A customer with a green hat was looking around the Mystery Shack for something to buy. It was the same guy who had been cheering Manly Dan on during fishing season.
"I like to get my Christmas shopping done early" said the customer to Stan. "Do you have anything in the spirit of the season?"
Stan hesitated.
"Uh, how about these crystals?"
He held up a bowl of shattered glass to the customer to look at.
The customer laughed.
"Looks like broken glass" he teased.
"What are you, a cop?' Stan asked grumpily.
Just then, the customer's eyes widened in excitement as he caught sight of something else in the Gift Shop.
"Ooh! What is that new thing?" he asked as he ran over towards it.
Stan sighed in annoyance.
Just then, Mara, Mabel, and Dipper entered the Gift Shop.
"Grunkle Stan, can we go to the diner?" asked Dipper.
Please?" Mara begged.
"We're hungry!" said Mabel, clutching her stomach and holding it out.
"Hungry!" chanted Dipper and Mara as they did the same. The three of them then proceeded to bumping their stomachs together dramatically, then laughing once they were done goofing off.
"Yeah, sure" said Stan. "As soon as this yahoo makes up his mind."
He gestured towards the customer with the green hat, who was looking at a fish plaque on the wall.
"Do you have this in another animal?" he asked.
"I'm fine locking him inside if you kids are" said Stan, and the triplets nodded eagerly.
"Couldn't have said it better myself" said Mara.
The four of them made their way out of the Gift Shop, and Mara bolted the door shut with a hammer and nails from her toolbelt. The four of them sprinted eagerly towards Stan's car.
The customer didn't even seem to notice their car driving away. He was too busy trying to decide which shirt to buy.
"Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt, panther shirt..."
Grunkle Stan and the triplets entered The Greasy Diner, taking a seat at an empty table while the crazy people of the town were doing all sorts of weird things. Mabel and Stan sat next to each other on one side, and Dipper and Mara sat next to each other across from them. They were all looking at the menu.
An older waitress with one eye shut approached their table.
Stan perked up.
"Lazy Susan, there's my little ray of sunshine!" said Stan cheerfully. "Where were you, yesterday?" he said, raising his eyebrows as he did.
"I got hit by a bus" replied Lazy Susan cheerfully.
Stan started laughing hysterically, beating his fist on the table as well.
"Hilarious!"
"Thank you!" Lazy Susan then started laughing.
"You do split plates, right?" asked Stan.
"Maybe" said Lazy Susan, opening her shut eye and then closing it again in a manual winking motion. "Wink."
"Great!" said Stan. "Then I'll split one fourth of the number seven, plus some salad dressing for the lady, a cup of syrup for the grease monkey, and a small plate of ketchup for the boy."
He tipped his fez as Lazy Susan left to get his order.
Mara looked at her uncle with a clearly offended expression.
"Did you just call me 'grease monkey'?"
"Yeah, I figured 'girl' wasn't the right word to describe you of all people" said Stan a bit insensitively.
"But I am a girl!" argued Mara.
Stan leaned forward exasperatedly.
"Look, no offense, kid, but you neither look or act like a girl. Most girls don't dedicate their time to creating creating inventions, weapons, or machines of destruction. There's nothing wrong with you: you've just got some very weird, unconventional hobbies that most would consider disturbing. You're just not a normal girl."
Mara's face was starting to turn red in anger, as she adjusted her camo bandana with one hand. Her hobbies, disturbing? Is that what Grunkle Stan really thought about her inventions? Is that really what he thought of her: weird, unconventional, disturbing? Not a normal girl? And he didn't even know about the 'thing'...
"Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes" said Mabel, noticing her sister's face starting to contort in anger and trying to change the subject.
"Ha! With the fancy flour they used in those pancakes? What am I, made of money?"
He lifted his arms up for emphasis, and a dollar bill slipped from his suit's sleeve.
"Tap tap" he said as he used his hand to tap it back into his sleeve.
"Aw."
The girls both looked down sadly.
Dipper felt sorry for his sisters. To be honest, he was kind of craving pancakes as well.
Just then, something caught his eye: a huge machine that said 'Test your manliness' with a plate of pancakes stacked sitting on a stool next to it. On the pancake stand was a sign pointing towards the Manliness tester game that said, 'Win game, Free Pancakes!'
Dipper grinned, and then cracked his knuckles.
"Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me" he said. "I'm gonna win some by beating that manliness tester."
The three of them stared at him.
"Manliness tester?" Stan asked.
"Beating?" asked Mabel.
"You?" asked Mara.
The three of them all suddenly burst out laughing, laughing even harder than ever. Stan was beating his fist against the table again.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"What?" Dipper asked, feeling slightly offended. "What's so funny?"
"Oh, no offense, Dipper" said Mabel, "But you're not exactly 'Manly Manington'."
She started laughing some more.
Now Dipper felt insulted.
"Hey!" he said offendedly. "I am to, manly...manny...whatever you just said."
"Look, face the music kid" said Stan. "You've got no muscle, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's...incident."
Flashback:
Dipper was in the bathroom with a towel around his waist as he was dancing and singing into a comb to a song that was playing on the radio next to him.
"Disco girl, coming through!
That girl is you!
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh!"
Just then, Stan barged in through the door, a look of confusion on his face.
"Don't come in, don't come in!"
"You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation, BABBA?"
"No...I wasn't..." said Dipper, as he started to laugh nervously. "It's not important! Come on guys, I'm plenty masculine!" he reached for his shirt collar. "You see this chest hair?"
He pulled it down for everyone to see.
Everyone started screaming and shielding their eyes.
"Put it away, put it away!" shouted Mabel.
"So smooth! My eyes!" screamed Stan in horror.
"The horror! The horror!" yelled Mara, as she reached over to her brother and forced his shirt collar back up.
"Aw man" said Dipper as everyone started to uncover their eyes.
"Look, Dipper" said Mara. "I could probably steal those pancakes without you having to do the manliness tester instead. No one would notice, and you wouldn't have to...embarrass yourself."
The three of them bursted into laughter once again.
"Fine, family of little faith" said Dipper determinedly as he got up out of his seat. "Get ready to eat your words...and a plate of delicious pancakes."
He started walking towards the Manliness Tester.
"Is he really doing it?" Mara whispered to Mabel.
The whole room seemed to be watching Dipper as he walked towards the Manliness tester. He was so focused that he didn't even seem to notice.
"Alright Dipper" he said to himself, cracking his knuckles. "Time to manhandle this...man handle."
He looked at the handle that was meant to be gripped to test manliness, and looked at the different levels on the manliness tester: Wimp, Middle Aged Woman, Barely Passable, Man, Manly Man.
Dipper started sweating nervously.
"And a one and a two..."
"Quit stalling!" Stan yelled over his shoulder.
Reluctantly, Dipper took the handle in his grip, and started squeezing as hard as he could. The light next to Wimp started lighting up. Dipper strained as he squeezed the handle even harder. The light next to Middle Aged Woman lit up, then Barely Passable, and Man.
But Dipper couldn't hold it for that long.
The lights started going out, until the only lit-up bulb left was Wimp.
The machine printed a slip of paper, and Dipper reached down to retrieve it. On it was a picture of a drawing of a baby with a speech bubble saying "You're a Cutie Patootie!"
"Aw, what?" said Dipper, realizing that everyone in the diner was watching him. He tried to cover up his defeat. "This thing is broken, guys, it's totally broken! It's like a million years old, probably ran out of steam power or-"
He was suddenly shoved aside by Manly Dan, who was about to try the Manliness Tester himself. He cracked his huge knuckles.
