It was starting to get painful.
For the last two and a half hours, Meredith, Remy, Abigail, Dr. Ponds, and I had sat at the table in the last room on the right, watching as Louis paced the floor, phone attached to his ear, and frown engraven on his face. Occasionally, he would break to speak with the four of us, giving us an update from another building, another tidbit from one of the recon teams they'd forgotten to mention, or he'd toss out a suggestion for ways to get around forfeiting me to Rainier. All that desperation kept growing, gradually consuming him and pushing him into a state of panicked mania. It was hard to watch.
Each of us had tried getting him to stop, to sit down, relax and think clearly, but it didn't work. And every second we wasted trying to settle him down was met with frustration on his end, misunderstanding of our motives. Usually, he would know better, think clearer, but, in his mind, his colleagues were about to offer up his soulmate to a gang of demons on a silver platter and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it, not unless he wanted to risk his soulmate's—and not to mention everyone else's—life.
I folded my arms over my chest, watching as he paced and argued with someone from Thistle Hall. In the last update he'd provided, he said that he was attempting to orchestrate a tie between us, that way it would create ambiguity among the staff and it would make it difficult for Rainier to honor his word. What he didn't want to hear about that plan, however, was that the campus had an odd number of buildings. That wasn't even bothering to mention that Rainier didn't really care so much about honoring his word. If there was any way for things to be tied, he would either take that chance to capture both of us or have his pick of the litter.
"Gods, this is just sad," Remy muttered.
"He's killing himself over something fruitless," I said. "Doesn't matter what he does. It all ends up the same."
Meredith glanced over at me. "You seriously have your own plan, don't you?"
I nodded.
"Why not tell him and put him out of his misery? This is just cruel."
"He already knows I have a plan. He's not certain of what it is, but it's better that way. Nothing about this is something he's going to want to hear. As much as I don't like it, this is surprisingly more humane."
"Ever thought about lying to him?" Dr. Ponds asked, raising a brow as he looked away from Louis for the first time in half an hour.
I shook my head. "I've lied to him more than enough for this lifetime. I'm going to be as honest as I can possibly be without panicking him."
"Just what are you planning on doing, Alexei?"
"Oh, you know, something incredibly selfish and reckless and unprecedented. You know, the typical Wednesday." I tilted my head, watching as Louis raked his fingers through his hair again and his shoulders sank. He usually kept a bit of stubble on his jawline, but without a few days of shaving, the hair had grown thicker and darker. The facial hair suited him.
I dropped my eyes down to his chest, where he was using his marked hand to fidget with my tags. He had dark circles under his eyes from where he hadn't slept, and he looked like he was falling apart. I was doing that to him. I was ripping him apart at the seams without even trying.
I loved that man. We had our differences; we fought hard and passionately and dirty and without morals. We hurt one another repeatedly—a little more on my end than his. For a century, we had been unnecessarily cruel to one another. The brief time that things had leveled out and resembled the past—that had been all I needed. All those years ago, when I first came to the academy, it had felt cold and lonely, dull.
The year Louis came... I never connected it, but that was the year I finally felt like I was home, like, well, maybe not like I belonged there, but like I was serving a purpose. It felt comfortable and right. That was why I'd stayed so long, it had become my home.
Whenever it was that we came together; wherever it was we found one another, we were home.
Louis was my home. Ups and downs aside, hate and love and lust aside, that man, standing right in front of me on the brink of tears and so desperate it made my chest ache, I loved him. I wanted the absolute best for him, nothing less. So, it would hurt for a while. Of course it would. It might always hurt. But in time, as the wound scabbed and healed, the skin would grow back over it. Eventually, there would belittle more than a faint scar where the wound was, but that would be it. It wouldn't hurt anymore, it wouldn't be a nuisance, just a distant memory to look back at briefly before returning to the present to forget again.
I'd be his scar. It would be okay.
That was the best thing I could do for him.
