Christmas morning the only thing on my mind was leaving. I didn't care about the presents Dad shoved my way or the annoyed look on his face when I refused to open them.
"Just like your mama," he said as I added one more gift to the pile of unopened presents beside me.
We sat on the floor of the living room next to the professionally decorated tree. A Christmas Story played on tv with the sound muted. I had my phone out, taking pictures and videos of Taylor to show Mom later.
He was right about me being like her. I wasn't going to let him try and buy my forgiveness.
The only reason I didn't demand to go home yet was because Taylor was enjoying opening her gifts. Actually, she liked ripping the wrapping paper to shreds more than she liked any of the toys. It was difficult to stayed pissed off while watching her with a big grin on her face and trying to stick gift bows to her head.
Dad's phone rang and I was surprised when he didn't answer it, instead letting it go to voicemail. I'll admit for a father we could do much worse. He was at least present in his own way. But I couldn't get pass the whole thing about him using us. Was he only using my mom to further his career as well? Did he leave her because she was no longer of use to him? How long before he threw us away too?
After giving Taylor her last gift he turned to me. "You check out what Santa left in the driveway for you?"
"Is it a trip back home?"
His brow creased. "You want to leave already?"
"You did say we could do whatever I wanted today," I pointed out.
"I didn't mean leaving. It's Christmas. Can't you try to enjoy yourself?"
"I'd rather spend it with mom," I told him. "Unless you need us to win points with another client by telling them about your single father struggles?"
"Is that what this is about. If it wasn't for me stretching the truth a little you wouldn't have that new car in the driveway." The way he said, like I should've been at his feet thanking him, made my blood run hot.
"Well, who needs a father when you have a shiny new car?" I stood, heading to the stairs.
He was right behind me, stopping at the bottom step. "You don't want the car, that's fine. But you're staying here as planned," he said, his tone final. "Your mom's at your Uncle's house for the holidays."
My body froze in the middle of the staircase. I turned to look at him. "So, I'm stuck here?"
He sighed, his tone becoming more calm. "Come on, Jade. I'm trying here."
"Trying to do what? Force me to be The Perfect Daughter?" I shot back. The anger I've held for him over the months since he left began to bubble over. "Just like you forced Mom to put her life on hold to so she could play your perfect wife?"
The silence that followed was loud. I wanted him to deny it. I wanted him to tell me that I was wrong. That we, his family, weren't just props in his life. But he didn't.
Instead he threw his hands up in defeat. "I give up. Think whatever you want about me, but you're still not leaving until your mom gets back." He went back into the living room. I could hear him telling Taylor not to eat the paper.
Once in my room I shut the door and stayed there for the rest of the day. I remained in my room for the rest of my stay at his house. Only leaving to hang out with my sister or restock the mini fridge or eat something hot.
All that time alone made me think about how much I missed my mom. She might've been a little too overprotective at times and, yeah, she had lied about our finical situation, but at least she cared about us.
She didn't use us. She didn't treat us like objects made to make herself look better. Her idea of love wasn't throwing money at us.
Still, knowing that I had one parent who was trying her best to be an actual parent didn't erase the hurt I felt knowing my dad didn't care enough to try. That he was perfectly okay not being emotionally present in our lives.
There was no room in my world for people who didn't want to be in it fully.
* * *
Dad and I didn't speak again until the day we were leaving. Even then all he asked was whether or not I wanted the car. It was a powder blue bug. My dream car when I was, like, eight. It didn't fit my current taste in cars, but I took it. That way I wouldn't have to sit next to him on the drive home.
The closer I got to Bellcreek, the more anxious I felt. I didn't know if because of the short talk I had with mom the other day or because I'd be seeing Nolan for the first time since we kissed. Maybe it was a mixture of both.
When we got to the house Mom was practically in tears over getting to see Taylor again. Dad all but threw our stuff out of the car before making his getaway, a move he had pretty much perfected.
"Am I still on punishment?" I asked Mom after I took my things up to my room.
She was in Taylor's room putting away all of the toys she got from Dad. Well, she was trying to. Everything she put away Taylor pulled right back out.
"No." That answer actually shocked me. After how pissed off she was I thought I'd be in trouble until graduation. "But don't lie to me like that again, Jade."
"I won't," I promised, already pulling out my phone to text Bee. And Nolan. Maybe Nolan first.
"And you were right about the money." It was obvious how much strength it took her to admit that. She couldn't even look up at me as she said it. "It's not just about me. I shouldn't have made you girls lives any more difficult than it had to be."
"I kinda get why you did it now. I saw him for what he really was when I was there and I understand not wanting to feel like you owe him."
Mom stood, frowning. "Jade, don't let what's happening between your dad and me mess up your relationship with him."
"It's not that," I told her. "My opinions are my own. He's just not who I thought he was."
She surprised me by wrapping me up in a hug. I hugged her back and we stayed like that for a while. It felt like a new chapter in our lives was starting. One without my father or the anger I held for him. One with just us three girls. I looked forward to it.
* * *
Bee tackle-hugged me the moment I opened the door, nearly taking me down.
My first call went to her after I chickened out on calling Nolan. It was stupid how nervous the idea of calling him made me. We'd been talking for months and not once had I been that nervous about it.
But we were no longer just friends. We were friends who kissed. That changed things.
"You are never allowed to leave me here all alone again!" Bee declared once we were up in my room.
She immediately made herself comfortable on my bed. I did the same, grabbing the penguin I won at the homecoming fair. That felt like a life time ago.
"Alone? Didn't your brothers and their families all come for Christmas?"
"Yeah, but I couldn't talk to any of them about Gia."
"What happened with Gia?" I asked, trying to keep the hope out of my voice.
"She gave me a box of my things the other day," she said, distractedly playing with a loose thread on my comforter. "It's really over."
"Bee..." I reached out, placing a hand on her knee. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. I've grieved and now I'm ready to try to fix it." She grinned, her green eyes sparkling. "But I need your help."
"I'm confused..."
She sighed, hopping off my bed to pace the floor. "I need you to do for me what you did for Nolan."
I blinked. "I'm still confused."
"Jade! I need you to help me express myself without feeling like my skin is fire." She started to get frustrated. "When you met Nolan he was like some weird emo kid and now you got him smiling and being the perfect boyfriend."
"It's called acting. Him being the perfect boyfriend was part of the plan, remember?"
"I'm sorry, but did you or did you not suck face during the earthquake?" She had a point. Now I wondered how much Nolan had been acting since we started all of this.
"That's beside the point." I waved off, feeling my cheeks heat up as I remembered the kiss. "I don't even know how to talk to him now. I haven't even told him I'm home yet."
She sat back down on the bed. "There's a New Year's Eve party tonight. We can both go and you can talk to Nolan and I can talk to Gia and...well, hopefully, we'll both be making out at midnight."
Her energy was infectious, how could I say no? It'd be easier to talk to Nolan if I had some sort of game plan. It'd be even easier if I wore something cute, which nothing in my closet was.
I glanced over at the boxes and gift bags from Dad, maybe there was something in one of them I could use. After a few minutes of internal debating I picked up one of the gift bags.
Desperate times...