"So does Joan have a boyfriend?" Jake asked as he and Lauren shopped at the mall for Christmas presents.
"Uh, I don't think so," Lauren said as she stopped to look at one of the many shoe displays.
When they were younger; Ruth organized a secret Santa gift exchange between the group of five friends, and they continued the tradition every year. Lauren got Monroe this year, and she was stumped on what to give her friend that she hadn't already in past. Monroe already had everything too. They all did now that Lauren thought about it.
"A few guys at the show were asking about her, but she's not a Christian so I was wary about saying anything," Jake explained.
"She isn't, but she's a good person," Lauren said. "I don't know if she's right for any of your friends though. She has a strange sense of humor. I'm not sure they would get her."
"Hope says she can be kind of crude," Jake said as they walked on from the shoe display. "I don't think she's thrilled that you and Wren are so close to them. She wouldn't tell me any details though. I didn't want to say anything and upset you, but I thought you should know what Hope is saying."
Lauren felt a flash of anger go through her. "I hardly see how my friendship with Joan is any of her business. She doesn't even know Joan. They haven't been close since they were kids so I don't see why she's suddenly she's the resident expert."
Jake looked surprised at the strength of his girlfriend's reaction. "Hey, I'm just saying what Hope told me. You should take this up with her. I liked Joan when I met her. Henry too. He's sort of different, but he seems harmless. Wren seems happy with him anyway."
"She is," Lauren said; trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, but Hope really bugs me with this stuff. Do you think I'd hang out with Joan if she was a horrible person? I don't want to be treated like a child that doesn't know any better. I'm not."
"I know sweetheart," Jake said, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I think you need to talk to Hope though. She's upset, I think. Maybe she feels left out?"
"She seemed okay at the party."
"Well, I don't think she is. She called me after the party, and we talked about it for quite a while."
"Hope calls you?" Lauren asked; feeling another rush of anger.
"Uh, yeah," Jake said; his eyebrows going up. "Is that a problem?"
"Since when are you guys best friends?"
"We're not best friends, but we are friends," Jake said with a laugh. "You aren't jealous, are you?"
Lauren wasn't jealous. She was annoyed thinking about them talking about her behind her back, but Jake seemed to like the idea she was jealous.
"No..."
"Yes you are!" Jake was still laughing. "You don't have anything to worry about, baby. We just check in with each other once in a while, and she's concerned about your friendship with Joan. Hope doesn't think her cousin is a good influence."
"She doesn't think Joan is a good influence?" Lauren had to laugh even though there was nothing funny about it, and she was fuming inside. "God, her and Ruth have this whole Mom routine down!"
"They just love you," Jake said, and he kissed her on the cheek. "You're lucky to have friends that care about you so much."
"No, they're nosy and controlling." Lauren corrected. "That isn't the same thing as caring."
Jake looked stunned, and Lauren knew he wasn't used to her saying bad things about her friends, but she didn't care. She was angry at Hope, and she was going to talk to her about it the next time they saw each other.
Her day of shopping felt ruined, and she didn't enjoy ice-skating with Jake even though it was one of their favorite things to do every Christmas. They walked to get coffee before they left the mall, and Lauren was surprised to see Joan walking with a tall brunette girl in a black leather jacket. The girl was stunning. The girl's large doe eyes connected with Lauren's for a moment, and then she looked away. Lauren felt her face grow warm as she realized she was staring.
"Hi Lauren!" Joan waved as they passed each other. "Hey Jake!"
"Hey!" Lauren said.
Jake nodded his head in greeting as he sipped his coffee. Joan walked on; not bothering to stop and talk which hurt Lauren's feelings.
"Who was that with her?" Jake asked once they were out of earshot.
"I don't know," Lauren said. "I don't know all her friends. Well, I don't know any of them actually."
"She was hot," Jake said. "Really hot."
Lauren elbowed him.
"You are a real gentleman, Jake."
"I'm just teasing," Jake said, and he laughed. "Did you have a good day?"
"Yeah," Lauren said even though it was a lie.
"What is the fancy dress for?" Joan asked as she sat on Lauren's bed and looked through magazines while she waited for Lauren to finish straightening her hair so they could meet Henry and Wren for dinner.
"It's for that Jingle Ball at school," Lauren said. "I totally forgot about it until a week ago when Hope asked me what I was wearing, and I had no idea. It's one of Ruth's old dresses, but it's still nice so I thought I'd wear it. Do you like it?"
"It's pretty," Joan said as she touched the short red velvet dress that Lauren always coveted and had been finally given ownership when Ruth started getting ready to move out.
"It's gorgeous," Lauren said from her chair by the mirror. "Are you going? It's a charity thing so all ticket sales go to breast cancer research."
