(Y/N) hadn't moved.
Arguably, she had been moving the whole time, her entire body shaking with a ferocity Luciel had never seen in a human before, but her position hadn't changed even once.
"Feel like shit, yet? Or need me to beat it into you?" Vanderwood called from behind Luciel. The brunette male hadn't said a word to him since they found Saeran and (Y/N). He was too pissed with the redhead. Luciel had consciously refrained from telling Vanderwood that their 'reconnaissance trip' was really a hostage exchange because he knew how the older man would feel about it.
Then again, older men, in general, were usually right. Lived a couple more years. Smarter. Wiser.
Luciel now wished he had spoken to Vanderwood before following through his plans, regretting his every decision.
"You can beat it into me," Luciel offered. He did feel like shit, worse than shit, actually, but he thought he deserved pain after what he realized he was putting (Y/N) through.
Vanderwood was quiet for a moment, watching as Luciel stared at (Y/N) while she trembled on the bed. The room was dark, and for once, Luciel wasn't fiddling away on his laptop.
Luciel heard Vanderwood sigh. "You can talk to me, you know? You don't need to pretend."
Luciel ignored Vanderwood's words, staring forward as (Y/N) kept trembling. "Fine," Luciel heard Vanderwood say before walking forward. "See if you can get her to drink this water. It might help."
Without waiting for a response, Vanderwood left the room, leaving Luciel awkwardly holding the glass of water. "Uh, (Y/N)?" He murmured, awkwardly trying to get the girl's attention. He knew she was conscious; her eyes were scrunched tight, and she had groaned something incomprehensible on the way back to the cabin every time someone touched into her. But conscious doesn't mean aware, Luciel remembered dully, unsure of what to do.
He shifted himself half onto the bed and tried to pull (Y/N) into a sitting position, and the girl's eyes fluttered open for a brief second. "Drink," Luciel whispered, putting the glass to her lips. He wasn't even sure if the girl had processed what he said, but he saw her sip from the glass ever-so-slightly and sighed in relief.
"Shit, (Y/N)," He began, "I'm so sorry. Fuck. I don't know what I was thinking and-"
Luciel saw (Y/N)'s eyes open, her irises dilated to give them a glossy look. "S...Sae...." Luciel's ears perked up. (Y/N) could speak? Was she going to say his name? Does she even know that my real name is Saeyoung? Luciel thought to himself, staring intently as (Y/N) struggled to speak.
"Saeran?" She finally said, opening her eyes.
Luciel felt himself shrink inside, realizing that while the girl before him was conscious, she wasn't herself. She thinks I'm my brother, Luciel thought, trying not to let himself feel saddened by the realization.
Too temporarily stunned to speak, Luciel gazed into (Y/N)'s eyes and saw the glossy look in her pupils. She was seeing, yes, but not seeing. Aware, but not aware. (Y/N), but not (Y/N).
"Y-yeah," The redhead stuttered out, willing to play along with (Y/N)'s hallucination if it would make her feel even a little better. "It's me, (Y/N). Saeran."
(Y/N) chuckled a little, coughing as the light breaths left her throat. "I've missed you...so much."
"Yeah, I know," Luciel whispered, stroking the girl's hair tenderly. "I've...missed you, too."
"Really?" The snowy-haired girl's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Saeran, these past few days have been horrible. I...I think I swallowed the Elixir again somehow. I don't remember anything. But everything hurts."
Luciel tore his gaze away from (Y/N).
I'm sorry, he wanted to say, but didn't. If he apologized now, while (Y/N) was in such a delusional state, it would only be for his personal sanity. It would be a selfish act, done out of self-preservation. The girl was too confused to do anything other than forgive him, and Luciel wasn't sure he deserved forgiveness.
"The pain will go away," Luciel whispered, but he couldn't be sure.
When Vanderwood's car had finally caught up to Saeran, the boy had struggled endlessly before he allowed the group to take (Y/N). Even then, he had insisted on coming along and refused to say a word to Luciel, ignoring the redhead completely as he rode back to the cabin on the top of Vanderwood's car, whereupon he set up camp outside the cabin so that he could be close to (Y/N) at all times but wouldn't have to tolerate the sight of Luciel.
