Locusta's Oasis. Each year Pricilla and I added different plants. A few came from distant lands, clippings and seeds carried across great distances by Pricilla's friends. I never learned the names of these furtive astrologers and augurs, only benefited from the gifts of nature they left behind. Not all the seeds sprouted. A few withered away in spite of Pricilla's deft coaxing. As a vintner's daughter who understood the effects of climate, weather, soil, and cultivation, I found great delight when a new plant took root and flourished.
Many of the plants were harmless herbs and flowers. Except for those in the southwest corner. That was the location of the plants whose beauty belied their toxic secrets. Most of those were gifts from one particular visitor. Pricilla said the woman was her great aunt, a prophetess and sorceress. I had scoffed at this. How could a woman with ebony skin be related to the fair-skinned Pricilla? Unlike the others, who with furtive hands slipped seeds from one basket into another, this woman walked like an empress. Despite her faded clothes and worn sandals.
Each time she visited she spoke to Pricilla in a strange lyrical language, handed her a satchel of seeds, and gave her a long hug. For me, she had only sharp words and dark looks. I had asked Pricilla what portents the prophetess saw in my face that she looked at me with such contempt. Pay no heed to her dour looks, Pricilla had said, she's old, her mind addled with age.
"Where did you go?" I said when Pricilla walked in with a steaming bowl.
"To the far meadow." Pricilla knelt at the edge. "Drink."
I pointed to the bright green leaves and pale lavender buds that floated on the surface. "These looks familiar."
"They should. Do you recall the tall plant that stretches into the air with blooms stacked high like pale purple dandelions?"
I nodded. They were delicate small-orbed blooms, beautiful and wild.
"It's pennyroyal, very common and found far and wide. Steeped in boiling water, it will encourage your womb to bleed and expel his seed."
"But what if this is my only chance to have a child?" I inhaled the minty steam.
"Do you think he'll believe it's his? Or let you keep it? Especially after he told you he wanted no more children. I know his kind. He'll kick you in the stomach until either you or the baby dies." Pricilla's eyes clouded.
I glanced at her stomach.
"Not me. A friend who died long ago with my first master." She sighed and gestured to the bowl. "Drink."
I wiped my tears away and lifted the bowl. Although the scalding brew burned the memory of his brutal kiss, I shivered in the warm bath.
Water rinsed the dirt from my skin and hair. Pennyroyal would purge his seed. But nothing would heal my broken spirit.
"Release your pain tonight," said Pricilla. "Cry like Neptune himself loosens the rage of seawaters from your eyes. Flush out your sorrow. When the tears stop—and they will—when you're exhausted with spent emotion, make me a promise."
My brows furrowed. "A promise?"
"Vow you will never again shed tears over this misfortune."
I gulped down the contents of the bowl. "That's ridiculous."
Pricilla folded her arms. "Then you give him great power. Is this what you want? To be haunted by his deeds? The possibility of a happy future destroyed because you wallow in misery?"
I clamped both hands over my ears and submerged under the water. Pricilla asked too much. Never cry over this again? Impossible! I never wanted to forget. How could I? A joyful marriage would never be mine. A lifetime of anguish and degradation was an unjust substitute.
Then I saw it. The wisdom in her advice. Strength of mind was one thing Faustinus could not take from me. He might refuse me children, love, and happiness, but he did not have to ravage my soul. That was mine. To destroy. Or nurture.
With my lungs demanding breath, I emerged to find Pricilla waiting patiently.
"I will not allow one man to destroy my life," I said. "He may use my body, but he will not conquer my spirit. This I vow to you."
"And to yourself." Pricilla wrapped a towel around me as I stepped from the bath. "This morning you were a pampered maiden. Tonight, you became a woman who shares in the sorrows of our sex."
Back in my room, I did as Pricilla suggested. I wept one last time. I sobbed so hard my chest hurt. Pricilla stroked my hair and wrapped me in her arms until I fell asleep.
Sometime during the night Pricilla brought another cup of the pennyroyal brew.
"Tell me what herbs will make Faustinus unable to... to...hurt me," I said.
"I will, but I think it best if you never speak his name again."
"How can I wed him and never say his name?"
"I'll make it possible." Pricilla's breath came soft in my ear. "This is my pledge to you. Now go back to sleep."
I gazed at Pricilla with wonder. Though her amber eyes were soft and her brow smooth, her voice was thick with grim foreboding. My stomach tightened and I slunk beneath the covers.
