"I don't think I like war."
You snorted and looked over at where Jean was sneering around the interior of the tent, the light dim as the sun was setting. "I think you just don't like camping. It's only for tonight."
"If war forces me to reside in a tent for one night, then I don't like war," Jean insisted.
You were sat on one of the makeshift seats, looking over a feeble table with a map of the nearby area drawn prettily onto it. Pixis leaned over it, strangely quiet – but it was only the three of you in what Pixis had called the leader's tent.
It was not as if the rest of the school was far; the noise of them setting up their own tents, preparing their various weapons and horses, talking about different formations... That was soaring high, although you were becoming adept at tuning it out.
This is what the start of war was.
People clinging to any shred of normalcy – students trying to enjoy a camping night whilst trying to forget that it was due to be a battlefield tomorrow, Jean making jokes to try and get others to laugh, you sitting quietly trying to come up with a bigger plan.
All of that was a mask of normalcy to try and cast the threat into shadow.
There was a very real possibility that all of you were going to die tomorrow.
There wouldn't be an escape for you, this time. Orion had made it clear – there was not a single way you would be accepted if you tried to say that you were a true titan. There was no saving of yourself; there were many in the approaching titan army that would be hunting for you and you alone.
Several minutes passed in silence – at least, silence from within the tent.
Jean broke first.
"Why, exactly, am I here?"
You looked up, watching Pixis carefully. The man did not move, his eyes still fixed firmly on the large, grassy area of the map that would soon become a mass grave. "As opposed to?"
Jean's brow furrowed. "As opposed to military minds like Mikasa, or Isabel, or even a third year. Y/N, I very much understand why she's here. Me? No clue."
He stared at Pixis, waiting for an answer that your headmaster was clearly not going to give. Jean then tried looking at you for a reply, but you could hardly do better than a shrug. "Don't look at me, I have no idea why you're here."
"Always the vote of confidence," Jean said, throwing his hands behind his head.
You tapped your foot on the ground, glad that the grass muffled most of the sounds. It wouldn't do to act anxious – you knew exactly why Jean was here. Pixis needed someone to calm him down, which was why he'd chosen your sole opposite.
Isabel would infuriate Pixis if she was here; Mikasa would only serve to push him harshly into a war mindset. But Jean Kirstein? There wasn't a more level-headed person for miles which paired well with an irritating sense of humour.
No one was better suited to calm Pixis as all of the students patiently waited for one thing, and one thing only.
An army.
That's what you'd sent Farlan away for – for an army, for Levi, for Erwin. It had been a day, during which Pixis had gathered the entire school and marched them towards the battlefield – the same battlefield as a year ago. No one said that the titans didn't have a flair for the dramatic, because everyone was well aware that humanity would rise to the occasion.
"There's no use planning if we don't know our full numbers," you murmured, aware that Pixis had not brought you in for help with planning. He had brought you in order to supervise you, to ensure that there was nothing you could do to surprise him. It was fair enough, you supposed. Although now, there were no more tricks you could pull.
Not ones that involved you, anyway. You just had to be the distraction, and though it felt sickening to know that all of your friends had to serve as a distraction alongside you, you knew that if they were aware of the truth, they'd still choose to be here at your side.
It wouldn't stop them being mad at you for deceiving them, however. But this was not your secret to tell – it was a secret belonging to Historia Reiss, and you refused to be the first to betray her on her path to royalty.
"You know they're on their way," Jean said to you, not bothering to keep his voice low. "There's no need to worry about them."
You roll your eyes. "As if I'd be worried, Jean."
"Come on," Jean said, beckoning loosely at you. "Let's go and get some of the soup being handed out."
You spared a glance at Pixis, but it was clear the man was no longer focusing on anything except for his own thoughts. You ducked out of the tent flaps after Jean, pleasantly surprised at the coolness of the night air. None of the students were bothered at the pair of you walking unsteadily away from the leader's tent, legs unused to your weight after being stood up for so long. "I like the night."
"Poetic," Jean replied with disdain, stopping for a moment to look around. The tents of the students were all put up neatly in rows, with small gatherings in the centre of the grassy aisles between them. Comfortable bonfires were being lit, food was being heated and the people were laughing.