"It's rickety, man" said Dipper. "You shouldn't even..."
Manly Dan pushed the handle lightly with his pinky, and suddenly all of the bulbs started lighting up until the machine flat-out exploded. The free plate of pancakes was thrown up into the air, and a pancake landed on everyone's plate.
"Yeah!" cheered Manly Dan. "Pancakes for everyone!"
Everyone started cheering and praising the lumberjack. Dipper looked at him defeatedly, until a pancake landed directly on his face. He lifted it up off of his face to see that Stan, Mara, and Mabel were laughing at him.
"I need to get some chest hair and fast" said Dipper, and he started to run towards the exit.
However, he tripped and fell to the ground. He quickly picked himself up and started laughing nervously.
"I'm fine" he said as he hurried out the door. "Everything's fine!"
Mabel, Mara, and Stan could hear his nervous laughter echo in the distance.
"Yeesh" said Stan, crossing his arms across his chest. "How am I related to that?"
"Come on, Grunkle Stan" said Mabel. "I'm sure that deep down, you have a soft side too."
Stan laughed. "Ha! Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty soul."
Just then, Lazy Susan came to their table with their order, and she dropped the tray of food on their table.
"Food!" she said. "A fourth of the number seven for the lovely Mr. Mystery, a bowl of salad dressing for the girl, and a cup of syrup for the ragamuffin."
Lazy Susan examined Mara for the first time, specifically at the cuts and bruises on her arms that she didn't get a chance to see before.
"Heavens! Filthy child, do you always look this beat-up?"
Mara banged her fists angrily against the table as she stood up in one quick motion.
"I AM NOT A RAGAMUFFIN, OR A GREASE MONKEY!" she exclaimed, and with that she stormed out of the diner, leaving Grunkle Stan and Mabel at the table.
Grunkle Stan decided that Mara and Dipper would probably be back eventually, and that he and Mabel should probably just start eating without them.
"Thanks there, sugar pot" he said nervously. "I..I mean, uh, honey wasp..k-kitten baby..uh, I mean...baby cow?"
He was starting to sweat nervously.
Lazy Susan laughed.
"Silly!" she said cheerfully as she started walking away. "Silly man."
Mabel looked at her uncle confusedly.
"What was that about?"
Stan started sweating even more.
"N-nothing...I, uh, don't wanna talk about it. Talk about what? Why is this table wet?"
He spat, fumbling nervously for words.
"Wait just a second" said Mabel, rubbing her forehead. "I think I have an idea happening here. You..."
"No"
"...and her..."
"Stop it!"
Mabel screamed in excitement as she finally realized what was going on.
"Oh boy" said Stan, putting his head in his hands as he realized that Mabel had finally figured it out.
"You have a thing for Lazy Susan!" said Mabel, tugging the sleeve of his suit. "You do have a soft side!"
Stan hurriedly put his finger against her lips to shush her.
"Keep it down, will ya?! Alright I admit it, ok? It would be nice if she liked me, but I've been out of the game for so long I wouldn't know where to start."
Stan was actually starting to look very anxious and worried as he openly admitted his feelings.
"I mean look at her. She's so classy."
Lazy Susan was banging on the top of a broken pie trolley.
"Spin, ya dumb pies, spin!" she yelled.
It was then that Mabel realized what she had to do. She grabbed Stan's face and brought it close to hers so that he could hear her clearly.
"Grunkle Stan" she said seriously. "You are a cranky, gross, weird old man, but we will get Lazy Susan to like you because nothing is stronger than the power of..."
"Love?" Stan asked as Mabel hugged his face.
"...Mabel" she completed. She lifted her cup of salad dressing. "To victory!"
And with that, she gulped the whole thing on one sip.
Dipper was walking around the town angrily with his hands in his vest pockets.
"Not manly enough" he muttered irritatedly to himself. "Stupid diner, stupid lumberjack..."
Suddenly, he was hit by a huge spray of water coming from a leaking fire hydrant. A soaked Dipper looked to see that Officer Blubbs and his assistant officer were examining the leaky fire hydrant.
"Another hydrant destroyed" said Blubbs. "That's a gosh-dang mystery."
"Wanna take off our uniforms and run around in circles?" asked the assistant officer.
Blubbs had already taken off his shirt.
"Quit reading my mind."
The police officers started running around in circles around the fire hydrant, cheering excitedly like little kids.
In an attempt to avoid getting even more wet, Dipper backed up...right into a lady. She was holding several envelopes in one hand.
"I'm sorry" she said. "I was looking for the mailman."
Dipper took that very offensively.
"Oh, what, are you saying I'm not a male man? What are you trying to say, I'm not male, I'm not a man. Is that...is that what you're getting at?"
"Are you crying?" asked the lady.
It was then that Dipper realized that his eyes were starting to tear up, and he ran off away from the town into the forest whimpering.
"...Two...three..." Dipper strained as he was on his back struggling to lift an extremely thin branch as if it were a weight. He had left his hat on a nearby stump.
"...four...ugh."
He gasped as he dropped the branch in exhaustion. He panted as he sat back up stretched out his shirt collar to get a view of his chest.
"No chest hair yet" he said sadly, as he fell back down onto his back on the grass of the forest.
Just then, he heard a twig snap, and he sat up and turned around to see what was there.
It was Mara.
She trudged defeatedly towards him. She looked rather bleak.
"Hey Dipper" she said as she made her way glumly towards him.
Dipper glared at her.
"What, are you here to continue to make fun of me?" he shot. "Look, it's my noodle-arms brother! Just don't do that manliness tester, you wouldn't want to embarrass yourself" He mimicked angrily, waving his hands in the air sarcastically as he mimicked what his sister had said earlier.
"Just leave me alone."
"Look, I'm sorry that I said that" said Mara sincerely, sitting down next to him. "In the heat of the moment, I guess that I just felt like I was raising myself up by putting you down."
Dipper's temperament seemed to have cooled.
"You came all the way out here just to apologize to me?" he asked.
"No" Mara admitted. "To get away from the others."
She took a small pack of jerky she had nabbed from the diner, realizing just then that normal girls probably didn't steal things either.
She sadly opened it anyways and took a bite out of a piece of jerky.
"Want some?" she offered, holding the bag out to Dipper.
"Thanks."
He took the bag from her hands and started nibbling at a piece of jerky.
"They don't think that I'm a normal girl" Mara continued. "Apparently, according to the others, I'm filthy, beat-up, raggamuffin who likes inventing weapons of mass destruction, and..." she trailed off and stopped suddenly, not wanting to continue what she was going to say.
Dipper knew the other thing that she was leaving out, but he decided to pretend as if he didn't notice.
"Well, at least you've got muscle" said Dipper. "I had trouble lifting that branch over there."
He pointed to the extremely thin branch that he had been struggling to lift earlier.
"Besides, there's nothing you can do to change who you are."
Just then, Mara perked up in sudden realization, suddenly having an idea.
"Dipper, that's it!" she exclaimed excitedly, getting to her feet. "I can change who I am!"
"But I just said that you can't change who you are" Dipper pointed out, but Mara seemed to be too excited to hear him.
"I can change my clothes! And my hobbies, and the way I talk, and..." she ranted on to herself excitedly as she started running back to the town.
Dipper was alone again. He sighed sadly. He missed having someone to talk to who was having a similar problem to him. He took another desperate look at his chest. Unsurprisingly, he found a completely smooth chest.
