Kabanata 5
Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa pulang likidong nakapaloob sa isang baso. I don't know what kind of wine is this. It has a sweet taste, but a traitor one. Hindi siya sili na aanghang kaagad. It takes a period of time para maramdaman mo ang tama ng inuming ito.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang ilahad ni Adam ang kanyang kamay. I roamed my eyes around and found out that the music is now romantic and the crowd dancing on the floor are only lovers. Akala ko sila-sila lang ang nandito, pero selebrasyon pala ito ng anibersaryo ng ina at ama ni Jared. Now I know why some of the people here are businessmen.
"May I have this dance with the beautiful lady tonight?" He's smiling from ear to ear.
Walang pagdadalawang-isip ko itong tinanggap at agad na tumayo. Medyo nawalan pa ako ng balanse ngunit mabilis na hinawakan ni Adam ang aking beywang upang hindi ako matumba.
"You're drunk. Should I take you home?" nag-aalalang sambit niya.
Umiling lang ako at nilibot ang paningin. "Where's my son?"
"Nasa sasakyan. Nakatulog." Giniya niya ako papuntang dance floor.
I placed my hands on his shoulders while he placed his hand on my waist and sway our body. I rested my head on his shoulders and closed my eyes.
"I thought I can handle the pain," bulong ko.
Ramdam kong humigpit ang kapit niya sa bewang ko at mas lalo akong nilapit sa kanya. "I can see it in your eyes, Tasha. You're not a good pretender."
Mahina akong natawa. "Well, I guess I am."
Nagulat nalang ako nang biglang kinalas ni Adam ang pagkakahawak ko sa kanyang batok at pinaikot ako. Bigla niya akong binitawan kaya muntik na akong matumba nang may makisig na brasong agad na yumapos sa aking beywang. Wala sa sarili akong napahawak sa kanyang matitipunong balikat.
I shut my eyes close as I murmured, "Fuck."
"You are lying," said a baritone voice in front of me.
Natulos ako sa aking kinatatayuan. My sanity came back as soon as I heard his voice and smelled his scent. Nag-angat ako ng tingin dito at mabilis na kinurap-kurap ang aking mga mata. Tell me I'm just hallucinating!
"W-What do you mean?" Nakagat ko ang aking ibabang labi. Why am I stammering?
Nilapit niya ang kanyang mukha sa akin making me step backward, but his arms around my waist stopped me. "You can lie to everyone, Natasha. But not me," he whispered.
I'm totally fuck up! "Sorry to burst your bubble Mr. Montenegro. But I am not Natasha. I am Tasha. We may have similarities when it comes in the end of our names, but we are not the same."
He snorted. "And you want me to believe that?"
Pwersahan kong tinanggal ang braso niyang nakapalibot sa beywang ko at mariin itong tinitigan. "I don't care if you won't believe me. Who are you to make me convince you that I am not lying? Believe what you want to believe then, I don't care. Excuse me." I turn my back and walk to the powder room.
Nang makarating ako dito ay mabilis ko itong sinara, thank God no one is around. I look at myself on the mirror as a tear escape from my eye. I miss him. His scent, his voice, his touch. Everything about him. I miss him damn much. But I know I can't be with him. As I can see, masaya na sila ni Kelly with a little girl. I think that's his child. Kylie. Ang kinabubusyhan niya ngayon.
I took a deep breath. Sinuklay ko ang aking buhok gamit ang aking daliri at muling sumulyap sa salamin. Nang makuntento ako ay tumungo agad ako sa pinto. I was about to open the door when it opens and the man I'm thinking about a while ago entered.
I composed myself. "You entered the wrong room. The men's cr isn't here—"
Hindi na ako makapagsalita nang sinarado niya ang pinto at piniid ako sa likod nito. I can hear the clicking sound of the lock. Gusto kong sumigaw ngunit hindi ko magawa. Nanatili lamang ang titig ko sa mga mata niyang puno ng tanong. Mga tanong na alam kong hindi ko pwedeng sagutin.
Napaigik ako nang patayin niya ang ilaw at mas lalo pa akong dinikit sa pinto gamit ang katawan niya.
"You're lying." His voice cracked.
Lihim akong napalunok. I can't see anything. Madilim ang paligid dahil nakapatay ang ilaw. I hate to admit, but I'm afraid
"S-stay away." Halos habulin ko na ang aking hininga habang nagsasalita.
"Stay away?" I can feel him slide his fingers on my cheeks. "What a great pretender you are. Making us believe you're dead but now you're in a relationship with someone else. And worst, with my best friend."
That's when I lost the battle. Tinakasan ako ng sarili kong boses at hindi na gumana ang aking isipan sa paghahanap ng lusot. All I can do now is to close my eyes and breath heavily.
"I miss you," he whispered.
He plant small kisses on my neck making me bit my lower lip to reign my groan. Anong plano niyang gawin?
I fight my tears back and did my best shot to push him off me. Inayos ko ang pagkagusot ng aking dress at tumayo ng tuwid. I gulp before I speaking the words I want him to hear.
