Tan
I sipped on my iced coffee as i answered my phone, "hello?"
"Tan?"
"Whats up?" i asked Rune, immediately recognizing his voice. "Iv'e found out how we can bring my father down"
"Okay, what do you need me for?"
"I can't do it alone...we should talk in person, somewhere private"
"What did you have in mind?"
I walked into a rundown motel building, that despite its state, still had its rooms filled. I held my breath as the strong odor of mildew permeated through the corridor. I finally made it to the last room on the floor, i pushed open the creaking door, closing it shut behind me. "What took you so long?" Rune asked, he sat at one of the chairs of the dining table. "I was eating food" i answered as i took a seat across from him. "You said you had an idea..." i started as i realized that he wasn't going to say anything. "Right, well my father has always been in the drug business" he starts and i nod, "what were you thinking?"
"Well, he makes most of his profit off of smuggling drugs across the south China sea and across the Mekhong river. He has major connections in China and along the Thailand border. Before i'd taken over, my father had just made a deal with an important drug cartel based in Mexico, to import drugs into Thailand, this week on Thursday, one of the shipments are coming in."
"So you want to catch him red handed, but knowing your father, he probably won't come there, he'll send someone else"
"That's the problem, we need to find out how we can get him to be there himself. My father has always been suspect to drug smuggling, obviously he's never been caught. If we can convince them that there will be an exchange happening, he'll be done"
"If they get your father, you'll also be in trouble. Especially for something like drug smuggling. You have basically taken over for your father in some areas, they wont let you off" i said, already feeling that this probably wasn't a good idea. I wasn't going to assist in him getting arrested for something he didn't do.
"I know" he answered, his words rung in my ear. "But you haven't done anything wrong"
"You don't know what iv'e done"
"And what would that be?"
"I've-"
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you" Rune's eyes snapped to mine in that moment, for a second his hard and cold exterior cracked. "It's not like you've killed someone" i quickly added.
"I have" he said and it was my turn to be shocked, i searched his expression for something that told me he was lying but there was nothing. It couldn't be. He wouldn't, sure he could be ruthless, arrogant, cruel, and sure he could beat people to death if he wanted. But i know him, he wouldn't kill anyone. "You still want to protect me?"I met his eyes, those dark eyes that used to look at me as if i mattered, but now all i saw was something sad. Only feelings of having been alone for so long. I felt lost in them again and for a moment, i felt it, his pain and it left a dark and heavy feeling in my chest. Maybe i'm lying to myself, but i refuse to even believe that he was a killer. He couldn't be what i was fighting against, he couldn't just be another murderer like my father and his. He couldn't be another enemy.
For some reason, a part of me didn't care what he'd done to be here and alive and that was frightening. Could i still love him if he really was just that? A killer?
"You're not a murderer"
"Do you actually believe that?" He scoffed and i nodded, "i know you"
"Do you?"
"You may not think so, but its not like you knew much about me anyway"Rune seemed taken aback by what i said but that could've just been my imagination, "what do you mean by that?"
"You were the one who constantly pushed me away, i'm glad anyway, i didn't want to be in a one sided relationship anyway"
"Are you saying that i never cared for you"
"No, if that was true, we wouldn't have dated in the first place and you wouldn't have come for me that day. All i'm saying is that, you only cared for me while i loved you, there is a difference"
"I-"
"One second" i interrupted as i answered my phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID. "Hello? Daniel?" i looked away from Rune as Daniel talked, glad to be out of the conversation. "I didn't see your watch in my room, you probably misplaced it"
"I never take it off" I got up and walked away from Rune as i continued, "you weren't wearing it when we showered at yours" i said more quietly "why are you whispering, this is important"
"Well, i told you, i didn't see it"
"I'm coming over then"
"Fine, what time are you coming?"
"In 30" i hung up and walked back to Rune, "i have to go, we'll talk later about the thing on Thursday" he didn't say anything and i didn't wait either before leaving.
Rune
I tried not to listen in on his conversation with that idiot, his boyfriend, fucking Daniel, but my curiosity got the best of me and i immediately regretted it. It hurt my heart to think that they've been at each others places, doing things we used to do. But its better this way, if he hates me if he didn't already, then i wont have anything to hope for. After all, he almost died because of me. That's why i said i'd killed people, i knew he hated it, but then he had to go and say that he'd protect me either way and what was i supposed to do when all his words did were give me hope?
"I have to go, we'll talk later about the thing on Thursday" he said and i didn't answer, i knew if i opened my mouth i'd do something stupid like 2 days ago when i came to his room. I don't know what i was thinking. I miss him so much to the point that my heart feels as if it were being torn right out of my chest, if he hadn't stopped me, i would've kissed him, touched him, felt his hot skin under my hands as i made love to him the way i could only have in my dreams. The door shut with a loud slam and it was only then that i could finally breathe, "i love you" i said after him, knowing he was too far gone to hear me.
It was Tuesday when Tan had called me, i instantly answered.
"Should we meet up, same place?" he asked "yeah" i answered before he hung up. I quickly made a U turn and drove to the motel we'd met up at. Once i arrived into the room, he was already there, looking amazing as he always did. "Did you figure out how we are going to do this?" he asked yet my mind was elsewhere, focusing on his exposed chest area from the v of his shirt, "huh?"
"the drug deal?" i looked back up at him "oh, sorry" i said as i made my way over to him, stopping a few feet away from him. "Well iv'e thought about it and i think that the best way we can get your father to be there is if you convince him that there will be a special package just for him which he needs to be there for, if not i don't think he'd feel obligated to go himself" he suggests, i thought about it. Knowing my father, he always sent other people to do things for him, if i did tell him that there would be a special delivery that he had to get himself he wouldn't be able to resist. He was greedy like that.
