ATTENTION YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND I WILL NOT BE REPEATING IT BEFORE EVERY CHAPTER WHEN EXPLICIT CONTENT IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE. I AM STRICTLY AN R-RATED WRITER. IF THAT OFFENDS YOU OR YOUR NOT INTERESTED IN RAUNCHY SEX SCENES AND DOMINATION DO NOT... I REPEAT DO NOT CONTINUE.
I HAVE WARNED YOU SO GO REPORT SOMEONE ELSE
Hello this is James, how may I help you?
Hello James and I don't think you can help me.
Why is that?
Because you don't know me, you don't care about me you have no incentive to help me.
What is your name?
Hazel
Hello Hazel my name is James nice to meet you.
If you met me it wouldn't be nice.
Why is that?
Because I just have a way about me. People can tell withen the first five minutes of meeting someone if they'll like them or not. I usually don't make it past the first five seconds.
What is it about you that you think turns them off?
The way I look, the way I talk, the way I carry myself. Everyone thinks I'm a overweight obnoxious black woman who has no goal and that's not fuck!ng true!
.............
Aren't you going to say anything or has my five minutes been up and you've decided you don't like me either!
I'm listening to you cry.
Wha...why?
Because you need it. So cry and I'll listen then when you've let it out we'll try this again.
And hazel did cry. She cried hard. Her eyes hurt, her mouth was dry and she was just so tired. She looked down willing herself to just jump. But she was frightened. She didn't want to breathe anymore, she didn't want to live but she was to scared to actually go through with it. She took a breath calming herself and placed the phone back at her ear sniffling.
If you were to kill yourself how would you do it?
I wouldn't, I value my life and you should value yours.
Why?
Because I value it.
How can you when you don't know me. I could be a killer, I could be a terrorist, who says my life has value?
I do.
James was it?
Yes.
I think this was a mistake. I called this hotline because I wanted help. I wanted someone to take my mind off hurting myself and you..
Have done that.
What?
Let me guess your on a building thinking about jumping.
How, how could you know that?
The air. It's a wonderful day and it's a barley a breeze tonight but you must be higher up then the street to have such wind blowing at you which I can hear through the phone. There's also the faraway sound of beeping horns from cars.
I still don't see how your helping me.
You haven't jumped.
Hazel stared down. The roof she was on had forty-five floors. The people below were like ants small and moving dots to her. She knew no one knew she was here and even if they did they probably wouldn't care.
I want to jump James.
Why?
Because then people would notice me, then people would remember me if only for a little while. People would see me, the ambulance would have to touch me to pull my body from the street. I want to be seen, I want to be remembered, I want to be touched.
How old are you?
Twenty three
..............
What did you think I was forty or something?
No your voice is to nevermind. You've barley lived life, don't end it before you experience it.
I've experienced enough.
Don't you think people would miss you?
No
Your mother, your father.
My mom never paid attention to me. From when I was young till I was in high school I was always a straight A student, a teacher's pet. I loved learning things, I loved going to school. Whenever I would receive my report cards or a test I would come home so I could show it to her and you know what she'd tell me. Wait till the commercial. She never could stop for a second to pay attention to me and my accomplishments. So I dropped out in my senior year and that caught her attention. But now I was the high school drop out who was doing nothing with her life. My father cheated on my mom when I was six and my mother lost her apartment we ended up in the shelter until I turned sixteen and then when we found a place I asked her about him. She would tell me she didn't know how to find him and he wasn't looking for me. I looked through her stuff one day and found his information. They were only a borough away from me. The same borough my high school was in. I found him but he didn't want me to find him. I had a little brother but he didn't want him to know about me so I stayed away. I have no other family I'm aware of so to answer your question no my family would not miss me.
What about a boyfriend?
James are listening to me at all? I just told you people don't like me so why would I have a boyfriend?
I did hear you. You said you were a determined young woman who enjoyed learning and wanted her mother attentions and to know her father. You sound very intelligent so I don't know why your single.
I can't be that intelligent I'm standing on the edge of a roof calling strangers to help me.
Wrong again. You are intelligent because a person with less sense wouldn't have even called for help.
...............
My name is James it's wonderful to meet you Hazel.
Hello James and it's nice to meet you to.
Good; now tell me how can I help you?
I don't know what to do to not feel like I have to kill myself.
You can start with therapy.
Absolutely not. I hate therapists. I know what's wrong with me. I'm unhappy and I feel like no one cares about me. I have no goals and nothing to look forward to. I know this already, paying someone thousands of dollars to tell me what I know isn't helping me. What I need is someone or something to live for.
Yourself.
What do you mean?
You can surround yourself with as many people or things as you like but, as long as you yourself are unhappy nothing is going to change. Find something to motivate yourself and do it.
Like what?
What do you enjoy more then anything?
Animals
So immerse yourself in it.
I would have had to gone to collage to have any career in it.
Well there's a goal but for now start slow. Visit the zoo.
I'm twenty three James not twelve.
And?
I guess I could try but then what?
That's up to you. Only thing I want is for you to get off the roof.
And if I do what do I get out of it?
James laughs and leans back in his computer chair staring at the ceiling. It was moments like this he enjoyed most. It was one of the reasons he signed up for the hotline. Knowing you helped someone live for even another second made him happy, since he couldn't do it for the one he loved. Hazel was witty but hurting and he didn't think her reasons for ending her life were good reasons.
He didn't think any reason to kill yourself was a good reason. He sat up listening to Hazel's background nose from her side of the phone. The wind had lessened and he could hear the ding of an elevator.
You can have anything you want Hazel if you want it bad enough.
Hazel took the elevator down and exited the building really thinking about what she wanted most.
I've gotten off the roof for you James and there is something I want more then anything.
Name it.
You.
What?
I want a friend in my journey for self worth. Could you meet me at the zoo if i go tommorow?
I uh.... that's not a good idea. I'm supposed to help you as best as I can through the phone.
Well now you can save a life in person. Will you?