"I'm not her. So please, stop bothering me! Everyone has a doppelganger. I may look like her but I'm not her! I don't even know you!" Tinulak ko ito at binuksan ang pinto.
Nawala sa isip ko na lasing ako at mataas ang takong na suot ko. All I wanna do now is to get away from this is place. I want to go back to New York.
Nang malapit na ako sa pinto ay biglang may tumawag sa pangalan ko. Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at nilingon ito.
"Yes?" I smiled.
Just like me, the woman is wearing red gown. It hugs her curves with a slit on the left side of her leg. She extended her hand and smile.
"I'm Samantha Poquita. You're Natasha Aurin, right?"
Naguguluhan ko siyang tinignan, I don't know her. Tinitigan ko itong mabuti at doon ko lang napansin na siya pala ang katabi ni Axel kanina sa upuan.
I accepted her hands. "No. I'm Tasha, not Natasha." We shook hands. Nauna akong bumitaw.
Gulat man, hindi ko ito pinakita nang lumapit sa deriksyon namin si Kelly hawak-hawak ang isang bata. She looks like Kelly.
Katulad ni Samantha, she also extended her hands. "Nice meeting you again, Natasha."
"I'm Tasha. And it's our first time to meet each other." I accepted her hand and pulled it again immediately.
"Hindi ka si Natasha?" Nabaling ang atensyon ko kay Samantha nang magsalita ito. Bakas sa mga mata nito ang pagkabahala.
I smile and shook my head. "No. Maybe I just look like her. Hindi talaga ako siya. I grew up in Canada ang definitely, this is the first time I step in the soil of Philippines." Yeah, good liar bitch you are, Natasha.
Sasagot pa sana si Kelly nang may matinis na boses ang tumawag sa pangalan niya. Kasunod nito ang batang tumatakbo palapit sa deriksyon niya. Kelly immediately carried her and smile.
"Your child?" I asked, trying not to look so curios. But damn, I am.
"Uhm—"
"Daddy!" The girl exclaimed. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang tinitignan niya at napagtanto na si Jared pala ang tinawag niya.
I gripped my gown tightly as I took a deep breath to prevent my tears from falling. I can feel a pang of pain inside my chest. So that's it. He's married. They're happy with their child. So I guess I need to leave here. I'm not a masochist.
"If you don't mind, I have to go." Hindi ko na hinintay pang sumagot sila at agad na tumalikod.
Walang lingon akong lumabas ng venue, bitbit ang hemline ng aking gown para hindi ko ito maapakan sa mabibilis kong mga hakbang. I can hear my own heartbeat. Like it's going to burst any minute.
"Hey!" Napalingon ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Adam.
I smiled and immediately give him a hug. I don't care about the people around us. All I wanna do is to have a hug from this guy. Ang bigat ng dibdib ko.
"It's alright. Punta na tayong sasakyan."
Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang tumango.
--
"The president is looking for you, Dr. Reyes. He needs your presence." Nakatuon ang paningin ko za telebisyon habang pinapakinggan si Gelo sa kabilang linya.
"Why?" If I'll see him, this would be the first time I'll meet the president of Monte Hospital.
"I don't know. Basta pinapadali niya ang pagbalik mo dito sa New York." Parang tinatamad na sambit ni Gelo, rinig ko pa ang paghikab nito. "Off ko na po. Inaantok na ako."
"Bakit? Anong oras pa ba diyan?"
"Alas onse na ng gabi." Halatang nababagot na talaga ito.
I smile and nod even if I know his not here. "Okay. Bye."
"Send my regards to Pete, Doctor."
"I will."
As I turned off the call, my mind focused on TV again. Humikab din ako at humilig sa aking kinauupuan. I closed my eyes, not minding if the TV is still on. Namasyal sila ni Adam at Pete, ang yaya naman nito ay nagbumisita sa kanila kaya ako lang ang naiwang mag-isa dito sa condo niya.
Sinipat kong muli ang telebisyon. Nag-inat ako ng katawan sa sofa at inabot ang remote. I turn off the television and stand up. Nagmensahe si Adam sa'kin kanina na mamayang hapon pa sila uuwi dahil nawiwili si Pete sa Zoo.
I was about to enter my room when the doorbell rang. Nangunot ang noo ko. Akala ko mamayang hapon pa sila makakarating? I just shrugged off and walk to the door. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang silipin ang peep hole at agad na binuksan ang pinto.
Halos lumuwa ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa lalaking walang emosyon ang mga mata. His gaze traveled on my body. Sinisipat ang katawan ko mula ulo hanggang paa. Lihim akong namula nang doon ko napagtanto ang suot-suot ko. I'm only wearing a cycling and thin white sando that makes my red bra visible.
Tumikhim ako upang matigil ang paghahagod ng paningin niya sa katawan ko. "Adam is not here."
"Hindi siya ang sadya ko." The coldness of his voice makes me shiver.
