I open a bleary eye and freeze, trying to remember what happened last night. There is another person in my bed and I don’t know who it is. I move as slowly as possible, trying to turn my head to get a better look. I move my hands slowly down my sides, relieved to feel fabric. At least I’m not naked … thank Christ for small mercies.
Whoever it is stretched out next to me is turned away, partially hidden under the quilt. I tentatively move my knee and recoil as I feel a hairy, solid thigh brush against mine.
My mouth feels like a small rodent had crawled into it and died in the night, and I really need to pee, but that’s the least of my problems. There is definitely a man in my bed and I have no idea who it is. He mumbles something unintelligible and shifts his position slightly, bringing an arm around my waist and pulling me closer.
I hold my breath, trying not to panic too much as I scan what little memory I have of last night. I remember going to Wades’ party and having a great time, but I don’t remember counting in the New Year at all. That is so not like me – I have never woken up with a stranger in my bed and a hangover this bad... and as for the memory blanks… that’s just weird. I try and extricate myself from underneath the muscled forearm, looking for any discernable clues like a tattoo, or a watch.
‘Lex, if you fidget once more, I swear I’ll kill you.’ the voice grumbles.
I flip onto my back as Dan groans, moving his arm out of the way.
‘This is why I never sleep with women.’ he mutters, pulling the duvet down to reveal his face. His eyes are bloodshot and his usually tanned skin had a grey tinge to it.
‘Christ, I feel like shit…I’m never gonna drink again.’ He attempts to sit up, before clutching his head and collapsing back against my pillows. ‘Nope, it’s no good. I’ll have to stay here all day.’
‘You’re wearing underwear, right?’ I ask with a croaky voice, raising the covers and peering down to check he’s not naked. ‘We didn’t… you know… do it, did we?’
‘Relax, mate. If by it you mean, did we have sex, then no. We didn’t. You don’t remember much about last night, do you?’
I put my arms over my head, covering my face. ‘I don’t remember anything!’ I squeak.
Dan chuckles, which turns into a coughing fit. ‘Jeez… I should really lay off the weed… We decided it would be a good idea if I slept here – just in case you were sick again. We were a bit worried you might choke or something.’
‘We? Whose ‘we’?’
‘Me and Taz … and Aaron.’ he replies, casually plumping up one of my pillows to get comfortable.
‘Aaron?!’ I squeak. ‘He saw me in my undies!?’
Maybe I haven’t woken up yet – this must be a weird nightmare. I am so, so, so ashamed right now. Enough of the new ‘live for the moment’ version of me. I want the old Lexie back – the one that doesn’t wake up with a pounding head and a lot of remembering to do.
‘He came to find me at the party because he was worried about you…’
I must look bewildered because he props himself up on one elbow and carries on explaining.
‘You were passed out in a corner so we found Tazzy and took you home.’
‘Oh dear….’
‘Actually, it was kinda funny. You could barely walk!’
I grab my pillow and hit him with as much force as I can muster. It’s a feeble attempt.
‘Ow!’ he says, grabbing the pillow and shoving it to one side. ‘So that’s the thanks I get for having to sleep in the same bed as you and praying that you didn’t vom on me?’
‘Oh no!’ Now I’m really mortified. ‘I’m so sorry. I really threw up?’ I haven’t been sick on booze since, well, since I was in my twenties…
‘I think you spewed in Wades garden, but that’s no big deal. And then you almost puked on Aaron, but we got you to the dunny in time.’
“I don’t remember any of this!’ I wail, holding my head in my hands. ‘I am so sorry, Dan. Really… I have to apologise to everyone … oh, God.’
‘Don’t crack the shits. Everyone gets wasted on New Year’s. You only got drunk – it’s not against the law!’
I do remember that I really need to pee, so I grab the blanket from the end of the bed and wrap it around myself before walking unsteadily to the bathroom. My stomach feels sore and empty, but at least I don’t feel sick.
Dan yells through the door. ‘I’m going downstairs to make us some tea. Back in a sec!’
Oh great… I think, putting my face in my hands as I sit on the loo. He’s going to bump into Jenn and then what’s she going to think? Just peachy. I run the tap and splash my face with icy cold water, which makes me feel a lot better. I wish I could talk to Evie, but I know better than to call her now. She’ll definitely still be asleep.
I look in the mirror and wince at the sorry state looking back at me. I look completely washed-out and my hair is all over the place. I can’t remember drinking that much, surely? I have a quick wash and brush my teeth, trying to get rid of the nasty taste in my mouth. When I open the bathroom door, Dan is crouched by the wood burner, getting it to spark into flames again. I wrap the blanket around myself tightly and shuffle back to the bed, trying not to feel too sorry for myself.
He walks back to the bed. ‘Budge up!’ he grins.
I must look like a rabbit caught in the headlights because he takes one look at my face and laughs.
‘Relax!’ he grins. ‘Drink your tea.’
I press myself against the wall as he hands me the mug. I take a tentative sip.
‘It’s peppermint. Good for your tummy.’
