LENA POV
As I stepped off the plane at JFK airport my stomach was in knots and I had not stopped crying since Stef called me two days ago. Those two days had been a complete blur as I scrambled around to get my things together and get a plane ticket as well as make sure the kids were okay with Julius and Ryan. I was a mess as I had my dark shades on and grabbed my bag from the luggage downstairs. Being back in New York felt surreal and I swore I'd never step foot in it again but clearly that was not an option. Not at all and I never expected to get a call from Stef telling me my ex husband was dead.
"Lena!"
I turn to see Stef in her uniform waving at me amoung the crowded NYC airport as I take a deep breath, straighten my stature and walk over to her. "Hey, Stef," I say softly, not removing my sunglasses as she lets out a soft smile. One I had not seen in ages.
She looks a bit unsure of herself as she shoves her hands in her pockets. "Flight okay? You hungry?"
"It was fine. Thank you, and no, I'm okay. I ate a bit on the plane," I clearly lie as my stomach has been in knots and I can't bring myself to eat a bite.
She looks at me a bit before reaching for my bag. "Here, let me carry this for you. You must be exhausted," she says softly and I shake my head.
"It's okay, Stef. Really. I got this, but thank you for picking me up."
"I didn't drive," she laughs awkwardly as we begin walking together towards the exit.
"I didn't think so. It still was nice of you...ummm, Mom and Daddy will be here tomorrow sometime. Can they...I mean, ummm...they'll wait? Wait before sending the body, I mean Will to cremate?" My head is pounding, and I feel as if I'm in some scary bad dream and I just need for someone to wake me up from it all. I hadn't cried so hard ever in my entire life, and I was unsure how I was going to go and say goodbye. "Or I don't know what we will do, cremate or not...I'm..I'm not sure how this goes. Did he, did he look like himself?" I whisper as my voice cracks and I jump a bit as I feel Stef's soft hand on my arm. "Hey, now. I don't bite, hun. Can I hug you?"
"You...you want to hug me?"
"Lena, of course. I care you know. Our past is just that. The past. Water under the bridge, love."
Tears spring to my eyes almost immediately and burn the back of my throat as a small cry is caught in my throat. I nod as she pulls me in her arms hugging me as tight as ever as she whispers in my ear, "I'm so so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry." I whimper but finally break down again as I eventually hug her back. Never in life did I ever expect to hug this woman again. Ever but it felt so good, comforting and protective. Something for which I had been longing.
"I can't do this! I just can't!" I cry hoarsely into her neck as she tries her best to console me.
"I got you. I really do. It's okay. I wish I could take this pain away," she whispers back, and I soon realize she's crying as well as everyone fades away in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the busy airport. Somehow for the first time in two days, I'm able to find a touch of relief even though it lasts for only a couple of minutes, and that's all that matters right now as my very best friend in the world is no longer here and I'm unsure how to tell my kids.
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"Can I get you a glass of water, baby girl? Some snacks?" Dana was worried for her daughter and rightly so. This had taken the entire family by surprise and after Stuart had identified Will's body, they were able to contact the Army to come in and help give an honorable funeral. It had been a taxing couple of days for everyone who knew Will, and men who had fought side by side with him were also in attendance as well as Julius, Ryan, Tess, Jerry, Stefanie, Frankie and Corey.
"Water sounds good. I'm not really that hungry, Mom," Lena smiled weakly. "But on another note, I may go out for some coffee. I need some fresh air." She still had barely eaten, picking here and there, and this entire tragedy was beginning to take a toll on her. She was grateful for her friends who had helped with Frankie and Corey, helping her buy them outfits for the funeral and just helping her in general. It was super tough telling both kids even though they were so little they barely remembered their father.
*Flashback*
"So, he won't ever come and find us?" Frankie sat on the hotel bed as big tears formed in her eyes. The little girl was squeezing her little brother's hand for dear life.
"No, baby. Daddy has gone to be with the angels."
"He can fly? Can he see us?" Corey asked with such innocence, tears came to Lena's eyes.
"No, stupid head! He can't fly!" Frankie scowled at her brother as Lena frowned.
"Francesca, now is not the time to be mean to your brother. I told you from the start that you can ask as many questions as you would like, but being mean isn't an option!"
The young girl was angry, confused and sad as she glared right at her mother and folded her arms across her chest. Lena didn't know what to say or do as she looked at her small son.
"I think he is looking down on us right now and smiling. I don't know if he can fly though," she soothed as she placed her hand on top of Corey's.
Frankie began to play with the dog-tags around her neck as she listened to her mother's answer, as her little heart broke even more. She had held on to hope for so long that her daddy would come and find them, that this news was a giant blow to her little heart. "Can I please go find Grandma now?"
Lena nodded as her little girl ran off, and she was left to hug Corey who wrapped his little arms around her neck. "I love you, Mama."
*Flashback Ends*
The funeral had been a couple of days after Christmas, and the kids were very upset that everything was going to be postponed except the fact, they'd be heading to Maine soon with the promise of snow, sleigh rides and hot chocolate. Shipping Will's body to be buried by his grandfather in the family plot was the reason for the visit, and even though the kids didn't understand, Dana tried to have some semblance of a Christmas on the given day.
*Flashback*
"Breakfast! Everybody wake up! Santa remembered to bring you, all, at least one gift!"
"Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!" Corey hollered as he was the first one out of bed.
"Shut up, dumb head!" Frankie grumpily tossed her pillow at him, and Dana walked over to her granddaughter.
"Santa sometimes comes back to retrieve presents from naughty girls. Please do not throw the pillow at your brother again."
"Yes, Grandma," Frankie said remorsefully. She had been in a terrible mood since hearing the news of her father, but Christmas Day was something that didn't really cheer her up, either...except for the fact she had asked for a new Barbie and was hoping this was the day.
"Wake up, Stefanie!" Frankie tried to wake her sleeping cousin who covered her head with a pillow.
"I'll be there. Calm down," she glared at Frankie. They had arrived super late the night before and the poor girl was exhausted. Needless to say, Dana and Stuart made it a point to make that day special by playing games and watching movies with the kids while Lena and her friends sat back and tried to relax.
*Flashback Ends*
The curly-haired woman appreciated all that her parents and friends had done for her and the kids, and she really appreciated how she and Stef were able to put everything to the side for this life altering event. Knowing that she had a good support group was more than she could ever ask for, and as the memories of the last couple of days settle in on her, she couldn't help but cry.
"Lena?"
Lena wiped her eyes as she sat in the coffee shop drinking her coffee alone on the upper east side. How would someone know her here in New York City? Standing by the table was a nervous Cinnamon, clad in clean clothes as Julius had taken one look at her and told her it was time to bathe and clean up even though he didn't win with getting rid of her dreadlocks. "Hi, Cinnamon?"
"Yes. Ummm....can I sit?"
"Sure, go ahead. Do you want coffee?"
"No. It's okay. I'm in a hurry, but I thought you'd want this," the young girl slid a leather bound book as Lena frowned.
"What's this?"
"It was Will's journal. He made sure to write in it daily. "
Tears stung Lenas eyes as she pulled it closely to her and smiled. "You sure you don't want coffee? It's super cold today."
"No. I'm headed out." And with that Lena was left to sit and stare at the book wondering if she'd ever find enough nerve to read it.