When asked if (Y/N) would be okay, Saeran had only turned his head away, unable to answer.
"Will it, really?" (Y/N) said to Luciel, gazing at him with eyes full of hope. She didn't wait for an answer. "Thank you, Saeran. You're always here for me."
She reached a shaky hand out from her spot on the bed to rest a palm on top of Luciel's. "Lay with me on the bed," She whispered to Luciel, and he was too weak to refuse.
As he brought an arm around her, though, she had already fallen asleep in his arms, murmuring a soft, 'thank you, Saeran,' before she had drifted off completely, the quaking of her body ceased.
Luciel groaned, his stomach twisting.
He had fucked everything up.
(Y/N) was in pain. Saeran wouldn't speak to him. Vanderwood was pissed. Even V, who had a million secrets of his own, felt that Luciel had made the wrong decision in going through with the hostage exchange.
"If I could do it all over..." Luciel mused out loud, wondering.
If he could change his actions, what better course was there to take? Luciel at least had Saeran now, that was a huge step. His eyes flicked downward to (Y/N), where a light perspiration had broken out on her forehead. Was it worth it? He wondered.
"Luciel!" He heard Vanderwood shout.
The redhead darted out of bed, not wanting the elderly man to misread the situation. "What?" Luciel asked.
"It's...your brother."
Luciel's eyes widened, and then he was out of the room, heading straight for Saeran.
***
"Stay ba-" Saeran tried to shout, holding a hand up to stop Luciel from coming any closer, but couldn't complete his sentence as he began vomiting into a bush. "S-stay back!" He repeated weakly, his entire body shivering.
"Please," Luciel pled, "You need help, Saera-"
"Don't call me that!" Saeran shouted, further edged on before he continued retching on the ground. Luciel stared in shock. His brother wasn't throwing up any solids, it was all liquid - a sick, neon blue-green liquid that smelled of at least eight different chemicals.
Shit! The Elixir! Luciel thought to himself. That's what's Rika's been forcing Saeran to take? That's what (Y/N) has in her bloodstream?
The situation wasn't good. Vanderwood pressed a hand to Luciel's shoulder, holding the boy back before he could run to his brother like he wanted. "Don't, Luciel."
Luciel wanted to respond, convince Vanderwood that if he just had some time alone with his brother, he could explain—but Saeran started speaking before he could open his mouth. "Luciel?" His tone was mocking. "You didn't just abandon me, you abandoned everything. Your name. Your past. You were even going to abandon (Y/N)!" Saeran's voice rose, and he stood up, steadying himself against a birch tree. "Don't you know what they do to people in the Mint Eye?!"
Luciel didn't respond. He couldn't.
"Well?!" Saeran's angry tone would have been enough to make anyone flinch, but Luciel stood unmoving as his brother lashed out at him.
"You don't know anything! You're dumb! Useless! A jerk! You're such a fucking asshole! It's been years, years, and you can barely even talk to me! What the fuck were you thinking when you left?! How did you think I'd be happy?! Or was that a lie? Was it all just so that you'd be free of me, happy to do whatever you wanted without your little brother to weigh you down?"
"No!" Luciel shouted in response, horrified by the idea. "I-I didn't do it for me," He said, desperately hoping for Saeran to believe the words.
"You expect me to believe that you did it for me?!" Saeran shouted, furious at the prospect. Luciel saw his brother's jaw clench, his entire face contorted in unmasked anger.
"Yes," Luciel whispered. "I...You...I couldn't let you stay! You wouldn't have been happy!"
"You didn't have to leave!" Saeran shouted, and for a moment, Luciel thought he saw tears in his brother's eyes. "How the fuck did you expect me to be happy without you?!"
Vanderwood had gone back inside the cabin, giving the two Choi twins their privacy as they sorted out years of misunderstandings, resentment, and anger. Luciel took a step toward his brother, and then another when he realized that Saeran wasn't backing away.
"I..." Luciel didn't know what to say. "I saw pictures...Rika sent me pictures. Of you. Smiling. Happy."