It was lovely, but not quite lovely enough to make you forget about war. Or about the bonfires.
"You two," Connie called, leaning around a tent. "I didn't expect to see you free from the claws of the headmaster."
"And we didn't expect to see you without food in your grasp," Jean replied, striding towards his friend. "But here we are."
Connie grimaced, but allowed you and Jean to follow him down the straight lanes to where the majority of your group were gathered. Isabel looked up and pouted grumpily at you, unhappy that she too hadn't been invited to Pixis's tent, but she still fidgeted to the side slightly to make room between her and Sasha.
"Don't give me that look," you told her, settling yourself into the space she'd made for you. Jean stayed standing, looking around for someone who didn't seem to be sat with the rest of your friends. "It's not my fault that Pixis didn't call me."
"That's not why she's upset," Sasha muttered thickly to you, speaking around the mouthful of whatever she'd just shoved into her mouth.
You glanced between the two girls, but now Isabel seemed to be simmering with both of you. You shot a glance around to see if anyone else was paying attention – but there wasn't a large number of you here.
Connie and Jean were still standing, the latter now looking carefully at the ground now that he'd stopped looking nervously around. Sasha, Isabel and you were seated on the floor, opposite a very quiet Armin.
You often didn't realize the large number of you in your friendship group until you were part of a far smaller group. How quiet it was without the constant chatter, the different conversations taking place.
You weren't sure if you missed the larger group or cherished the quieter moments where each person shone through more clearly, more individually than in a team.
"Isabel?" You prompted the red head, nudging her gently with your shoulder.
"You – I don't know."
You'd never really heard Isabel stutter so harshly before. "Just tell me. What did I do?"
"You sent Farlan away," Sasha supplied. You wondered, briefly, if she was merely ignorant of how harshly Isabel blushed in response, or uncaring.
"To get Levi," you agreed. "Why would that bother –"
You didn't dare to finish the sentence as Isabel turned and gave you a blistering glare. "You realize how awfully I'm in love with him, don't you?" Isabel's eyes were shining brilliantly, dangerously above the furious reddening of her cheeks. You said nothing, suddenly very aware of the power Isabel Magnolia possessed in her small, boyish form.
After a while, the obvious challenge had died down from Isabel's eyes, and you felt stable enough to start speaking. "I knew that there was something there," you said, slowly. "I don't know what went on in the months I wasn't here for, though."
"Nothing officially," Isabel said, her voice razor sharp. "But if you knew that he and I had something, why didn't you let me go with him to get Levi? You sent him alone through titan territory – alone! So soon after he tried to basically die."
You blinked. "I just thought one person would go unnoticed in the titan lands – and he's not unprotected, he has his skill as a swordsman –"
"Y/N," Sasha quietly warned you, now flicking stones into the fire.
"Next time you want to send him away," Isabel growled, "you send me with him. Because every second I'm not with him, I'm not really here. I'm somewhere else, somewhere out there where he is. And right now, he isn't here when he should damn well be, so I'm left to imagine what's really happened!"
"I don't think there will be a next time," you said. "But I won't send anyone alone again."
Isabel huffed something under her breath, but you supposed there wasn't anything you could do about it now. "Those days where we went to get you from the Underground," she said, more clearly, "I kept thinking of him. It's why I didn't like Olyver at first – looked too much like him. And then we got back, after leaving him alone for so long without information, and he was – he was trying to kill himself. I can't – I can't let it happen. Not again."
That was until Petra appeared at the edges of your vision, sprinting through tents with her hair brushed back into a low ponytail. You snapped to attention, watching as she sprinted straight past you – back towards the leader's tent.
You made to follow her, Jean and Connie already speeding after her, knowing that Isabel and Sasha would copy you.
Petra's breakneck speed did not falter until she dove into the leader's tent, every movement polished. You all staggered to a halt outside, opening the tent so that you all could hear and see Petra and Pixis. You hadn't seen her for a while – not since the SO squad had left in preparation for Reiner and Bertoldt. But now it struck you that they hadn't gone to kill the titans that had snuck in with a message that declared war.
