Instead of going home after fourth period as I normally would, I remain in the building for moments after the bell rings, watching as the school quickly filters out before my eyes. I know for certain that the football team has practice today, which serves as the perfect opportunity for me to speak to Jack alone. I know that I need to talk to him today, before any more time can be wasted between the both of us.
I make my way across the school, lingering in the hallway the boy's locker room is located. I'm hoping to catch Jack before he heads to the field, that way we can talk in private. I suppose I could always wait for him out on the field myself, but then everyone around would no doubt be curious as to what we're talking about. I don't know what's going to happen when I finally get the chance to speak to Jack, and I'd rather not have the entire football team and my father as the coach witness would could be my impending embarrassment.
Emerging from the locker room, Kyler passes by me on his way toward the school doors, shooting me a knowing wink as he goes. When Chris brushes past me, he appears to be slightly perplexed, though he offers me a hopeful smile, and I confirm his suspicions with a small nod. The locker room slowly empties, and it's more than convenient for me that Jack seems to be the last to head out.
Jack doesn't exit the locker room until well after the rest of the guys have began to make their way to the football field, staying behind for reasons that are unknown to me. When I notice him enter the hallway, I can feel myself falling prey to nerves, butterflies of anxiety and excitement merging together and fluttering around in my stomach.
Studying Jack, I notice that his golden-brown hair stands up in odd places, as if he's been running his hands through the light strands recently. If I'm being honest, I'd have to say that Jack looks a little worse for wear, with his shoulders hunched in a slouched posture, his face paler than usual. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if it's our break-up that has him looking so down, but the thought doesn't bring me any comfort. It hurts to think that Jack has been struggling with not being a part of my life these past few weeks, just as I have been about not being a part of his.
When Jack spots me, he freezes in place. I can easily tell that I am the last person he expected to run into at the moment, which is understandable. If I were him, I suppose I wouldn't want to see me much, either. I believed Lucas and Lacey over him, and never gave him the chance to explain himself, pushing him away every time he tried to make things right. In my own defense, however, it wasn't like Jack tried his hardest to tell me the truth, having only tried to come to me directly after the assembly, when I was obviously too upset to be rational. On the other hand, I did tell Jack to stay away from me. In keeping his distance since then, he'd only been respecting my wishes, and that realization only makes me miss him all the more.
"Hi," I finally force myself to say after realizing that the two of us have been standing opposite each other in silence for some time now.
"Hi." Jack's voice cracks as he says the word, as if he's struggling to speak at all. His green eyes gleam with a shattered light, and I notice the way he averts his gaze from mine. I can't blame him for being uncomfortable, as this whole time Jack has known that he was innocent against Lacey's claims against him, and I didn't want to hear it. But I need Jack to know that I didn't know the truth at the time, that I would never hurt him the way I have without reason.
"I have something to tell you," I murmur, squaring my shoulders in an attempt to appear less nervous than I am. Because, truth is, I'm terrified. I'm about to bare my soul to Jack Crawford, about to bring all of my guards down and lie vulnerable in front of him. I'm resting my heart in his hands once again, and only he has the power to keep it safe from harm or to break it. The choice is his, which puts me in a pretty unprotected position.
It's with all of this in mind that I take a deep breath before allowing my words to pour from my tongue the way a river streams to an ocean, unable to stop myself.
"I know now that the bet rumor was fake. Lacey came to my house a few nights ago and told me the truth about everything. She told me that she and Lucas framed you as a way to get revenge on me for dating you. And I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to tell you that I'm sorry, Jack. You tried telling me the truth, and I wouldn't listen. I trusted two people who were out to hurt me more than I trusted you, and that was stupid and beyond foolish of me. I'm sorry. Jack, I'm so sorry."
I only give myself a brief moment of pause to catch my breath, glancing up into Jack's eyes to see if I will be able to stand looking into them. Jack stands expressionlessly before me, though masses of emotion flicker in his green irises. I couldn't decipher what he's feeling even if I tried, and that may be the scariest thing of all. I've always been able to read Jack, always been able to tell what he's feeling and understand why he feels that way. Now it's like we've drifted too far apart for me to ever reach that point again.
