore he could see Y/N in the corner of his eye but when he turned to her, she wasn't there.
He didn't sleep. He had gotten used to comfort. To sharing his nights with someone he loved. The bed felt too big now that Y/N didn't share it with him.
He tried to be strong. He didn't break like he had the first time. Everything, all his emotions, got locked up in him, instead of pouring out. He had decided it was for the best. Nat didn't talk to anyone anymore, anyway. Clint and Sam tried to be uplifting and wash out the sombre atmosphere of the base but failed. Both Tony and Bruce went to the lab and locked themselves up there for hours upon hours.
And Steve...well he went through the day like a robot. Life was grey now. He went through the same routine day in day out. Wake up. Shower. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. And on it went.
He gulped down the dregs of his coffee and stood up, pushing himself off the stool and walking out to go stay in his room, just like every day.
For the hundredth time, he wished Y/N would be here. She didn't have to stay for long, only for a while. Just so that he could hear her voice again. See her again. Make her laugh for the last time
"Hey, Steve..." her voice said softly from behind him, "You okay?"
He turned around and sighed at the sight of her. Y/N. Looking beautiful...and alive. She looked so alive. Butterflies went into a craze in his stomach, like every time he saw her. He longed to rush over to her side and kiss her again. But she wasn't real. She wasn't actually there.
He swallowed back a lump in his throat and blinked back stinging tears from his eyes, "I...I think so...It's just, it's hard." He whispered in his admittance.
She smiled, in understanding, maybe, and reached out a hand, beckoning for him to sit beside him. He shook his head at her gesture and let out an unsteady breath, wrapping his arms around his torso, "I can't...you're not real."
"No, I'm not real," Y/N agreed, nodding slowly, lowering her hand and bringing to her side again. Her kind smile faded slightly and she watched him stare at her, curiosity gleaming in her 'not-dead' eyes.
"Did Bucky..." Steve started before breaking off, "It doesn't matter now, does it?"
Y/N shook her head and folded her arms on the countertop, "No, not anymore."
"I miss you...it's only been a week but...I miss you." His voice cracked and he turned away from the figment of imagination to hide his tears.
"Steve, look at me," Y/N said, gently, "You don't need to hide your emotions, you know that, right? It doesn't make you any lesser of a human being."
He looked over his shoulder at her and saw the same tear-filled gaze on her face as on his. He wiped at his eyes, sniffing quietly before facing her and walking towards her, his heart thumping louder and louder in his ears as he drew one step closer and closer to her. To the ghost version of Y/N.
"Why are you here?" He murmured, hesitant to touch her. He was going to break the beautiful fantasy of her being alive if he touched her. Reality was going to kick in and his hand would just go through her.
Y/N shrugged, "I don't know...I'm just here." Her eyes lifted to meet his gaze and he nearly cracked. A tidal wave of emotions was waiting to crash down on him. Hovering over his head like a threat.
Her eyes were glimmering. She looked so alive, it was like she had never died.
Steve swallowed again, "It's hard...to think of him now. I don't...I can't think of him like...like I used to."
"He's still your best friend. That's never going to change, Steve," Y/N told him, looking earnestly at him, her eyes searching his, "You forgive him, don't you?"
He hung his head, "I don't want to."
"I know," She said, lifting her hand, floating millimetres away from him, cautious and careful. She looked like she wanted to touch him. Y/N lowered her hand, "But it's Bucky. And deep down, you know it wasn't his fault."
His eyes were swimming with tears and he made no attempt to conceal them. His eyes were stinging with heartache, and his head drowned in exhaustion.
"I'm so sorry..." Steve whispered, and Y/N bit her lip, shaking her head and smiling sadly at him, her eyes glazed over and glistening.
"You shouldn't be, it was never Bucky's fault."
"Are you going to leave me again?" Steve asked, watching her as she turned away from him and got up from her chair. The air got a tight hold on his throat and he couldn't breathe. He didn't want her to leave.
"I was never here, Steve," Y/N replied, "You need to help save the world, time waits for no man."
"But..."
Y/N shook her head, "Your friends need you. Nat needs you." She looked over her shoulder at the doorway, and Steve knew it meant that she was going to leave him.
No, please stay. The words died on the tip of his tongue as she flashed him a cheeky smile and pressed a ghost-like kiss to his cheek. He couldn't feel her against his skin. He was never going to feel the gentle brush of her lips on his, or the sweet touch of her hands when she entangled her fingers with his. That was never going to happen again.
And then she turned on her heel and ran out of the kitchen, turning back into nothingness.