They'd gone to track the two back to Orion, back to the titan army.
And if the ruthless expression on Petra's face was anything to go by, the SO squad had found them.
Pixis didn't flinch, but he finally moved – his head angled upwards to scan Petra, to mark her straight back, to eye the dirt on her shoes. "News, Ral?"
"They knew you'd send for the army after they'd delivered their message to the students," she reported, voice cold. "They don't plan to face the students and soldiers in the same army again – they were going to attack the army first, pick them off and then come to finish the students off here."
Pixis's eyes slid cleanly over to watch your own eyes widen.
"And the army?"
"Miles away," Petra said. "Two hours ride. And blocked from coming here by a titan army that will attack any minute now."
Isabel's hand found itself in your own – and you only knew it was hers by the furious way it was shaking. Or perhaps that was your own hand, descending into a slight panic.
'Slight' panic. As if your very blood wasn't suddenly sinking to your feet. You'd sent Farlan away – you'd beckoned Levi and Erwin into a war that they were going to face alone, might already be facing if you trusted Petra's judgement.
And you did.
Her squad were not with her – she'd left them behind to get help. To get you.
"Tell the brats to get their weapons and ride out," Pixis said, pleasantly. He was at ease, now, you realized. Pixis was a man who hated the ball in the other man's court. He hated the fact that they were bringing a fight to him, where he was forced to take up the defensive.
Pixis was an assassin; to attack was his profession, was his specialty.
Petra turned on her heel and patted Isabel on the shoulder, unsurprised that you'd all followed her. "I'll give the order."
You turned and found Isabel biting her lip. An apology sprung to your own – you'd sent Farlan to war. You'd sent him to danger without a second thought.
"Don't say sorry," Isabel interrupted you. "Not for sending him to war. We wanted to be sent. But what you should apologise for is sending him alone."
"I'm sorry," you said, and meant it.
*
You were riding Skira in a gallop mere minutes later.
It was not the fastest gallop that your mare could manage – far from it. But this was not you storming in on your own – this was you, galloping alongside hundreds of other students on horses. No one stood out; you were a unit, together.
That meant you had to keep the pace.
Mikasa was at your side – the rest of the team lost among the students, only concerned about one thing.
No longer were they waiting for an army.
You were the army.
"Ready?" Mikasa asked.
You'd been ready for most of your life for this moment – to truly go against the titans, to wipe them from the face of the world in a battle where the sun shone on humanity.
But now it was night, and the human army was split into two.
"Not at all," you said.
*
The sounds of a battle reached you before the sight did.
You'd been warned in advance before the students reached the battlefield where the army were defending themselves against an unexpected attack – not by a messenger, or by Pixis shouting instructions over the sounds of an uncountable number of hooves hitting the ground, but by the horizon.
It was brightening.
Not with the sun rising, for the sun did not rise in the direction of north – but by fire.
The titans were not going to let any human from that army escape and had set a giant fire forming a barricade between the humans and the city with its safe walls. The only way for the humans to leave was through the titans.
There was nothing you could say as the students merely started shifting themselves around whilst their horses still ran, getting themselves into a spear-headed position. The titans would see you coming, there was nothing you could do about that – but they hadn't prepared for you.
The yells of the skirmish on both sides were never-ending, but that did not stop the run of the horses.
You were struck by the realization that you truly did not like Assassination Academy. You'd longed to go back for so long and wear the ties and the uniform – but it no longer was the symbol of freedom that had taken a hold on your heart.
You'd wanted the people, but not the situation that had brought you together.
The titans were getting closer – and a few of them were turning around, throwing up spears, screaming orders to the others closest to them. You drew your sword, a fine thing given to you by Pixis before riding out from the school.
There were no pretty jewels in the handle – your daggers were secured at their sheaths on your thighs, their own jewels hidden – but you didn't need it to look pretty. You needed it to look cunning, cruel, powerful.
The serrated edge of the blade performed that job immediately and ruthlessly.
