A/N: I just want to apologise to anyone reading this because this update is long overdue. Please enjoy and share your thoughts!
On Sunday morning, Natasha wakes up to the sun coming through her windows and it only increases her somewhat renewed optimism. However, the positive feeling is soon gone because when she sits up, she both feels and hears the rumble in her stomach and it is accompanied by a small ache in her sides. She hasn’t eaten a meal since Friday night. Last night when she got home, anything she had left from Corey was too old to eat and the last thing she needs is to get sick and not be able to work so she had gone without, now she is regretting it.
Getting up, Natasha fills herself with a few glasses of water, hoping it will dim her hunger for just a while. Then she showers, in cold water, and dresses.
Today she knows she really needs to get some shopping done. She is hungry and she will only be able to ignore that for so long. Natasha really hates shopping days. She always ends up reevaluating her budget, trying to use the bare minimum to scrape by with food, hoping she has some money left over to put aside for emergencies; but it is not often that she does.
Usually, she is left in a sour mood after reassessing her financial situation, but this week has been a good one. She has seen kindness from strangers, made it through work without too many emotionally scarring experiences, and other than yesterday, she has eaten properly. Her money situation may be as bad as ever, but she feels lighter than she has in a while; and the optimism might just be enough to get her through a depressing day.
The first thing that Natasha does is check her bank account on her mobile phone, which is holding out surprisingly well considering it’s age and low cost. She is pleasantly surprised when she see’s the figure is more than she was expecting, not a lot more, but enough that it counts. She already has this months rent in an envelope beneath her mattress (which is due within the next few days) and she has paid for her phone bill this month as well. Knowing she does not have to worry about these things, and seeing her balance brings a smile to her face. Maybe to someone else the figure would be pathetic, and disappointing but she couldn’t be happier to see she has been paid well; and having Corey’s meals had saved her from creating and extra dent into her funds. On top of this, she is getting paid again on Tuesday so she will have enough to put aside for her next round of bills and some of next months rent. It’s not very often she get’s ahead but when she does she makes it count.
Maybe today will not be so bad after all.
Natasha grabs her old jacket as she leaves her apartment, just incase the weather takes a turn for the worst and then begins her walk down to the nearest supermarket. While she is there she stocks up on whatever she can that doesn’t need to be refrigerated. Even knowing she can’t afford any luxuries, Natasha walks down every aisle. She almost bursts with excitement when she see’s the specials on all the tinned foods; specifically the tuna. It is somewhat sad that one of the best moments in a 19 year old girls week is the discounted tinned tomatoes and fish, but this is her life, this is all it has been for a long time.
Everything she buys is a generic brand, and tinned, or long life, or dried. For once, she can afford to eat in a way that is healthy, but that may only be for this week and knowing that is almost enough to drag her whole mood down. She hates living like this, going day to day not knowing if she will be able to eat, or if she will get shifts at work, but she has to live and so she has to continue on doing this even though she hates it, after all, what other choice does she have?
After everything is paid for, Natasha is proud of how much she got out of so little money. With two shopping bags in each hand she begins her walk home. Her mind is absent as she wanders back up the streets, not really focusing on anything, but not paying too much attention to where she is either. It is when her stomach growls at her that Natasha refocuses on the present, just as she is passing an Op Shop. She is surprised to see people inside, she would not expect them to be open on a Sunday, but they are. Knowing she has a little cash to spare, Natasha walks inside.
An assistant in the store see’s her carrying the bags and approaches her on her entry. “You can leave those by the counter is you like dear,”
Natasha knows by the look she is getting that it isn’t really an offer she is allowed to refuse, so she gives a smile and puts her shopping down at the counter while she browses, she does not need to worry about anyone stealing it because there are only two others in the store apart from the assistant and they are both old ladies who Natasha is sure she could outrun.