2016
It had taken him too long to reach out. And even then. This wasn't reaching out. If it hadn't been for the bombing at the UN, he doubted he would even be here, standing in this grubby old apartment, looking around at the sad little ornaments his best friend had put up to try at settle down in this lifestyle, waiting for him to come home.
It was so shitty for their lives to end up like this. For everything to end up like this. But you can't change the past. You can't change anything that happened before now, and you shouldn't, anyway.
He needed Bucky to hurry up. The UN had sent their own forces to go after him and Steve wanted to get to him first. They couldn't get him. Not now, not ever.
Steve's vision blurred at the corners as he lifted the tattered notebook off from the fridge and regarded the small scribbles of notes and memories scrawled across the pages. His breath caught in his throat as he glimpsed the word, or rather, name, Y/N, hidden amongst the rest of the words.
He flipped to another page, staring at the pages with photos of 'Captain America'. Did Bucky even...did he even remember who Steve was? Or who he, himself, was?
"Heads up, Cap. German special forces approaching from the south." Sam's muffled warning sang out from Steve's earpiece.
They needed to hurry, now.
Steve couldn't take his eyes off the contents of the notebook. "Understood."
There was a moment of silence, just enough for Steve to hear another person's breathing in the room. For him to feel the heavyweight of someone else's gaze. His head shot up though he turned around slowly. He was finally going to see Bucky again.
"You know me?" His heart died a little as he spoke. Stop it. He's your best friend. You're not Captain America, you're Steve Rogers.
A small pause in which Steve's hope shrivelled slightly under the uncertainty of his best friend's gaze.
"You're Steve. I read about you in the museum."
Okay. There was a part of him that was glad that Bucky didn't remember who he was entirely. That Bucky maybe didn't remember how Steve had completely lost his mind and tried to kill him. Guilt and self-hatred had fuelled Steve for weeks after Bucky had left.
Sam chimed in again, "They've set the perimeter."
They needed to hurry up before everything goes downhill. And Steve needed to apologise for everything before it all went to hell.
It's time to go.
2019
Nat stared at the small memorial plaque which was drilled into the oak tree, the small handful of flowers hanging loosely in her grasp. The world smelled of wet earth and rain and the plaque has small droplets of water left on the metal surface from after the storm.
She let out a shaking sigh, wiping her nose on a crumpled tissue that she had stored in her pocket. Nat's legs trembled as she placed the flowers at the roots of the tree, her hands rubbing away the tears from her misted eyes.
"Hey, Y/N...it's...I guess it's a little better that you didn't have to see everyone turn to dust," Nat started, a sad smile quivering on her lips, "I don't know what I'm doing, to be honest. We've all be thrown out of sync...Clint's...Clint's gone missing, we think he was a victim to the 'Blip'. But, um..." Nat pursed her lips, "Um...we're just trying to undo everything. I...it was my fault. If I had just..." Her words drifted into nothingness, "Anyway...um...yeah, we're trying to undo everything and bring everyone back."
She sighed and hung her head. Steve hadn't visited this place for years. Actual years. He never came here. Every time it was Y/N's birthday, the team would gather at the tree and place some flowers, regardless of the weather. But Steve never joined them.
Nat couldn't help but feel angry at his actions. If he loved Y/N so much, why wouldn't he visit her? Or do something. All he did was mope about a bit.
Natasha sighed and shook her head. Stop thinking about that. People deal with death differently. And besides, no one has the energy to get pissed off at something so trivial as that.
"I'm going to fix everything, I promise," She whispered, the tips of her fingers scraping against the rough oak.
2023
"You know if you want I could come with you, " Sam offered, hope in his voice as he watched his friend pick up the briefcase guarding the six most dangerous objects known to man.
"You're a good man, Sam," Steve gave him a weak smile, "This one's on me, though."
The Falcon nodded, pursing his lips. This whole business, time travel, returning the stones...it was all so...weird. He was secretly relieved to not be doing the job. Something about the whole thing seemed a little...off.
He watched as Steve and Bucky exchanged remarks and said goodbye.
The air was heavy with anticipation as Steve climbed onto the small metal stage and Sam swallowed back the lump in his throat. There was a nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach telling him that something would go wrong.
"How long is this going to take?" Sam's voice shook slightly in his throat as he turned to Bruce. It was still bizarre seeing his teammate look like the Hulk but...not be the Hulk?
"For him? As long as he needs. For us, five seconds," Banner replied, focused on the computer in front of him rather than the people around him.
Okay. Sam inhaled deeply, trying to loosen the tight knots forming in his stomach. The world kind of faded out as his worries droned in his ears.
He couldn't hear what Bruce said. Or what Steve said. Or what anyone said.