"Yeah, I'm going," Joan said as she flipped through the fashion magazine. "I can't believe they market this stuff towards teenagers. What kind of teenager has two hundred bucks to spend on a pair of jeans?"
"These kids these days with the high priced jeans..." Lauren grinned. "They better stay off your lawn too!"
"Shut up."
"No, I agree with you. I just subscribe to them to have something to look forward to in the mail," Lauren admitted. "Is that sad?"
"A little," Joan said with a smirk. "I'm more of a National Geographic and Times girl myself."
"Ladeda. You're the one looking through my teen mags."
"You're nineteen so you should stop getting these. It's creepy for an old woman."
"I'll keep that in mind," Lauren said. "I'm done. Are you ready to go?"
"I was ten minutes ago," Joan smirked as she stretched.
"So what are you wearing to the ball?" Lauren said as they headed down the stairs.
"A dress," Joan said; crossing her eyes at her friend.
"What does it look like though?" Lauren asked; laughing.
"It is dark green with a black shrug," Joan said. "My friend Sandra made it. She's the girl I was with at the mall yesterday."
"Oh yeah." Lauren hadn't mentioned the girl for some reason. She wasn't sure why. "So how do you know her?"
"High School," Joan said. "We're going to the ball together since we're dateless."
"That's cool," Lauren said. "I'm going with Jake."
"Of course," Joan said, and she sounded odd when she said it, but Lauren didn't say anything.
"Hey Joan!" Ruth smiled as the two walked through the living room. Ruth and her mother were going over a wedding checklist, and looking at invitation samples. "I like your jeans."
"They're mine," Lauren said. "You told me I looked frumpy when I wore them."
"Well, you wore them to church, and they're frumpy for church," Ruth clarified; sharing a smirk with Joan. "Joan looks better in them anyway."
"You are no sister of mine," Lauren said and stuck her tongue out at her sister.
"I'm kidding!" Ruth got up to hug her sister. "So where are you guys going?"
"We're going to get some dinner with Henry and Wren," Lauren said. "I'll be back around nine, Mom."
"Oh, you guys are going out?" Ruth asked eagerly. "I'm dying to get out of the house. What restaurant?"
"Soups & Salads," Joan said.
"I love that place," Ruth said excitedly. "Mind if I tag along? I'm starving, and I feel like I haven't spent time with Wren in ages."
"Sure," Joan said while Lauren resisted rolling her eyes as she did not want Ruth to come, and spoil their evening, but she knew better than to object and start a fight.
"Give me five minutes," Ruth said as she started upstairs.
"I guess I'll do these on my own," Lauren's mother said with a sigh as she pulled the invitation samples towards her. "She's been working obsessively on this ever since the engagement announcement actually so I'm glad she's going out. I really need to meet this Henry that Wren is dating too. Ruth says he's something."
"He's a card," Joan agreed.
"A card?" Lauren smirked. "What? Is it the 30's?"
"Yes."
"It is so cute how you two have become such good friends," Lauren's Mom said with a smile on her face as she watched the two elbow each other in turn. "Who knew that Hope's little cousin would move in down the street from us?"
"And who knew she'd be so awesome," Ruth said as she came down the stairs with her heavy pea coat in hand. "C'mon girls, I'm so hungry I could eat one of those disgusting burritos you two like."
"How dare you insult the burrito," Joan said as they went out the door after saying goodbye to Lauren and Ruth's mother.
"The burrito is good," Lauren said sagely; looping her arm through Joan's as they often did. It felt natural somehow. "You just don't understand it's greatness."
"Few do," Joan said sadly as Ruth told them to shut up.
Wren and Henry were already at the restaurant by the time they arrived, and Lauren sighed inwardly as she saw Henry was wearing a pink polka dotted shirt and his hair was newly green. She could see Ruth do a double take as they saw the pair sitting in the back in one of the dark red booths. They were sitting so close it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended.
"I thought I'd surprise you," Ruth said as she gave Wren a hug. "... And Henry I love your hair."
"Thanks," Henry said, but Lauren could tell he was less than happy to see Ruth.
"It's very holiday themed," Lauren agreed which made him smile.
They ordered, and they were having a decent time although Lauren still wished Ruth hadn't decided to come as she crammed in on Joan and Lauren's side. Lauren was sitting next to the wall and Joan so she felt stuck in more ways than one. Ruth did most of the talking, and religion thankfully didn't come up. Lauren could see Henry calm down as time went on, and they stuffed themselves with food.
"Hey, it's Hope!" Wren had spotted their friend. "We didn't see you!"