That night I dreamed thousands of multi-colored leaves swirled about me so thick and fast that Fau—That Man—could not penetrate. A cocoon of leaves twirled, spun, and whirled around my body. I felt powerful and afraid at the same time.
A single shaft of bright sun in my face woke me the next morning.
Pricilla stood at the foot of my bed, another bowl of the brew in her hand. "I overheard that vile man."
I rubbed my eyes, puffy from last night's weeping. "How?"
"He stood outside the kitchen while I made this." She lifted the bowl. "It's worse than we thought."
"Why?"
Pricilla gave me the brew. "His wickedness extends beyond rape."
"What did he say?" My heart beating double time, I put my lips to the bowl.
"He beat his servant because his porridge was not to his liking."
"Only a fool treats a servant like that." Everyone knew a bondsman did tasks best when treated with kindness and tolerance.
"Then the world is full of fools." Pricilla waited while I drank, her usually serene face now furrowed with dismay.
"You heard something else, didn't you?"
"He told another servant to saddle his horse so he could—and I repeat his exact words—assess the worth of the vineyards before the stupid old fool wakes up."
How dare he! Father was not a stupid old fool!
I threw off the covers, crossed the room, and looked out the window to the green rows beyond. "Surely Father did not include the vineyards as part of the marriage contract." I turned around. "Unless F—That Man knows about Father's ailment and schemes to defraud him after we wed."
"He's wicked. I put nothing past him." Pricilla drew back the bedding.
There was a bright smear of blood on the linen.
"There should be more." Pricilla frowned. "I'll apply a plant oil to encourage your womb to contract." She crouched in front of the large coffer and lifted the lid.
Inside were perfect rows of clay pots filled with essential oils, extracts, roots, seeds, and dried leaves. Pricilla withdrew a tapered vessel, lifted the stopper, and sniffed. She shook several drops of oil into a small bowl, added a splash of olive oil, then applied the mixture to her palms.
"Your feet." Pricilla pointed to the chair.
I sat, lifted my feet."Can I stop him?"
"He wants your father's vineyards, and he knows your brother is easily manipulated."
Pricilla's strong hands massaged my feet and heels. She poured more oil on her hands and rubbed my shins and calves. Next, she lifted my tunic and massaged my stomach.
"There must be something I can do."
"Talk to your Aunt Diana. Tell her she must find a wife for Varinius, preferably one with a shrewd father."
"Varinius is not interested in women."
Pricilla snorted with laughter. "I saw him with Dora."
"Dora?" She was the new sweet-faced kitchen worker.
"Yes, and his interest was on prominent display." Pricilla giggled and made a thrusting motion.
"Varinius and Dora?"
"Why is that difficult to believe? His peculiarities do not include celibacy."
"He's awkward with people. I never thought..." I rubbed my forehead. "I'll tell Aunt Diana when I see her again."
"We should visit this afternoon."
"No." I drew my knees to my chest. "I'm not ready to leave my room and see people."
Pricilla returned the vessel of oil to the coffer. "Didn't you tell me That Man planned on seeing you again today?"
I buried my head in my arms and groaned. "We'll go to Aunt Diana's as soon as possible."
Pricilla stroked my head. "Camilla's handmaid will tend to you."
I looked up. "You're leaving me again? Why?"
"You know the reason."
"More pennyroyal?"
"No, a different plant." Pricilla selected another small clay vessel from the coffer and left the room.
I stayed in this curled position until Camilla's handmaid brought my porridge. I devoured it, even though she had not added enough sweet berries. After she dressed me and braided my air, I peeked out into the hallway.
"Where is Father's guest?" I asked a servant who scrubbed the floor.
"He's with dominus in the vineyards."
With a sigh of relief, I walked towards the front entrance, pausing to greet two of Father's clientalia in the atrium. These men, like the others, waited by the rainwater cistern each morning to solicit favors, borrow money, or ask for legal advice.
Camilla stood in the vestibulum with her hands on her hips and tapped her foot. "Pricilla is out front. She says you're visiting Aunt Diana. Can I come?"
"Not today." I swayed, the tile mosaics of fish and fowl blurring beneath me.
"Why not?"
"It's not a social call. It's business," I stepped outside onto the portico after the servant boy opened the wide front door.
"Fine! I don't want to go anyway!"
I sank down on the marble bench, put my hand over my gurgling stomach, and flexed my right foot, which began to tingle.
Pricilla, basket in hand, appeared from the west terrace.
"I'm sweating, my foot is numb, and I have cramps," I whispered when she was near.