He defeatedly took a bite out of another piece of jerky.
"Is it physical, is it mental, what's the secret?" he asked himself as he laid back down onto the grass and stared up at the sky. He looked at the packet of jerky. The brand was Real Man Jerky. There was a picture of a muscular biker on the front with a speech bubble saying 'You're inadequate.'
"You said it, brother" said Dipper. "I need help."
Just then, the ground started to rumble, and Dipper dropped the bag. Suddenly, herds of deer started stampeding right at him, and Dipper covered his head in protection. He caught sight of Manly Dan running along with the deer. He looked terrified.
"For the love of all that's good...RUN!" he screamed as he ran away.
Dipper saw a tree starting to fall over: it was about to land on the stump where he had left his hat. He quickly grabbed his hat, then dove for the side away from the falling tree.
The creature that had scared all those animals and Manly Dan was approaching. Dipper slapped his hat back on, and dove behind a nearby log for cover. He looked up at the creature with terrified eyes. It was now just a few feet away from him. The creature was huge: it towered several feet above him.
"Aah!" he screamed in a girly way. "Oh, I mean, I'm sorry, Uuh!" he growled in a more manly tone.
He coughed awkwardly as he looked up at the mysterious creature.
It was a huge minotaur.
The minotaur reached upward as if he were about to roar loudly, but instead just yawned. He reached into a nearby bush and grabbed a stray buck, using its antlers to scratch his back lazily, then tossing it aside.
Suddenly, the minotaur turned in Dipper's direction. In one quick motion, he pushed aside the log that Dipper was hiding behind, exposing the terrified boy.
"Please don't eat me!" he screamed, backing up against a rock. "I haven't showered in like a week! And I'm all like, all elbows! Elbows and glycerol."
The minotaur took a huge step toward the boy as he cowered against the rock.
"You..." the minotaur roared.
"Aah!"
"...gonna finish that?" he asked, gesturing towards the pack of beef jerky that Dipper was still holding.
"No" said Dipper, tossing the bag at the monster, which started to dig into the jerky.
"I can't believe it" said Dipper in amazement, as he watched the creature fascinately. "Part animal, part human. Are you some kind of minotaur?" he asked.
"I'm a manotaur!" yelled the creature, as he started punching the ground, which shook the entire forest each time he did. "Half man, half...uh...half taur!"
"So did I like, summon you, or...?" asked Dipper.
"The smell of jerky summoned me!" replied the manotaur. "JERKY!"
He punched a tree, which toppled over in one snap, then he picked up a boulder and smashed it against his head. He started roaring ferociously.
Then, he started sniffing the air, as if he was picking something up. He bent down and started smelling Dipper. His nose knocked Dipper's hat off his head.
"I smell" he took another sniff of Dipper. "Emotion issues."
Dipper put his hat back on.
"I've got problems, manotaur, man related problems" he sad sadly.
The manotaur sat down next to Dipper, shaking the ground as he did so. The manotaur then patted his lap, a gesture which meant that he wanted the boy to explain.
"First my uncle called me a wimp."
"Mmhmm" the minotaur nodded.
"Then I kinda flunked this manliness-video game thing."
"Mhmm" he nodded again.
Just then, realization struck Dipper as he suddenly got an idea.
"Hey, you seem pretty manly!" said Dipper. "Maybe you could...give me some pointers?"
"Hmm..." said the manotaur. "Climb atop my back hair, child" he said, standing up and gesturing towards his back hair, which seemed to be attracting some flies.
"Uh...o-okay..." said Dipper uneasily, as he reluctantly climbed onto the minotaur's back.
Suddenly, the manotaur took off in a full sprint, and Dipper clung to its horns for dear life. The manotaur smashed right into a tree.
"Aah!" screamed Dipper.
The manotaur was laughing jubilantly as he ran at high speed into several more trees.
Dipper was hit in the face by several branches, and a bird's nest.
Suddenly, his eyes widened when he saw that the manotaur was running straight for a cliff.
"DUDE, WATCH OUT!"
The manotaur jumped, and Dipper screamed as he covered his eyes. They smashed into the side of a cave that was on the other side of the cliff.
When he thought it was safe, Dipper uncovered his eyes, and then stared in amazement at the sight before his eyes.
"Whoa."
The cave was full of manotaurs, who were all doing different activities that ranged from lifting weights to playing foosball.
Dipper hopped off the manotaur's back.
"This place is amazing" he said.
"The gnomes live in the trees" said the manotaur, as he started walking deeper into the cave. "The merpeople live in the sea, because they're losers, but the manotaurs crash here" he picked up a nearby bone that was next to a gong. "In the man-cave!"
He banged the bone against a gong to get the other manotaurs' attention.
"Beasts!" he declared. "I have brought you...a hairless child!"
He pushed Dipper forward for the other manotaurs to see.
Dipper was unsure of what to say.
"Sup."
The manotaur stepped forward to introduce Dipper to the other manotaurs.
"This is Pubator, Testostarore..." he gestured towards two manotaurs who were punching each other. "...Petuittor..." he gestured toward a manotaur who was sniffing his own armpit. It was attracting flies.
"...And I'm Hootspaw. AND YOU ARE..." he declared, pointing at Dipper.
"M-my name's Dipper" Dipper said rather normally.
The manotaurs started booing him, clearly disappointed in his weak name.
"...the, uh...Destructor?" Dipper added.
The manotaurs started to accept that name more. Hootspaw banged the gong again, and Dipper cringed in surprise.
"Dipper the Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets of our manliness!" he declared.
"I need your help" said Dipper, pulling down his shirt collar so that the minotaurs could see his empty chest. "Look at this, guys, look at this!"
The manotaurs looked at Dipper in shock.
"I must confer with the High Council" said one of the manotaurs. They all turned and huddled together to discuss. Dipper could hear every word of what they were saying, for they spoke pretty loud.
"So, teach him our man secrets or what?"
"He's human. I don't like him."
"I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!!!"
One of the manotaurs punched the manotaur who said that Dipper was a human, and then the entire council of manotaurs broke out into a huge brawl as they started knocking the snot out of each other.
They went from a fairly reasonable council to an uncontrollable caucus in just a few seconds.
Dipper watched them with eager admiration.
"I like these guys!" he said cheerfully.
Meanwhile back at the Mystery Shack, Stan was shuffling a deck of cards when Mabel walked into the room. She had a camera around her neck.
"Ok, Grunkle Stan!" she said cheerily. "Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life!"
She lifted the camera as he looked at her with a bored expression.
"First a before picture."
She snapped the camera, and Stan yelped in surprise. He clearly wasn't ready for the flash. The camera printed a rather bad picture of Stan, with his arms up in front of his face, one eye closed and, and his mouth open in a scream.
"I never miss a scrapbook-ortunity."
She opened her scrapbook, which contained pictures from that Summer of her family, who were clearly not ready for the picture, like the picture she just took of Grunkle Stan, which she pasted onto a blank page.
"The Idiot's Guide to Being a Normal Girl: You're doing it wrong" Mara read aloud the title of the book. She was in the library of Gravity Falls, looking for a book to show her how to be a normal girl. She was clueless as of where to start, so she had decided that the best thing to do would probably be to at least get a guide to show her. After all, she had used many books in the past to guide her earlier innovations.
She flipped open the inside of the book, and read the contents.
"This book is guaranteed to suck all individuality and uniqueness out of any strange girl."