Natasha pushes coathangers along the racks as she looks through the clothes. There are a couple of black skirts so she takes one and slings it over her arm, and fifteen minutes later she has a peach blouse, a thin white sweater, a a striped blue and white tee. It has been a good six months since Natasha added to her wardrobe, and considering it is all second hand to begin with, none of the clothes have a great deal of life left in them. All her other sweaters (all two of them) are beginning to get holey, and she owns no skirts other than her one black one for work and one long and fraying brown one. The contents of her wardrobe can infact be fit into one small box, even with these new additions. Together, the items cost her under ten pounds, and so she is happy with them.
The rest of the walk home is not long, but her arms are getting tired and she is twice as hungry as she was when she woke up. By the time she get’s to her floor, Natasha is about ready to collapse. But when she see’s the door across from hers opening she puts on a brave face.
“Natasha,” her neighbour smiles at her “busy morning?”
Natasha forces her returned smile and shrugs, she doesn’t really want to stop and talk. She really just wants to get back home and make a tuna sandwich out of her one dollar tin and her homebrand bread.
Corey can see that Natasha is not in a chatty mood - not that this is surprising in the least. But he can also see all the black and white packaging of the food through her shopping bags and a price is sticking out of the clothing bag she has; he does not need to guess where she bought them when he see’s it. He does not intend on holding her up for long, because the last thing Corey wants to do is make her uncomfortable around him, but he has a question for her before she disappears back into her apartment not to be seen for another week, an important question because it will determine his next move in his mission to help her.
“Where do you work?”
Natasha isn’t sure why he is asking her this, maybe he just wants to be sure she actually has an income. She is not going to give him details at first, then she realises she has no one to know if something happens to her, and so she gives him the places name.
“At a pub, R&R.”
“Working tonight?”
Natasha shuffles past him and shakes her head. She wishes she was working because the Sunday rate is the best one, but this week she was not fortunate enough to get the shift. Corey gives her a goodbye wave before heading on down the hall. Natasha watches him go, a small frown on her face. She doesn’t know what to make of his interest. Part of her is uncomfortable that someone is prying into her life, and another part of her is grateful that someone is finally intervening, but that part is not as loud as the first.
As Corey gets in the elevator he pulls out his phone. He fights back the urge to call Adrianna after last night. He is pretty confident that the date went smoothly and that he successfully redeemed himself, but he can’t let himself appear too eager now, so instead he sends a message to another recently added number.
Corey
How do you feel about some Sunday sippers?
Joey
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested. Where were you thinking?
Corey uses Google Maps to locate the pub Natasha names, then send the name and address to Joey, saying he’ll be there in half an hour. It’s a nice enough day outside that Corey should walk if he can, and he can so he does. He keeps the map app open on his iPhone, just in case he makes a wrong turn, and approximately twenty minutes later he see’s the big red letters ‘R&R’ on the outside of a black building on the corner. Looking around himself, Corey feels a little better already. This is not known as a bad area, it is a suburb over to where he and Natasha live, but the pub is not far in. The building is old and only one story, being black you might think it would seem unwelcoming, but there are pot plants by the door, and the windows are large and you can see people through them playing at a pool table; it appears to be perfectly fine.
Corey is about to walk in when he hears a shout from across the road. Looking behind him, he see’s Joey jogging across it towards him.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Corey asks, as they now head in side by side.
“Pretty great actually, what about you?”
Corey goes straight to a bar table between the pool table and window. There is a bar menu sitting on top of the table, he scans it but doesn’t pay it too much mind just yet. “Fantastic.” he responds, genuinely meaning it but sounding distracted.
“I’ve never been here before.”
Corey shakes his head, “Neither have I to tell you the truth, I’m doing a bit of recon work.”
As far as he can tell, the crowd inside is pretty chill, but he keeps in mind that the crowd of a Sunday afternoon would be radically different to that of a Saturday night. The light coming through the windows is dimmed from the partial tint on them, but the lights flickering overhead compensate for what is lost. Music is loud, but not so loud that you can’t hear yourself or those around you, and the guy behind the bar looks to be enjoying himself as he pours a beer and hands it out to a man. Around them people are eating meals, mainly burgers, and drinking with friends. Being there, Corey feels completely reassured. He was worried that Natasha would be working in some crummy bar with bad customers and in a high risk area, but this seems good, it’s almost normal.
