-The waves were crashing, and I was chasing the storms-
Sitting near some lit woods, I stretched my neck and stared at the stormy sky with lost fascination. After learning that Demir and I were trapped on this island for some time, I had simply made a home near the bay of the island. Demir was the one who had managed to light a campfire and gather fruits. This island used to be his favourite camping sport, so he was an expert in adjusting to its wilderness.
Now watching as he sat on the opposite side from me and roasted a few berries, my soul panged with a bitter sensation. The almost-slap...I couldn't forget its impact. My husband was both a saviour and an abuser. My heart was bleeding with agony. His eyes were narrowed towards his yummy treat, as he sat quiet, and I just couldn't help but close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I wanted the waves to wash away from pain...my agony. I didn't want to hear any lies, didn't want to hear some fake delusions, and simply wanted the man sitting before me to care, but he didn't.
My grandmother had tolerated abuse because she believed her husband only cared for her. At my grandpa's deathbed, a strange lady did appear claiming to be his second wife, but my grandmother's love was strong enough to prove my grandpa's innocence. My grandpa's alleged second wife had her face scar-free, so it couldn't be a sincere story. Yet, as intense agony continued echoing inside my heart, I knew that a caring heart would never make his world feel so low.
It had to be a lie.
Breathing in, as tremors roared inside my heart and wind swayed against my face, I knew that I couldn't really make Demir repent his actions. My silence was the only punishment I could give because his heart had no space for my emotions. I could slap, and he would simply slap back. And where would that leave me? Nowhere. This toxic cycle would only ruin me because while his slaps would go straight towards my heart, mine would only bruise his skin.
Thus, choosing to simply stay quiet and spare my heart a few minutes of holding onto something that I was going to lose, I opened my eyes and met my husband's gaze. He was quietly eyeing my expressions, watching my soul cry before him because we both knew that his lack of control had confessed so much.
****
Demir couldn't help but curl his fists in agony. She was sitting before him, seeming to hurt, so protected with her arms wrapped around her, but she needed to realize the truth. She wasn't the one. She never had been. Her teary eyes were haunting him with dread and an unknown sensation of pain, but he couldn't let her so brutally claw his heart, He could see in her eyes that she had fallen for him...that she was deeply aching because of his brutality, but he just couldn't care for her.
His hurt...his wounds...they had opened up again. He had never raised a hand at a woman, but Meeran had him acting insane. He just missed her so much and couldn't even hear anyone daring to bad-mouth her. The real reason he had dared to raise his hand and almost slap Maya was because his heart had felt crushed with the epiphany that despite Maya bad-mouthing his world, she was the one who had a future with him and not his Meeran. His defence, words had no worth because his Meeran was gone. She was gone, and he was never going to get her back. He was never going to listen to kind words again...never going to see her brighten his day. Her smiles were lost forever, and he had nothing to defend. Nothing. He had failed. The woman who had bad-mouthed his wife was now his future.
A pained and uncontrollable sob escaped from his soul. Maya immediately eyed him with concern.
"Are you alright?" She softly spoke, moving closer. But he didn't know what to say. He was hurting, hating everyone, and in just so much pain. He never lost control of his emotions in front of an audience, but it seems like his aggressive actions had affected him, too. He was destroyed, hurting and feeling so lonely.
He just needed a break from everyone, every responsibility and every emotion.
Quickly pressing his fingers against his eyes, he simply nodded and lowered his gaze towards his burnt berries. They were catching fire, and he wanted them to perish...to burn away. Maya simply nodded reluctantly and turned to stare at the waves again.
Any moment now, their family would catch on that he and Maya were missing, but he didn't want to leave this island with a frustrating burden of guilt and misery coating my heart. He knew that he had been wrong to threaten Maya with a slap. Despite sadistically enjoying her pain, he wasn't the one who abused women. That was not the kind of man Meeran cared for.
Awkwardly clearing his throat, he kept his gaze fixated on the burning strawberries and lowly spoke. "Umm...I didn't mean to raise my hand at you." He spoke in a sober and reserved manner. Maya didn't reply.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, she finally spoke, causing Demir to look up at her. She was still staring at the crashing waves.