Mara perked up.
"This is perfect!" And with that, she checked out the book, and started heading back to the Mystery Shack, reading the book as she was walking.
"Ok, let's start with some role playing!" said Mabel to Stan, Wendy, and Soos as they were about to start training Stan. Soos was wearing a pink waitress outfit similar to Lazy Susan's, and he was wearing make up similar to hers as well. He even had one eye shut to top it all off.
Mabel had originally wanted Wendy to dress up as Lazy Susan, but she had absolutely refused to, so Mabel decided to ask Soos.
"Soos will play Lazy Susan" said Mabel.
"I'm soft like a woman" said Soos.
"Grunkle Stan, show me how you approach a woman" said Mabel from behind the table.
Stan started walking towards Soos, pulling at the collar of his undershirt in an uncomfortable manner.
"Remember this is a safe, non-judgemental environment" continued Mabel, taking out a notepad. "I'll just be at the side judging you on a scale of 1-10."
Stan approached Soos nervously. He had no idea what to say, so in the heat of his anxiety, he said the first thing that popped into his head. He spit to the side then turned towards Soos with his hand held out.
"Can I borrow some money?"
Mabel blew a whistle. "This is gonna be harder than I thought."
"After a lot of punching, we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets!" said one of the manotaurs to Dipper.
"Deny!" said another, punching himself in the face.
"Denied?" said Dipper surprised, but he soon got an idea as to how to get them to teach him.
He straightened his hat and stood taller.
"Ok, fine. It's ok with me" he said, hands on his hips. "Obviously you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough to try."
He had them there.
The manotaurs bursted in outrage.
"What?! Not man enough!" one of them exclaimed.
"Destructor..." said Hootspaw warningly.
The manotaur approached Dipper angrily.
"NOT MAN ENOUGH?!"
"He didn't mean it" said Hootspaw, trying to defend Dipper.
"I have three y-chromosomes, six adam's apples, pecks on my abs, and fists for nipples!"
He raised his arms to expose his chest and show Dipper all of this. It was quite disturbing, but Dipper forced himself to keep his confident, challenging countenance.
"Seems to me you're scared to teach me to be a man" said Dipper.
"Do you guys hear that?" he continued, listening in for a pretend sound. He then started making chicken noises. "Sounds to me like a bunch of chickens!" he accused confidently, pointing right at the manotaurs. They gave him outraged expressions.
They then reassembled into a huddled council again, and discussed.
"I feel all weird" one said.
"He's using some kind of brain magic" said another.
They then unassembled from the huddle and turned towards Dipper.
"After a second round of deliberation, we have decided to help you become a man!"
"Man, man, man, man!"
The manotaurs started chanting, punching their fists upward as they did.
"Great!" said Dipper excitedly. "Whatever it is, guys, I will not let you down!"
"And that's the last of them!" Mara looked at her handiwork proudly: she had just piled all of her inventions in a trashcan in her room. There were several inventions that were spilling out of the overfilled bin. She looked at the book she had borrowed from the library.
"And Step 1 is complete: get rid of all your peculiarities."
She adjusted the camo bandana on her head insecurely.
Mara then looked at the next step in the book.
"And now for Step 2: change your appearance."
The book had pictures of a bunch of girly clothing and accessories.
She looked down at her clothing, which consisted of cargo pants, her toolbelt, a grey muscle tee, and combat boots.
"Now to change my clothes."
She bent down at the foot of her bed and opened the trunk that was at the foot of it.
"Unisex, unisex, unisex..." Mara went through all her clothes, which were now strewn all over the floor of the room. It turns out most of the clothes she owned were pretty unisex, for all she had brought were cargo pants, torn jeans, and several plain or sleeveless t-shirts. There were also multiple black shirts with the same snowflake symbol on them, which Mara wore the most of. And the only pair of shoes she had were the combat boots she was wearing.
"This is gonna take a lot of work" stated Mara disappointedly, though she wasn't too surprised. "I never thought that I'd ever say this, but it looks like I might have to go shopping."
"Being a man is about conquering your fears!" said Hootspaw to Dipper. The manotaurs had taken Dipper outside to an open clearing of the forest.
"For your first task of manliness" said another manotaur. "You must plunge your fist, INTO THE PAIN HOLE!"
He gestured towards a small hole in the ground with a sign next to it that said 'Pain Hole.'
One of the manotaurs approached the pain hole cockily.
"Pain hole, Shmain hole." he said confidently, sticking his fist directly into the hole. He clearly wasn't expecting any pain.
Suddenly, he screamed out in agony, and started punching his face in a strange effort to relieve the pain. After a few seconds had passed, he yanked his fist out of the pain hole, and ran away, cradling his hand as he did so.
Dipper gulped with uncertainty.
"I-is this really necessary?" he asked nervously.
"You want to be a man, don't you?" said Hootspaw.
"Man, man, man, man!" The manotaurs started chanting as Dipper reluctantly made his way to the pain hole. Very slowly, he lowered his hand into the hole...
Dipper's girlish scream was so loud that birds started flying away from the trees.
"Alright" said Mabel to Stan from across the table. "Let's try to get some of that inner beauty on the outside. Smile harder."
Grunkle Stan was trying his best to smile, but it looked extremely forced.
"Harder!" commanded Mabel.
Stan strained to smile harder.
"Perfect" said Mabel. "Now all I need is a testee."
Just then, Mara came down the stairs. Her attention was focused on the book as she walked down the stairs.
"Step 1: Get rid of all peculiarities complete" she said. "Now onto Steps 2 and 3: change your appearance and how to act like a girl..."
"Mara!" exclaimed Mabel excitedly. "Can you come here for a sec?"
"Sure thing, sis" said Mara, as she approached Mabel at the table. She was still focused on the book.
"What do you think?" asked Mabel, prompting her to look up.
Mara finally looked up from the book to see what Mabel was gesturing towards: it was Stan, who was smiling extremely hard to the point where he didn't even look human.
"Aah!" Mara screamed in shock, then she hurriedly whipped out a weapon-like looking invention. "Stay back, Mabel!" Mara yelled. "It's the Glowertaur! It haunts children at night with its sinister smile and uses it to give them nightmares! Get back, you!" Mara commanded angrily at Stan.
She fired the weapon. A net shot out and entangled itself around him. The force of the net knocked Stan backwards onto his back.
Mara seemed to have realized what she had done.
"Dang it!" she cursed herself, throwing the net-shooting gun onto the table. "That's the fourth time I've pulled out a weapon! I thought that I threw away all the inventions. Normal girls do not use weapons. Normal girls do not use weapons..." she chanted to herself. She picked her book back up and started reciting lines from it as she walked out of the room.
"Uh, a little help here?" said Stan, who was still tangled in the net on the floor. "My butt is starting to fall asleep."
Mabel sighed as she hopped off the chair and helped to free her uncle.
"This is gonna take some really great training music."
She held up a disc with that was labeled "Training Mix." She stuck it into the radio.
The manotaurs had tied a rope around Dipper and attached it to a huge wagon with the words 'Party Wagon' spray painted on the side. All of the manotaurs were in the party wagon as Dipper was straining to try and pull them with no such luck of even moving the wagon an inch.
Mabel was putting cucumbers on Stan's eyes as he was sitting on the couch in the TV room. A green face mask was covering his face. Stan took the cucumbers off of his eyes and started eating them. Mabel gave him a disapproving look.