Before Joey can ask about why Corey picks up the menu, scanning it properly this time, “Are you hungry? My shout.”
“No, no, if it’s anyone’s shout, it’s mine."
Not one to pass up a free meal, Corey agrees and decided he likes the look of one of the burgers, while Joey goes for a schnitzel. When they both have a drink in front of them, Corey tell’s Joey about his date with Adrianna, having seen him after his first encounter with her. Joey can tell that Corey really likes this girl - a lot, considering they have only just met. Still, he thinks it’s nice that he can be so excited about it, and he is glad Corey got another chance.
“And what about you, what’s your love life like?” Corey asks, realising he doesn’t know if Joey is involved with anyone (which isn’t surprising since he doesn’t know much about Joey at all).
Joey looks down at his half gone beer, slowly turning the glass in circles on the tabletop. “I’m not really seeing anyone at the moment. But I’ve just met someone who I might be interested in, so we’ll see. Just sort of depends on how things go from here I guess.”
Corey watches the way that Joey fiddles with his drink and a small smile tugs on his lips. He bites back his own smirk because it looks like Joey is feeling exactly how he is, only Joey hasn’t had the reassuring date yet. They don’t say much for a while, too busy enjoy their meals as they arrive, that is, until someone walks through the door and approaches them immediately.
“Joey?”
Sean wasn’t expecting to run into anyone he knew. It might seem pathetic, but he really just wanted to down a few beers on his own and wallow in self pity for a while. His mood has been going downhill since he left Joey the afternoon before because he couldn’t keep his mind off tomorrow.
Joey looks up and almost chokes on his beer in both surprise and delight. “Sean, what are you doing here?”
“I live just up the road, needed to get out of the house. Didn’t expect to be running into you.” Sean’s eyes flicker to Corey then back to Joey, which both of them notice.
Joey looks around and pulls an empty stool from the table behind them over, offering it to Sean. “Corey here wanted to do some recon.”
“For what?” Sean addresses Corey this time.
The last person Sean wants to see is Joey, and it leaves him with an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. He feels like he is doing something wrong by being around the man. Yet he is somewhat displeased to see him sitting with another person smiling at his food about something, and so Sean takes the seat because he doesn’t like the way the two men look together.
Corey looks around again, his impression of the place has only improved since their arrival. “I know a girl who works here, I just wanted to see what sort of a place it was.”
“Ain’t nothing you’ve gotta worry about, this place isn’t all that bad. Just like everywhere you get a few dickheads wandering in, but it’s mostly alright. I’m just not a fan of the bloke who owns it, I’ve never met someone who gives me the creeps the way he does.”
Sean’s comment peaks Corey’s interest, because one person can make all the difference. “What’s wrong with him?”
“I dunno.” Sean takes the beer from in front of Joey and takes a sip. Corey bites back his laugh at the look on Joey’s face which is somewhere between betrayal and amusement. “He’s rude, and he seems to treat his staff like shit. I don’t know, you know how some people just give you that uneasy feeling?”
Corey nods, his frown deepening. He doesn’t like the sound of it, but he also doesn’t know if Sean is full of crap or not.
“Oh hey,” Sean taps Corey’s arm and points over to the door where a man is pushing through. He is of average height, and doesn’t look too well groomed. He looks like he has thrown on the closest appropriate clothing, his blue button up is wrinkled like it has been sitting in a pile for a week. “That’s him.”
He walks tall, like he is proud but Corey isn’t sure he should be. He watches as the man walks behind the bar and up to the till, taking money from it in front of all his patrons. He glances around the bar and for the briefest of moments their eyes meet; immediately, Corey knows exactly what Sean meant about getting the creeps. Corey definitely doesn’t like the idea of Natasha working for him.
“Neither of you happen to know where I can get a new job for my neighbour, would you?” Corey sighs as he asks his rhetorical question.
“Actually, I might be able to help you out.” Sean says as he reaches for Joey’s beer again.
“Really?” Both men chorus together in surprise.
Sean grins at them both, “my sister manages this clothing store and she’s just lost two of her staff, she’s struggling to find anyone she likes to fill the position.”
