I didn't sleep well that night. When I was asleep, my mind kept replaying Li's death over and over until I'd wake up. When I did wake up, it was in a cold sweat and there were tears staining my cheeks. I could still see Li's eyes the moment before Grey snapped his neck. They were full of fear. Full of confusion. And it'd been my fault.
So, when the clock finally hit 7 am, I rolled out of bed, thoroughly exhausted but giving up on any chance of decent rest. I tugged the hemline of Grey's T-shirt down, hoping that it would somehow stretch and cover more of me.
I don't know why Grey seeing me like this made me uncomfortable. It's not like it's anything he hadn't seen before, but I felt like I couldn't trust him anymore.
I pulled the bedroom doors open, surprised to see Grey was already awake and sitting upright on the sofa. He held a mug of coffee in his hand, his eyes slowly rising up my body- much like the blush to my cheeks.
"Morning," he murmured lowly, his irises blazing a blue fire as they gazed into mine.
Fuck. I felt the heat burning in my cheeks and broke his gaze, looking down at my feet awkwardly. How is it that he can do that to me by merely looking at me? I felt like a prepubescent child who had just experienced the glory of hormones for the first time.
"Morning," I replied coolly, lumbering over to the kitchen space and pouring my own coffee.
I was a little discouraged to discover there wasn't any creamer, but I didn't mind black coffee, so it was fine. I wrapped my hands around the mug tightly, cradling the heat as if it would somehow warm my heart. Wishful thinking, I suppose.
I walked over and sat down on the opposite edge of the couch from Grey, resting my mug down on the coffee table.
"Sleep okay?" Grey asked, taking a sip.
"Fine," I replied curtly, unwilling to engage in any sort of conversation.
I'd expressed too much of my emotions last night, and it made me uncomfortable talking to him now. At one point, I'd felt extremely comfortable talking to him about anything. Now, it felt like talking to a stranger. I know I'd said what I needed to last night, but that didn't make me feel any better about it. I'd cried in front of him, shown him that he had completely broken me and that no amount of time could heal me. I'd admitted my weaknesses to him. For that, I was embarrassed.
"You don't have to lie to me, you know. I know you, Greene," he replied gently.
"I slept fine, Grey. Just leave it," I snapped back, taking a drink of my coffee.
"I felt it. All night long. Just so you know. Your grief. Regret. Anguish. Guilt. You don't get to do that to yourself. Not when it was me who did it," he clenched his jaw a little, eyeing me.
"And you did it because of me, so yes, Grey, I get to blame myself," I retorted icily.
"Always the martyr," Grey grumbled under his breath.
"When is Michael going to get here?" I asked, changing the subject before I lunged at Grey's throat.
"Any minute now. He had said he'd be here around dawn," he explained, taking another drink.
I glanced out the set of windows to my right. He had a great view overlooking the Seine. You could see the tiny people below, shuffling quickly by the building on their way to work. The sky was a pastel pink, growing closer and closer to orange with each passing moment.
"Pretty sunrise," Grey hummed.
"We don't have to do that, you know. Small talk," I said coldly.
Grey raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips as if he were amused.
"Of course you'd rather sit in silence," his eyes twinkled mischievously as he spoke.
"Can you please just shut up? Please. I'm not interested in anything you have to say until Michael gets here," I clenched my jaw tightly, turning back to look at the sunrise.
"What happened to 'I still love you' and all that shit last night?" Grey narrowed his eyes a little.
"I do love you. Way too much for my own good. So much that despite hating you for everything you've done to me and to others, I'm still here, waiting to hear your side of the story," I replied coldly, my eyes meeting his in an icy glare.
"I love you too," Grey breathed softly, his gaze way too intense for me to hold.
I looked back at the sunrise, ignoring the chill racing up my spine. I watched the first bit of the suns rays reach above the earth, illuminating the horizon in a neon orange glow.
At that very moment, a knock resounded at the door.
I turned to Grey, who stood up and walked over to it. He opened the door wide, allowing Michael in.
He was in a light grey suit, his fawn brown hair trimmed neatly at all sides. Michaels warm eyes met mine and crinkled as a smile curled on his lips. He was stupid beautiful. A different kind of beautiful than Grey, but beautiful nonetheless. He was the embodiment of Archangel.
"Miss Greene, it's a pleasure to see you again," Michael greeted me warmly, outstretching a hand for me to shake.
I glanced at it, then looked back up at him. After realizing I wasn't about to be courteous, he took his hand back, brushing it awkwardly on his slacks.
"I want to know the truth, Michael. Now," I said sternly.
Michael sucked in a deep breath, glancing at Grey, then back at me.
"Before we continue, I need to check on something. First of all, has your soul been... acting up? Are you finding it difficult to control?" He asked politely, leaning against the kitchen counter.
I paused.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I scowled.
"I'll take that as a yes. Now, Miss Greene, will you give me your hand?" Michael pushed off of the countertop and strolled over to me, offering me his hand again.