Sound returned to his ears as a buzzing, whistling sound came up and the air felt like it was vibrating. And then there was a flash and then Steve disappeared.
Five seconds. That's all they had to wait for.
2014 ~again~
Steve's breath caught in his throat when he saw her silhouette through the trees. Part of him knew it was wrong for him to be doing this. He was going to rupture the timeline...or...maybe create a whole other timeline? He wasn't too sure on the whole thing.
He'd returned everything. All the stones and the hammer were back at the right time. All that was left was for him to return home. Except he didn't. Because instead, he had decided to travel to the HYDRA base where Y/N and Bucky had gone during that mission. Because Steve Rogers is an idiot who can't let go of the past.
She and Bucky were darting between bushes and trees, expertly hiding out of plain sight. Steve had almost forgotten that Y/N had been trained to be an assassin. She looked so different from how he remembered her. Agent Y/L/N didn't let any emotion slide onto her face.
His heart dropped to his feet as he watched Y/N threw herself at the door to the base and kick it open.
Steve held back the scream to tell her to get away while she still could. Let the events play out, Rogers, don't do anything stupid...like barging in and disrupting the timeline. There was enough of that with Thanos.
The two partners walked into the base, getting swallowed up by the darkness within.
After all this time, Bucky still hadn't told him what happened, exactly, during that mission. Maybe it was best left unsaid...that was the mindset he'd set for himself, anyhow.
It hurt to hear her laugh with Bucky, completely oblivious to the fact that today was the day she was going to die. It hurt, even more, when Steve heard Bucky's hearty laugh and teasing voice. They both sounded so happy.
After waiting five minutes, he got up from his hiding place and headed into the HYDRA base, his stomach twisting itself in knots as he got closer and closer to the two most important people in his world and the horrific moment which would forever split them apart.
He thanked the 'Lady Luck' as he found his torch on his belt, turning it on, and followed the two by ear. It was difficult, considering the fact that they were two fully trained assassins, so their whispers were the only way he could track them down. He didn't have much time till something bad was going to happen, he could feel it in his gut, so he had to move fast.
Out of the blue, an ear-piercing sound echoed into the base, making Steve jump out of his skin in surprise, and a voice came on, sounding just as evil as the organisation of which he was part of. His blood ran cold at the sound of it. It was the chilling sort of evil that made ice travel down your spine.
He quickened his pace and found himself outside a room. The door had been forced open and as he peeked into the place, he saw Y/N and Bucky, horror etched on her face.
Seconds after, or minutes, he wasn't sure. Time seemed to have stopped working here. Bucky and Y/N raced out, narrowly missing Steve, who ducked into the shadows before they could see him.
His heart was racing in his chest. Faster than the speed of light, and his breath was heavy in the air. His insides felt like they were writhing inside of him. He was going to see his best friend kill his love and...just...watch.
Bucky punched the wall, the sound of metal hitting metal dancing around the base. Steve watched as his best friend kicked away his own gun and begged Y/N to kill him. Everything went sour. Bucky never told him about this. Bucky didn't say anything about this. That he had pleaded for Y/N to kill him before she killed her.
And that Y/N had hesitated for too long. And when she pulled the trigger, it was too late.
Steve held back a gag. This was sick. This was wrong. Everything in this place. Everything that was happening was...something even worse than a nightmare. Not even the worst villain could dream up this horrifying...scene.
How could he have ever thought it was Bucky's fault?
And now. Now it was Y/N's death. The Soldier got the gun. But he hesitated. Bucky was still there. Y/N was crying, begging for her life.
Steve couldn't stand it any longer. The begging. The tears. Everything. It set him off.
Before he could even think of what he was doing, he ran into view and hit the Soldier on the head, hard enough to knock him out for just a while.
Y/N was crouched on the ground, cowering, shivering. His heart gave out to her as he saw her like this. She looked so scared. And like she'd given up.
"Put this on," Steve ordered, shooting glances in Bucky's direction before looking back at her, stuffing a time machine bracelet thing into her hands, "Hurry up."
Y/N's head shot up at the sound of his voice and she gasped as her eyes met his, "Steve? What're you doing here? And..." She frowned, "What did you do to your hair?"
Steve waved a hand at her, "Later, I'll explain everything in a second...just put the thing on, quickly."
Y/N looked at him warily and slid the bracelet thing on, making sure it was on properly before she wobbled to a standing position, "How are you...?"
Bucky groaned from his position on the floor.
"Is he still...?"
"I don't know," Steve replied, stress making his heartbeat pound loudly in his ears, "Just...give me your hand..."
Y/N grabbed his hand and gave him a confused, but a trusting smile. Oh, wow. His heart fluttered just at the small movements she made. He missed her.
