The Judge was quick to shoo the rest of us out of the court house, dismissing us with the flick of his hand before nodding at the officer carrying the dagger. He had asked for Pincel and Miss Anderson to stay behind.
The guard escorting me out shoved me but I pushed back. "Watch it," I hissed. "I'm a human being, not a sack of potatoes."
The guard only smirked at this but stopped his pushing, instead manoeuvring me to the front door. I wanted to hear what the Judge had to say, as well as Miss Andersons excuse for having the dagger but I knew that was not an option. A memory still stirred as I remembered the dagger. I knew something about it, but as soon as I thought about it, my mind misted, like I was grasping water but every time my hands clutched at an answer, it slid through my fingers. I felt myself frown as I took a step out of the court house. The guard told me to wait for my mother and go home before reporting to the police station to sign papers tomorrow but I barely heard him. My mind was still chasing the past, tripping over various events that had happened today.
Isaac lying for me, Aaron accusing Isaac, Harry handing him the gun, Pincel gripping my arm, Coltons mothers screams, Isaacs confessions, the dagger, Mr Harrington running to me, Harrys gun, Isaacs teary eyes. It was all coming crashing back.
This very girl tore apart Amber Harringtons body.
I flinched and began walking, shaking my head to rid of my thoughts.
Maybe your victims put up a good fight before you took their life.
I walked faster, ignoring the sound of my mother's and Ethan's voice calling for me to come back. My slow stride began to lengthen in time to the whirling of my thoughts. I now knew there was two daggers. The one that Miss Anderson said she found in the woods that had Isaac and I's blood. But then there was another one that Isaac had thrown. It was a different design from what I had seen. Its hilt was made from animal bone, its blade curved sharply into a hook. It was a completely different from the one Isaac and I had dropped in the forest.
She was the main reason why Aleena is in a coma.
But then a hand tore at my arm, causing me to spin around. I gasped as my eyes focused on a pair of green and gold eyes. Usually my heart would leap at his presence but now all he brought me was anger.
"Don't touch me." I hissed, yanking my arm out of his grip. His mouth fell into a deep frown as he looked at me. He was incredibly pale, his once tanned skin drenched with uneasiness. His eyes were dowsed with anxiety, his ruffled hair a signal of his restlessness.
"Renee I can explain-"
"No." I interrupted, squinting against the gathering pain in my head. "I don't want to hear it."
"I have a reason, Isaac isn't who you think he is-" He tried to say but I quickly spoke over him again.
"You know nothing of who Isaac is." I snarled, taking a step away from Aaron so I could no longer smell his honeycomb scent. "He was never the one behind the murders and you know it as well. You lied straight to the court for what? To see him cuffed or hurt? To see him being dragged away?" My breaths were coming out in huffs now, lost in the gathering wind. "I don't understand you. You treated me with such kindness and said you wouldn't hurt him, and now here you are accusing him of something he didn't even do."
Aarons eyes flashed angrily. "You know nothing of who he truly is. Parts of his story were true today Renee, you're just too oblivious to see it."
I saw red, my anger once again blazing in my veins. It was like a fire was stirring in the pits of my stomach, licking up the walls of my throat to control my words.
"So tell me then." I said angrily. "Tell me something about Isaac considering I seem to be the only person who doesn't know anything about him."
But Aarons eyes only hardened, his hands moving to shove his fingers through his messy hair. "I can't tell you." He breathed. "When you already know."
I only blinked at him, fury clouding my thoughts. "It seems everyone in this town knows exactly what is going on and who people are, but I am the only one who doesn't have a clue."
Aaron shook his head, clenching his jaw. "You have all the pieces Renee, just put them together."
I took a step forward, forcing myself to look directly into his eyes. "I know nothing, but I do know that you are a lying bastard." I hissed. "You ruined Isaacs life by getting him locked up. This isn't a petty game; this is someone's whole life."
"He deserved everything he got." He replied sharply, the hostility in his eyes causing me to swallow. "No one is ever innocent in a town like this, and Isaac is among the ones who are the worst."
