"No you don't," Grey grumbled, rolling his eyes dismissively and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why would I be here if I didn't?" I retorted, the words tasting like acid on my tongue.
Part of me couldn't believe what I was saying- that I was letting all of my feelings that I hadn't even come to terms with yet pour out of me so easily. The other part of me was relieved to get it off my chest. I guess I hadn't really realized it until I'd said it. I was still in love with Grey. I would always be in love with Grey. Regardless of the atrocities he committed, my heart would always belong to him.
"I don't fucking know. Revenge. I mean, I did just kill your little boyfriend," Grey shrugged, eyeing me as if waiting for me to explode.
"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, why did you do it? Why did you kill him?" My voice cracked a little at the last part.
"I don't like people touching what's mine," he replied nonchalantly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You don't kill someone over that! And I'm not yours! I can't fucking move on from you and learn how to not love you when you won't leave me alone," I retorted.
Even as I said that, I knew it was a lie. I was his. I would always be his. And I didn't want to move on from him or learn how to not love him. I wanted to love him for the rest of eternity.
"I don't want you to move on from me," he replied quietly, his eyes lifting slightly to meet mine.
"Then why do you keep hurting me like this? Why did you cheat on me? Why did you kill my friend? Why do you keep breaking my heart?" I croaked, tears streaming furiously down my cheeks as I took a step towards him.
He clenched his jaw tightly, obviously struggling internally with something. He was hiding something from me. I could see it in the way his gaze was clouded over, the way his heart beat a little faster than normal.
"Don't do that," he growled lowly through gritted teeth, as if trying to keep himself from talking.
"Please, Grey. You're killing me," my voice shook.
He sucked in a deep breath, his cerulean eyes meeting mine. He let out a sigh, as if resolving to defeat. I watched his shoulders slump a little as he took a step towards me, eyes glued to mine.
"I can't tell you," he breathed softly, his gaze pained as he looked down at me.
"Why?" I pleaded.
"I can't tell you until Michael says I can," he said softly.
"Since when do you listen to Michael?" I snapped back.
"Since it involves you," he replied gently.
I could see the agony swirling around his stormy eyes like a hurricane, threatening to burst through his walls and tear everything apart. He wanted to tell me. But he couldn't. The Grey I once knew would never have let anyone tell him what to do, let alone ask their permission for something. Yet, here he was, allowing Michael that very privilege. Either Grey was protecting me from something, or Michael had some serious blackmail on either one of us that Grey didn't want out.
"Please," I begged, my voice cracking as I reached up, placing my hands on his chest and balling them around his shirt.
"Don't. Please don't do that. I can't," he replied.
His arms encircled me, holding me flush against him. I heard his heart rate slow a little, and felt mine match his steady beat.
This.
This felt like home.
"I'll contact Michael, and he'll be here by morning. You're in no state to go home. Siena would murder me if she saw you like this. I'll take the sofa," he hummed softly in my ear, his fingers entangling in my hair as he held me tight.
I felt so defeated. I was so ridiculously furious with him for everything he's done and yet so weak against my feelings for him. I felt like all the fighting I had done against myself-against him- was for nothing. I ended up right back where I began.
His arms.
I had promised myself I would never go back to a man who had cheated on me. Yet, in the process of trying to lose him, I'd lost myself. Here in his arms, I felt like myself again. I felt whole.
"Once he says you can tell me, you'll explain why you killed him?" I breathed softly against him.
"I'll explain everything," he murmured.
"Can I ask you something?" I frowned a little.
"Hmm?"
"When you said you would see Li in Hell-" I began, but Grey cut me off.
"I had wanted to scare him. I didn't send him to Hell. Suriel took his soul. I believe he's now Pledged to Heaven," Grey replied.
I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. Li was in Heaven. He was okay. Well, as okay as a dead man can be. Regardless, I felt better knowing that Grey had only really said it to get a rise out of Li.
However, Grey had still killed him.
That was something I don't know if I could ever forgive or rationalize. Li has been innocent. Taking his life was cruel and pointless. That infuriated me. Li deserved more than a pointless death.
"I promise it'll all make sense soon," Grey hummed softly, pulling away from me and gingerly wiping the tears from my cheeks.
"Will it? I don't know if there's anything you can say that will make me forgive what you've done," I replied coldly.
Grey clenched his jaw tightly, his eyes turning cold.
"I didn't say you would forgive me. But you will understand," he explained.
I let out a deep sigh, pressing my lips together and nodding.
"Do you um- do you have a shirt I could borrow to sleep in?" I asked awkwardly, averting my eyes to my feet.
"Follow me," he replied softly, turning on his heel and walking over to a bedroom.
He reached inside of a closet and grabbed a dark long sleeve tee off of a hanger, handing it to me.
"Thanks," I said softly.
"Don't mention it. If you-," he paused, running a hand through his midnight locks. "If you need anything, I'll be on the couch. Just yell."
"Okay," I replied.
Grey turned and walked past me, out into the living room. He turned and began to close the doors to the bedroom.
"Grey?" I spoke up and he paused, holding the doors halfway open.
"Thank you," I offered him a small smile.
"Anything for you, Greene," he replied, closing the doors behind him as he left.
I took off my battle jumpsuit and folded it at the side of the bed, slipping Grey's shirt over my shoulders. It smelled like him; all pine and smoky. It fell just below my hips, barely covering up everything important.
I remembered back to when this was my usual sleeping attire. Back to the times when he would hold me while I fell asleep, whispering sweet nothings in my ear all night long. I'd never felt so loved, so cherished.
I'd never felt so much love towards another. For every ounce of love he'd given, I'd tried to return tenfold. I loved him so much it consumed me, so much it became part of my identity. When I lost him, I lost me.
I was ashamed of that, really. My identity should never belong to anyone other than myself. But after loving him that much, giving everything I had to him, it's hard not to. He'd become a part of me. He would always be a part of me. I'm entirely convinced that I was always meant to love him. I may be destined to either save or raze Heaven, but I believe my greatest destiny is loving Grey. At least, I hope it is. Otherwise, I'm fighting for something that very well may not exist.
I needed Michael to get here. I needed to know why Grey had killed Li, why he continued to break my heart if he didn't want me to move on. I needed answers. I needed the truth. It felt like I would die without it.
HI MY LOVELY READERS.
Ok, first of all, very sorry it took so long to publish this bad boy. I just moved to a new country because I'm studying abroad this semester so life's been ~very~ hectic. I'm trying my best to update you guys as consistently as possible, but sometimes life gets in the way. I hope you understand.
That being said, I will TRY to have the next one up as soon as possible because I know this is kind of a major cliffhanger. However, I move into my apartment this weekend and start class next week, so I can't give you a specific date it'll be published by just yet. It'll be soon. Just make sure you're following me so you get updated when I publish.
I love you all.
Thank you for reading.
See you soon.
-TJ