My forehead knotted. "Then who?"
Walang sabi-sabi ako nitong hinila at kinaladkad papasok sa isang pinto. He immediately close the door and locked it. Impit akong napatili nang itulak niya ako sa pinakamalapit na sofa at pumaibabaw sakin.
"Get off me!" I struggle beneath him. "I swear, I'm gonna file you a case!"
I almost lost my breath as I feel his fingers traced my face, down to my jaw and neck. "And what case would it be?"
Ano nga ba? "Harassment!"
A mischievous smirk starts to form on his lips. "Harassment?"
"Yes!" I shot deadly stares in his direction, but it seems like it didn't affect him at all.
Napatili ako nang biglaan niya akong binuhat at naglakad patungo sa isang silid. Pilit akong nagpupumiglas ngunit mas lalo lang niyang hinihigpitan ang kapit sa aking bewang na siyang ikinangiwi ko. He threw me into the bed and look at me dangerously.
"W-what do you want?! Look, if this is all about the girl you love but left you, then stop! I'm not her! Can't you see?! Stop bothering me! Even if you turn the world upside down, I can't be her! Wake up!" I shouted in frustration.
Ngunit wala doon ang atensyon ni Jared, nasa dibdib ko. "Keep playing."
"What?!" Nangunot ang noo ko, anong pinagsasabi nito?
"You have a mole on your chest." Napatingin naman ako sa aking dibdib. "She also have a mole on her chest."
Parang naumid ang aking dila sa sinabi niya. Paano niya nakita? My mole is located on my right chest. Maliit lang siya na kung titignan sa malayo ay parang isa lang siyang dot. Napansin niya ba ito noon? Pero sobrang tagal na nu'n. It's really impossible!
"Cat got your tongue?" he whispered making me jolt on my seat.
Insaktong paglingon ko sa kanya nang lunapat ang mainit niyang labi sa akin. I was about to pull myself nang itinulak niya ako pahiga at kinubabawan. I tried to push him but he holds my hand and pinned it above my head without breaking the kiss.
I moan escaped from my lips as I continue to struggle. Damn it! Nadadala ako!
Tuluyan na akong nanghina sa halik niya. I shut my eyes close. Napaawang ang bibig ko upang lumanghap ng hangin. But he took this as an advantage to sneak his tongue inside my mouth.
I can feel his heavy weight. Halos lumubog na ako sa kanyang kama sa sobrang kabigatan niya. His lips began to trace on my jaw, down to my neck.
"S-stop..." Naghahabol hininga kong sambit, nanatiling nakapikit.
But he didn't heed me any attention. He continue to kiss, suck and bit the skin of my neck. Lumuwang din ang hawak niya sa pulso ko, ngunit wala na akong lakas upang ipagtulakan siya paalis sa ibabaw ko.
Slowly, his lips traveled down to the valley of my breast then back to my lips. A soft moan escaped from my lips as his hands massage my breast. Even if I'm still wearing a cotton, I can feel the warm of his palm.
"Damn it!" He hissed under his breath and suck my lower lip.
Habol ang hininga ko nang pakawalan niya ang labi ko. Remain on top of me, looking at my eyes down to my lips, then back to my eyes. I can feel my lips are swollen because of that kiss. Mapupungay ang mga mata nitong nakatitig sa mga mata ko. Those blue eyes.
"Still gonna deny your my Natasha?" he whispered
I gulped. "No matter what you'll do, I'm not her." She's already dead a long time ago.
Muli akong napasinghap nang biglaan niyang kinagat at sinipsip ang leeg ko. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong magpakawala ng ungol. Nagtagal ang labi niya sa leeg ko.
"Get off me." My voice hoarse.
He stop nipping my neck and look at my eyes with a certain emotion. Longing?
"I know you're her." Umalis siya sa ibabaw ko at umupo sa tabi ko. "Maybe you just suffered amnesia during the incident."
Bumangon ako at tinitigan siya. He won't give up huh. Ano bang gusto niya? And besides, he's already married. Kung aaminin ko mang ako si Natasha, it won't change the fact that he's already married. With a child.
"I'm not her. And why bother looking for Natasha? If ever you found her, you're already married. You can't be with her." My hand secretly balled into fist. It pained me. Big time.
"You don't understand anything."
"That's the point! I'm not her so I can't understand anything! Stop insisting that I am her because I am not!" Kahit nanghihina, pinilit ko ang sariling bumangon sa kama niya at umalis dito. "From now on, stop following me. Insisting that I am someone who's I'm not. Don't be such a stupid."
Tumalikod na ako at dali-daling lumabas ng kanyang silid. Tinakbo ko ang distansiya ng condo ni Jared at Adam. Nang makapasok ako sa loob ng condo, agad kong sinara ang pinto at sumandal dito.
Hinawakan ko ang aking dibdib. "Right. Even if I still love him, I can't change the fact that he's already tied with someone else."
Then tears began to fall like an endless waterfall.