Ellie, Kim and Meg hurried through the corridor when Ellie remembered she'd left her favourite leather jacket hanging on the back of the dressing room door. She also realised this would be the last time she would have to tell Daniel he couldn't come to Port Lagan.
She had to see him or it would be too late.
It would only take five minutes.
She shrugged the bag strap off her shoulder, handing its heavy weight to Kim. "I-I have to go back - forgot my jacket."
"Hurry up, Lachy needs to get going," Kim called over her shoulder as Ellie skipped back along the busy corridor, the way they'd come. The Glue crew were still prepping for the gig around her as she darted along the white-washed corridors, her mind worrying over how and when the hell she could tell Daniel to cool his jets.
Dreading it.
As she neared the Glue dressing rooms, she heard a raw cough and, when she rounded the corner, she found Daniel huddled in a doorway, one arm around his waist, forehead resting on a scratched up door.
"Dan!" She hurried over and wrapped a hand around his shivering back. "Are ... are you okay?"
Daniel's face was white and beads of sweat covered his pale forehead. His eyes were rimmed with a watery red. He tried to smile at her but it fell flat as he let out a groan, one hand on the doorframe for support.
Ellie glanced around, looking for help in the empty corridor as she felt him shudder under her arm. "Do you need a doctor? What? What's wrong?"
"No. I ... I ..." Daniel tried to take a deep breath and stand up, but Ellie saw him struggle. "I ... need to sit down."
"Where's your dressing room?" Ellie asked under her breath, not wanting to draw attention to him, knowing he wouldn't want anyone to see him in this state.
Daniel nodded across to another door and Ellie helped him over, pushing the door open so he could scuffle inside clutching at stomach. He flopped down on the couch, resting his head back, arms wrapped around his middle before he twisted his head to gaze at Ellie with watery eyes. "Can I ... I think I need water."
Closing the door, Ellie looked around the room for a sink. A line of identical crisply ironed checked blue shirts hung on a rack by the wall near a side-table overloaded with fresh-cut fruit and bottles of champagne. A guitar rested on the coffee table. An array of magazines, newspapers, bottles of water and a tiny TV were on the dressing table and a full-length mirror hung on the wall. The black leather couch with its grey velvet cushions looked comfy and, with freshly painted walls, the lights around the dressing-table mirror all working, and no unidentifiable smells wafting from the floor, Ellie realised how hard Daniel must have worked to get this level of plush dressing room compared to Slider's dingy dive.
She focused back on Daniel and went to the gleaming sink. "Will you be okay to go on stage? Do I need to get Gav? Or Brenin?" she asked over her shoulder as she found a crystal-clean glass, filled it with water and brought it to him.
Daniel sipped at the water, eyes closed, long lashes resting on his pale cheekbones as he caught his breath. Ellie sat beside him and watched as the colour returned to his cheeks, his lips becoming pinker. He peeked at her before lowering his eyes to the glass of water.
"Thank you," he said, with a shy smile. "I ... I'm sorry. I try not to let anyone see me in that state. Thought I was fine, but obviously not."
Ellie creased her forehead; took the glass of water from his hand. "What state? What is it? Are you sick? Drugs? What?"
Daniel took a long breath in before exhaling, and Ellie clocked a faint acrid smell on his breath. She held the water out to him but he shook his head.
"I ... it's stage fright," Daniel muttered, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands before glancing at Ellie. "It's ... it's not something I've got a handle on yet ..."
Ellie's heart wrenched toward him, swelling into a heavy beat in her chest as if Daniel had flipped her on-switch.
"You ... get stage fright?" she murmured, staring at him, wanting to hug him and make sure he was okay – this reality of him settling inside her like the gentle ringing of a chime.
Daniel nodded. "It's rather horrid, Ellie. I've already thrown up twice tonight. What a waste of a rather nice dinner—"
"But ... but you were okay ... before your Glasto show?"
"Was I?" Daniel said and the twinkle in his eyes returned for a moment.
Rubbing at her forehead, Ellie tried to recall Daniel the first time she'd met him in the shadows near the Slider tour bus at Glastonbury but all she could think of was how calm and cool he'd been.