"You saw two pictures where I wasn't frowning and concluded that I was living a life of rainbows and sunshine?! A life of happiness?! You couldn't even send me a message?!" Saeran's words were growing in volume, the younger brother growing angrier with every word. "You abandoned me. For no reason! The Savior...Rika...she...she couldn't replace you! No one could! Not her, not MC, not even (Y/N)!"
Luciel's eyes widened. "Saeran..." He murmured, now standing only a foot from his brother as he saw that his twin was crying. "I'm sorry."
Saeran looked away, unable to meet Luciel's eyes. "You think one apology changes anything?" The younger's tone was hostile, but it was no longer shouting, the previous anger every word was dipped in no longer present.
"No...but I won't ever leave again. I promise. I swear," Luciel fumbled around his neck, searching for the chain he had never taken off. The chain Saeran had given him for his seventh birthday. "I swear to God, Saeran, I won't ever leave you again. I swear to God, to you, to me, to everything."
Luciel noticed how Saeran's eyes settled on the silver cross around his neck. There was no doubt, they both remembered the day they had purchased it.
"Saeran, don't cry! Here, look, it's candy!" Seven-year-old Luciel exclaimed, trying to cheer his brother up as he wept on the sidewalk. The boy waved a lollipop in front of his brother's face, hoping to distract Saeran from the predicament they were in.
"B-b-b-b-but m-mommy said..." Saeran trailed off, barely able to form the first half of his sentence before breaking off into wails of distress.
"Mommy didn't mean it, Saeran," Luciel murmured, sitting next to his brother.
Their mother, abusive as ever, had shouted at the two of them to leave the house and to never come back, that they were the reason things were so tense between her and daddy and that everyone was better off without the two redhead twins.
"How do you know?" Saeran murmured, burrowing his head into his knees, horrified at the prospect of not having a home.
Luciel pondered for a moment, before jumping up. "Wait here, Saeran!" He called, already dashing off.
Saeran blinked, confused, but didn't cry. He had utter faith in his elder brother; Luciel would never leave him, he knew. They were twins. Two halves that were only complete when together. When all else failed, he knew his big brother would always be there by his side.
And he was right to trust in his brother! Luciel had returned, holding something shiny in his small hands. "Here!" He exclaimed, flashing Saeran a blinding grin. "This is how I know that everything will be okay!"
Saeran stared at the pendant. "A...plus sign?"
"No!" Luciel laughed. "A cross!"
"Oh," Saeran said, remembering the giant cross that decorated the church they sat in every Sunday, right next to V and Rika.
"God is watching over us, Saeran," Luciel said with a smile, trying to put the necklace around Saeran's neck, but the boy refused.
"You wear it," Saeran insisted stubbornly. Luciel arched an eyebrow, and the younger was quick to respond. "You'll watch over me, so I'm all taken care of. So you need someone to take care of you! So you should wear the necklace so God can watch over you!"
Saeran laughed, and in the moment, everything was okay. Mommy's words were forgotten, and daddy's abusive habits were bygones, because Saeran was being protected - by none other than his guardian angel big brother, who, in turn, was being shielded by God.
"Who...who's been protecting you all these years, with Rika so mental?" Luciel asked, regretting that the answer wasn't him.
"I've protected myself," Saeran whispered. "And you? Do mom and dad still beat you, or did you leave?"
"I..." Luciel swallowed. He doesn't know? He thought to himself, before recalling how controlling Rika had become. The woman wouldn't leak any information to Saeran that he didn't need.
"What?" Saeran's voice was sharp, sensing the hesitance in Luciel's tone. "What did you do, Saeyoung?"
Luciel bit his lip. It had been so long since anyone had called him 'Saeyoung.'
"I..."
Luciel couldn't force the words past his lips. They were simple. Three words that he'd already confessed once to Vanderwood before.
"Saeyoung." Saeran's tone grew serious. "What did you do."
Luciel swallowed, trying to keep the growing pit of anxiety in his stomach from rising. "Mom and dad...they...it's...it's why I gave you to Rika...I..."
Saeran said nothing as Luciel stammered out fragmented phrases, waiting for Luciel to say the words that would mean something. The white-haired boy was staring straight into Luciel's eyes, mint greens meeting gold in a confusing exchange of emotion.