‘Thanks.’ I mumble. ‘Did you see Jenn?’
‘Nope, the café was closed. Guess she’s not in yet. It’s pretty early.’ He checks the clock on the table next to the bed puts his mug down next to it, turning to face me with a serious expression. ‘Listen, Lex…’
I suddenly feel a bit queasy again, hoping that he’s not going to try and kiss me. This is just too awkward for words. Maybe Taz was right and Dan does have feelings for me.
‘Dan…’ I take a deep breath, trying not to panic. I’ve never been good at letting anyone down, not that I have a ton of experience when it comes to men falling at my feet. ‘I’m grateful that you took care of me last night, but I really don’t want to give you the wrong impression… I mean, you’re such a wonderful bloke and I’m really, really flattered, but...’
‘Lex...’
‘No, let me finish. Really, you’re like a brother to me…’
‘Lex, really. You need to stop.’ he says, covering his mouth with a bunched up fist. Is he grimacing or… grinning?
It looks like he’s trying to stop himself from laughing.
‘What’s so funny?’ I ask, slightly annoyed.
‘If this is going where I think it’s going Lex, I’m not about to jump on you.’ he smiles, grabbing my hand. ‘It’s not that I don’t think you’re gorgeous, because you are.’ He adds quickly. ‘I think you’re knockout, really I do!’
‘Oh… right… thanks… sorry.’
‘You don’t have to apologise.’ He smiles. ‘If anyone should be doing that, it’s me.’ His tone suddenly switches from playful to serious.
‘You? Why?’ My heart is still hammering in my chest as I try to keep up with our conversation. The headache isn’t helping.
‘I haven’t been entirely honest with you…’ he pauses, releasing my hand and looking away. ‘Lex… I’m gay.’
‘Gay?’ I ask, my mouth hanging open.
‘Yeah, you know. Gay. As in, ‘I like boys’, gay.’
‘You’re gay?’ I repeat. ‘But… you’re so straight! You’re a bloody typical macho man, for Christ’s sake! Your dad’s a sheep farmer!’ As the words tumble from my mouth, it’s like a giant switch gets flicked inside my pounding head.
‘I am so thick!’ I mutter, smacking my forehead. ‘All this time… and I didn’t even realise! You always smell so nice, and you wear tiny swimming trunks… and you love musicals!’
‘Are you done with the stereotypical shit? I’m hardly Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, if you get my drift.’ He leans back against the pillows. ‘I come from a tiny farming town. The idea of a homo lurking in their midst would probably send the locals on a witch-hunt, knowing how backwards they all are.’
‘You really think it would be that bad?’ I ask. ‘But that’s awful... I’m so sorry. It must be so hard? Does anyone else know?’
‘I told Travis and Taz last night - they were very cool about it. Travis cracked a joke about me being ‘a gay on a tray’ and then we moved on. No biggie. I’m not telling the lads in the house though… I don’t think they’d be quite ready for it. Aaron doesn’t know either.’
I swirl the tea around in my mug before giggling into it. ‘Only a gay man would be considerate enough to bring me peppermint tea in bed when I almost throw up on him. I can’t believe I thought you fancied me. Bloody Taz!’
He fidgets into the pillows. ‘Bloody Taz what?’
‘Oh, just that she’s had some crazy notion that you and Aaron both fancied me. Utterly ridiculous!’
‘Well, not really.’ He smiles. ‘I wish Aaron looked at me like he looks at you. Swear blind, if I have to share another hot-tub with him, I’m not going to be able to hide my boner under the water.’
I luagh, suddenly remembering Dan’s expression as he gazed at Aaron’s body in the hot-tub. There was me thinking it was just because he was stoned.
‘Whatever. He does not like me like that!’
‘At least you didn’t barf on him.’ Dan laughs, shaking his head.
For a minute there I’d forgotten all about last night, what with Dan’s epic announcement.
‘Oh, bloody hell… Why don’t I remember anything?’ I groan, pulling the duvet over my head.
He puts an arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. ‘Just chill, Lex. You got blitzed. It happens to the best of us.’
‘I’m guessing your family don’t know… about you being gay?’ I mumble into this t-shirt, conscious that I’m being a little bit me, me, me. He’s just told me something monumental and all I can think about is myself. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to come out to someone if you’re not sure what their reaction will be.
‘Not bloody likely, mate. Me Dad’d go bonkers, I reckon.’
‘Have you…’ I’m not sure how to phrase the question when I look up at him. ‘I mean, do you… have you ever had a proper boyfriend?’
‘Not really… It’s hard to have a relationship when you’re only in one place for a few months, but you’d be surprised how much action a snowboard instructor gets if he knows where to look.’
I decide to spend the rest of the day in bed, so Dan orders two large pizzas and we watch silly movies on my laptop. I’m so tired I find myself dozing on and off, but I’m soon woken up when Taz appears, jumping on the bed and fidgeting in between us.
‘So, Dan’s told you the big news?’ she asks, stealing a slice of pizza.
I nod. ‘Guess you don’t need a new hat now that Dan and I won’t be getting married.’