"What about all that ... just 'enjoy' it, stuff?"
"That's what I try and do but it doesn't always help. But it's something." Daniel took the water from Ellie, sipped at it again before clutching it between both hands to stop the shaking as he rested in on his knees. "At Glasto, I ... I'd been hiding out having a quiet calming down cig near your bus."
'Ah. Right," Ellie said, understanding now. She nudged her arm into his. "Did you vom near it too?"
With a soft chuckle, Daniel shook his head. "No. Did that near Silent Moth's bus."
"Good." Ellie grinned at him, wanted to reach out and hold his hand but stopped herself. "Are ... are you okay now? Do you need anything? A Cool Mint, maybe?"
Daniel raised his eyebrows at her as they both held in their laughter.
"Can you ... talk to me about something else, Devine?" Daniel said, resting his head back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. "Take my mind off the gig until someone comes for me." He turned to Ellie and looked down at her. "How are you? How was your day?"
Ellie reached to shift magazines and papers out the way and put the water on the coffee table. "I don't think that's going to help." She shuffled around so she sat cross-legged to face him. "I had a shit day," she said, picking at her fingernails.
"That's no good," Daniel said, glancing at her before looking back at the ceiling. "I ... I wanted to talk to you actually." He dropped his chin and ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up. "I ... wanted to apologise, Ellie. I know you're with someone else—"
"Huh?" Ellie frowned.
"I ... saw you with that guy last night. And I thought coming to your room last night was a good idea, when it really just made me look like a bell-end. And you were in the papers with him this morning—"
"No," Ellie interjected. "That's not—"
"It's my fault, Devine. I moved too fast. I couldn't help myself. I've liked you for rather a long time ... even before I met you ... and I didn't even give you a chance to explain."
Ellie reached for his hand but withdrew and folded her arms to hold herself in, sure that if she touched him, she wouldn't be able to stop. "The article was a lie. About someone I used to know—"
Daniel scratched at his chin and searched her face. "So this surfer geezer with a thing for your giant knickers wasn't in your room last night?"
"Ugh. No." Ellie met his eyes, wanting to stop talking about Ash and to talk about what Daniel had just told her. "You liked me? Even before you met me?"
Daniel gave her a small smile before pulling the corners of his mouth down. "Is that weird? I think ... I mean, we all fancied you when we saw your album cover and the clip for 'Green', of course—"
"Who fancied me?"
"The boys. The crew. Everyone."
Ellie felt a blush rise to her cheeks as she thought about all those people admiring her looks and talking about her. But Daniel's admission that he had been fanboying over her was mind-blowingly sexy.
"But I ... when I saw you on stage at Glasto and then when I met you. I ... I don't know ... it felt ... it really felt like we wouldn't have to be alone in our ... in our fame any more, if that makes sense? But now I'm getting the message you don't really fancy me—"
"I do—"
Ellie winced at her words.
How the hell was she going to get out of this now?
But the bigger question was, did she want to get out?
Daniel met her eyes, and Ellie saw a glimmer of hope seep back into his.
Ellie pressed her fingers to her forehead.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Ellie wished she could channel some of Kim's composure; some of Kim's ability to detach emotionally from people and put her attention into what was important instead of this fierce attraction she felt for Daniel.
When she lowered her hands, Daniel peered at her again, his eyebrows raised in understanding, as if he could read her mind.
"Ah," he said, shifting on the couch to sit up straight. He smoothed down his shirt and ran a hand through his hair before looking across at Ellie, tapping his finger on her knee. "Look, Devine, I still rather fancy you and I feel rather parched on the snogging Ellie Devine front. But if you tell me to leave you alone, then I will. Of course I'll be a little gloomy for a while and I probably will write a song about you. But if you need me to, I'll let it go ... "
Daniel's soft look returned, but there was something in the way he looked at Ellie that sent an ache through her - something she understood was inside her too - a sense of their sameness, their understanding of each other's lives.
Was she willing to forget about this thing that made her want to reach out and wrap herself around him, crinkle up his clean, well-ironed shirt and press her face into his neck, tell him she adored him and could easily fall in love with him the way he had with her.