"Ready? You might want to brace yourself."
Y/N frowned and opened her mouth to ask why, but Steve programmed in the date and let time suck them in and spit them back out into the date he wanted to be in.
The sudden change caused disorientation in both of them, making Y/N wobble about dizzily and blinking rapidly as she regarded a different landscape. Instead of a dark HYDRA base, they were stood atop a hill, with warm sunshine radiating down on them.
"What the hell was that?" Y/N exclaimed, falling to her knees on the sudden grass beneath their feet, her hands spreading out in front of her to stop herself from faceplanting into the new terrain.
"A time machine..." Steve let out a breathy chuckle, "You've got a lot to catch up on."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Since when did we have a time machine at home?" Y/N questioned, staring at him wide-eyed and shocked.
"That's the thing...I'm...I'm not the 2014 Steve."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Steve sighed, trying to figure out a way to tell her that he was from 'the future', "I...uh...it's been a few years since the mission you were just on with Bucky...about ten years give or take a few..."
"Ten years? What the hell? Have you been eating some of Clint's brownies? I told you not to..."
"Y/N. I disrupted the timeline by saving your life...in reality, you're, you're dead." Steve paused to let the information sink in but Y/N just stared back at him and motioned with her hand for him to continue. He swallowed, "Um...okay, so since then, it's been ten years...and well..."
"So, what's the future been like? Did you guys manage to create a new team of Avengers? How's Nat? How's everyone?" Y/N pressed him with questions as she sat cross-legged on the grass. Steve moved to sit down beside her and lay his shield beside him. He had brought them to 1950, in a moment of panic. His fingers had hastily typed in numbers and entered them into the machine.
"Nat...and...um...how about I start with everything chronologically?" Steve suggested. He didn't want to talk about Nat and Tony's deaths yet. It might not have happened yet, or ever with Y/N, but it was still...fresh, would that even be the right word to use, he was still mourning their deaths.
It was an act of weakness, trying to see a familiar face. The face that calmed him down. Going to see Y/N before she died.
"Okay...where to start...well, a year or two after you passed away...we managed to obtain Loki's sceptre...you know, Thor's brother?"
"I was there, Steve," Y/N replied, deadpan.
"Right...anyway, Tony managed to create this new artificial intelligence, something he wanted to use to build an armour around the world or something, except it went horribly wrong..." Steve started, recounting all of his memories. And he didn't take his eyes off her the entire time. She seemed alight with wonder as he told her everything like she was hanging onto every word he was saying.
As he finished telling her about the Maximoff twins, reassuring her that they turned out to be good and eventually joined the team, or at least one of them did, Y/N asked where they were in time.
"1950, at some point...I...I just wanted us to get out of there..." Steve admitted, sheepishly, his cheeks getting warm.
Y/N laughed quietly, "Wait, really? That's actually pretty cool..." Then she frowned slightly and bit her lip, "We're not going to be able to get back home...your time or mine, right?"
Steve shook his head slowly, "I've used it all up, I'm sorry...but I think we can get more of the substance we need for the machine if we find Hank Pym. He's the creator of the Pym Particle, which lets you travel in time. If you want, we can go track him down and somehow convince him to give us some vials?"
"We could–or you could finish telling me what I missed?"
"I guess, yeah. If that's what you want?"
Y/N nodded, watching him try to find which point in time he should continue recounting, a small smile danced over her lips.
"Okay," Steve breathed, "Okay, then we had–" He paused as he felt her nestle into his body, resting her head on his chest. He hadn't had this level of closeness since...well, since Y/N, "Then we had the Sokovia Accords," He started back up, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as an overwhelming sense of nervousness echoed in him. It was like developing a crush for her all over again and being too shy to come out and say it.
Y/N sighed against him, sounding so relaxed and content that Steve couldn't help but feel it too.
The End...or is it??????
A/N *Before you kill me for not having posted a new chapter in **checks calendar** ages, I'M SORRY. School's been very stressful recently because every teacher I have has decided to throw in essays and tests and presentations in the span of two/three weeks and plus I have to learn lines for this pantomime I'm doing and blah blah blah it's been a while since I've actually had time to write something...
LUCKILY I've written a little extra chapter (it's almost done, I SWEAR) that could be the actual end of this story.
I just need your opinions....how do you want 'bulletproof' to end?
a) With Y/N and Steve living happily ever after
b) Steve going to Peggy (aka original Endgame ending)
c) Steve returning back to 2023
Also, if anyone here has the magical ability to be able to update their story at the deadline/date they were supposed to...please teach me your secrets.
Have a good week!!!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️*