"Side effects of the tonic," said Pricilla as metallic squeaks and clopping hooves announced the carpentum's arrival.
I climbed inside. "Pull back the shades. The stuffy air makes me nauseous." I lifted my shaking hands. "Is this another side effect?"
"It is." Pricilla withdrew a clay cup from her basket. "Time for another dose."
"How much more do I need?"
Pricilla dabbed at my damp brow with the edge of her mantle. "Your monthly blood must flow like a stream after a heavy rain."
"Fine." I gagged it down.
The carpentum crested the first hill and I ordered the driver to stop. I heaved myself out the door and vomited over the grass.
"I'm ill, Pricilla." I threw up again. "I want to go home."
Pricilla rubbed my back as more of my morning meal splattered the weeds. "Do I need to remind you that he's there? Waiting for you."
I spit bile on the road. "I'll post guards in my room. He wouldn't dare violate me knowing the whole villa will hear my screams."
"Home is not the place for us now."
"For us?"
"For you."
I returned to the carpentum and rapped on the roof to signal the driver we were ready to continue on.
"You'll feel better soon." Pricilla laid a soft hand on my shoulder. "It's important you tell your aunt about your brother's romantic adventures."
I rubbed my belly. "Can you make a soothing drink the moment we arrive?"
"Of course." Pricilla patted her basket. "The ingredients are all in here. I even brought more indigestion tonic for your uncle."
Twice more we stopped so I could purge. By the time we passed through the Doric-columned entrance to Aunt Diana's villa, I was weak and thirsty.
Noting my pale face and sluggish step, Aunt Diana scolded Pricilla for not insisting I return home.
"Locusta was insistent, domina. She has important news concerning Varinius."
Aunt Diana slipped her arm about my waist. "Such a good sister you are, Locusta. Come, rest on the veranda. A cool breeze and refreshing drink will do wonders."
It did. As did the soft pillows and fruited wine. But nothing took away the humiliation and hopelessness lodged deep in my gut.
Aunt Diana's eyebrows rose in surprise when I told her about Varinius and Dora.
"I'll begin looking for a wife immediately," said Aunt Diana. "A simple-minded young girl would be perfect."
How unfair, I thought, that girls must resign themselves to wedding older men with property while young men reaped the benefits of youth and beauty.
"I disagree with you, Aunt Diana. A girl with a quick mind will serve Varinius better." I plucked a wine-soaked berry from the goblet. "A recent widow with intelligence complementing Varinius's limitations would make the best match."
"A young widow. Mmm...I'll make inquiries."
Aunt Diana's friends and associates stretched across the land. Uncle Amando traveled frequently to Rome and Athens. Aunt Diana often went with him on these business trips but that was before managing three children and a large household kept her home.
Aunt Diana nibbled on a spiced asparagus spear. "Do you like Faustinus?"
I should have expected her question and prepared an answer, but the pennyroyal's effects left me slow-minded and pre-occupied.
At least my initial anger at Father and Aunt Diana had faded since last night. The morning had brought a new understanding. How could I blame them when That Man appeared likable enough at social gatherings? Aunt Diana was forthright, her intent only to wed me to a man of wealth and status. Still, I wondered... had she heard gossip about his hostile nature? Or had she disregarded the rumors as jealous prattle by snubbed maidens? One thing was certain. He must have been the best prospect. Maybe the only one. Families of equestrian rank were few in this region according to my aunt.
I loved and trusted Aunt Diana. I would not lie to her. Nor would I tell her the truth.
"He has cruel eyes." I dabbed at the sweat on my brow.
"Oh, Locusta. He's a good man. Perhaps you mistake his stern looks for sorrow. His previous wife committed suicide—ran Faustinus's own blade through her breast in front of him."
"How awful!" The woman must have been desperate after so much abuse.
"He told me she was prone to hysterics, and after the birth of her fourth child went mad. Did nothing but weep and rant against the gods. Perhaps, Faustinus's stern looks stem from this."
My stomach lurched and contracted. The horror of my future turned my insides liquid. "How did his first wife die?"
"In childbirth. I don't know the particulars."
"His wives met unfortunate ends."
Aunt Diana touched my forehead with a cool hand. "You're not yourself today. Illness and anxiety over your upcoming nuptials burden your heart. I insist you remain here until you feel better."
But that did not happen. Father arrived shortly before dinner to deliver the news in person.
Faustinus was dead.
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Thank you for reading. The Emperor's Assassin releases October 1st.