Mara was out shopping for clothes for herself. She went into a popular clothes store. She had never really been clothes shopping for her, so this was a new thing for her. She looked questionably at the clothes, and their extreme prices. She subconsciously pocketed an expensive necklace.
"Security!" someone suddenly screamed, pointing directly at her.
Mara was chased out of the store.
Mabel was in the bathroom with Stan, who had just finished showering and was wearing nothing but his blue boxers and a towel on his head. Mabel was trying to shave his chest hair, which grew back in a matter of seconds.
Dipper wasn't wearing a shirt either. Hootspaw had a bottle of glue in one hand. He squirted the sticky substance onto Dipper's chest, then yanked off some of his own chest hair. He stuck his own chest hair onto Dipper's chest forcefully.
Mara was now at the nail salon in town getting her nails done. The woman doing her nails gave her a questionable look after examining Mara's nails, which were filthy and bitten. It looked like her cuticles had been chewed, and one of her fingers looked like it had been jammed.
Mabel and Wendy were cheering on Stan as he struggled to keep a stack of books balanced on top of his head to help his posture. He was sweating anxiously, as he held his arms out and stood on one leg in an attempt to keep his balance.
Dipper was standing on the snout of a crocodile in a swamp as the manotaurs cheered him on. The lagoon was filled with crocodiles. A terrified Dipper tried to step onto the snout of another crocodile, but it snapped at him, almost taking his leg.
Mara was now sitting in a chair getting a make-over at the beauty salon. The lady was applying blush and eyeliner to Mara's face, and putting red lipstick on her lips. The lady sent a puff of make-up onto Mara's face, and unfortunately some of it got into her nose.
She sent out a huge sneeze, right into the lady's face.
The lady at first looked shock, but soon the look of shock melted into a look of pure animosity.
Mara sensed that she should probably get out of there...
Stan was wearing oven mitts on his hands and was hurriedly scratching his back, trying to not have Mabel notice. She noticed. She had been holding a sign that said 'No scratching' on it, which she used to whack Grunkle Stan with. She then the the sign away and pulled up the next sign, which said 'Eye Contact.'
The manotaurs were forcing Dipper to stare at two signs: one of which said 'Glory' and had a picture of an eagle, and the other said 'Honor,' and had a picture of a lion. They were using their hands to hold his eyelids open.
Mara was now at a cafe in town, trying to practice her manners. She was sitting at a small table across from another woman with a cup of tea in front of her. Mara picked up the cup, trying her best to hold it with her pinky sticking out, and then proceeded to drinking it.
She spit out the nasty stuff immediately: right into the woman's face.
The woman gave her a furious look similar to the one that the lady from the make-up store had given her. Mara decided to make a run for it...
Dipper was trying to drink something too. He was standing in front of another leaky fire hydrant with Hootpaws, who was showing him how to drink from it. Dipper bent down to copy the manotaur, but was shot back by the strong force of the water shooting out from the hydrant.
Mabel was fitting a pink cummerbund around Stan's huge stomach, which bulged slightly through the elastic material. Stan was standing up straight and staring off into the distance similarly to a soldier about to receive orders. Mabel smiled at him proudly.
Mara was at the mall in Gravity Falls trying to find a new belt to replace her old tool belt. According to the book, normal girls had tiny waists, so when she was trying on a new belt, she cinched the belt to go as tightly as it could. It squeezed the life out of her.
Dipper was running right towards a huge gorge, trying to jump over it similarly to how Hootpaws had done with the cliff earlier. Unfortunately, he had not run fast enough, and started plunging down into the gorge mid-jump.
Mabel was back to shaving Stan again, stubbornly trying to shave his chest harder and harder until the entire bathroom was covered in chest hair, but she still had no such luck, as his chest hair still continued to grow back no matter how many times she shaved him.
Mara was now at a jewelry store getting her ears pierced. The lady marked her ear lobes with pen. Then, she and another lady took out two ear-piercing guns. They held the guns up to her ears, and squeezed.
Mara screamed in pain as the sharp studs went through her ear lobes.
In her short moment of pain, her fists swung up instinctively and nailed the two ladies right in their noses. They screamed in pain even louder than she had, and Mara, not wanting to deal with more angry people at her, slipped away while the ladies were bent over clutching their noses in pain.
As Grunkle Stan was standing with his usual slouched position and his bulging belly, Mabel encouraged him to stand up straight, to which he did, sucking in his gut at the same time.
The manotaurs were showing Dipper how to let his belly sag in a lazy manner instead of standing up straight. Dipper lifted up his shirt and copied the rest of the manotaurs.
Dipper was running at the gorge again, determined to jump it. He leaped up into the air and for a split second panicked as the bottom of the gorge flew past him from underneath him. He managed to land on the very edge of the other side. Dipper was overjoyed. In the spur of the moment, he congratulated himself by high-fiving himself, but he fell over the edge of the cliff due to the force from his own high-five.
Now, all the manotaurs and Dipper were lounging in the hot pools in the manotaur cave. The heat from the water was very soothing. Hootpaws was sitting next to Dipper.
Dipper was actually enjoying himself.
"Guys" he said "I just wanna say that these last few hours have been...I feel like there's really been some growth" he continued happily.
One of the manotaurs pointed to a huge wart on the side of his face.
"I have a growth!" he declared.
Dipper laughed.
"You are hilarious today!"
"It's just that you guys took me under your wing and have just been so supportive..." Dipper said happily. "Aw, stop" said Hootpaws, though he was clearly enjoying the praise.
"No, you know what, you really have been" continued Dipper. "I feel like I'm finally becoming a man here!"
Hootpaws raised a finger.
"Not yet, Destructor!" he said. "One final task remains. The deadliest trial of all."
"I've survived forty nine other trials" said Dipper determinedly. "Whatever it is, BRING IT ON!"
The manotaurs took Dipper to a deeper, darker part of the cave. Hootpaws lit up several torches to brighten the dark cave, while one of the manotaurs started putting temporary tattoos on Dipper; licking the paper, sticking it onto Dipper's skin, and then peeling it off.
Dipper himself was not wearing any clothes except for a small brown loincloth. His chest and arms were covered in the temporary tattoos.
Dipper stood tall, and three manotaurs in front of him kneeled down while three more manotaurs behind them started using the kneeling manotaurs' heads as drums.
"Behold our leader, LEADERAUR!" declared Hootpaws, gesturing towards the darkest section of the cave, where there were rows of manotaurs lined up against the walls. Two manotaurs that were standing at the edge of the line stepped aside to reveal a much older manotaur. He had wrinkly skin, bony fingers, and was slouched over in a hunchback position. He was holding a spear in one hand.
"Rum tum tum tum tum" sang the old manotaur as he walked down past the line of manotaurs in Dipper's direction.
"Is that the oldest, or wisest, or...?" Dipper asked.
"Greetings young...AAHHH!"
Suddenly, the old manotaur was eaten by a much larger creature that appeared out of nowhere.
"No, he's just the offering" said Hootpaws. "That is Leaderaur."
He gestured toward the creature that had eaten the old manotaur. He was a huge manotaur, about eight times the size of a normal-sized manotaur. He had black fur and creepy red eyes.
"You wish to be man?" Leaderaur bellowed.
Dipper grunted in reply, beating his bare chest in a very manly way. The other manotaurs did the same.
"Then you must do heroic act: go to highest mountain."
He reached into his chest, and strained as he pulled something that looked like a bone out of it. When the item was completely out of his chest, Dipper saw that it was a spear made out of a bone. A thick blue substance was oozing from the hole in his chest where Leaderaur had pulled the spear out of.