"Isaac saved me." I said, ignoring his clenched fists. "He has risked his life over and over again for me. He does not deserve this." I eyed him up and down, taking in his rumpled collared T-shirt and long jeans. He looked like any real boy, minus the haunted eyes and frustrated expression. "Do not talk to me about innocence when you pulled a trigger on someone."
Aaron opened his mouth to say something but lost his words, instead he pressed his lips together and decided to remain silent.
"I don't want to hear your lies anymore. Today proved how wrong I was about you. You are not the caring and gentle boy I grew to care about, you are nothing."
The look that came after my words was one to remember. His pupils widened in hurt, his eyes darkening drastically. He paled significantly, and his flecks disappeared altogether. It was like staring at a shattered mirror, bits and pieces of shattered memories falling into jagged ends to form a crumbled heap. I turned away from his expression of pure agony and began to walk.
"Do not expect me to be there when he no longer is." I heard him call from behind me. Something was missing in his voice. It was like the emotion had been stripped out of it, leaving it hollow and empty. I shot him a glance as I kept walking but said nothing.
"Just know that I won't be afraid to tell you I told you so when you realise who he truly is."
But I kept walking, ignoring him entirely. I didn't want to look back again and see his lifeless eyes or gripped fists. I didn't want to see his fringe falling over his eyes and I didn't want to see his parted lips. I didn't want to see the truth.
I scrunched my eyes against the words that jumbled in my head but it didn't stop the throb from behind my eye sockets. I didn't know what to believe anymore. What was Isaac? Who was he? Was he really a Parade member or was he something else? Was he really the Brookefield murderer or was that truly a way to protect me? And for what, Isaac wouldn't love me. It was impossible. A boy so heartless and manipulative could never love someone like me. And yet even when I asked him to pull the trigger, he couldn't. But what did that mean? And where had he got the second dagger? Why did it seem so familiar? Would the police investigate the warehouse? Why were Miss Andersons finger prints on the thrown dagger? Why was Francesca's blood on it? Why did Aaron tell the Judge a lie?
The screeching of tires awoke me from my thoughts and I jumped out of the way just as a car honked past, the driver swearing words I didn't know belonged to the English vocabulary. I swallowed, heat flushing through me as I glanced down the road. No other cars were coming so I rushed to the other side, attempting to keep my mind at rest but it never did. More questions arose, more answers were uncertain and the more seconds that ticked past, the more I believed I was growing crazy. My feet were taking me places I didn't know, my mind was focusing on the darkness that clouded my brain, not my direction.
Why had my own mother admitted I was guilty when it was so obvious that I wasn't? Why would she say such a thing? It was almost as if she wanted to see me behind bars. The shadow in her eyes had flickered back into her irises, and I had recognised it the moment she looked at me. The shadow was clouding her thoughts, her feelings, her memories. She had that shadow when Dad died, but I had chased it away with months and months of vigorously making her happy. Now it had returned, and this time it was darker than ever.
She killed my son!
I winced again, oblivious to the snow that began to shower against my skin. I wanted nothing more than to jump on any moving vehicle and ask the driver to take me anywhere but here but I couldn't run away from my problems. Isaac had sacrificed himself for me, and now it was my time to repay him. I had to find answers but I had to find them fast.
I do not care for a girl as stupid as you.
My heart jolted, causing me to pause mid step to clutch at it. I gasped for breath, shaking my head again vigorously to rid of my thoughts but they continued to haunt me, jeering and taunting my conscious until I did the only thing I could think of doing.
Run.
With every stride, more accusations rose in my head. With every breath that passed through my lungs, more stinging words crossed my thoughts. With every second that ticked by, my brain splintered into more fragments.
I squeezed my eyes against the gathering tears in my eyes and let my legs lead me. I didn't stop as I shoved past the glass doors of the building. I didn't stop as I crashed into a passing client. I didn't stop for the elevator, but instead took the stairs, running up them three at a time. I didn't stop when a nurse asked me if I was okay and I didn't stop when I rounded a hallway into a room.