"I killed them," Luciel whispered, his voice soft enough to have been carried away by the breeze.
Saeran held his silence, saying nothing.
Luciel tried to read the expression of the boy he once knew so well, hating that the mint green was like a mask that kept any true expression from showing. The redhead wanted to say something more, break the silence, but he knew that task was up to his brother.
"Do you...regret it?" Saeran asked.
Luciel was thrown off by the question.
"Do you think you made the wrong choice?" Saeran explained.
"No," Luciel said. "I did the right thing. The only thing I regret is...not keeping you with me afterward."
Saeran sighed, looking up at the sky. Only then did Luciel notice that it had darkened considerably. "Have you forgiven yourself for killing them?" Saeran murmured, not meeting Luciel's eyes.
The redhead looked down at the ground, noticing a trail of ants each carrying small pieces of leaves on top of their bodies. They were such small creatures, holding such a large burden over their heads as they worked together. He noticed the ants amalgamate into a small cube formation, protecting them as the sky let loose its first few drops of precipitation before the rest came tumbling down, turning into a full rainstorm within seconds, but the ants had united. They were protected, shielded from the rain.
"Yeah," Luciel said, not caring that he was getting wet. "I have."
"Good," Saeran said, meeting the redhead's eyes. "Why didn't you want to tell me?"
The way he asked the question, so innocently as if Luciel were keeping something trivial as a crush from Saeran, broke Luciel's heart. "It's...not something you want to admit, you know? It's like saying it out loud makes it more true. It's been so long since I've seen you, talked to you...I didn't want you to know what kind of person I'd become."
Saeran stared at the ground, not saying anything for such a long time that Luciel almost thought he had forgotten that they were in the middle of a conversation.
"I've killed people, too," Saeran whispered above the tumult of the rain.
"Fuck," Luciel said out of instinct, not noticing tears streaming down his own face as droplets of water mixed with them. "I was trying to protect you from that kind of life when I gave you to Rika."
Saeran chuckled, a sound Luciel hadn't heard in years. His golden irises widened as he gazed at the boy in front of him. "No surprise there, eh?" Saeran said with an amused smile. "We're two halves to the same whole. If you're a killer, so am I. When you're miserable, so am I. When you're happy, so am I. Funny how life has worked out."
Luciel ran a hand through his hair, swiping back red strands that clung to his forehead. "Does that mean you're happy right now, Saeran?" He asked, desperately hoping that the answer was a yes. "Cause I know it's fucked up, but the fact that you're even here....makes me happier than I've been in a long time."
Saeran's response wasn't immediate, but he eventually did open his mouth. "Yeah, Saeyoung. I am...happy." He flashed a lazy grin at his brother, a smile that Luciel had missed in their time apart. "Should I call you Luciel from now on? That'll take some getting used to, bu-"
"No," He said firmly. "I...I'm not Luciel. Luciel didn't have a brother. He didn't kill his parents. Luciel was a good kid."
"Then Luciel sounds like a boring fuck," Saeran said, chuckling.
"He was," The redhead said, smiling. "I'm ready to be Saeyoung again."
Saeran smiled. "Good." He offered his hand out for Saeyoung to shake.
"A handshake?" Saeyoung scoffed. "We haven't seen each other in half a decade, and you want a handshake? Fuck that." Saeyoung said, pulling his brother in for a tight hug.
"I didn't consent to this," Saeran grumbled before grudgingly wrapping his arms around his brother in return, sighing as the rain beat down around them, weighing down every spot in the world except the ground where they stood: two halves united as one for the first time in years. In their tight embrace, they didn't notice time passing, the rain stopping, the ants on the ground moving onward.
To the Choi twins, the world had finally stopped for them and given them a break. A chance to breathe. A chance to be with each other. Nothing would ever be able to convince them otherwise.
Word count: 3.1k
Notes: Soo we actually ended up tying with 2 votes for Saeran and 2 for Saeyoung, that's why this chapter was so late. I kept thinking that someone would come along and break the tie...but it's not fair to those who are reading, so I flipped a coin and ended up going with the Saeyoung route. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you in the next update!
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Next Update: 03/05/20
I do not own the rights to Mystic Messenger or any of the characters within it.