Rosalie studied the brick wall in her bedroom until her eyes grew foggy with sleep. She could feel final exams already weighing on her, though exams wouldn't be happening for another three months. Still, despite the pressure to do well, get good grades, maintain her GPA... she couldn't fight the intense, burning sensation in her chest that fired up at the thought of Arden Dodge.
A Kaiserslautern match was playing on her computer, where she could watch Joanna on the same field as Arden, on the same side as Arden. She could watch the season on repeat and watch Joanna tackle Arden after they won a match from early in Joanna's Kaiserslautern season. It was all from a faraway view, where Rosalie felt her soul floating off and away—away from where she could watch the way Arden spun Joanna, an arm around her back, her free fist thrust in the air in triumph.
The two things Arden wanted the most—to win every game and Joanna Spencer.
That isn't far off from how I feel now, Rosalie thought, the hot, angry sensation in her chest dwindling into muted discomfort. She wasn't Arden, nor would she ever be. She was different. She was normal.
She rubbed a finger against the scar and sighed. Am I normal? She wondered, distantly, as her thoughts then spiraled around Joanna.
She tipped back on her bed, legs strewn to the side. Beside her, Khoshekh mewed as he rose, arced his back, and stretched out next to her side. She folded an arm over him and idly stroked his fur as she considered the parts of prom she would miss without Joanna there. They wouldn't get their photos taken together. They wouldn't dance together, wear fancy dresses together. Though, she couldn't picture Joanna in a ballgown. Lately, Rosalie couldn't picture herself in dresses, but she blamed practice on that. She constantly felt gross, but perhaps that was a deeply-seeded emotional problem that had to do with the way she was treating Joanna.
She wanted to treat Joanna right for once, dammit. Joanna had spent all of fall semester catering to her.
She grabbed her phone and dialed up the person she knew would have answers. Someone capable of helping her. Someone... in a relationship, who appreciated her relationship with Joanna. Someone who knew Joanna well.
She put her phone to her ear and waited through the rings. They chimed before cutting off abruptly to the sound of, "Well hey hey, Mason."
"Jamie-Lee, hey," Rosalie said with a nervous smile. She sat up a bit, pushed up to her elbow, still scratching Khoshekh's belly. "Listen, I need your help with something."
"Absolutely anything. I'm down," he said, and so Rosalie took a deep breath and prepared to unleash everything that was on her mind—from Arden to Joanna and everything in between. And, then, she confessed the one thing she could offer without sacrificing her USW career with Joanna.
"I want to ask Joanna to prom, but it needs to be... big, I think. Something she can't turn down," Rosalie said, but the moment she said it, she worried that 'big' wasn't Joanna's style.
But then again, they were talking about a girl who danced to ABBA down the center aisle during the Homecoming crowning. Rosalie didn't die from embarrassment then, but she was certainly close. It was only fair that she returned the favor. It would take more than her handful of confidence to do whatever Jamie-Lee had on his mind.
"Give me a day to think about it," Jamie said. "Do you mind if I ask Blake about it?"
"Yeah, sure," she said. If anyone would have a flamboyantly gay idea, it would be Blake Miles, the king of Adam High.
All it took, though, was admitting she wanted to do something for Joanna. The moment she hung up, the weight of that knowledge was lifted from her mind where a new idea sunk in. It clung to her all that night as she rationalized, No, that's too out-there. Joanna would never go for it. All the next morning as she poured a mug of coffee for herself, she could only think, But... it might work? Is it too crazy? No, it's just crazy enough. This is Joanna we're talking about.
In under twenty-four hours, she had her plan, and it was all thanks to Jamie-Lee's encouragement.
She decided to catch Jamie-Lee before study hall that next day, when Joanna was back to avoiding her, ignoring her. She knew by now that she had grown numb to it, but her determination made it sting worse than ever. Rosalie's inability to focus during class was starting to take its toll, especially that day when they were grading each others chemistry quizzes and hers came back with an 8/10—unheard of in her straight-A books.
She stared at the numbers. She never bothered to look until then—it was always a perfect score. She turned to look at the student behind her, who had graded her quiz. The girl shrugged as she passed her quiz forward. Their teacher was asking that they all do the same, to collect them at the front of the classroom.
Rosalie took the girl's quiz and, with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, she passed her quiz forward.
Eight out of ten, she thought, unsure if she was mortified or if she really was nauseous.
It wasn't enough to dock her valedictorian status, but if a student performed better than her, an eight out of ten was enough to sabotage her podium status at graduation.
I should have done better, she thought, long after her quiz was collected, and long after she went on with her day stuck in an eight-out-of-ten attitude. It seemed... wrong to have a completely different mindset from the past seventeen-going-on-eighteen years of her life. Her entire school career had been focused around two things: grades and sports, grades and sports.