Louis shoved his phone into his pocket and wiped his hands down his face, turning away from us. The back of his neck was flushed red and his shoulders pulled taut. He sniffed, taking a few audible, trembling breaths. "Half of the buildings won't talk to me. They don't want to talk about who they're voting for." He ran his hands through his hair again. "The other half have chosen Alexei. I don't know what that means."
"It means it's me. We've talked about—"
Louis turned around, eyes bloodshot with pink outlining the rims. The tip of his nose was red. He was a mess.
I shut my mouth and relaxed, looking at the others. "I need a minute with him."
They all understood and left with a few muttered words of encouragement and a few supportive squeezes of my shoulder. They trickled out of the room, leaving Louis and I alone. Louis was falling apart fast. If it was this hard for him now... Gods, why did this feel harder than it did one-hundred years ago?
"Alexei..."
"We still have no new information," I said, reciting the facts of the case again. "Recon found strange smoke signals, the appearance of a humanoid figure, power shifts that don't align with what we typically expect from average Aquireign demons."
"Alexei, I know, I—"
"The status of the admissions building hasn't changed—it's still silent there. Half of the buildings have chosen to surrender me; the other half refuse to voice their decision."
Louis put his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes shut. "Will you just fucking stop—"
"Those are the facts. In addition to those is that everything is going to be just fi—"
"Don't fucking say it—"
"The students, faculty, everyone is going to walk out of this. It's going to be okay."
Louis slammed his hands against the table in front of him. "For the love of the gods, will you shut your goddamn mouth? Everything is not fine, Alexei. Everything is falling apart. Everything." He clenched his fists. "I just fucking got you back. I just saw your face. I just made peace with this whole fucking mess that we're in. It's not fair."
"Life is never fair."
"Don't you give a shit? Aren't you scared?" He looked back at me. His hazel eyes desperately examined my face, looking for something, anything, to give him answers.
I sighed and scratched the back of my head. "I'm scared shitless," I said. "But we both can't fall apart right now, and I sure as hell can't, not when I'm the one that—" I cut myself off, stopping the words before they were out in the open, before Louis could latch onto them and really go into panic mode.
"I'm not stupid, and I know that you already know that. I know you have a plan, you always do, and if you didn't, you wouldn't be sitting there talking to me like I'm a child and sheltering me by telling me this will turn out okay. Alexei, I'm not worried about the students or staff. I already know that you've thought of them, and you've thought of me. You know that physically everything will be fine. But everything else is different. Emotionally, mentally?" Louis shook his head, biting his lip. "I can't... Alexei, I can't lose you again, not after I just got you back, not after everything we got through, and everything we're going to do to fix this."
I opened my mouth, praying that something would come out, but it didn't. My voice froze in my throat, and it was all I could do to look at him.
"Promise me," he demanded. He was a dog with a bone, vicious and not about to let go. "Promise me that no matter what happens tonight with the Aquireign and the vote and all that other bullshit, you'll come back to me. Whenever, wherever, I don't give a shit, just promise me that you will come back home."
And that... That was the telepathy at its best. Using the very words I'd thought only minutes earlier in order to make a point. That was what we did, usually to one-up one another, but that wasn't happening right then. Instead, that, the way his lower lip was quivering, his entire body taut with fear and tension, it had my throat tight. I couldn't breathe.
"Louis."
He walked over to me, dropping to his knees next to my chair, desperately grabbing my hands, like holding me there, in his grasp, would stop time, would keep me there, with him, forever. "Please."
"I..." I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. "Louis Blanc, I swear to you that if there is any possible way in this world, I will do everything in my power to come back to you." Forcing my eyes back open, I looked down at him. If anything, that'd made him even more of a mess.
I cupped his face and leaned down, kissing him gently, and wiping away the tears on his right cheek. "We still have time, Lou," I murmured against his lips. "I really don't want to spend that time crying over spilt milk."
