Chapter 48
Catalyst
To my dearest daughter,
I hope you find this pen useful for the path I think you are about to take. Wala akong ibang hiniling kung hindi ang kaligtasan mo, anak. Kung ako lang ang papipiliin, ayoko na sanang ilagay ka pa sa kapahamakan. But I've learned that I can never prevent the inevitable from happening. I can only support you and provide everything I can do to help.
You were right, sweetie.
There are monsters here.
And I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to protect you. Your Papa isn't that good with physical combat, you know that. It's your mom who's always been the better fighter. She can guard you better. And there are people even better than her. People who will go through great lengths just to keep you safe. You may not know who they are now, but maybe by the time you are reading this you've already met them. Just like those people, I wish to protect you. And I will. I'll protect you the best way I know how. Through information.
My precious Celestine, please forgive me for not being able to tell you this in person. I love you more than anything else and that's why I have to let you know. I'm breaking protocol by informing you about this, and I might even break your heart as well.
I am not your real father. Neither is your mother.
You were our mission.
An assignment given to us by the Administration.
We're from different special operations units under a secret institution. At kaming dalawa ang napili na maging magulang mo. You were an enigma to me back then, Celestine. Your mother and I were both dumbfounded why we had to be your parents. It was way out of our line of work. Tanda ko pa kung paano nagreklamo ang mama mo, but we both knew we didn't have a say on the assignment that time. We both accepted.
I wanted to know what made you special. Why the Administration is fixated on a single child. Why our superiors are so protective of you. The Administration is never a good place for children, but you were different. Aside from your red eyes, you were completely normal. I didn't understand what made you so exceptional. You were a puzzle to me, sweetie.
You were only a puzzle I wanted to solve.
That's what you meant to me. Nothing more.
Until I spent time as your father. I didn't know how to be one. I never had a family before. But you would always have bad dreams at night that it reminded me of my past. Kahit pa hindi kita totoong anak, ayoko pa rin na maranasan ng ibang tao ang pinagdaanan ko noong bata pa ako. So I'd comfort you like how I wanted someone to comfort me when I had no one. And surprisingly you'd stop crying. You would cling to me and sleep with a newfound peace. I didn't know then, that by that time, I already started to care for you.
You would always call for me with the brightest smile I have ever seen. Always running around the house with a cheeky grin. You try to do the things I usually do, trying to eat the type of food I like even when you don't like it. And it strangely sends a warm feeling I've never experienced before, knowing you always like my company. I've bragged to your mom a lot of times that you like me more than her, and it never fails to make her raise an eyebrow.
I was starting to forget why I became your father in the first place. Unti-unti nang nagbago ang dahilan ko kung bakit ako naghahanap ng impormasyon tungkol sa'yo.
I was starting to see you as my child.
A child I want to know why a secret organization is invested on her. A child I want to guard from the nightmares that wake her up at night. A child I want to protect from her monsters.
A child I have come to love.
I needed to know who you are, Celestine. I needed to know where you came from, who your enemies are, why they are after you. I wanted to help you as much as I can. And so I dedicated my life into finding every information about you.
I ran into a lot of people in my search for information—friends, allies, foes.
With time, I was able to trace your real identity.
And all the things that it entails.
Sweetie... I had no idea you were suffering so much. I didn't know how painful it must have been for you to had to go through all of those things. The fact that I can't—no matter how hard I try—carry the burden in your stead is breaking my heart. I wish you could just stay as my child forever. That you no longer have to face the reality waiting for you. But that's not something I can prevent from happening.
It will still take place.
But I have prepared for it, Celestine.
Everything you will need is in here. My only regret is that I might not be able to be with you when you need it. The monsters who were after you, are now after me too. It's only a matter of time before they make a move.
I wasn't supposed to love you as my own, Celestine. Yet I did. I think of you as my own child. My only daughter. And no one can change that. I just hope, with all my heart, that I have been a good father to you. And that you would still consider me your father even after everything.
I love you, Celestine. You have given me the greatest joy I could ever dream of.
Promise me you will find the same happiness you have given me.