If only hormones didn't get in the way. No, that wasn't right. She was fine with Joanna as an integral part of her school career.
If only Arden didn't get in the way.
Rosalie clenched her teeth, jaw ticking as she shut her locker door. She started down the hall and glanced in the direction of the Stud.Co. office where she could see the names pasted on the window. The gap where her and Joanna's names had been was now filled—by Harper and Jace, no less. It was almost laughable to see them on there, but it made sense. Harper Winters was still a social icon in their grade, and with a school as massive as Bradshaw, familiar names tended to end up on nomination lists.
When she arrived at the lunch room, their study hall table was already full. There, she found Ray sitting with Lennie, who had his face hidden behind the pages of a book for AP English. Ray had a foot up on the bench, tapping a pen on her knee. When Rosalie entered the scene, she looked up and glanced around Jamie-Lee, who was sitting on the table just like any other day. Juliana was beside him, hunched over a history textbook.
"Yikes, girl, what's with the frown?" Ray asked as Rosalie dropped onto the bench beside her. Jamie-Lee twisted around, legs crossed, poised and ready to listen.
"Didn't do too well on a chemistry quiz," she confessed, which brought attention from Lennie. Like her, Lennie was on the track for valedictorian status, and if he wasn't such a soccer fanatic, Rosalie wouldn't be surprised if the guy wound up going to an Ivy League university.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Eight out of ten," she said, and Lennie grimaced and went back to his book.
Ray glanced from him back to Rosalie. "Seriously? That's it?" she said. "I don't think I've ever gotten above an eight out of ten."
Rosalie sighed. She could never quite understand Ray's disinterest in performing her best during tests and quizzes. If anything, Ray was a team player. Her specialty was in group projects and presenting—not standard testing.
"I don't expect you to understand. I'm just a bit bummed about it," Rosalie confessed. "When was the last time you got under a nine, Lennie?"
"Freshmen year," he said.
"Seriously?!" Ray shrieked. Juliana jumped to attention, eyes wide, as Lennie shrugged indifferently. Evidently, he was used to Ray's outbursts. Ray gestured to Lennie, staring at Juliana as she said, "I'm dating a fucking nerd."
"You know that before we started dating," Lennie said.
"Yeah, it's not exactly in the fine print," Jamie-Lee said, and grinned when Lennie looked dully at him from over the book cover. Jamie leant back on his hands and tipped his head back to Rosalie to say, "I'm still thinking on what we talked about."
The dread from chemistry class that morning lifted. "Oh, that's fine. Honestly, just ranting about it gave me an idea," she confessed. "I still might need your help though. I'm thinking closer to the date, when it's nicer outside?"
Jamie pursed his lips curiously. "Outdoors? Why?"
"Because we'll be practicing out on the fields again—around track season, I mean," Rosalie explained.
Jamie hesitated again. "... During practice."
"Yeah. Well, after practice, before it ends," she explained. She furrowed her brow. "I think?"
Juliana put her pen down and said, "Okay, what the Hell are you two talking about."
Rosalie looked at Jamie, who looked back, mouth falling into the shape of an "O". He grimaced a little and shook his head. "It's... a surprise," Rosalie said with a sweet smile.
Juliana put her hands on her hips and said, "You can't lie your way out of this."
"It's not a lie, I'm just trying to convince you to drop it," Rosalie said, and Ray snorted beside her and gave her a nudge in the arm.
"Good fucking luck," she said, and Juliana stuck her tongue out at Ray for it. "I'm just saying that dropping things isn't your specialty. You still bring up that time I stole your graham crackers in elementary school."
Juliana gasped in horror and said, "I forgot about it for a while, but now I remember, you bitch!"
Jamie cracked up as Ray tore a page from her notebook, crumpled it up, and chucked it at Juliana. Juliana dodged it and twisted around to watch it ping off of the table behind her and onto the floor. She pointed to it and said, "Pick it up!"
"No," Ray said.
"Ray!" Juliana squeaked, horrified. She got to her feet, swung off of the bench, and went to pick up the litter herself. She shook it at Ray and said, "You know, sometimes I wonder."
Ray waited for her to finish, but when Juliana said nothing, Ray threw her arms up, laughing, and said, "You wonder about what?!"
Juliana shrugged, expression dull. "I just wonder, you know."
Rosalie didn't realize she was smiling until she burst into giggles. She clasped a hand over her mouth when Juliana looked at her and, likewise, Ray did as well. Jamie-Lee threw his head back and laughed, still perched atop the table until the exact moment they were all interrupted by a teacher entering the lunchroom and saying, "Hey—off the table!"