Dipper might have been grossed out if he hadn't been hanging out with the manotaurs for the entire afternoon before.
"Bring back head of...the Multi-bear."
He threw the spear at Dipper's feet.
The other manotaurs gasped in shock.
Dipper didn't pick up the spear just yet.
"The Multi-Bear? Is that some sort of bear?" he asked.
"He's a sworn enemy" bellowed Leaderaur. "Conquer him, and your mansformation will be complete."
Dipper was taken back in shock.
"Conquer? I don't know man..."
Hootpaws picked up Dipper's backpack, and took an album of BABBA Disco Girl out of it.
"Destructor, is this yours?" he asked, holding up the album for all to see.
"Uh, No!!" said Dipper, hurriedly jumping up and grabbing the album from Hootpaws's hands. "It's someone else's...I was just, uh, borrowing it from a friend, or..."
The other manotaurs started whispering to each other, clearly starting to doubt Dipper.
"Uh..." Dipper said, starting to pace as he was trying to make a decision. The pressure was very evident. He caught sight of the spear, still lying on the ground where Leaderaur had thrown it. Dipper decided on what to do.
He picked up the spear ferociously.
"I SHALL CONQUER THE MULTI-BEAR!" He declared.
The manotaurs started cheering, and Leaderaur actually started to shoot flames from his nostrils into the air. Some of the flames showered onto Dipper, and he screamed when one of them landed on his shoulder. He quickly patted it out.
"I'm ok."
Dipper was running towards the highest mountain, where the Multi-bear lived, with every intention of killing it. He leaped over a log, and then ran head first into a forest of trees. He used his spear to cut a way through the trees, and continued to run.
The path was getting foggier, making it more difficult to see where he was going. Dipper climbed a tall tree to get a better view, and saw the tallest mountain, which was so tall that it reached the storm clouds. Lightning struck near the mountain.
Dipper climbed down from the tree and approached a stream to stop for a drink. He cupped his hands into the cool water and lifted his hands to his lips. Next to him taking a drink as well was a buck. Dipper nodded at the buck, and the buck nodded back in understanding.
Dipper then continued on his journey, managing to make it to the mountain. He started to ascend up it. He approached a small drop, of which he used his spear to leap across. Dipper climbed a rock wall, and found the entrance of the cave above it.
Lightning cracked across the stormy sky.
"I'm coming for you, multi-bear."
"Ok, Grunkle Stan" said Mabel, holding up a picture of a lazy, slouched over Grunkle Stan. Soos and Wendy were watching over her shoulders. "You started like this, but you became...."
She lowered the picture to reveal the current Grunkle Stan, who looked even worse than his before picture. His fez was crumpled, his glasses were crooked, and there was a Q-tip in one of his ears. His undershirt was filthy, he was missing a slipper, and he was covered in sweat. There seemed to be flies buzzing around him as well.
"Can I scratch myself now?"
"NO!" yelled Mabel frustratedly. "No, no, no! Is that throw-up on your shirt?"
Grunkle Stan looked down at his filthy undershirt.
"I don't know how to answer that."
Mabel threw her hands up in the air in frustration, tearing the picture in half in the process.
"Ugh!"
Just then, the front door to the Mystery Shack opened, and Mara stepped through it exhaustedly through it, though it was hard to recognize her.
She was wearing a pink dress, which had a huge tear in it, with a white half jacket that had one sleeve torn off. One one of her feet was a black high heel, and the other was barefoot. There was a gold belt that looked like it was way too tight around her waist. Mara's ears were pierced, and her hair, which looked like it had been in a braid of some kind before, was completely messed up and streaked with dirt. Her face was covered in smeared makeup, and she was wearing a huge floppy hat with a ridiculous pink bow on it.
Mabel's eyes widened in shock, as did everyone else's.
The fact that she was filthy didn't really surprise anyone: it was what she was wearing.
"Mara? Is that you?" asked Mabel in shock.
"Y-yes" stuttered Mara as she walked through the door.
"What happened to you?" asked Mabel with a worried expression.
"Lets just say that people don't like getting sneezed on, spit in the face with hot tea, or punched in the nose" said Mara sadly, sitting down defeatedly on the couch.
"I've spent the rest of the day trying to outrun them all. I managed to escape them by running through that junkyard with the old car-crusher and all the rabid dogs."
That explained why she looked so beat-up and dirty.
"I changed my appearance, my hobbies, the way I acted...but it wasn't enough. I'm too turbulent, too unruly, too bossy. Why can't I be like everyone else? What is wrong with me?"
Mabel had a sense that she was also talking about something else about herself, but decided that now was probably not the best time to bring it up.
Mara turned her face away from the others when she felt the hot tears coming to her face.
Grunkle Stan stared in utter shock. He had never seen her cry before. Mara struck Stan as the toughest of the triplets, and yet here she was: broken down in tears over an insecurity of not fitting in. He felt even guiltier when he realized that it was technically his fault.
Grunkle Stan approached Mara in an unusually gentle matter.
"Look, kid" he started, and she looked up with puffy red eyes. "You're mostly right. You are turbulent, and unruly, and bossy."
Mara sniffed and looked up at her uncle with an incredulous look.
"You're sure doing one heck of a job comforting me" she said caustically.
"Just hear me out, Mara" said Stan. "It's true that you are all of those things, but you're also resolute, undaunted, and cunning. You can build anything that your imagination creates. But most importantly, you refuse to abandon people or leave them behind, and you stick by their side till the very end."
Mara wiped away the tears in her eyes.
"But you said earlier that I wasn't normal, that I needed to change who I was."
"Kid, I never said that you needed to change. Besides, what's the fun in being normal anyways?"
Stan glanced at the book Mara was holding: 'The Idiot's Guide to being a Normal Girl: You're doing it wrong.' He frowned at it, and grabbed the book from her hands, tearing it apart by its spine, then throwing it to the ground and crushing it with his foot.
Mara smiled, then embraced her uncle.
"Thank you, Grunkle Stan" she said. "But you're paying for that."
Something flashed in the distance, and Stan and Mara turned to see Mabel, who was holding a camera. It printed a picture and Mabel squealed.
"Scrapbook-ortunity!"
Mabel then hurried toward her family, and joined into the embrace as well. Eventually, Wendy and Soos joined in as well. Neither Mara or Stan seemed to mind.
"I love hugging for no apparent reason, dudes!" said Soos.
The five of them broke out of the embrace.
"Now let's get that ridiculous hat off of you!" said Stan suddenly, reaching towards the stupid floppy hat that was on Mara's head.
"Wait, no-" Mara started in protest, but it was too late.
Stan had already grabbed the hat's brim and pulled it off of her head in one fluent movement.
He gasped in shock, as did everyone else except for Mabel, at what he saw.
The entire middle section of Mara's hair was a bright white color. The section of white hair resembled the shape of a lightning bolt, and stood out boldly from the rest of her brown hair.
"Mara?" asked Stan calmly. "What is that?"
Mara sighed.
"It's my secret anomaly. I was born with my hair like this, white in only that one section, and it never grew out or faded away. I used to get made fun of all the time."
"No wonder you're always wearing that camo bandana" said Wendy.
"Dude, I always thought you wore that thing to distinguish you from Mabel" said Soos.
"It's not a big deal" said Mara, grabbing the camo bandana and retying it onto her head, covering up the distinguishing white hair. "I can hide it pretty easily, and there's no physical side effects other than an unusual lighting-shaped patch of white hair. Just promise me you guys won't tell anyone?"