And on the handle, just where your thumb was pressed against the metal of the handle, a small carving could be felt – too small to be seen properly in the darkness – but you knew perfectly what it was. Perhaps you'd get the drawing tattooed over the titan brand on your collarbone if you lived long enough to consider it further.
The wings of freedom beneath your fingers and the undying will to win what it symbolised burned on.
And the wave of students hit the titans with a sickening thud.
You knocked a spear aside and leaned over in the saddle to slice up the titan's arm – because that's what the first wave did. Immobilise, disarm, distract. The second wave of students would be the ones to take the kills, to defend what havoc the first wave brought upon their enemy.
Already, bodies were falling from horses.
The sounds were blurring in your ears.
You tried not to let it falter your movements as you swung your sword, aiming for limbs, chancing swipes at any unprotected necks or heads.
The fact that titans were briefly suffering did not falter your movements.
But it did falter your horse.
Skira screamed for a reason you were too distracted by the destruction around you to notice, and you were thrown from the saddle. It was all you could do to clutch the sword to your chest and curve your body around it, not allowing the blade to cause any injury to you.
As soon as you'd stopped rolling, you were back on your feet.
You didn't dare look around for Skira, for your beloved horse – couldn't. Titans were swarming to meet the challenge of students, blocking all of your sight apart from the immediate radius of where your sword could reach.
So instead of searching, you began cutting your way through to where you'd tumbled from the saddle, narrowly avoiding oncoming horses. Abandoning that idea as soon as a fallen titan made use of her last few moments to successfully slice the back of your thigh, you ensured that the blood running down the back of your leg was the last blood the titan would draw from a human again.
Students still cantered forwards in their waves, swords and whips now drawn instead of the majority of spears clutched by the first wave. You started running in the same direction, using a particularly bulky horse to act as a shield as you pushed on, on, on.
"Pride!"
You couldn't quite explain how you managed to hear Isabel's shriek over the sounds of humans and titans dying, but you did. You swung around with your arm already held upwards with your fingers splayed. Isabel rode her horse past, swinging you up behind her.
You grabbed at her saddle even as you swung over to slap a sword away from the horse cantering next to you.
There was no time for greetings.
Time was liquid. Time was blood being spilled. Time was the hurt from numerous slices you'd already received.
And then Isabel was pushing herself from the saddle and flying to Farlan, dodging the titans with pure speed, leaving you to hiss and grab at the reigns of the massive horse.
"Isabel Magnolia," Farlan laughed, not noticing even as you rode Strawberry around to behead a titan coming at him, "you are a gemstone. You are as hard and as brilliant as diamonds, as mesmerising and bewitching as emeralds."
Isabel turned to reply but instead screamed as a titan leaped at her and tore at her shoulder.
Your heart stopped, but Farlan was already there – swiping at its neck, sending blood spraying. Isabel flexed her shoulder, giving him a cheeky smile that had relief coursing through your lungs. If she could move it, it was going to be alright.
"I wonder why Levi doesn't ever say stuff like that to me," you shouted, slipping from the saddle and handing the reigns over to Farlan who did not hesitate to tiredly heave himself onto the horse.
"That's because," a breathless voice snarled, "you are nothing like a gemstone."
A moment ago, you'd been cursing Isabel for forgetting herself so much in the face of Farlan that she'd gotten herself injured. But that didn't matter as you turned to see Levi kick the corpse of a titan he'd just stabbed through the stomach away, bruises decorating his exposed arms and blood splattered over his face.
You could've been stabbed in that moment, and you wouldn't have known it.
"You're here," you whispered, and felt your throat collapse in relief. You staggered over to him, running your eyes over his frame to check if there were any serious injuries.
"I saw my idiot sister get attacked from over there," Levi whispered back, his arm bringing you close to his side even with his twin swords drawn. He kissed your temple, and you clenched your eyes shut against the tears of insane relief. You composed yourself immediately, snapping open your eyes and rolling your posture back to something that wasn't a panicked stoop.
"After the battle?" Levi posed, shooting a look of disgust at the dirt on his hands.
"After the battle," you agreed.
And you dove into your enemies as you always did, with your weapons drawn and teeth bared.
Together.