Ellie travelled her eyes across his face. The look on his face - a careful, sincere smile almost caused her to reach for his hand again, the flush of heat that sparked when they had kissed surging through her.
But then she pictured herself up on stage, playing her favourite lick, to a roaring stadium packed with Slider fans.
She pictured her next single rising in the charts, hitting that Number One spot right across the globe and relishing in the fact that she had achieved greatness; achieved what only truly epic musicians could achieve.
What she couldn't picture was how Daniel fitted in with that dream.
How could she give her music everything when she wanted to give him everything too?
Was she willing to open herself up to the possibilities of Daniel when he just as easily cut her off and hurt her in the same way Ash did. Was she afraid of him? Afraid of loving him? And Daniel was a ripe candidate to hurt her way more than Ash. And if that happened, how could she deal with that knowing she would have wasted so much time on him, when she should have been focusing on her goals - her dreams?
She pictured Brenin's stern eyes and Kim's disappointed ones.
Ellie couldn't do it.
She couldn't give in to love.
She bit her lip.
"You ..." Ellie swallowed her heart down where it began to throb in her throat. "You're—"
Someone banged on the door and they both stiffened. "On in five!"
Daniel pushed out of the couch. He looked down at her and his eyes had lost their sparkle. "Your hesitation says it all, Devine."
Ellie gazed up at him, a heaviness playing inside her as if she'd struck the wrong note at a gig. "I'm sorry."
Daniel moved to the mirror. "Devine," he said, looking at her in the reflection while he fixed his hair. "Did I see James's vodka in your room last night?"
"Meg stole it."
"Did she now?"
"Are you going to tell James?"
Daniel's soft laugh warmed the cold she felt inside herself now he'd distanced himself from her. He tapped the side of his nose. "There shall be no mention of vodka theft."
Another firm knock on the door made them both glance toward it. "Get moving, poser!"
Ellie knew it was James, and Daniel raised his eyebrows at her.
"Right. Here we go then. Second try." Daniel took a big breath, flattening his shirt down. His face turned pale as he straightened his shoulders. "Am I suitably attired to be adored?"
"Are ... are you okay?" Ellie asked. "I ... I can come with you to the stage if you need me too."
"Thank you for your concern, however I coped with this before I met you and shall now continue to cope with it on my own." Daniel gave Ellie a small smile as he took in a shaking breath before wiping a hand over his perspiring brow. He brushed past her to the door and Ellie caught a whiff of his peppermint smell underneath his sweat, making her heart heavy inside that she didn't know how to help him with this pain he felt about going on stage.
"Just enjoy it?" she offered, lifting her eyes to his, hoping to make him smile. "And ... we can ... you don't have to be alone ... we can still be ... friends?"
"We can try."
Ellie looked away.
Daniel opened the door and as he did, Ellie saw a purple flash of hair and realised Kim hurried past in the corridor behind him.
Ellie remembered why she was in Daniel's dressing room in the first place.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Daniel," Ellie muttered, moving to the door, next to him, and closing it, "I'm sorry but you can't come to Port Lagan. Can you ... you'll have to tell everyone it's cancelled ... or something ..."
Daniel rubbed a hand across the back of his head as he looked down at her. "Is that what you really want, Devine? Or is it only me you don't want there?"
Ellie grasped for words and reasons even though she would have given anything to have Daniel wandering around her childhood home, finding out more about her while she found out more about him.
Daniel looked down at her and Ellie knew her cheeks blazed red.
"I'll see what I can do," he finally said, waving at her to move aside so he could open the door.
When he stepped out into the brightly-lit hallway, he shoved his hands in his pockets before smiling over his shoulder at her. "Don't lose that mojo of yours, Devine," he said, his eyes soft on hers. "I want to see it back at your next gig. I'll be checking."
Ellie bit her lip and wished to God she could rewind half an hour and tell him she was willing to take a risk with.
She saw Kim's stern face as she approached down the corridor. Daniel gave Kim a nod and slouched off down the hall while Kim watched with her hands on her hips. She stared between the two of them with fire in her eyes before turning on her heeland stalked off, leaving Ellie alone in the hallway.