n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.
* * *
The night seemed much longer being here in this world. Even though it had been hours already since the sky darkened, based on my perception, I can't wait to see the sun another time. A new day will mean that I will have another day to understand everything going on in this world; and finally find a mango and be out of this world.
It had been quiet around camp. Of course, it had been the dead of nights. Everyone is asleep, and those who are awake are those who've been assigned to roam the camp in hopes not to find an enemy lurking in the shadows. And the lone consultation I have for the darkness is the fireplace that had been left lit.
Soledad had given me a blanket to use against the cold. It helped, but not enough to assure me that everything is alright.
"Wala ka talagang kaalam-alam, ano? Na sa panahon ng digmaan, walang panahon para magluksa."
Goyo's words echo inside my head. Almost non-stop. As some sort of reminder that I am completely out of this world.
I was wrong to say that wars are filled with children fighting a battle waged by the older men. It is the war decided by the older men that stole childhood from its soldiers.
I draw the blanket around me much closer and watch the fire dance on its own.
"(Y/N)."
I almost jump upon hearing the voice. I turn to the direction of the voice, seeing Isidro standing in the darkness, just close to me. He is not alone though; he is accompanied by that young man named Melencio and Adeodato. I almost ask them where are the others, especially Goyo.
"Bakit hindi ka pa nagpapahinga, (Y/N)?" Isidro asks me, a worried frown appearing on his face.
I sense both Melencio and Adeodato sharing a look at each other. Perhaps they are surprised to find their friend having such concern for a person as me. Neither from them knew that this is all a game, and I am the player here. And Isidro is the one assigned to welcome me and act as my guide in all of this.
I will need to remind myself with that fact every now and then. That my stay here is temporary. The very moment I find a mango and make it back to my world, I will cease playing this game and return it to the shop. Whatever happens after that, if I will be convicted of stealing the game when I originally only do so by accident... Nevermind, I'll deal with it the moment I am back to my time.
I draw my blanket much closer around me and stare back to the fire. Biting my lower lip for a second, I sigh heavily and say, "Hindi ako makatulog."
"Hmm..." Isidro hums lightly, thinking. After a second, he inquires, "Maari ba kaming maupo sa tabi mo? Hindi naman tabing-tabi... sapat para may makausap ka."
I look back at him. "Hindi niyo ba kailangan mag-patrolya?"
He shakes his head. "Kakatapos lang namin. Oras na para magpalit. Kumpara sa akin, siguradong inaantok na rin yung dalawa. Masyadong mahaba ang mga nakaraang araw." He turns to the two before nodding. "Mauna na kayo. Panigurado ay hindi mapakali sila Julian na wala kayo doon. Susunod ako."
"Sigurado ka ba?" asks Adeodato, smirking a little. "Baka mawili ka at hindi ka na—"
"Totoy," Isidro immediately interrupts him as he looks intently.
The two of them stare at each other until Melencio himself tugs Adeodato by the sleeve, whispering softly, "Tama na iyan."
"Wala pa si Goyo," Adeodato remarks. "Kapag si Goyo, di ka makapagsalita ng ganyan."
"Totoy," repeats Isidro with a much dangerous and deadly tone.
Melencio tugs Adeodato much more this time, intent to leave right away. Finally, Adeodato allows Melencio to lead him away. "P-Pagod lang siguro ito, Isidro," Melencio assures. "Alam mo naman si Totoy." He then turns to look at me with a small smile. "Hindi sinasadya ni Adeodato na maging unkomportable ka, binibining (Y/N). Pag-pasensyahan mo na ang aming kaibigan."
Like some drunkard, it is a surprise for me that Adeodato didn't say anything to contradict Melencio. I am expecting that he'll contradict Melencio and fight back, after everything that he had said.
I shake my head. "Naiintindihan ko naman na hindi naging madali ang nakaraang labanan. Nakikiramay po muli ako sa nangyari sa inyong kaibigan."
Melencio smiles sadly as he nods, before turning to Isidro, saying, "Kakailanganin din natin magpahinga. Mahaba-haba pa ang ating lalakbayin. Simula pa lamang ito, Isidro."
Isidro nods in understanding. "Naiintindihan ko." He sighs heavily, slowly relaxing himself from the earlier tension. "Ikaw na muna bahala kay Totoy, Lesyo."