"Yeah, I just had dinner with my family," Hope said; looking uncomfortable as she walked over. "Hey guys."
"Hey cousin," Joan said with a bit of a smirk on her face.
"Yeah..." Hope looked as if she couldn't wait to leave.
"Hey, we're going back to my house for some Christmas cookies for dessert," Ruth said. "Why don't you come with us?"
"I don't think so. I'm pretty full."
"C'mon," Ruth said smiling. "We haven't hung out all together in a while. I got your family's Christmas presents all wrapped too."
"I guess," Hope said, but she still looked unsure as she went over to tell her parents.
They piled in the van, and Lauren sat in front with Joan. Lauren could tell Joan was less than happy about the addition of Hope, but Lauren hoped this was a chance for them to spend some time together. At Lauren's house they were served cookies, milk, and they sat in the living room watching Christmas specials while Ruth talked about her wedding invitations. Henry amused their Mom with stories about his life at school, and he tried to explain his art. She seemed enamored by him, Lauren noticed with a bit of a smirk on her face. It seemed not even older women were immune to his charm.
"Are you spending the night?" Joan asked Lauren as they watched Rudolph.
"Yeah," Lauren said; she often spent the night over at Joan's these days since Henry and Wren went to a lot of late parties, and Joan didn't like being in the big house alone. They would spend their evenings hanging out in the tower and listening to music or watching a movie.
"Once we get rid of this crew," Joan said with a smile.
Lauren glanced at Hope. She was sitting next to them and listening to Lauren and Joan's conversation. Hope had a weird look on her face. Lauren couldn't believe that someone as nice as Hope could hold a grudge for so long. Lauren got up to refill her and Joan's drinks in the kitchen. She was surprised when she turned around to see Hope standing at the table as her fingers tapped lightly on the wood surface.
"Yes?" Lauren asked; her eyebrows raised.
"I need to talk to you.."
"I can see that," Lauren said lightly as she pulled up a chair. "Talk to me."
"Not here," Hope said and glanced at the living room where everyone was laughing and talking still.
"Well, come up to my room then," Lauren said, and they headed up the stairs.
Inside her bedroom; Lauren pushed the magazines Joan had been looking through earlier aside, and she made room for Hope on the bed. Hope sat down warily and looked around as if she hadn't been in Lauren's bedroom a hundred times before.
"You have some nice pictures of you and Joan," Hope said as she looked at the new pictures that were on Lauren's mirror.
"Yeah, we're getting into photography," Lauren said with a bit of a laugh. "We both suck, but we're having fun with it. Someone donated a ton of old cameras to the Antique Button, and Joan bought all of them. I haven't used a film camera in ages, and I'd forgotten how fun it is to get your pictures developed. It's hilarious how bad our pictures are sometimes."
"Those look good though..."
"Henry took those," Lauren said and sighed. "He's on the outskirts of our new photo group. You should join us. All you need is a crappy old camera and some film. It's costing us an arm and a leg though so I don't know how long it will last."
"Hmm," Hope said quietly.
"So what is wrong?" Lauren asked after a moment of silence. "You've been acting weird ever since Joan, and I became friends. Do you hate her that much?"
"... I don't hate her," Hope said softly.
"Then what is wrong?" Lauren asked. "Are you jealous? You know you're one of my best friends, and I'd love to hang out with you all the time, but we're all so busy. She's just down the street so it's easier to see her than you guys."
"It isn't that," Hope said with a sigh. "I'm worried that you two are getting so close though, and she's getting so involved in your family. Even Ruth likes her."
"So what if she does?" Lauren asked; feeling confused. "Is there something wrong with her?"
"Well... it depends on how you feel about her being a lesbian," Hope said; staring Lauren directly in the eyes.
"What?" Lauren asked; feeling confused and shocked at the same time. "Who told you that?"
"She told me," Hope said; keeping her voice low as if afraid someone would hear her. "We talked that day I went to visit her at her house, and I asked her if what my Dad had said was true. He said that she came out to her family, and they kicked her out. She admitted it, and well..."
"And what?" Lauren asked quietly; unsure about the feelings coursing through her.
"He offered her help. She got really angry with my Dad, and she said some really horrible things," Hope said and shrugged. "I just told her she should think about what he said, and she went off on me. She called me all sorts of names, and she told me to get out of her house."
Lauren wasn't sure what to say as they sat in the quiet bedroom; the only sound was the muffled voices from down below.
"So you didn't know?" Hope said after a moment.
"No," Lauren said. "She didn't tell me."
"Figures," Hope said. "I didn't want to say anything. It's her business, you know?"