Louis nodded, it was a little shaky, but still something. I kissed him again, easy and soft, trying to distract him, soothe him, make him realize we were both still very much alive and together and able and willing. I pulled my other hand out of his grasp and wiped the tears from his other cheek as I pulled away from him.
"Promise me you'll actually sleep tonight," I said, tracing underneath his eyes with my thumbs.
"Promise me you won't ask me to do anymore impossible things, and I'll try it."
"I promise," I said. "For now at least." I smiled and kissed him again. Gods, I could die right there. His kisses, soft and sweet and always, always with a hint of filth, it was just so Louis. It was nice and easy and perfect, and I swore to the gods, if by some miracle I wasn't sent to punishment following my death, then that was what my perfect afterlife needed to be composed of—the memory of kissing Louis, of falling captive to his scent of leather from the Hunting suits and vanilla from his candles, the feel of his calloused skin and soft cotton shirts, the raspy sound of his voice, his magnetic presence that weighed me down like an anchor weighed down a ship, grounding it and keeping it in place... keeping it from straying too far from home.
"How big was your closet?" Louis asked, breaking the kiss to work his lips across my jaw, nipping at my throat, taking time to gently suck at the bites.
"It was a supply closet, so it was relatively roomy, about as big as a bathroom."
Taking a handful of my hair, he tugged on it, giving himself more access to my throat. He bit in the place between my throat and shoulder, making me whimper. He hummed lowly and said, "We're moving in there."
Goosebumps broke out over my skin. "G-good idea," I stammered, eyes fluttering as Louis sucked at the side of my neck, near the back where it met my shoulder.
He slowly worked his way from my shoulder back up my throat, my jaw, my chin, and to my lips, giving me a quick, filthy kiss that left my lips feeling bruised. Pulling back, he nodded toward the closet. "Lead the way."
I cocked a brow. "Letting me lead?"
A small smile cracked his face, making hints of tears appear in his eyes again. "Don't let it go to your head. I'm taking the reigns for the rest of this."
I smirked and stood, grabbing his hand and pulling him along after me. I shut the closet door behind us and turned, only for Louis to pin me against the door, hands snaking down my arms, seizing my wrists, and pinning them above my head as he ravished my mouth, pressing his hips to mine and grinding against me, desperately trying to slip some friction between us.
He broke the kiss, working his lips back down my throat, back to my shoulder, where he'd been moments ago. Biting it again, I hissed, squeezing my eyes shut as he kissed the crook of my shoulder. The pressure eased off my wrist for a second, only for him to grab both of my wrists with one hand, the other working to unbutton my shirt the rest of the way, exposing my chest with my soul mark and dog tags. Louis touched his tags.
"They suit you," he said.
"You suit me."
Louis grinned and dipped his head back down, mouthing over my soulmark, which elicited a breathy, half-stifled moan from my lips. He traced the outline of the numbers on the clock with his tongue. If not for Louis pressing me against the door, holding me with one hand and his hips, I would've hit the ground.
"Fucking hell." I tipped my head back and caught my bottom lip between my teeth, desperately attempting to use it to stifle any noise I made when he nipped at my shoulder, right on my soulmark, the sensation of it ripping through me, making my entire body feel flushed.
My breath hitched in my throat when I felt Louis palm on my half-hard cock, rubbing me through my trousers.
"You've always been easy to turn on," Louis said, lips against my ear, his breath making me shiver. "A few words, a kiss, just touching your soulmark. You're not going to come before I get to fuck you, are you?"
"No," I said, my voice barely audible over my breathing. "Of course not."
"Are you sure?" Louis unzipped my trousers, slipped his hand down the hem of my underwear, and lightly ran his fingers around the waistband. Goosebumps erupted over my hips that bucked forward of their own volition, wanting more from Louis.
He glanced up at me, his eyes looking dark, chocolate brown past his thick lashes. A single eyebrow rose and a crooked smirk pulled at his lips. "Don't move," he said. "Don't come until I say so either."
"And what if I do?"