"I hurt you," I draw on, voice trembling. "And I hurt myself in that process. I know I don't exactly deserve your forgiveness, but I hope maybe one day you can forgive me anyway. Because"—I don't realize there are tears welling in my eyes until I notice my vision beginning to blur, a sound somewhere between an inhale and a sob escaping me—"I've been through a lot, Jack, and you know that better than anyone else. I've lost a lot, but most notably I lost myself. And it wasn't until I met you that I was able to start putting myself back together again. I wasn't happy until I met you. You've helped me in so many ways, and you don't even know. When I lost you . . ." I trail off, shaking my head, unable to translate my feelings into words. I don't want to cry, don't want to say all that I'm feeling within, because I don't want Jack to know just how badly I need him, as there's still a chance that he might not want me anymore, after all that's happened. I continue with my rambling anyway, because I suppose I need to admit the truth to myself just as much as I need to say it to him.
"I pushed you away so many times because I was scared of letting people in, Jack.Because—ever since my mom passed—I've had this irrational fear that if I let someone in, it will only lead to pain when they inevitably choose to leave me. But no matter how many times I pushed you away, you were always there. You've always been there for me. And when it was time for me to return the favor, I let you down. Throughout the entire time we were together, I never told you how important you are to me."
I take a deep breath, forcing myself to meet Jack's overwhelmingly green eyes. He has yet to say a word, though I haven't given him much of a chance to say anything. And I don't intend to, not until I've said all I feel he needs to hear. Considering he hasn't up and left yet, I assume it's safe to say he won't go until I'm ready for him to.
"I don't know why the world kept pushing me toward you, Jack Crawford," I admit in a small voice, a shaky laugh escaping my lips. "All I know is that I used to hate that. I didn't want to let you in, didn't want to let anyone in, but I guess the world had other plans. And it took me a while to realize it, but everything I've had to go through in this life, all the pain and sadness I've had to bear . . . well, its led me straight to you. The world saw two people in pain, and I suppose it knew we needed each other before even we did. And I mean that, Jack. I need you in my life, because"—I hesitate for a brief moment before pursing my lips, blinking back the tears that I refuse to cry—"I love you. I love you, Jack Crawford. I am irrevocably in love with you, and you have no idea how scary that is for me to admit."
Once I'm done pouring my heart out, I stand stiffly in front of Jack, waiting for him to say something—anything. He merely stands opposite of me, expression still guarded, eyes unreadable. Then I notice the ends of his lips beginning to curl upward slightly, some color returning to his cheeks. When Jack opens his mouth to speak, I don't think I've ever been so nervous to hear anyone talk in my life.
"Are you done?" he asks, refusing to elaborate any further. I have to admit that isn't quite the response I'd been hoping for. Jack must notice the disappointed expression painted over my features, because he adds, "Just wanted to make sure. I think it's my turn to talk." I notice the faintest hint of a smile adorning his lips, his smile that I haven't seen in what's been much too long now.
"You know that I would never do anything like what Lacey accused me of to you, right?" Jack asks, taking me off guard when he starts to speak again. It's a question I wasn't expecting, but Jack doesn't give me time to answer, anyway. "In fact, I would never use anyone to win something as stupid as a bet. But especially not you, Morgan, because you mean too much to me. So when you took Lacey's word over mine . . . yeah, that hurt. But that's not why I've kept my distance. I knew that you'd been put through a lot, that you needed some space and time to think. So that's why I tried to stay away from you. But you have no idea how hard it is to try and focus on other things when you're all that's been in my head for days. It's like I can't concentrate on anything else, and I've never felt this way before." Jack exhales a sharp breath, taking a tentative step toward me.
"I would say that, after everything, maybe it isn't best for us to rush into anything. But I know that there is no way I'm going to be able to stay away from you any longer. Because I love you too, Morgan Scott. I'm utterly and undeniably in love with you, and I know that I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else."
It takes a moment for Jack's words to process in my mind, and when they do, tears begin to stream down my cheeks, even though I'm unable to stop myself from smiling. Meeting his stare, I find that Jack's eyes are no longer impossible to read. He gazes down at me with a gentle and loving expression that no one else has ever regarded me with, that smile of his that I've been missing painted across his lips.
"You really mean that?" I whisper, as I can't trust my voice right now, afraid it will break and I will burst into tears.