"I promise, dude" said Soos.
"I swear" said Wendy.
"You know, Mara, I always liked your white hair" said Mabel cheerfully. "It makes you unique. Besides, we're all freaks in some way!"
She embraced her sister joyfully.
"Right, Grunkle Stan? Grunkle Stan?"
Everyone turned towards Stan, who looked pretty anxious.
"Grunkle Stan?" Mara walked up to her uncle. "You're not, like, freaking out about this whole 'birth defect' thing, right? I just didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to get made fun of."
Stan seemed to snap out of his shock.
"What? Of course not! Look, Mara, if I were you, I wouldn't have told me either. It's just a little ironic to know that I had told you that you were not a normal girl before I even knew about your...uh..."
"White hair? You can just call it white hair, Grunkle Stan, I'm not sensitive about it. I just hate getting picked on for it. Besides, there's nothing you can do to fix it."
Mabel suddenly got an idea for Stan's situation.
"Grunkle Stan, come with me!" Mabel said cheerfully, running towards the door. "And leave your pants at home!"
Stan smiled.
"With pleasure."
He made his way out the door with Mabel, but paused and turned towards Mara. "You coming, kid?"
"Nah" said Mara. "Go on without me. I've gotta get changed back into my normal clothes. And when I'm done, I'm going to go and find Dipper."
Dipper slowly entered the cave, with the spear in his hand raised poised for attack. Something crunched underneath his step, and Dipper looked down: it was a bone. He looked around at the ground to see that there were multiple bones strewn all over the cave floor.
"What is a multi-bear?" he asked himself.
As if on cue, something started stirring from deeper in the cave, making low snarling noises as it did.
Dipper turned around and looked up to see a gigantic bear, with multiple bear heads all over its body. The head on the top snarled, drool dripping down from its sharp teeth.
"Oh, that's a multi-bear."
Dipper scanned the creature from the bottom up. The creature had six heads, four arms, and four legs. It was a bit disturbing to see all those bear heads attached to one gigantic body, but he was undaunted because of all the disturbing scenes he had seen all afternoon.
"Bear heads!" said the head on the top. It was slightly bigger than the other heads. "Silent!"
Its paw whacked one of the bear heads on his chest that was still growling. The bear head whined.
Then the main head turned towards Dipper.
"Child, why have you come here?" he sneered.
"Multi-bear" said Dipper ferociously. "I seek your head! Or, one of them actually, there's like, what, six heads?"
"This is foolish!" said the main head. "Leave now, or die!"
Bud Dipper gripped the spear in his hands tighter, and pointed it directly at the creature.
"So be it" said the main head.
All of the heads started roaring, sending multiple rocks and bones flying at Dipper, who used his spear to block the debris.
The multi-bear then charged right at him, but Dipper ran up the cave wall to avoid getting plowed down. He landed right behind him.
The multi-bear turned around to see that he missed the boy. He then used his paw to kick up bones on the ground in Dipper's direction. Dipper ducked for cover behind a rock, managing to not get hit by any flying bones.
The multi-bear approached the rock, and Dipper leaped up onto it from behind it, aiming his spear at the multi-bear.
"Ha!" he exclaimed.
The multi-bear angrily pawed at him, but Dipper dodged, then leaped up onto the paw. He speedily climbed up the multi-bear, managing to not get mauled, until he reached the main head. He wrapped his spear around its neck and started choking it, pulling with all his might.
"Dipper!" a new voice suddenly yelled. Dipper turned around, and in shock dropped his grip around the multi-bear's neck.
It was Mara, back to her normal self.
"What the heck are you wearing?!" Mara demanded. "Please tell me you're wearing underpants underneath that loincloth."
Dipper hopped down from the multi-bear and started approaching his sister.
"Mara, what are you doing here?! How did you even find me?"
Mara held up bag of jerky.
"I ran into your little manotaur friends and I 'persuaded' them to tell me where you were."
Just then, Mara caught sight of the multi-bear charging right at them. She tackled Dipper to the side, the multi-bear narrowly missing them.
"Look, you could not have picked a worse time to interfere" said Dipper irritatedly. "I had him before you barged in."
The multi-bear pawed at them, and the two kids dodged to the side.
They ran up the sides of the cave when the multi-bear charged at them again. The siblings then dropped from the sides of the cave, and Dipper threw a rock and nailing the multi-bear on the back of its main head.
The multi-bear turned around and kicked up debris at the two kids, and Mara grabbed Dipper's hand and ran further into the cave to avoid getting hit as the multi-bear pursued them.
Suddenly, the two kids screeched to a halt: at the end of the cave was a dead end, and the multi-bear was slowly approaching the trapped kids.
"Looks like it's the end of the line for you, children" sneered the main head, as he slowly closed in on them. The siblings backed up into the wall, Dipper using one arm to shield Mara, and the other to hold up the spear at the multi-bear.
"You should have left when you had the chance."
The multi-bear pulled its head back, and was about to strike, when suddenly Mara pulled out a weapon, and fired it at the creature.
A net shot out of the contraption, and wrapped itself around the multi-bear.
It screamed out in surprise, and stumbled backwards on its hind legs.
Dipper took his chance, and leaped up at the multi-bear, tackling the confused creature to the ground.
He held up the spear at the multi-bear's throat.
"A real man shows no mercy!" yelled Dipper, holding the spear up in the air.
"Dipper, no! Don't kill it!" exclaimed Mara.
But Dipper acted as if he hadn't heard her.
The multi-bear sighed sadly.
"Very well, warrior, but will you grant a magical creature one last request?"
"Um, ok" said Dipper, hesitantly lowering the spear.
Mara sighed in relief.
"I wish to die, listening to my favorite song" said the multi-bear.
He gestured over towards a radio that was sitting on a nearby rock.
Mara made her way over to the radio.
"Tape is already in there" said the multi-bear as Mara closed the tape and pressed the play button. "You can just hit any button and...yeah yeah, that's it."
Suddenly, Disco Girl started playing from the radio.
"Disco Girl, coming through..."
Mara and Dipper's eyes widened in surprise while the multi-bear closed his eyes and nodded to the beat, enjoying the song one last time.
"You listen to Icelandic Pop Group, BABBA?" asked Dipper in disbelief. "I-I love Babba."
"I thought I was the only one" said the multi-bear. "All the manotaurs all make fun of me because I know all the words to the song Disco Girl."
"Oh, you mean: Disco girl!" Dipper sang.
"Coming through!" sang the multi-bear.
"That girl is you! Ooh ooh, ooh ooh!" they sang together.
Mara stared in silence at the scene that was unfolding before her eyes. She smiled as she watched her brother's face light up as he sang the lyrics of his favorite song. Now there was no way that he was going to kill the multi-bear.
"This is crazy!" said Dipper excitedly. "Finally, someone who understands..." he trailed off, realizing what he had been prepared to do.
"Oh yeah" he said awkwardly. "I guess I'm supposed to kill you, or I'll never be a man?"
"I accept my fate" said the multi-bear, turning his head to the side and waiting for the final blow.
"No, really?" asked Dipper.
"It's for the best."
Dipper then raised his spear, and brought it down...onto the net that the multi-bear was tangled in.
Mara grinned as she and Dipper helped to untangle the creature.
"Sorry about the net" she apologized to the multi-bear.