"We'll just have to do it until it sinks in that I tell you when and whether you get to orgasm." Louis glanced down, his smirk never faltering as I felt the blush creeping up my neck. "If I knew telling you that you'd be at my mercy would would make you rock hard that fast, I would've used that a century ago."
I snorted. "I just haven't conditioned myself to endure your dirty mouth."
"As if you ever could." Louis grinned, turning his attention back down. "Take off your pants," he said, releasing my wrists and stepping back.
Complying, I shucked off my trousers, and then waited for step two. Louis unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off, and then did the same to his pants. The entire time, I tracked the movements of his hand, watching his soulmark, looking at the way it crawled all the way up his arm, stopping right where mine began.
"Take off your shirt," he said.
Without looking away, I shrugged it off, letting it hit the floor in a pool of gray fabric. His mark was intricate and dark, swirls dancing all the way up his arm, stopping in a row of thin, black spirals at the very top of his shoulder, just like mine stopped at my wrist... It stopped where his began.
"Underwear."
Mechanically, I finished stripping, standing there in front of him, bare and exposed and remembering when this was all we used to talk about—this moment. When the Aquireign was gone, when the war was over, when we would all be happy. Our family would still be celebrating, no doubt drunk and messy and loud. Near the end of the night, we would sneak off, just the two of us, and go back to my room since they would all be at his place.
We would've shut the door, locked it, and took off the masks and suits. We would've stood there before one another, exposed and unafraid. I would know him, and he would know me—physically and carnally. Our souls—we weren't strangers there. We already knew one another inside. But physically... It was an entirely new terrain. It was novel and exhilarating and fucking terrifying, like everything else happening around us right then.
But in that moment, that speck of time in an otherwise infinite universe where people were dying, living, dreams were coming true, and lives were being shattered all around us, I felt as though the only thing in the world, the only thing that mattered were Louis's eyes on me. The world stopped, paused in silent recognition of a moment we'd waited over a century for. Not so long ago, it was a moment I thought would be the scariest thing I had ever done, but was really the only thing that had ever made me feel safe and welcome, like I was wanted and belonged.
I wasn't there for my input. I wasn't there because I had valuable expertise. Louis—my fucking soulmate—wanted me right there, in that room, standing in front of him wearing nothing but his dog tags and bearing the soul mark he'd etched onto me. And he didn't want me to go.
"I always imagined this differently."
I didn't expect him to speak. I blinked, startled by the noise of his voice, frowning at him as I tried to catch up to his train of thought.
He bit his lip as his eyes scanned over me head to toe. "I always thought our first time would be really messy and fast and kinky, because that's just who we are, but I can't stop looking at you... I want to savor every part of you."
I smiled and crossed over to him, kissing him gently as I ran my fingers through his hair. All of the product had been rubbed out from his constant need to mess with it, so it was soft and silky. "Then go right ahead, love. I'm all yours."
Louis pulled back and pressed his forehead against mine. He nodded slightly, just enough to push the feeling to me and let me know exactly what he was thinking. Without another word, Louis pecked me on the lips and kissed down my throat again, gently pushing me back, guiding me to the wall. His hands snaked down my chest and sides, straight to my ass. Lifting me up, he stepped forward, balancing me between him and the wall. He kept one hand on my ass, slipping a finger into me.
I bit my lip and tilted my head back against the wall. "Coconut oil," I said, noticing the jar on the shelf, thanking the gods that the medical staff always put trivial things in the supply closet. "It'll make do for now." I grabbed the container and passed it to Louis.
He lathered his fingers and gave the container back to me as he worked his fingers into me, stretching me and teasing me, occasionally bumping my prostate, eliciting a sharp whine from my throat. There was no doubt he was taking it slow and savoring every bit of this. It felt like he'd been fingering me for hours, to the point that I was desperately trying to push myself further down on his fingers to get just a little more.
"Say it," Louis said, voice low and in my ear, hot breath sliding over my neck. "Tell me you want me to fuck you."