With another nod to Isidro and then to me, Melencio ushers Adeodato away, heading on somewhere to where Goyo and the rest of their friends surely are. And I am finally left alone with Isidro alone, in the presence of other members of Cruz Roja just sleeping close to the fire. There are few occassional soldiers who are awake, but most of those were doing the rounds as expected.
"Ngayon, hmm... pwedeng maupo?" he asks another time.
I nod. "Hindi ko naman pagmamay-ari ang lupa, ano?"
He chuckles lightly before finally sitting down just a foot away from me. He leans his elbows onto his knees as he looks up at the night sky for a moment and sighs. "Ang ganda ng mga bituin. Parang walang nangyaring labanan."
At that, I finally remove my stare from the fire and then at the sky. As he had noted, the sky is beautiful tonight. Brilliant stars sparkle, so different from what I am used to back home. In here, I can see the wide span of the Milky Way, the stars like dust had been scattered on the floor of heaven. Back home, it had been clouds and pollution; stars will only blink once in every few square meters.
"Unang gabi mo rito. Panigurado ay nakakapagod at nakakalito ang araw na ito para sa iyo, (Y/N). Naiintindihan ko kung bakit hindi mo magawang makatulog. Nasa iyo pa rin ang pangamba ng iyong nasaksihan," he says.
I bite my lower lip before nodding. "Nakakatakot," I reply. "Pero, ano nga rin ba ang magagawa ko? Nandito na ako." I look at him sideways. "Hindi mo rin naman ako bibigyan kaagad ng mangga, ano? Porket nagawa kong matapos ang una kong misyon... di ba?"
"Hmm..." Isidro turns to me for a second with a light smile before looking at the fire. "Hindi pa ngayon, (Y/N). Hindi pa panahon. Pero, huwag kang mag-alala. Wala naman akong plano na hayaan kang nandito lang hanggang huli. Alam ko na kahit hayaan kitang bumalik sa panahon mo, babalik at babalik ka pa rin dito." Smiling another time at me before staring at the night sky again, he adds, "Matatapos mo ang lahat ng ito, (Y/N)."
###
In the end, sleep conquers me. Isidro keeping me up with him telling me the story of Goyo's life so far, of their own childhood, and how come they've been known as the Seven Musketeers of Pitpitan; with an additional note of how the Philippines is faring now at this advent decline of the Spanish government—surely help me turn sleepy and tired, after all.
The following morning, being up before the sun even rise, I can say that I only sleep for a good hour or two. Somehow, it had been enough for me to regain energy for the day. To be honest, at first, I almost scream in confusion of where I am and what is going on; it took me a second to calm down, realizing everything that happened yesterday. When I managed to calm my nerves down, I finally head on to search for Soledad's location. I've succeeded after just a few minutes, after all, she and the rest of the members of the Cruz Roja are all up already. They've been gathering new materials to attend to recently wounded soldiers, also to hand them breakfast for those unable.
As expected, Soledad asked me to look after Goyo. Perhaps it had been part of the programming that everyone I met will push me to actually make connections with him. In the end, even if I try to avoid him, there will be no use for that. A young woman, perhaps a few years younger than me, helps me in carrying breakfast and the medical equipment for Goyo and his men. The young woman surely knows where they are than my knowledge, and I allow her to lead the way.
When the two of us approach the group, it appears that we've caught them in a rather foul moment early this morning. Surprisingly, all of them are up and alert when I am expecting that they'll still be fast asleep after the gruesome events that happened yesterday. Who knows how much rest they managed to gain before that fight?
No one seems to notice our arrival except for Isidro who've flashed a smile at our direction. With Melencio, the two of them draw closer to help us in carrying the things we've brought for them. Only then that I realize the presence of a young man rushing to meet them; the rest of the group's eyes are drawn to him as he calls for Goyo's name.
"Goyo! Goyo!" the young man running shouts. As he reaches them, he stops for a second to catch his breathing. He presses his hands on his knees and before looking up at Goyo and the rest, he didn't even bother to say what news he has for them. "Yung mga Espanyol," he starts in between breaths. "Sinunog..." Breathes in and out. "Sinunog nila ang Pulong Gubat at Santol."
* * *
A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)
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