Lauren stared at her friend as she picked at her pink nail polish. Hope looked half her age with her dish water blond hair falling in her face and a pink over-coat.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I thought you should know," Hope said; glancing up. "You've been spending a lot of time with her. You spend the night over there all the time. That's what Wren says anyway, and I just heard her ask you to stay over again so it seems to be true."
"What? Do you think she'll try something?" Lauren asked; her face flaming red for some reason.
"I just thought you should know," Hope repeated; looking angry. "She has sex with women. It's disgusting. She had a girlfriend while she was living at home with her family. She passed her off as just a friend. Sandra something, I think. They still see each other from time to time Wren says."
"She does," Lauren said. "They're friends."
"They're more than friends. Do you really think we should have someone like that in our lives?" Hope asked after a moment.
"So she really dated Sandra?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah..." Hope gave Lauren a look. "Did you hear me? Do you think this is someone we should have in our lives?"
Lauren wasn't sure what to say. She'd never known anyone who was gay, or at least openly. Lauren thought of all the nights she had spent with Joan. Nothing had ever happened, of course. They changed in front of each other though. Just earlier that day Joan had stripped down to her underwear to put on a pair of Lauren's jeans after she had spilled grape juice on her own. They were lacy pale pink ones that you could see through. Lauren thought it was weird she was wearing such flimsy underwear, and she had tried not to look, but she couldn't help but stare.
"Lauren?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Lauren said as she stood up. "This is Joan's business. Not ours. She'll talk to me about it when she feels comfortable."
"You're still going to be friends with her?" Hope asked in disbelief.
"Of course I am!" Lauren exclaimed with a scoff. "She's a great friend, and I like spending time with her. I don't care who she sleeps with. It isn't the dark ages anymore, Hope."
"I cannot believe you," Hope said as she pushed past Lauren to get to the door. "You know how we were brought up, and what our families believe. Maybe it isn't the dark ages, but this is a conservative area. What she is doing is not okay, and it never will be."
"I know how we grew up," Lauren said quietly as she followed her friend down the stairs. "Believe me, I heard all those sermons, but Joan is a good person and my friend. We are in college, and we can think for ourselves. I don't think anything is wrong with it. Joan is a great friend, and we're lucky to know her."
"I wonder if your parents would agree," Hope said bitingly.
"Don't spread it around," Lauren said in a hiss as she stopped on the stairs. She grabbed Hope's arm. "That is Joan's story to tell. Not yours."
"I won't," Hope said; not bothering to turn around as she pulled her arm away from Lauren. "I don't want anyone else to know I'm related to someone like her."
Lauren stopped; feeling tears in her eyes as she stood halfway down the stairs. She suddenly felt like crying. It was a shock to learn something secret about her friend, and Hope was right about what they were taught growing up and still heard in their church. Lauren never thought about it that much though. She grew up in a small bubble of family and friends. Going to college had opened up a ton of doors, and she'd met all sorts of people. Hope's reaction reminded Lauren that her family and their friends weren't as open-minded about the world though. They would probably react the same way Hope had.
"Hey," Joan said, and smiled as Lauren returned to the living room. "Where is my milk, woman?"
"Forgot it," Lauren said with a shrug as she started to stand up again.
"It's okay. I was just joking," Joan said; stopping Lauren from getting up with a hand on her bare forearm. "Sit back down and finish watching Rudolph with me."
Lauren glanced at Hope; who was staring.
Joan was asleep as Lauren sat in the tower. They brought Joan's laptop up, and they had put on a movie. Joan fell asleep as she always did when they tried to watch movies together. She had no attention span. She was either getting up a dozen times to do random things, or she fell asleep.
She was half covered by a blanket in her pink and purple pajama shorts and her long, pale legs were sticking out. She had more freckles on her legs, and a long scar down the left one. Lauren couldn't stop glancing at them, and at Joan's sleeping face. She looked sweet and peaceful when she was sleeping. Lauren couldn't stop thinking of what Hope said earlier, and she couldn't help but look at Joan in a new way.
Lauren wondered why Joan hadn't told her. It was probably because she figured Lauren would react as the same way as Hope. Lauren felt a pain in her stomach at what Joan must have gone through when she told her family. They kicked her out. Their own child. Lauren already knew there was a lot of hurt there, and now she knew how deep it went. She wondered what her own parents would say. Would they offer help like Hope's parents? Probably. She knew they would never accept it. No one in her family would.
Yet it wasn't fear that was making her stay up so late. Lauren couldn't stop thinking of the past months spent with Joan.
Lauren remembered the evening at Janet's when they sat so close; their arms were entwined and the trail of freckles, and the many nights spent in the tower as they felt like they were the only two people left in the world. Like now as Joan calmly slept, and Lauren never wanted to be anywhere else.