"I... Oh gods. I want you to fuck me."
"How do you want me to fuck you?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Fuck me hard. F-fuck me now. Oh gods, please, Lou. I just—I need more. Please. I need—"
Louis kissed me, quick and dirty, licking over my lower lip. "Since when have you become a beggar?"
"Since I need more, and you're being stubborn."
"I'm just being thorough, love. One of us has to be rational." When I cracked my eyes open to glare at him, I found him watching me through half-lidded eyes, a half-mocking expression on his face. "With you pressed against the wall begging for my cock, I know you're definitely not the rational one right now.
"So, you're ready? Want me to fuck you hard?"
"Yeah," I breathed, biting my lip, praying to every collective god that Louis would follow through before I lost my shit.
"Want me to fuck you so hard you scream my name? So you can't walk for the next week, just lie in bed, wanting more?"
"Yes."
Louis bit the crook of my shoulder, slipping his fingers out of me. "Fuck you so hard you come before I say so and make you start all over again?"
"Gods, fuck yes." I smacked my head against the wall, sinking my fingernails into his shoulders, scratching him when I felt the tip of his cock slip into me. "Oh, gods."
Louis sank into me and stilled, filling me up, pressing his forehead against mine, one hand helping to keep me up, the other pressed firmly against my chest, right on my soulmark. And his eyes, they were right on mine, just where I wanted them.
A jolt, sudden and quick, sporadic enough to catch me off guard and make me moan long and low when Louis thrusted, hitting the right spot on the first try.
"We're messy, fast, and kinky people," he said, voice sounding hoarse and breathless. "This might not be very slow and savory."
I shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. "We're not slow, savory people. We aren't missing anything. All this is missing is arguing, honestly."
"See? We are doing something special since it's the first time and everything's falling apart—no fighting."
"Good rule. We work together well. We should really be a team."
Louis laughed. "You never know, we might even be soulmates."
There's no way. I'm not even half the man you deserve to be with, I thought, knowing better than to say it and fuck up the moment.
But, like every other goddamn time one of us ever tried to have a private thought, it was blown out of the water.
"I couldn't think of anyone in this world that would make a better soulmate for me than you, Lex." Without waiting, without giving me the opportunity to reply, Louis started again, thrusting fast and hard, just as promised.
All thoughts, words, sentences, everything was broken down and banished from my mind. Left as a speechless wreck, I could do little more than struggle to bite back moans and a stream of enthusiastic profanity. Each thrust sent me a little further over the edge, not a single one teasing me or inaccurate. Skin slapping against skin, Louis's panting, my stifled grunts... My fingernails embedded into Louis's shoulders, Louis's hands gripping my hips so tightly I thought I'd have bruises, and his mouth attached to the crook of my shoulder, no doubt leaving a big red mark, claiming me as his...
My eyes were squeezed shut, the black making everything feel like it was happening in so much more detail. Everything was tightening, every muscle in my body went taut, my groin ached from withholding myself, keeping myself in check.
"You better ask me," he said. "You're about to—"
"For fuck's sake, Lou, let me come. Let me come or this is going to be a fucking mess."
"Say please."
I hit my head against the wall, gritting my teeth. He didn't even fucking stop thrusting while he spoke. "Please, gods, fucking please. Please let me come, I've gotta, I've—"
"Look at me."
"Louis—"
"Look at me."
I cracked an eye open, looking down at him to find him watching me intently, enough so to almost make a blush rise to my cheeks. Instead, it just crept up my neck and stopped there. "Please."
"Go ahead."
He'd barely gotten the words out of his mouth when I let go. All the tension melted away, replaced by the temporary rush of euphoria that would dissipate and give way to reality, where Louis was a panicked mess and I'd taken the reigns, knowing damn well that I was about to do something reckless.
I didn't want to go back.