"You'll leave an anonymous tip about the drug exchange via a public phone, just in case things go south, i don't want them to track it back to you, otherwise your father would find you out" he nods.
"I have also found out that my father will also be there, he's made a deal with your father to guard the exchange on Thursday and there's one more thing..." he says, he avoids my eyes as he turns away from me. I grab his arm, "what?"
"He wants me to be there, help him out to prove my loyalty, there are rumors that i might not be as loyal as i appear to be, he wants to prove to the rest of the members that it isn't the case" i immediately shake my head, "these exchanges are dangerous, you might get hurt or worse"
"I have to do it anyway, if i don't, this whole thing will fail"
"If you go, then i will too" i blurt out, "that's not necessary" he quickly says and i shake my head, "we're in this together". He doesn't say anything and i rake his face for the millionth time today, when Thursday came, it would probably be the last time i'd get to see him. I had to use whatever time i had with him to satisfy my hunger for him, even if it was just being near him for a mere hour. I could only hope everything would be fine, i don't know what i'd do if he was hurt. I can only blame myself, i was the one who involved him in this in the first place, i was the one who fell in love with him, i was the one who selfishly took him and thought i could have him for myself, because of me he almost died at the hands of my father and here i was, again, dragging him into this game that would have no real winner. Was i really selfish for that, wanting to have what should've been mine from the start but was taken from me? After this, i really was done. I couldn't be selfish with him anymore, once this was over, i would leave-for good this time. There was still time, i just needed him once more.
I traced his face once more before settling on his lips, i met his eyes and i wanted to let go for once. I walked closer to him, until he was between me and the table. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against his, his sharp nose brushing against my own, my lips gently grazing against his soft pink ones. My heart beat quickened, i leaned closer, waiting for him to push me away. There was nothing. It all happened at once and i instantly pressed my lips against his and i felt that spark, that fire in my heart. I pressed hard, feeling the curves of his mouth, tasting his sweet mouth and it felt like pure ecstasy. The flame burned in my heart, sending a hot current through my veins, taking over my senses so that i was numb to everything that wasn't him. I kissed him, unable to pull away as his hands traveled along my back and into my hair. I needed him like it was my oxygen.
I tasted salt and i couldn't tell if the tears were my own or his and it didn't matter. I just wanted to love him one more time. I moved to kiss along his neck, nibbling at his skin, his heavy breathing fueling me, sending a warm sensation to my naval. I slide my hands under his shirt, running my fingers along the hard outlines of his abs. I squeezed his pecs, before rubbing his nipples with my thumb as i sucked at his skin. A familiar knot formed in my naval as i continued to kiss him. I grind against his bulge, the sensation causing me to moan. I lifted his shirt up and threw it off, before kissing along his chest. He pulled me up and kissed me, his tongue entering my mouth, i tasted it before i kissed him more hungrily, ravaging his addicting lips. He quickly turned us around, pushing me against the table before his lips met mine. My heart beat rapidly at his point, my hunger for him only growing. Maybe i'm just addicted, maybe i'm obsessed, but if he was my target, then i didn't care. I don't think i could stop till iv'e had all of him, i wanted him so desperately that i feared that maybe i love him too much, i was afraid that if he was really gone from my sight, i wouldn't be able to breathe any longer, that i'd wither away into nothing.
I dug my hands into his shoulder blades as his lips met my neck, his mouth against my throat and then he began to suck and i moaned. I took of my shirt and threw it away. I tugged at the soft strands of his hair, pressing him closer to my body, he went lower, his hair brushing my chest as his teeth bit down on my chest, his tongue licking before blowing cool air. "Tan..." i moaned as he went lower, i brought him back up and kissed his lips as my hands went down his hard chest. I took a moment look at him, admiring his gorgeous body. "You've been working out" i chuckled, unable to stop looking at his defined abs and sharp v as my hands went over his biceps, "you have no idea how much i want you right now" i said and he leaned in closer, "me too" he said and before i could register any of it he kissed me. I quickly turned him over and pressed him down on my table, i licked down his spine before going back up to kiss his nape. He got up and turned around, "maybe we shouldn't do anything more" he said, his words were like a knife to the heart.
"I thought you wanted to" i said and he bit his lip, i felt aroused just by looking at his flustered expression. "You know why, even us meeting here is dangerous for the both of us" he finally said and i knew it all too well. I cupped his face and kissed his jaw, "we're already here, no one will know" i said and he moved back from me, "i don't want to, it may not matter for you, but it does for me, even if we don't love each other anymore" i froze then, my hand dropping to my side. I was speechless, even though i already knew that he didn't love me, hearing him say it hurt-terribly.
"You're right" i said before taking a step back, "i made a mistake".
"Do you need to tell me anything else about the..."
"No, just leave" i said coldly
"why are you angry, i didn't say anything that wasn't the truth" he said as he put his shirt on.
"I'm not angry, i said you were right"
"Whatever you say, if there isn't anything else, i'll leave first" and just like that, he was gone. I stared at the door even after he left and maybe minutes after, i don't know what i'm waiting for, most likely the impossible.
Tan
I rush to my car with a new pain in my chest, should i have gave in, satisfied my craving for him? But that momentary satisfaction would only cause more pain, i had no doubt that after Thursday, i'd really never see him again and i couldn't fall back into the despair, i knew that if we went further, it would only hurt me and why would i do that to myself? I'm too afraid of the pain i know i'll feel after he was truly gone. I thought of Daniel then, i'm a bad person for leading him on in the first place. I cheated on him and that guilt had finally settled in the pit of my stomach. I knew that if he'd done the same to me, it would be heart breaking, knowing he'd broken my trust. It was only right i broke up with him.
But first, i had to take a very long nap.
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Thank you guys for reading my book, i'm really happy that you took the time to read this book!