dear you,
disclaimer: you'll realise what hell feels like when you turn 15. on some nights, it's the wave of emotions that hit you when you know that you need to let go of someone, but you can't because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen. burdened by your insecurities, you hide behind soft greetings and hopeful 11:11s, because you were petrified of the uncertainties. and in the months and years to come, you wouldn't realize how much he's ruined you until you start talking to someone new, until someone else tries to do those same things. you'll miss the way he talked to you and the way you were always comfortable around him. you'll ache for that familiarity and how normal it felt to trust and love someone.
but what terrifies you the most is that your heart will never be the same as it was — when you first met him — but you never learn, you still yearn to pin your heart to your sleeve — even though you know the needle would break through your skin. and although time will numb your pain and desensitise you, it'll still burn your insides whenever you hear about him. you'll still feel the rapid pulsations of your heart, that once upon a time you lived for. but i promise you, amidst the chaos, you'll find yourself and maybe one day, your beam will resurface from deep within.
from, your shell