I hadn't even noticed, but Louis had followed suit and came as well. Traces of a peculiar easiness and safety that I understood already began to slip away. Running my fingers through his hair again, I kissed his forehead.
I already missed him.
*** *** ***
"We've made our decision," Dr. Ponds said, coming over and sitting next to me on the window sill.
Louis and I had rejoined the group. He'd broken off to speak with Meredith, as well as a few students, while I hung back, staying at the window, and staring outside, watching as the sun sank lower and lower, the sky growing darker by the second.
"Not much longer now." I blinked, dropping my hand from my chin as I looked over at Dr. Ponds, raising a brow.
Dr. Ponds frowned, a touch confused, like he didn't quite grasp the context of my words. "You should know that the votes were tallied in groups. The majority of the faculty voted to surrender you."
I shrugged. It was no surprise.
"But, the students outnumber faculty and staff. The majority of them voted to surrender Louis. As a building, we have to vote for Louis."
"No you don't," I said. "The only people that will speak out if you report the wrong vote will be faculty who don't want me here in the first place. Even if a student spoke out, Rainier wouldn't consider it seriously. He may kill them, capture them, torture them, something like that, but he wouldn't change the official vote unless it was contested by a faculty member."
"Alexei, I know you're worried about Louis, but I—"
"I'm not worried at all, because I have faith that I will be surrendered. Everyone jumping on board and surrendering me is why I can stay so calm about this. I have a plan, Dr. Ponds. It's strong, it's manipulative, it's everything that got me here, but if that plan has a chance in hell of working, of saving you, your friends, our students, and my soulmate, then I have to be the one you surrender. Promise me that when Rainier asks for your vote, you'll lie."
"But, Louis—"
"Talk to Meredith and tell her the plan so she doesn't contest it. It doesn't matter if Louis does. Rainier won't listen to him given the situation. I know it's not fair or the honest thing to do, but it's going to save more lives. It's going to let us finish them off tonight. I'm tired of waiting anyway."
Dr. Ponds sighed and patted my shoulder. "You better know what you're doing, Alexei. I'm not risking the trust of my colleagues for nothing here." He stood from the sill and left, walking back through the room, making a beeline for Meredith and Louis.
I looked toward the window, back outside. Still, I could feel the belt of ammunition hanging heavily around my waist, the guns at my hips, the rifle I'd found in the supply closet strapped to my back underneath my jacket, laying flat from my manipulations of the metal. Compared to how heavily I usually armed myself, I felt naked, but knowing that what I was about to do would only take two bullets, I was overdressed.
"I'm sorry, Louis," I whispered, knowing he wasn't even close to me, knowing that him nor anyone else would hear that I ever apologized. It didn't really matter though. He would never forgive me.
The emergency sirens located in the courtyard began blaring loudly. The room fell silent and suddenly, the walls were replaced with open air. The damp cool of the building was replaced with a harsh autumn chill. The building was gone. The illusion of safety had vanished.
There we were, every person that worked or studied at the Guardians' Academy in the courtyard. Students, faculty, and staff were placed in rows extending to the library. At the front, where Covenant statues of the first Hunters were erected, was the place Rainier, Jackson, and the Aquireign emperor stood. A circle of demons surrounded us, keeping everyone in check.
Louis stood at the far left, closest to the emperor, while I was trapped on the right, a fear demon hovering over my shoulder, standing not a full two feet away from Rainier.
"After contacting every building on campus, the vote was overwhelmingly cast for Alexei Rivian to be surrendered," Rainier said, eyes forward, but even so, I felt him watching me, testing me, provoking me. "However, there was a building that I did not contact—the building Professor Rivian and Professor Blanc were in. I would like the representative of Cinder Hall to please tell us who your building voted for."
Dr. Ponds stood from his place in the crowd, three rows back. He looked between Louis and I, face screwed up into a frown. I was chosen, he might as well just say me. He looked at me and nodded, just a fraction, just enough that I noticed.
"We chose to surrender Alexei Rivian."