Jamie squeaked as he scrambled off of the table, his feet hitting the ground as he saluted the teacher and said, "Yes, sir! Sorry about that!"
The teacher squinted at him as Rosalie stifled her barely contained laughter. Jamie held his ground until the teacher turned away. He slumped forward then with a breath of relief and said, "Aye yai, yai, I really can't get another detention... That was a close one."
"You're always living on the edge, Berry," Ray said with a snicker, arms folded over her notebook.
Rosalie propped her chin on her hand, leaning up against the table. One thing was certain: her friends always managed to lift her spirits, and it amazed her that they were all still here and that Lennie and Jamie-Lee had somehow snuck their way into the group. For so long she had existed cordially and professionally alongside Lennie—they were both soccer captains, so it was expected that they'd speak once in a while, albeit insignificantly. Back in those days, it took every ounce of her willpower not to combust from the sheer panic of appearing presentable in front of her longterm crush.
Now? None of that mattered. She was pleased that Ray had found merit in Lennie's company.
***
The days would go on and with them, Joanna's distance remained unaffected by Rosalie's secretive plans with Jamie-Lee. Joanna would go on to sit with the football crew at lunch, and would grudgingly participate in practice for the sake of not being brought in front of Principle O'Gallagher again. Coach Maguire had threatened her with it after the first few grueling practices of suicides due to Joanna's indifference to her position on the team.
"Lest you forget the reason you're on this team to begin with," Coach had said, referencing to Joanna's infraction with Jace Clemons. Suspension, and possible expulsion—which was now compounded by the alternative: attending Adams High, where Georgina Saber stalked the halls.
Evidently, according to Jamie-Lee, Blake's influence at Adams High had succeeded in one of two things: convincing everyone to give Georgina the cold shoulder, which then amounted to everyone being terrified of her. No one spoke to Georgina unless they wanted to have their backs slammed into a locker, or their hair tied into knots—as one girl could attest to after her long hair had skimmed Georgina's desk. Georgina had spent the entire lecture tying the ends into bows.
Rosalie never would have learned of this had she not visited Jamie-Lee that Friday after practice. The usual carpooling landed her in Lennie's car once again, and as she sat herself in the backseat, she leant forward to say, "You can drop me off at Jamie's place today."
Lennie's brow furrowed and he met her eyes through the rearview mirror. Ray twisted around to say, "Really? Why?"
Rosalie shrugged. "Nothing in particular. We just have plans. Why's that so weird?"
"I wouldn't say... weird. It's just that I really only see you guys hanging out when all of us are there," Ray said, glancing at Lennie, and Rosalie could hear the suggestion in her voice—that Ray and Lennie would play chaperone.
Rosalie sighed and said, "He has a boyfriend. Why is this so difficult for you?"
Ray shrugged and slumped back in her seat, saying, "Fine, whatever."
"I haven't been over to the Berry's in a while," Lennie said, putting the car into drive.
"It's probably a disaster," Ray said, quietly, with a feigned, vague sense of horror.
"Guys..." Rosalie sighed. She could see where this was going from a mile away.
"We could just... pop in, for a bit?" Ray suggested.
"Help make the house look presentable," Lennie said.
"You're both ridiculous," Rosalie said, and with a wave of her hand, she concluded, "Fine, I guess you two could tag along."
And, so, they took to Jamie-Lee's neighborhood where Lennie parked the car in the driveway and stepped out onto the pavement. Rosalie followed suit, swinging her duffle over one shoulder. It was dark by now and the front porch light flickered on when the three of them walked up. A few windows were glowing, sheltered by curtains. One such window beside the door pulled aside, and Rosalie found Jamie-Lee there, gasping at the sight of Lennie with her.
The door came unlocked and swung open a second later. "My guy! What're you doing here?" Jamie cried, flinging himself at Lennie. He squeezed the life out of Lennie's neck, his legs hooked around his waist.
Lennie staggered, and if it weren't for Ray, he would have tipped off of the stoop. She steadied the two of them as Lennie walked over the threshold and into the house, saying, "I'm just here to clean, dude."
"I didn't think he was serious about that," Ray muttered under her breath. She glanced at Rosalie, who smiled sheepishly. She expected nothing less from Lennie.
Jamie hopped back to his feet, thrust his arms out, and with a broad sweep of his hand, gestured to the house. "Come in, come in. Mi casa es su casa, as the French say," Jamie said. The foyer was warm and illuminated by the chandelier overhead, and Rosalie attributed the warmth to the insulation of papers, jackets, and shoes strewn across every available surface.
Ray put her hands on her hips as Rosalie shut the door behind them. She had to clear a path with her foot to do so. "You know, I don't even take a language and I know that's not French," Ray said.