"It's fine. You were only trying to protect your brother, female warrior" said the multi-bear. "Now go in peace."
And with that, Dipper and Mara left the multi-bear's cave.
Dipper walked with Mara back to the manotaur cave with full intentions of refusing to kill the multi-bear. The siblings walked to the entrance of the cave.
"Wait here" said Dipper. "I don't think they'd allow females to enter the man-cave."
And with that, he left his sister at the cave entrance and stormed right in, walking right up to Leaderaur's throne, the crowd of manotaurs all around him.
He threw the spear down in anger. The manotaurs gasped in shock.
"I'm not gonna do it" he said firmly. "You were told that the price of manhood was the multi-bear's head" bellowed Leaderaur.
"Listen, Leaderaur, alright!" demanded Dipper, as he turned around to address the other manotaurs as well. "You too Testostataur, Petuitaur, and...whatever your name is, Beardy?" he asked, pointing to a previously unnamed manotaur.
"It's Beardy" said the manotaur.
"You keep telling me that being a man is doing all these tasks and being aggro all the time, but I'm starting to think that this stuff's malarkey!" said Dipper boldly.
The manotaurs all gasped in shock.
"You heard me: malarkey! So maybe I don't have muscles or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on on the radio, sometimes I leave it on, cause dang it, top forty hits are in the top forty for a reason: they're catchy!"
Dipper turned around to face Hootpaws.
"Destructor, what are you saying?" he asked.
"I'm saying the multi-bear is really nice guy, and you're a bunch of jerks if you want me to cut off his head!"
In fury, Leaderaur rose from his throne, picked up the spear, and threw it towards the back of the cave. The other manotaurs gasped. He roared furiously, approached Dipper, and leaned forward face to face with the boy.
"YOU KILL THE MULTI-BEAR OR NEVER BE A MAN!" growled Leaderaur, the force of his words so hard that it blew Dipper's hair back. But Dipper was undaunted.
"Then I guess I'll never be a man" he said.
The manotaurs all started booing at him, calling him weak and lame.
"Hey guys, who wants to go build something and knock it down!" said Hootpaws.
The manotaurs started chanting excitedly as they all hurried out of the cave, including Leaderaur.
"Man, man, man, man!"
They all chanted as they left Dipper behind in the cave.
Dipper angrily kicked a rock out of frustration, and turned to leave.
"Hey" somebody suddenly said, and Dipper jumped in surprise and turned to see that it was only Mara.
She was holding something in her hands.
"Thought I told you to stay outside" he said gruffly.
"Yeah, well the manotaurs aren't in here anymore, so I figured I'd come in here and bring you these."
Mara tossed the items that were in her hands to Dipper: they were his clothes and pine tree hat.
Dipper smiled.
"Thanks, Mara" he said, as he started pulling them back on.
Mara looked away.
"By the way, when was the last time you washed those clothes?" she asked. "I could smell them from a mile away."
Dipper chuckled, as he pulled his shirt on.
"Come on, Mara, let's get out of here."
At the Diner, Lazy Susan was still banging on the broken pie trolley.
"Spin, spin!" she yelled at it.
Just then, Mabel entered the diner, with Grunkle Stan in tow.
Lazy Susan stopped to see who had walked in.
"Lazy Susan, listen, I know he's not much to look at, but you're always fixing stuff in the diner. And if you like fixing stuff, nothing could use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan" said Mabel proudly. "Also women live longer than men, so you should really lower your standards" she added.
"So Lazy Susan" said Stan, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he approached her. "What do you say?"
She looked him up and down, and then turned and silently walked away.
For a second, Stan stood there disappointed. He sighed sadly as he started leaving the diner, Mabel holding his arm in a comforting manner.
"Hey!" Lazy Susan suddenly said, causing Stan to turn around. She was holding a slip of paper in one hand, and a plate of pie in the other. "Here's my number!" she said. "Why don't you give me a call sometime?"
Stan took the paper from her hands in amazement.
"Really?" he asked in excitement.
"Really!" said Lazy Susan, laughing to herself. "Also, here's some pie, on the house, for you!"
And with that, she walked back into the kitchen of the Diner.
Stan grinned widely, and Mabel squealed as they sat down at a table near a window. Stan started to eat the pie.
"We did it!" she exclaimed giddily. "When are you gonna call? Are you gonna call now? I don't have a phone, let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card! Let's get a credit card."
"Mabel, let a man enjoy his pie, huh?" Stan said.
Mabel looked out the window to see Dipper and Mara walking by, both of them looking normal, albeit they were bit scraped up. Dipper looked a little sad, and it looked like Mara had her arm around her brother in a comforting manner.
"Dipper! Mara!" yelled Mabel through the window, as she started pounding on it. "It's me, Mabel! I'm looking at you guys through the glass! Right here! This is my voice! I'm talking to you from inside!"
Dipper and Mara both nodded embarrassedly, and held their hands up to signal that they got the message. The two then entered the diner and sat at the table across from Mabel and Stan.
Mabel perked up.
"Did you see me from the-"
"Yes" said Dipper sadly.
"What's wrong?" asked Mabel.
Dipper looked down.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Good" said Stan.
"It's just these half-man, half-bull humanoids were hanging out with me..." said Dipper.
"Here we go" said Stan.
"...But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing that just wasn't right. So I said no."
"You were your own man and you stood up for yourself" said Stan.
"Huh?" Dipper looked up, confused.
Grunkle Stan didn't strike him as someone who gave compliments.
"You did what was right even though no one agreed with you. Sounds pretty manly to me, but what do I know?" said Stan as he took another bite out of his pie.
Dipper smiled.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you" said Mara. "I think I said something similar to you a week ago at the convenience store."
"Wait a minute. Do my eyes deceive me?" said Mabel, climbing across the table to get a better look at Dipper. "You have a chest hair!"
Dipper pulled down his shirt collar to look, and saw that his sister was right. In the center of his chest was a very small, brown chest hair.
He gasped in excitement.
"You're right, I do!" He cheered excitedly. "This is amazing, I really do! Take that man tester! Take that, Petuitaur!"
"Petuitaur?" asked Grunkle Stan, but Dipper was too excited to hear him.
"This guy has chest hair!"
Just then, Mabel reached over the table with a pair of tweezers, and plucked out Dipper's first chest hair. She then stuck the chest hair into her scrapbook.
"Scrapbook-ortunity!" she said.
Dipper looked at his now blank chest sadly.
"Don't worry kid" said Grunkle Stan, reaching for his undershirt. "If you're anything like me, there's more where that came from!"
He ripped his shirt down the middle to reveal a chest full of grey hair.
"Ah, my eyes!" exclaimed Mara, covering her eyes. "They burn!" she added dramatically.
"Oh, gross!" said Dipper, holding out his hand to shield his eyes a bit.
Everyone started laughing at the table.
Then Dipper stopped laughing.
"Seriously that's disgusting."
Stan was at the Mystery Shack sitting on the couch when the phone rang again.
"Not again!" he exclaimed nervously.
He let it go to voicemail.
"Message number thirty six" said the phone.
"Hey, handsome!" said Lazy Susan. "It's me, Lazy Susan, calling to say hi. Hi! My cats also wanted to say hi. Say hi, Donald."
"Meow."
"Good, donald. Sandy, you say hi."
"Meow."
"Mr. Catface, now it's your time to say-"
"Mreeoow!"
"Mr. Catface! Anyways, call me, call me back!"
The voice message ended.
"How do I get out of this?" exclaimed Stan worriedly.