Permanent
At least with me you know that I will never leave,
No matter how much you make my heart bleed,
I am drowning in my sadness but you do not care,
This is the kind of anguish that you cannot repair.
Unlike the angels I carry tremendous sorrow,
The worst is the numbness that tends to follow,
The anxiety that plagues my mind has retaliated,
This fragile consciousness is easily manipulated.
Do not worry a single bit as I will survive,
I am one step closer to my untimely demise,
You like to push my buttons and drive me up the wall,
Then you throw me to the ground and I am forced to crawl.
The side effects of depression are permanent,
You are a prime offender of negligence,
My pillow is soaked from my never ending tears,
I barely feel better after drinking a dozen beers.
The lengths I have gone to in order to feel alive,
Rushing to the hospital at eleven o’clock at night,
Crimson arms and an intoxicated mind,
I was ready to leave this world behind.
Morphine was injected into my veins,
It was meant to relieve my severe pain,
Death was breathing down my neck,
He stayed by my side as I peacefully slept.
Waking up feels good until you realize what you are,
I am the stitched up scars on my arms,
I never deserved a second chance,
My life was a mess and the escape was terribly planned.
No longer to I wish to die by my own hand,
My body will fail only on death’s command,
Self destructive behavior has not set me free,
It is not displayed on my skin but deep within me.
-c.m