"Why?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Please, Miss Greene. You'll understand soon," he replied with a cordial smile.
I huffed and outstretched my arm, placing my hand in his. Michael closed his eyes, his lips moving so subtly as if he were muttering words only he were meant to hear. After a moment, his eyelids flew open and he dropped my hand, taking a step back and nodding. He glanced to Grey.
"She's right where we wanted her. Azrael, this is your story to tell. You've been through enough. I'll take my leave and give you two some privacy," Michael acknowledged Grey with a curt nod.
"Thank you," Grey's shoulders appeared to slump a little in relief as we watched Michael turn on his heel and start walking towards the door.
"Oh. Before I forget. We will be back to collect her tomorrow morning. But, Azrael?" Michael let out a breath. "You're welcome to come."
Something unreadable flashed in Grey's eyes, and disappeared the next moment. At that, Michael turned back around and left, closing the door firmly behind him.
Grey turned around to look at me, his cerulean eyes burning with a million different emotions- emotions that I felt I would never understand.
He sucked in a breath, and then began.
"A few weeks ago, Michael informed me what the tablet we had discovered in the crypt had read. It said that the only way to unPledge you was to 'break the bonds that bound'. In other words, the only way to unPledge your soul from me was to break the thing that had made you Pledge to me in the first place. Your heart," Grey explained softly, his eyes never leaving mine.
I felt my heart stop beating for a moment. I couldn't hardly breathe, let alone speak. So, Grey continued.
"Siobhan was phase one. I knew the only way you would ever leave me is if I cheated on you. So I made you think I did. Or, that was the plan anyway. That day, when you found Siobhan and I-," Grey let out a breath, clenching his jaw as if he were in pain. "-I didn't sleep with her. The plan had been that I would, but I couldn't do it. I could hardly even kiss her. And when you found us, and you asked if I'd fucked her, I couldn't even lie to you and tell you I had. But Siobhan, being as jealous as she was, wanted to break us up and unknowingly played into the plan. So she told you I'd fucked her. But I never did. It was all a ruse to break your heart."
Grey paused, watching me carefully. I couldn't breathe now. I couldn't think straight.
"Li was the second phase. I knew you loved me more than I ever deserved, and that would make it hard to break the Pledge. I knew that you would still have faith in me, still have a little hope that maybe it had all been a lie. And after I saved you at that fire at Notre Dame- Michael insisted I break your heart one last time to ensure the Pledge was broken. So, he had me murder Li. To remove any faith you had left in me and effectively sever the Pledge bond," Grey explained.
My heart was pounding in my chest, ringing in my ears until it was all I could hear.
Grey had broken my heart to save my soul. He'd broken his own heart to save my soul. He'd let me hate him and try to kill him and-
I could feel the tears burning down my cheeks like wildfire.
"No you didn't. You didn't do- tell me you-," the tears were flowing freely now, anguish and pain building up in my chest and pounding against my rib cage.
Grey hurried over to my side, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I looked up into his eyes, which were brimming with tears as well.
Grey? Was crying?
"Tell me you didn't do that. Please. Tell me you're lying," I cried, gripping his T-shirt fiercely.
It would be so much easier to hate him than to process what he'd done for me, what torture he'd put himself through for me.
"Hurting you like that, even if it was to save you- it was the most agonizing thing I've ever done. I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking as a single tear ran down his cheek.
"Why did you let me hate you? Why-," I couldn't finish the sentence, sobs wracking my body as I trembled against his chest.
"I'm so sorry I did this to you," he croaked.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tighter than he ever had before.
"You- I never would've- how could you just-" I sobbed, my entire body shaking now.
"Shhh. It's okay. I love you. I love you so much. You didn't know. You couldn't have known," he hummed softly against the top of my head, his hands running up and down my back.
"You let- I hated you! You- why did you-"
"It's okay, Greene. It's all over now. I know you might never forgive me for doing this to you- but I-," he paused, "-I love you Greene. I had to do what you needed me to, even if it killed me."
I sobbed against his chest, gripping him fiercely as if he would be ripped away from me if I let go.
He'd put himself through torture to let me rePledge, to give me the choice that Lucifer had stolen from me. He'd let me beat him up, curse at him, hate him, try to kill him, blame everything on him- all to save my soul. All to save me.
I'd once thought that sacrificing my life for Grey was a testament of our love. I'd believed that I'd been the only one who would have to sacrifice anything that great in our relationship. I had thought that giving my life in place of his was the ultimate sacrifice.
I was wrong.
My life had meant something to me, sure. Of course I didn't want to die. But I would've rather died than gone through what Grey did for me. I would've rather died than lived for days on end knowing he hated me and wished he'd never loved me. I would've given my life so quickly if it meant I would never have to feel that pain.
Grey hadn't given up his life for me. He'd given up his love for me. He had once told me that I was his everything, and he'd given me up to save me.
That- that was true sacrifice. That was love.