Jack nods slowly in response, whispering in return, "Every last word." He reaches for me then, extending a hand and lifting a finger to brush away the tears I've shed. His touch is a spark across my skin, and I know he feels the electricity, too.
"I missed you," I admit, eyes darting between the both of his.
Tilting my face up to his with the end of his thumb, Jack says, "I missed you more." Face breaking out into a grin, Jack shakes his head as he mumbles, "Come here, Scott." I don't think I've ever wanted anything more than to be wrapped in his arms, so I take a step forward and allow Jack to pull me in close, surrounding me in his warmth and comfort. For the first time in a long time, I feel complete again, knowing that the absence of Jack in my life has been the cause of my misery lately.
When he kisses me, I wish the moment could last forever. Pulling back from me gently, Jack cups my face in his hands. He studies me for a long moment, as if he's having a hard time accepting that this is really happening. I suppose I am too, as I didn't think it'd be so easy to tell Jack what I've been feeling, didn't think it'd be so easy for him to forgive me. But when you really love someone, nothing but that person truly matters. You just want to be with them, regardless of the ups and downs. And I know for certain that I want to be with Jack Crawford, no matter what happens from here.
The next thing I know, Jack's lips are on mine once again. He kisses me fervently, making up for all of the lost time between us. Kissing him back, my hands wind up in his hair, his hands hooking beneath my thighs and lifting me off the ground, my legs wrapping around his waist as Jack pushes me back against the lockers behind us. My chest aches with need, and I don't think I realized exactly how much I've missed Jack until right now, as I'm kissing him like I'll never have the chance to do so again.
"Crawford!" The sudden and unexpected sound of someone crying Jack's name has the two of us tearing away from each other, both of us clearly startled. I glance over Jack's shoulder to find an equally startled Chris staring back at me, eyes flickering between Jack and I as if he can't believe what he's seeing.
"Uh, hey," Jack mutters, trying to sound casual despite the fact that my lip gloss is visibly smeared across his lips. "I'm kinda busy right now. Did you need something?"
"Coach sent me to find you." Chris presses his lips together, appearing as if he wants to say more, though unsure if it's a good idea for him to speak. Seemingly disregarding his hesitation, he blurts, "So, are you two back together?"
Jack turns to face me once again, the two of us sharing a knowing smile. I'm the one to speak up, after Jack sets me gently back down to the ground. "I think so."
"You think so, Scott?" Jack questions, shooting me a mock-offended glance, shaking his head in disapproval. "That's funny. Because I know so."
I can't help smiling at Jack's teasing, having missed this side of him. We end up sharing another long glance, which momentarily causes me to forget that Chris is still standing here. That is, until I hear him cry, "Yes!", which easily reminds me of his presence.
"Damn," Jack pokes fun at his friend, furrowing his eyebrows at Chris's enthusiasm at the news of Jack and I getting back together. "Someone's a Scottford shipper."
"Scottford?" I ask in confusion, raising a questioning eyebrow at Jack.
He only smirks in response, saying, "Yeah. Like, our last names put together. Scottford. It's our relationship name."
"Whatever," Chris interrupts, clearly not amused by Jack's talk of relationship names. "I'm happy for you guys and all, because this means we actually have a chance at winning the playoffs! No offense, Jack, but you've kinda sucked since Morgan dropped your ass."
"Well, I'm going to kick your ass for saying that," Jack counters, playfully punching Chris on the shoulder.
Chris rolls his eyes as he backs up toward the doors behind him. "I'm gonna go tell the guys that your awful playing is finally over. Should I tell Coach you're on the way?"
Jack turns back to face me, his gaze soft as it meets mine. Wrapping an arm around my waist, Jack presses me back into the lockers, smirking as he mumbles, "Tell him I'll be a minute." Leaning in close to my ear, Jack whispers, "I want to show my girlfriend just how much I've missed her."
• • •
"Look whose come crawling back," Kyler says in greeting to Jack the following afternoon, when Jack returns to his old seat next to me at our lunch table. Jack merely rolls his eyes in acknowledgement of his friend, a taunting smirk playing across his lips.
