The phone rings for a long time before Vaibhav picks it up.
"Hello?" He says, she can hear the smile in his voice and this makes the edges of her mouth go up.
But she forces herself to focus, turning her back to her sister and Riddhi who look at her very curiously, "Hello, Vaibhav. I need to talk to you. Is this a good time?" She asks, nervously.
This earns her a sharp rap on the shoulder from her sister who whispers fiercely, "Tell him it's urgent."
"Yes?" He says, his voice still teasing. "If I had an afternoon schedule, I'd clear it for you."
"So, here's the thing." She says, smiling despite the anxiety. "It's a little bit troubling. Uh, I am, um, late. Late for my period this month." Shweta says, closing her eyes and biting her tongue just after the words leave her mouth. Wondering if she was too blunt, she smacks herself mentally. Her entire face turning red, the same color as the lady's sindoor on the pregnancy test cover.
She hears the pin-drop silence on the other side of the phone and she feels her heart slowly sinking. Please say something, she thinks.
"Shweta." He says, voice dropping to a whisper. "Shweta, does that mean you're fucking pregnant?"
"I don't know for sure. I'm just going to take the test now." She says wishing he'd given a better reaction. But given the circumstances, she knows that he's absolutely shocked. It's not like they'd ever talked about this. Or a relationship. Or love. And now to think that they were indirectly discussing babies!
"Damn." Vaibhav exhales noisily and then hurriedly adds. "Is this phone on speaker? With my cousin?" He asks.
"No, it's not. Why do you ask?" Shweta asks suspiciously.
"I want you to listen to me before you go for the pregnancy test." He takes a deep breath, "This doesn't change anything between us. All of this fooling around hasn't just been that; not for me. So, if you're carrying my child, fuck that's scary, then I'll be here to take the goddamn blame and ask you on a date. And if you're not as well, do I get a date?" He asks, his voice heavy and turbulent.
Shweta's eyes fill with tears and she almost wishes that she'd put the phone on speaker.
"You do." She whispers and adds, "I'll call you in some time."
Shweta enters the bathroom for the second time in a row. She closes the bathroom door and takes a moment to take in the surroundings.
The cool blue tiles, the showerhead, and the array of shampoo and conditioner are arranged on the shelf. She looks around breathing it in knowing full well that the next time she enters it, she might be a mother.
Mother, the enormity of the word settles uneasily at the bottom of her stomach. She's not sure if she even deserves the word. She's not certain if she's going to keep the baby. She knows that almost everyone around her would vote for abortion; having a baby at seventeen would affect her entire career and life ahead- she's not certain it's going to be in a good way. But she's afraid that she's going to have to live with the guilt of killing her own flesh and blood if she were to take an abortion. The baby might just be a mass of cells- but it would be her mass of cells growing within her with blind trust. The guilting of an age-old patriarchal system that had used this very emotional blackmail to further its propaganda: woman, the child vending machine.
The Pinterest generation of practicality beseeches her; she knows she will not be able to keep the baby. Life isn't a fairy-tale romance where she could simply run down the sunset with her semi-boyfriend and the probable baby. It involves going through a series of tests and trials at her- all of which are only better if fought with a stable income by her side. The mere thought of changing diapers, coated in baby vomit and poop is enough to make her recoil, her face scrunching in disgust.
Shweta decides; if there ever were to be a baby, it would only be after she has an income to support it on her own. And if karma were to curse her this and give her trouble with pregnancy later in life; then so be it.
Riddhi and Shruti look at each other and then the bathroom door. They have been doing that for the past two minutes right after Shweta had entered.
"What do you think?" Shruti asks Riddhi who looks almost like she wishes to throw up.
"Oh god, I hope no. Please don't let it be positive." Riddhi says fervently.
"Hm. I hope so as well. But I fear that there's a fifty-fifty chance. " Shruti says, looking rather dubious.
Riddhi sits down and tries to distract herself. Shruti observing that skilfully begins asking her questions that have nothing to do with Shweta.
"So?" Shruti asks in typical older sister fashion, arching an eyebrow up to assert her dominance.
"So, what?" Riddhi is automatically defensive. She knows very well how clever Shruti is and that she can read Riddhi just as well as her own little sister.
"So, I was wondering if you've been up to the same things as my little sister has." She grins.
"No. I haven't. What makes you think so?" Riddhi replies, folding her arms.
"Birds of the same feather, flock together. So, tell me, Riddhi." Shruti says, her voice almost silky.
This is dangerous. Riddhi and Shweta are both well versed in Shruti's game of extract information. She musters a neutral expression and says, "Nothing, really. Besides, how is college going on?"
"Ah, college. It's going on fairly well. What are you planning to pursue after you finish your class twelve boards?" Shruti asks, seeming distracted but then she adds, "What is your secret boyfriend thinking as well?"
"Oh! I have been thinking about dropping a year and trying for the medical field. I think I would like to go to Kota. Like you did." Riddhi answers, enthusiastically ignoring her second question.
"Kota," Shruti says, looking nostalgic. This reminds her of a time when things hadn't been as easy for her as they were now. Kota reminds her of pain; the fight within herself and the entire year of feeling like a failure.
