Today sucked.
That seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I wonder if there will ever be a point when I stop hating being at school. I doubt it.
The thing is, I don't even hate school. I like my classes and my teachers, but I just can't find it in myself to care about the work. I constantly feel like I'm drowning in assignments and can't catch a break. Which is ironic, considering that I technically just got back from a month-long break. But even then, I was expected to be keeping up with the homework and lessons that I missed while I was gone, so I never got a second to just breathe.
It seems supremely unfair that I'm expected to keep up the image of the perfect student, handing in my homework and making meaningful contributions to class discussions, as if my life isn't currently imploding.
My therapist suggested that I talk to my teachers and tell them what's going on. But I don't want them to look at me differently. I can't handle the pitying glances and condolences. And besides, I don't want anyone to think I'm using it as an excuse; I should be able to focus on school and get my homework in on time. I did it before, and I can do it again.
I just need a minute to breathe first.
As the bell for lunch rings, I take my time gathering my binder and textbook into my arms before making my way to my locker. Much like yesterday, I'm not in any rush to get to the cafeteria. The line is always ten minutes long, and I'd rather enjoy the solitude at my locker than have to face my peers and pretend not to notice their judgemental stares.
When I reach my locker, there's another bright green post-it note stuck to it.
I read the note over and then ripped it down and crumpled it in my fist. Clearly, whoever left me the note didn't intend for it to be a one-time thing. It's too bad for them that I wasn't interested in whatever their cheesy agenda was.
I put in my locker combination and replaced the items bundled in my arms for my next class's materials. I still had to finish up some reading and notes for my AP Literature class, so I figured I could work on it at lunch.
I hesitated as I prepared to shut my locker when I caught sight of a florescent stack of paper in the corner of my locker.
Should I write back...? I bit my lip, weighing the pros and cons in my head. I didn't want the sender to take my response as an invitation to keep leaving me notes, but I wasn't sure how else to ask them to stop, considering I had no idea who was leaving the notes in the first place.
With a sigh, I took out a blue ballpoint pen and scribbled out my response.
I slammed my locker shut with more force than necessary and then stuck the yellow post it note on the cool metal.
Sighing one more time for good measure, I turned around and made my journey to the cafeteria.