"My grandpa used to raise his hand at my grandmother. He used to belittle her, but my grandmother always tried to convince me that it was all part of caring for someone. At some point, I actually started believing her because my grandfather never chose another, but we don't hurt the ones we truly care for. And now, I realize that your heavy hands have conveyed the same message. You don't care, b-because you already-y have another." Her words cracked at the end, but she was quick to hide her agony. Demir was getting painfully tortured by her words and emotions.
This was too much.
Lowering his shoulders in melancholy, he felt an unknown feeling of fury sway through his veins. He needed to make her aware of the truth...make her realize that she was begrudgingly hating a dead person...a lost person.
Standing up, he pulled against his ruffled hair and barked in sheer agony. "She is dead, okay!" The fury was burning through his veins. It crushed him to say this out loud...to accept this out loud, but he had to make Maya face the consequences of her words. She couldn't throw a pity party when his Meeran had died. She was the one only kept in memories when Maya got to live a healthy life.
"What?" Maya stared at him with a shocked expression, but Demir was too far gone to curtail his agony. His emotions had finally started to pour out...he couldn't stop now, couldn't keep his agony at bay. He needed to get this out.
Walking up to Maya, he shook her by her shoulders as he growled. "Meeran...She is dead. Do you hear me? My world..my everything, is gone, and it's because I scared her. I scared her enough to make her run away. She knew that I wouldn't spare...that my heart had no space for traitors, and she simply ran. And now, I have you trying to take her place..." He stepped away, ignoring his wife's terrified expressions, but he just couldn't control himself. He felt like crying, wailing and sobbing in agony over what his temper had done.
Meeran was his world, yet even she feared his temper. The day he found out that she was the daughter of his rival gang's leader, he had been furious. He was the next mafia leader chosen by Dad, so it had wounded him to think his 'everything' had fooled him, hadn't told him the truth.
Meeran had claimed that she felt that she would lose him if she had confessed the truth, but he didn't understand it back then. It was after losing her, watching her car fall off a cliff as he aggressively chased after her, which made him realize that no secrets had been worth losing her. She had cared so much for him...brightened his day, and it was completely rational of her to keep her identity a secret. He had been wrong; his mistakes had cost him her life.
It ached him to accept that it was his temper that cost him the most precious thing in his life.
Rubbing his eyes in misery, he kept his face covered as Maya now sat a few spaces away from him, saying no words and just being there. Her presence was hurting him more because it ached him with the agony that this woman could make him move on, and he didn't want to. He didn't want to forget, move on or live a normal life. He didn't even want to aim for happiness when he had committed such a grave mistake.
Slowly working to compose himself, he stretched his back and coldly wiped his tears. This had been one vulnerable moment for him, but he wasn't going to stay this way. Years of being trained under his father had taught him how to quickly get over his pain, so his mafia mode was quick to flip back into place. He wasn't going to let Maya break her. He wasn't going to let her in.
Quickly clearing his throat, he stood up while avoiding meeting his wife's curious gaze and stretched his neck. His guard was back in place. And besides, his wife wouldn't understand anyway. His pain was far too complicated for her simple world.
Moving to walk away, he winced as she softly cried out to him.
"Don't go. It's okay if you are hurting. I understand. You don't need to hide your pain." She mused. That fumed him. She had no idea what she was talking about.
Curling his fists tight, he spoke through a clenched jaw, his black completely turned towards her. "Don't pretend like you get it. Your life is completely different from mine. You got to step out of your mediocre lifestyle and enjoy the perks of a rich life, so you wouldn't understand pain, anyway." He rebuffed offhandedly, making his wife scoff with disbelief.
"Excuse me," Her voice neared him. "But I think I have learned a lot about pain. I learned about it when my husband continued to reject my presence, experienced it when the rich world kept on reminding me about my status and how I didn't deserve to marry a rich heir, broke over it when I was kept hidden away out of embarrassment and shame by my in-laws, so don't you dare assume I know nothing about pain, especially not when you are one of those witnesses blatantly ignoring my tear-rs." Her voice cracked, making Demir flinch and his cold facade crack for a second.
Shoot!
However, just as he regretfully turned around, he watched her already walking towards the bay of the island. This whole situation had been a mess, and he couldn't even get to tangle his way out of this mess because there was a small boat making its way towards this island.
Finally, someone had spotted them.