“Seriously?” Corey feels like he could lunge across the table and hug Sean, because this could not be more perfect.
As Joey puts his beer down Sean reaches for it again and so without a word Joey get’s to his feet and walks straight to the bar. Sean smiles triumphantly at the half finished beer which has been left for him and returns his attention to Corey, “What’s she like?”
Corey leans forward, he needs to stress how important this actually is to Sean. “She lives across the hall from where I do, and she basically has nothing, I don’t even think she can afford to turn the heating on. I don’t know why she stays there, but there must be a reason. She doesn’t say much. I just want to help her out, she really seems to be struggling, and I just get a bad feeling about her working in a place like this with someone like that, not to mention having to walk home so late at night by herself.”
“I’d like to extract every female away from this bloke.” Sean jabs his finger over to the bar where the man he pointed out a the owner and manager who has finished stuffing bills from the till into his back pockets and is now snarling at the poor guy working the bar. Sean tries to think about the staff he has seen working here, as far as he can recall he has only ever seen one young woman who has stuck around for longer than a month (there is an old bat who’s a bit nasty but Sean doubts she is who Corey is trying to save). “I think I know who you mean, the young one, right? Really petite?”
Joey returns with his new beer and when he siss down he notices that at least half the fries that were on his plate when he left are no longer there. Sean is either oblivious the the look he is getting or he just really doesn’t care. If Corey were paying more attention to the interaction between the two rather that the prospect of a new job for Natasha, he might have thought Sean was the someone Joey had earlier been speaking about, and he would have thought right.
“That’s her.” Corey says, knowing that ‘petite’ is just a polite way of saying ‘skin and bone’.
“I’ll give my sister a call and see what I can do.” Sean pulls his phone out and hands it to Corey, “then I’ll let you know.”
Corey doesn’t think twice before putting in his number. He doesn’t even care that he has no idea who Sean is, he has a good feeling about him, and the fact that he is so willing to help speaks for itself. Joey bites down on his lip and looks away from Sean, because he is thinking the same thing as Corey. Sean is going to gain nothing from this favour, but he is so willing to do it, unlike his helping Sean in an attempt to win him over. It is just another amazing trait about the guy. Just one more reason for Joey to continue to try.
~
“Even if you don’t want to tell me, you at least owe it to Nick, after all you would have let the guy down if it wasn’t for him.” Stan points this out to Adrianna while waving around the large spoon he’s using to mix pumpkin soup.
Adrianna slowly wipes a spot of soup off her left cheek while she glares at Stan, but she still says nothing. For the past half hour, since she walked into the kitchen she has been under interrogation on how her date with Corey went. She is still amazed herself with how the night turned out and she is really in no hurry to share the details of her personal life with Stan.
“And I know that he’s not here right now,” Stan continues, lowering the soup covered spoon after noticing that the thick liquid is spraying around the kitchen, “but since I’m working with him before you are and he’ll probably be dying to know what happened, being the instigator and all so I really-”
“Stan!” Both Adrianna and Stan turn in surprise to Benji who has been working away silently and has now turned to glare at his superior. “Would you shut up! Please.”
“Aww, come on Benj, don’t act like you don’t want to know!”
Benji and Adrianna look at each other and both roll their eyes. There won’t be any shutting Stan up today, but the duo can ignore him rather well, and so they do.
Jacob pushes his way into the kitchen with an arm full of dirty dishes. He has been flat out on the floor as one of their staff called in sick (Jacob is pretty sure that sick means hungover but he kept his mouth shut about it when he called Jerry to let him know).
“Hey Addi, I heard from Corey this morning.” Jacob grins at his friend as he rinses off the dishes, “Sounds like it wasn’t such a bad night after all.”
Adrianna glares at Jacob, but before she can say anything Stan is jumping in, “What did you hear?!”
Jacob pretends to zip his lips, “That’s confidential.” he ducks as Stan flings a nearby cloth at him.
“Just tell me one thing,” Stan says as he passe Adrianna to pick the cloth up off the floor and drop it in the sink.