(A/n: If you want a clearer insight of what Kota is, you can scroll to the bottom of the page. I've written a little note, giving an idea of what it is.)
The past, Shruti doesn't wish to revisit. "You should think twice before you make this decision. There's a good side and a bad side to everything. But if you get on the bad side of Kota- the weaker side of studies; it's going to be unforgiving. I don't mean to scare you, Riddhi. But think twice." Shruti's voice is grave.
"Is it really that tough? I know there's a huge amount of competition to get into medical colleges." Riddhi asks, wondering what might have caused the sudden change in the otherwise upbeat Shruti.
"It depends on the person, usually. Like all things do. I just don't think I was ever right for the rigid rules of Kota." Shruti smiles as she answers, but they don't reach her eyes as they did before when she was teasing Riddhi.
Riddhi doesn't answer but she can see how Shruti's observation of her own self is correct. She cannot imagine the creative Shruti subjecting herself to endless hours of simply studying. Shruti like her sister has short hair. Her eyes are large but unlike Shweta's deep brown ones, hers are a light shade of green. Something, Shweta had once told Riddhi that she had received from her paternal grandmother and father. Her skin is deeply tanned and she's rather short. She's got a quick and easy smile that hides things very easily. Elusive yet flamboyant Shruti, creative, artistic Shruti. Yes, Riddhi muses, you really aren't the right fit for Kota.
Shruti looks over at Riddhi and she wonders if the naïve girl is going to be able to withstand the heat of Kota. Not just the unforgiving, hot temperature but the pressure that follows. But somehow, she feels in her heart that the determined little Riddhi would manage it. She doesn't seem to be half as distracted as she, Shruti was. And of course, she thinks, experience in Kota, always depends on the type of person you are. That's why there were so many conflicting stories about it. Some painted it as a terrifying, gruesome place and nicknamed it the suicide hub of India. Some praised it and said that all their dreams had been fulfilled thanks to Kota. But it all boils down to one thing, Shruti thinks, the dream that you have. If it fits the rigid rules then you shall flourish. If you think outside the box, your wings shall be clipped. That's why there were so many different and contrasting opinions. Not all of them had the same dream and the ones who didn't suffer the most.
The bathroom door opens and Shruti is pulled out of her train of thoughts. Shweta enters, uneasily and hurriedly says, "I haven't looked yet. It said to wait for five minutes but I think it's over now."
Heart thumping, the three of them gather around the pregnancy test that Shweta is holding.
"Okay." Riddhi breathes out, elephants thundering in her belly.
Shruti breathes deeply and looks at her sister.
"We're here. We're always here." She whispers.
Shweta nods. Too spooked to say anything. She turns around the pregnancy test, her eyes closed.
It's negative.
Both the tests say negative. And the three girls almost collapse out of exhaustion and relief. For a second, all of them sit on the floor looking very, very grateful. They don't say a word but relief is evident in their eyes and Shweta is almost euphoric.
"Oh, thank God." She yells at the top of her voice.
Her cellphone buzzes and she sees that it's a call from Vaibhav. "Oh, I'd almost forgotten about him." She says, feeling rather guilty as she picks up the phone.
Before he can even say a word, Shweta butts in gleefully. "It's negative. Negative. I'm NOT pregnant." She exclaims.
"Fuck, I'm glad. Not that I wouldn't back you. But my parents would kill me." He says, referring to the phantom baby that had scared both of them.
"So was I." Shweta's heart is warm as she answers. He had been thinking of actually having a baby and sticking with her through all the odds. This was more than she could ask for and she was grateful for it. And as uncertain as their relationship was, it was nice to know that he wasn't a massive douche bag. That somehow she'd landed a boy who had seemingly charming manners and a strong set of principles at eighteen.
"I suppose you need a rest. Call me if you need to talk." He says the relief etched in his voice.
"Okay. Bye." Shweta says, breathlessly into the phone.
"Bye." She can hear him smile.
Shruti is on the phone conveying the news to their near-hysterical mother. Riddhi looks at her and Shweta smiles. She knows what her best-friend means. When life throws crap at you, you need pizza once you're done sorting it out.
A/n: For those of you who don't know and I presume that to be the majority, Kota is a place located in Rajasthan one of the western states of India. It's widely known in India for the massive coaching industry. There are a large number of coaching institutes there each with lakhs of students. These institutes provide coachings and study materials to crack the entrance test for the two most sought after fields: Engineering and Medicals. It's a huge industry and attracts a large number of students. Known for its very rigorous schedule, Kota has often come under the limelight for a large number of suicides- students unable to cope with stress. But then again, the ones who do manage to cope with the stress and flourish, succeed very well.
But I'd like to make it clear (much like Shruti's internal monologue), that one's experience in Kota largely depends on the kind of person one is. Some people have fabulous experiences and get into the top colleges while some flunk out and find their own purpose in life. And if you want a better perspective of a student's life in Kota, you should watch Kota Factory by TVF on YouTube. It sums it up perfectly without any biased judgment. And I can attest to the accuracy of Kota Factory's depiction of Kota students as I was once a student there. (Minus the romance aspect, it's spot-on depiction.)
So that's all.