Jamie mimicked her posture. "Yeah, probably 'cause Lennie speaks French to you all the time."
Lennie punched Jamie-Lee in the arm without reservation. Rosalie cupped a hand over her mouth to hide her smile as Jamie whimpered and cradled the bruise.
Rosalie stepped over a stack of books and shuffled across the foyer to where the stairs circled up to the second floor. On one side of the stairwell, shoes were stacked up against the wall, and Rosalie left her sneakers behind at the base of the stairs before taking the first few steps up. Lennie was asking Jamie what the state of the kitchen was, to which Jamie replied, "Oh, it's manageable."
Lennie looked back at Ray and said, "It's a war zone. Are you sure you wanna stick around?"
Ray shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."
"Shouldn't you be studying?" he asked, already heading in the direction of the kitchen.
Ray followed close behind, out of view from where Rosalie was leaning against the railing to watch them go. She listened to the tail end of Ray saying, "Studying my ass. I'd rather eat grass."
Below, Jamie-Lee started up the stairs and shooed Rosalie up. She kicked back into motion and circled up to the second floor as Jamie asked, "So what's the plan? Do we have a timeline?"
"Yes, I've figured out when it needs to happen," Rosalie said. This was due to several factors: She couldn't depend on the weather, for one, and she had to account for what came after. If by some miracle Joanna agreed to go to prom with her, they needed time to prepare. Would they make reservations at a restaurant? What would they do after the dance? Would there be an after party?
They arrived at Jamie's room, Rosalie waited until he shut the door to say, "I want it to happen in the first week of April, which will give me two months to learn how to drive."
Jamie paused, his hand still on the doorknob. He turned to stare at Rosalie, who bit her lip to hide her nervous but giddy smile. "I... know you don't drive, so I was wondering if you'd want to... join me? We could get our permits together."
She looked hopefully to him, her hands clenched around the strap of her duffle bag. Jamie stepped away from the door, clearing his throat. He looked nervously away and admitted, "I don't know. Driving makes me anxious, and Lennie's pretty good at it so I've just..."
"But Lennie won't always be there," Rosalie insisted, and the idea seemed to pain him. "Same with Blake, unfortunately."
"I know you're right, but it doesn't make it any less terrifying," he said, passing a hand through his dark curls. He sighed and offered a light, hesitant smile, "Why haven't you gotten your license yet?"
Rosalie shrugged, "Because people were always there for me. But... I want to learn to stop depending on people. And I think this is a good first step. I want to show Joanna that I'm not here to depend on her, or anything like that. Like we can be our own two people, and we can do our own things."
They had the same exact class schedule, and it was easy last semester to fall into the habit of partnering up with Joanna, walking everywhere with Joanna, sitting next to Joanna. They were still near each other, but this spring semester had shown Rosalie just how much she depended on Joanna's company. At lunch she often caught herself waiting for Joanna's snarky remarks so that she could banter with her.
They wouldn't always be at each others' sides, and she knew now that Joanna didn't trust Rosalie as much as Rosalie trusted her. Joanna didn't believe Rosalie could hold her own.
Rosalie would show her.
She looked down at her feet as she set her duffle against the wall. After clearing her throat, she added, "And I don't want this to be, like... me asking for Joanna to depend on me. At USW, I want us to depend on ourselves, and I think that means reminding Joanna that she's..."
"Badass?" Jamie offered with a grin.
Rosalie nodded, a wistful smile on her lips. "Yeah. I get the sense that she forgets that she's strong when she's around Georgina. It'll probably be the same with Arden."
"How do you convince someone they're, you now—capable of being badass?" Jamie asked. He slumped back on his bed and Rosalie went to join him.
She flopped back onto the comforter and shook her head. After a moment, she groaned and put her hands over her face and confessed, "I have no idea. None at all." She dropped her hands off to the side, her curly ponytail swept overhead. She looked at Jamie, who turned to her, legs crossed. It was an endearing image of Jamie-Lee that reminded Rosalie that she was thrilled to be his friend. After four years of categorizing him as the class clown, she found him to be incredibly sweet and comforting to be around.
She straightened and said, "But I know what I want to do for prom. And why I need the car. I just need your help picking a song."
Jamie smiled wide, crinkling his nose up. "Okay, weird. How cliche are we talking?"
"Super cliché," Rosalie said. "Because she hates clichés and she's a hypocrite because of it."
"Fair enough," he said. "What genre?"
"Anything by ABBA."
a/n: Sorry for the delay! I wound up writing most of this chapter today, so apologies for any errors 😅
What do you think Rosalie's gonna do for the prom-posal?
Also, I'm posting a new book! Serial Dating updates every Tuesday and Friday :) It's about a barista crushing on the university's star football running back, who has an addiction to Tinder hehe