With a resigned sigh she turns to face him. “What?”
“Did you get laid?”
This time it is Adrianna throwing things. Stan laughs at her and from then on he keeps his mouth shut, he is still curious but he knows if he continues to push he will probably cross lines. He is a little disappointed that Nick set her up with someone but he knows better than to try and mix work with his personal life, so he continues to play his role of annoying co-worker.
Adrianna has been trying not to think about last night, but Stans nagging, and Jacobs comment, and her own insistent thoughts are making it very difficult. She isn’t sure if she wants Corey to call her or not, this is not part of her plan and she can’t afford a distraction, because she knows if she has one then she will use it to avoid finding her parents because she is so frightened by what she could find. Besides, her luck when it comes to love has never been that great and she doesn’t really need to add another dud relationship to her pile.
~
“Thanks so much, I’m sure they will really appreciate this.” Sean paces back and forth outside the bar on the phone to his sister.
“I’m not making any promises, but I know what you mean about the bloke running that place. I’m pretty sure he spent a good ten minutes staring at my chest when you took me in there. No young girls should have to work under his supervision. So yeah, of course, send them my way.”
Sean is glad his sister is so understanding and willing to meet this girl. He knows when he goes back inside and shares the news that Corey is going to be thrilled. Since Sean pointed the manager out, Corey’s eyes continue to stray back to him and he has looked rather uncomfortable for a while, so Sean decided to step outside and call Sarah. This was obviously important to someone.
“Hey, Sean?” Sarah asks after a moments silence, “how are you doing, with…. y’know…”
Sean swallows and squeezes his eyes shut. When Sarah mentions it he feels sick with guilt. Shaking his head he lies through his teeth to her, “I’m alright, I’m fine, really. Listen I’ll give Corey your number, okay?”
“Yeah, alright.”
“Thanks again!” Sean comes back to the table, pocketing his phone as he takes a seat. “All up and running, Sarah say’s she’s happy to meet her, she hates this place so she knows where you’re coming from.” he scribbles down the address of her store, and Sarah’s number on a napkin and hands it to Corey, “She’s expecting you to pop in as soon as possible, she’ll be there all week.”
Corey’s expression is enough to show Sean that this really was important and that he has really helped him out, but when Corey jumps from his seat and comes around the table to pull Sean into a hug he is taken by surprise.
“Thank you, thank you! This is fantastic!” Corey is getting a little ahead of himself, there is no guarantee that Natasha will get the job, or even come with him to meet Sarah, but he is hopefully and it is yet another step in the right direction.
When he releases Sean he grabs his keys and wallet off the table, shoving them into his pockets. He feels good and with the rush of excitement all he wants to do is go and tell Natasha the good news. He needs to start getting her on board with this as soon as possible. He doesn’t say anything else to either men he has been sitting with as he leaves without any hesitation.
Joey watches his friend leave with eyebrows raised. Sean however laughs, then finishes off his beer. Getting to his feet again, he turns to Joey. It’s been nice to see him, to meet Corey and to help someone. It’s been nice to have a distraction but it is time to come back to reality. He should head home, make sure he is set for tomorrow, and make sure there is no work he is behind on that he will need to have ready when he is back to work on Tuesday. More than that he needs to focus on himself for a few hours before getting an early night. He needs to try and emotionally prepare himself for what he will face tomorrow - even if he is sure no amount of preparation will properly brace him for it.
“It was good hanging out, but I should head home. See ya round.”
Joey watches Sean begin to leave and makes a snap decision. Getting up himself he reaches out and wraps his hand around Sean’s wrist.
“Don’t you owe me a drink? Even two after today.”
Joey is ginning at Sean in a way that makes him feel almost giddy. So he quickly looks away because he shouldn’t be getting that feeling, least of all now. But he does owe Joey a drink. He begins to look back at Joey and ask for a rain check, but before he can say anything, Joey is pulling him back over to the car, and Sean is giving back into any distraction from tomorrow.