I only stopped as I burst through the doors of the ever familiar room I had been to multiple times, ignoring the feeling of tears roll down my face. I didn't feel the need to acknowledge them, my thoughts were my top priority. I heaved for breath as I stared at the unconscious girl in front of me. She looked the same, her golden hair flowed out against her pillow like a sleeping angel. There was slightly more colour flushing in her cheeks but her eyes remained closed. She was breathing deeply; each beat of the heart monitor sending my mind into a whirl of ptsd. But as I looked at her, cords flowing into her slightly ajar mouth and up her nose, coiling around her neck to loop up into a several bagged machines, my heart took an enormous leap.
"Aleena." I breathed, my voice almost a whisper due to my lack of oxygen. I walked up to her, my legs like jelly as I did so. My brain was a whirlpool of emotions, causing them to spill over my eyes in tears. "Wake up."
She didn't respond, her breaths remaining even and slumberous. I leaned closer to her, over the railing of her bed to stare at her as if willing her to open her eyes. "Wake up Aleena." I repeated, my voice shaking the way my whole body was. Her heart beat monitor answered me, drilling itself into my mind.
"I said wake up!" I shouted, but no fluctuation of her heart monitor even signalised she had heard me. I could see every individual vein stand out against her eyelids, spider like as they crawled over her thin skin. She was like this because of me. She hadn't woken for months because of me. Ethan was a wreck because of me. All of this was because of me.
My heart jolted again, sending my brain to crack down the middle. It felt like a lightning strike ascend down onto my head, shattering my thoughts, feelings, motives, memories and intentions into a million pieces. I couldn't grasp what was left, as if the shatters had razor sharp edges that I could no longer touch without cutting myself. I bit my lip against the pain in my head, pain busting from beneath my eyelids as I took in a ragged breath.
"I can't do this anymore!" I cried out, reaching out a hand to grip Aleena's. I forced my eyes open. I forced myself to see her pale figure, her non responsive face and her slackened touch. I let out another sob, my tears falling onto her hospital blanket as I leaned closer. My heart skidded again, my head searing with pain. I couldn't understand what I was feeling as I let out a cry of pain, gritting my teeth in the process to stop myself from screaming. Everything was a whirl of movement, shapes blurring into meaningless figures as I sobbed. My heart was thumping against my throat, mimicking the panic I felt. I leant to grip Aleena's shoulders, my nails digging into her soft skin of her shoulder blades. "I said wake up!" I yelled, shaking her with all my might but there was so response. I forced myself to let go of her, her body collapsing into the pillows as if she were nothing more than an object. I had to do something with my hands. I had to move them, I had to put them somewhere. I had to have the feel of something in my fingers.
"It's my fault!" I shouted, pushing over Ethan's hospital chair. It made a scraping noise as it slid against the ground. I saw white flashes, tainted with the essence of anger as I moved to her desk. Papers, certs, documents and various objects scattered it, left by Ethan and his parents. "They were right," I screamed, not recognising my own voice. "I am the main reason why you are like this!"
I didn't even realise I had pushed the items off the desk onto the floor until a glass object shattered on the ground, the sound echoing against the thin walls. I sucked in a breath, trying to calm my racing breath but my mind was still broken.
A flash of brown stopped me from punching a hole in the wall and I paused to inspect it. Blinking back tears, I moved closer to the mirror that lay on the opposite wall to Aleena. I stared at a girl who was staring back. Her bottom lip was cut and a small bruise was swelling under her jawline. Her hair was matted, clogged with knots and tangles. Her eyelashes were dusted with tears, darkening them but bringing out the small green flecks of her irises. Her chest was rising and falling heavily with each breath, her lips parted. Crimson stained her front teeth from where she had chewed through her lip. She looked haunted, her face pale against her flushed lips. Her eyes held no life or meaning, instead they were full of anger and hurt and lost.
She was me.