"It's good to see you too, Ky," Jack plays along with his friend, as Kyler's acting like the two didn't just play on the same field yesterday during football practice. Lana and I share a look, and I notice the confusion gleaming brightly in her blue eyes. I haven't exactly told her that Jack and I are officially back together, though I'm sure that's what she's suspecting. I nod to confirm her unasked question, which has Lana smiling like a loon.
"Oh, don't act like you missed me," Kyler mumbles in a faux-aggressive tone, his playfulness making me smile. "You've had all this time to come back, yet you only sit with me when you get back together with your girlfriend."
"And the only reason you didn't sit with me is because you wanted to sit with your girlfriend," Jack points out, referring to the fact that Kyler and Jack have been sitting at separate lunch tables since Jack and I broke up, a gotcha-now smirk adorning his features.
"Touché," Kyler mumbles, seemingly admitting defeat. "So, I'm guessing you two are back together?" Kyler points from me to Jack with his French fry before taking a bite out of it, raising his eyebrows in question.
"Yeah," Jack shifts closer to me, his smirk merely widening. "Want proof?" Before Kyler can say anything to dismiss Jack's teasing, Jack's lips find mine. I pull away from him after a brief moment, smiling to myself shyly. I guess I'd forgotten how it feels to be kissed by Jack Crawford, which is a feeling I'll never forget again.
"Oh, gross you two," Lana mutters under her breath, to which I furrow my eyebrows at. I mean, for the past week I've had to endure Kyler's and Lana's endless personal chats between each other during lunch. Of course, I don't embarrass my friend by mentioning that.
I notice Lacey as she enters the cafeteria through the double doors, making her way toward her lunch table. She and I aren't exactly close, but it's safe to say that we aren't enemies anymore. She catches my gaze, offering a faint smile and small wave, both of which I return without hesitation. I know Jack notices our encounter from the second he opens his mouth to speak, as he's never looked as confused in the time that I've known him as he does now.
"Did you just wave at Lacey?" Jack asks, seemingly a little more than simply shocked.
I nod to answer his question, adding, "We're kind of . . . friends now."
Jack's jaw drops at my words, lips agape. Shaking his head in disbelief, Jack questions, "After everything she did to you? You two are . . . friends?"
"It's not ideal," I admit honestly. "And we're not best friends. But we've definitely come to terms with each other. What? Is it weird to think that your ex is friends with your current girlfriend?" I'm only trying to tease him, though Jack doesn't seem to take it that way. I suppose he's still pretty shocked by the fact that I've forgiven Lacey at all.
"No. It's weird to think that you're friends with Lacey after she tried to embarrass you in front of the whole school and then convinced you to break up with me." Jack shoots me a pointed look, to which I only roll my eyes to.
"I forgave her, Jack. Besides, she's not all bad." I bump my shoulder against Jack's, smirking mischievously as I add, "Though I'm sure you already know that."
Jack rolls his eyes at me, but I notice the way he's blushing, as if he's flustered. "Whatever," he mumbles, shaking his head dismissively. "But she better not hurt you again. Or else you can't be friends."
"Jack Crawford!" I gasp in shock, shoving him even though I know his words are harmless. "Are you trying to tell me who I can and can't be friends with?"
"No," Jack mumbles innocently, planting a sweet kiss on my cheek. "I said you can be Lacey's friend. Unless she hurts you again."
I bite the corner of my lip as I murmur, "Fair enough. But don't you dare think you can tell me what to do, Crawford."
"Oh." There's a naughty gleam in Jack's green-eyed gaze as he leans in a little closer to my ear, mumbling huskily, "I think we both know that's not true."
I blush tremendously at his words as Lana pretends to gag, Jack's comment even earning a "Gross" from Kyler—the king of inappropriate comments.
I didn't realize how much I've missed having Jack as a part of my life until now, when he's joining me and my friends again, all of us laughing together and enjoying one another's presence. I don't know when Jack Crawford became such a big part of my life, but I wouldn't have things any other way.
Once lunch ends, Jack walks with me to my next class, just as he used to before things between us blew out of proportion. He holds my hand when we're walking down the hallway and kisses my cheek out of nowhere, and we sneak off to the old supply closet Jack found every once and a while during free period. Somehow, I know that this time we're going to get things right. Now that the two of us are together again, we're stronger. Because now I know that Jack loves me just as much as I love him, and that changes everything.