The two waste away the afternoon together, Joey proves to be one hundred times better than Sean at pool after five games leave them 5-0 and both men drink a little more than they should considering the hour. After one last beer, and three bowls of chips between them, they part ways. Joey over the moon at the progress and loving everything he learns about Sean. Sean, feeling tired and confused, but still unable to fully wipe away the smile Joey left him with.
~
When Sean wakes up on Monday morning he stays lying in bed. He rolls on his side and stares for a while at a photo from few years back. A lot has changed since then, and in the past seventy-two hours, Sean feels like he has done another 180. Things are beginning to feel even more off than they did before, and something is different. He puts it down to the fact that it has been two years today. Slowly he gets himself out of bed and digs around for a clean pair of jeans and a good shirt. When he is dressed, he moves to the kitchen, the first thing he goes to is his charging phone on the bench.
When he initially picks it up, it vibrates in his hand, indicating he has an unread message. Today is not a day he wants to speak to anyone, so when the screen lights up and he finds himself smiling at Joey’s name above the unread message he feels a little sick. More than a little sick, actually. All at once the thoughts race through his head, and he feels like he is been hit in the stomach by a bowling ball. Moments later he he falling to the floor in front of the toilet bowl and dry retching for a good minute before the entire contents of his stomach is emptying into it. Sean already knew that today would be an unhappy day, there was no doubting that, but he had not counted on it being a confusing and sickening one also.
After brushing his teeth, Sean turns his phone off without reading the messages. It is likely his sister will try and call him today but she can leave a message. Mostly, Sean just doesn’t want to be talking to Joey. Yes, they had fun yesterday, and a distraction was nice, and it was welcome then. Today he can’t be distracted, he can’t have fun, he just can’t. And, if he did for even a moment Sean couldn’t begin to imagine how angry he would be at himself. How wrong it would be of him.
The drive is long and tedious. The route is familiar from years before, many weekend trips away from the city, but lately, he has not had the same feeling driving down it. Those days were full of excitement, adventure and love. Now there is just an aching emptiness that accompanies Sean along the memory filled highway. Hot sun beats through the windows of his car, and he feels like it is wrong for such a horrible day of the year to be so warm and welcoming. It would make sense to Sean to have the sky full of rolling grey clouds and rain pounding down on to his windscreen; just like it had been that night that everything changed.
Sean doesn’t expect to be alone when he reaches his destination, but he is. Fresh bouquets and cards on the headstone indicate that others are grieving, but either they have not stayed, or their time to visit has come and gone. Sean has not bought flowers, he never does, because Anthony hated flowers. He always thought it was absurd to give a gift that dies, even in death it seems stupid to represent the loss of life, wouldn’t you want to represent the strength or the love of a person? Surely there is something better than wilting flowers to place beside someone’s death bed, or in front of their tombstone. So, like each visit before, Sean came empty handed, He brought with him only love, tears and a heart full of guilt and apologies. Sitting at the foot of the grave, Sean pulls at some grass, he had begun to cry even before he got out of the car, because that is what you do, that is something we all do, and something he really can’t help.
He stares through his tears at the headstone, Here lies Anthony Richard Thoms, beloved son, brother and friend. 1991 - 2012, May he Rest in Peace. Beloved son, brother, friend; but most importantly to Sean, beloved boyfriend. There isn’t a day that passes he doesn’t wish he could somehow change the events of that night.
If they had just gone a different way home, if he had just waited until Anthony was less active and more tired before they left, if he hadn’t just laughed along and instead had just been firmer with Anthony. He knew how his boyfriend could get after he started drinking, Anthony was just having fun, just playing about, oblivious to how distracting he was, oblivious to the pounding rain on the highway that Sean was driving them through. Even now, Sean isn’t exactly sure what happened, it all happened so fast. It wasn’t like in the movies where everything seems to go in slow motion. There was no time to think, and he tried, he tried to keep control. Then it was over so fast. One image remains embedded in Sean’s memory, the moment the humor fell from Anthony’s face and was replaced with fear, the last thing he saw before he blacked out, the last time he ever got to look into Anthony’s eyes. Because the young man, his love, was killed on impact and Sean has never forgiven himself for that night, nor can he ever begin to.
A/N: thoughts?