Without thinking, I shot a fist out, feeling it connect with the mirror. It took several seconds before pain shot up my arm but it felt distant. As if pain was nothing more than a second option. Glass splintered into tiny fragments at my feet but it didn't fill the hole in my mind.
I whirled back to Aleena, tasting blood on my tongue. I raced to her, reaching out to grip the hand railing. "Where were you when I needed you!" I screamed, my voice heightened with agony. "Where were you when I stitched Isaac back together! Where were you when Miss Anderson tried to kill me! Where were you when I was convicted of murder!"
I heard the sound of running footsteps but it didn't stop me from wrapping my fingers around Aleena's neck. "Why won't you respond! I said wake up Aleena!"
I shook her again, tearing out vital tubes in the process. Several loud beeping noises tore through the room, ripping through my head just as someone burst through the door.
"It's my fault!" I sobbed. "I should be the one in the coma!"
Her neck felt cold and lifeless against my touch, but I didn't get the chance to say anything else as hands ripped at me. Someone tackled me to the ground, telling me to get off the girl.
"I did this!" I roared, my vision blurry against my ongoing tears. "I have nobody! My own mother doesn't love me; my father is dead. She is all I have and I killed her!"
Hands grabbed mine, forcing them behind my back as someone pressed down on me, shouting for someone to call the police.
"WHY WON'T SHE WAKE!" I shrieked, causing all noise to pause. The weight didn't press off me but instead pressed harder, causing my face to crush against the floor. "I HAVE NOBODY!"
More weight was pressed onto me as I heard a voice risen in panic exclaiming a mentally unstable girl had harmed a patient. But their weight was nothing in comparison to the anger I felt. I twisted out from the person who held me and rose to face them. A male nurse glanced up in horror and reached a hand to wrap them around my legs but I dodged him. I swerved away from another nurse to stand by the window, in clear view of the entire room. Two nurses were at the door and three more were advancing towards me.
"I am the cause of this!" I yelled, startling them but they paused to stare at me with wide eyes. "I am guilty. I am not innocent in a town like this. I am guilty for causing this. Do not jail him, jail me!" They only blinked in confusion, their eyes flickering as if unsure how to handle the situation.
"I don't know what to do anymore!" I continued, my sentence broken with sobs. "I am as corrupted as this town. I know things I shouldn't, I've seen things that will haunt me forever. I can't bear to do this anymore!" I tried to grapple with my thoughts but they were everywhere. Hot tears continued to spill down my face, mixing with the bitter taste of blood in my mouth. "She was all I had and now she isn't even present! But who could blame her! I made her like this. Blame it on me, it was me. I deserve it. Take it out on me!"
But no one made a move, however one of the nurses hung up the phone, her call apparently done, her face pale in the evening light.
"I am a mess. I cannot live in a place like this. I cannot live at all. The people I love are dead or dying or as corrupt as me. I've ended the lives of many although not physically but socially and locally. Isaac is in prison because of me, she is in hospital because of me. Kids are dead because of me!" My voice was now booming by the end, growing louder by the second.
I looked to Aleena's soundless figure. Already, brown bruises were beginning to touch the skin around her neck. Another sob raked through me. "I couldn't do it Aleena." I cried, my voice breaking. "I couldn't save them."
That's when police sirens broke through the room, growing increasingly louder by the second. I whirled to the window, watching as police cars whizzed by the main street to pull into the car park. I then glanced back at Aleena and the sprawled nurses. They looked terrified, glancing to one another in confusion. I knew they didn't know what to do, but instead hoped the police got here in time before. I wouldn't let that happen.
I took one shuddering breath before turning to the window that loomed several feet above the ground. I had to get away from people. I had to mend my thoughts and stop the swirling. I had to give my lungs the oxygen they needed and sort out the confusion in my brain. The nurses realised what I was doing a second too late as I took a running leap straight into the large window. My skin collided with the thin glass as it cracked from my weight, splitting like veins through the middle to shatter into tiny individual pieces. Fragments tore through my skin with the sound of broken glass filling my ears before the feeling of falling overtook my body.
And then I hit the ground.