She gives me a sarcastic look. ‘So my gaydar was a little off? Sue me!’
I ruffle Dan’s hair and he gives me a sleepy smile in return. ‘You’ll make someone a lovely husband one day.’
‘Aw, thanks love…’ he replies, kissing my cheek. I have to admit, it’s kind of nice to have a warm, nice-smelling man in my bed to snuggle up to without worrying about any sexual weirdness.
Taz chews on her pizza, before talking with her mouth full. ‘So what ‘bout last night, eh!?’
‘I couldn’t tell you,’ I reply. ‘Dan’s been filling in the missing gaps, but I can hardly remember anything.’
Taz looks surprised, swallowing quickly. ‘You don’t know what happened?’
‘Well, yes. Actually, no… I can remember some stuff, but it’s a bit fuzzy. Dan said you guys put me to bed…. Thank you.’ I add. ‘Sorry for getting so wasted.’
She brushes it off. ‘God, don’t even worry about it. It was nice to see you let your hair down a bit. Well, as far as I know you were passed out for most of the party, but no worries.’
‘I haven’t been that drunk in a long time…’
‘So? You were well within your rights to get battered after what Emily pulled.’
I tense. ‘Huh? What about Emily?’
Taz and Dan look at each other and I see Dan give a tiny shake of his head.
‘What the hell, guys?’ I ask, suddenly feeling sick again. ‘Tell me what happened?!’
Taz looks down and must be finding something fascinating on the quilt because she doesn’t meet my eyes. ‘I thought you remembered that bit?’
‘Just tell me!’
‘You know? Her and Rick?’
I’m beginning to lose patience, not only with my brain for leaving huge gaps that I’m trying to fill, but equally with my friends and their lack of explanation.
‘Just spill it, Tazzy.’ Dan says, giving me a sympathetic look.
‘OK… well, do you remember getting to the party?’ She asks.
‘Of course I do!’ I say, trying not to sound as annoyed as I feel. ‘I saw Rick in the kitchen and he waved and yelled over the crowd he’d come find me later so I tried to hide. Then someone handed me a drink and I remember talking to Kendra and Wade for ages, and then I saw Aaron and we hung out for a bit, and then… I can’t really remember much after that. I think I was drinking tequila shots by that stage, so that’s probably why…’ Evie always tells me I’m the life and soul of the party when I drink tequila, but I’m beginning to realise why I haven’t touched it since University.
‘Okay… Well, you know how we hadn’t see Emily since we went to tell her about Rick asking you out?’
‘Yep.’
‘And she went all weird and stalked off in a strop.’
I nod, knowing that she hadn’t exactly taken my news well. She hasn’t spoken to me since.
‘So, I was in the kitchen and I catch her out of the corner of my eye and she is literally wearing next to nothing. She had this slutty top on with a big hole cut out of the middle, showing her boobs off to everyone. So, she sees me and she comes over and we say hi, and I think everything is fine because she is really friendly. And then she whispers to me – and these are her exact words: ‘Rick is mine tonight. Tell Lexie to back off if she knows what’s good for her.’
Now I feel really sick. I knew Emily was pissed off, but I had no idea she was that upset. I’ve been making every possible effort to avoid Rick.
Taz continues. ‘And then she completely changes again. She flips back to nice Emily and says that she needs to get a drink, so we go and find some beers. And then she says something about coming to find you, but I decided to head her off at the pass.’
‘Thanks for that!’ I reply. ‘God, imagine that scene… I’m so glad I managed to avoid her.’
‘Hah! You’re not wrong, mate. Anyway, I tell her that I’m going to find you and why doesn’t she stay the kitchen. So she shrugs and gives me the extra drink, and says something about me giving you the beer to show there’s no hard feelings.’
‘I remember you giving me the drink!’ I smile, pleased that I’m following so far.
‘Then what happened?’
‘Don’t look at me! I have no idea.’ Dan shrugs. ‘I found Emily and Rick dry-humping on the sofa at about ten to midnight.’ He shudders. ‘It was hideous.’
I have to admit, this is a total relief to me. I have no idea why Taz and Dan are so worked up. I thought they were about to tell me that I’d ripped all my clothes off and swung naked from the light fittings. Getting so drunk that I passed out is not something to be proud of, but I can deal with it.
‘You don’t remember anything?’ Taz asks me. ‘I lost you for hours and then Dan and Aaron come and find me and you’re completely out cold? What happened with Rick?’
‘Nothing happened with Rick!’ I exclaim. ‘I was playing table tennis with Wade and Kendra for a bit.... I can’t even remember seeing Rick apart from when we first got there, so Emily must’ve been with him all night… Like I care. She’s welcome to him.’ I take a bite of pizza and chew quickly.
They both look surprised. ‘But we thought you were so upset?’ Taz says, looking at me intently. ‘I mean, Emily was really out of order to do that.’
‘Hah!’ Dan snorts. ‘If you ask me, she’s a right little skank.’ He sounds so camp when he says this I have to marvel that his sexual preferences never crossed my mind before.