Hello my friends. Here is a bonus chapter I promised you all. I hope you enjoy it. I promise the second part gets a lot better (:
They are also in their final year of uni at this point.
//
4 Years Later.
It was a constant struggle trying to plan something so big, especially when it was meant to be kept a secret. However, Harry never made it easy. Of course he never fucking did because he was a stubborn one. Since the conversation was brought up just once, it seemed like it was the only thing that was worth talking about these days.
It was first supposed to be a joke just to mess with Louis, but then Harry was growing restless and desperate as time continued on. It was like he woke up one day, and some switch was flipped inside. It was almost to the point where every single night he would ask when it would happen. Or he would come up with all these hopeless reasonings as to why it needed to happen now. Harry would drop hints on a daily, starting off as something cute that would make Louis laugh, to something annoying, turning their conversations into heated arguments.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to happen. There wasn't supposed to be this much pressure for him to do it.
All the hints were tiresome, and Louis attempted to ignore them. To act oblivious and not give anything away. He wondered when this desperate plea from Harry even started. They were fine up until the end of last year, when the jokes turned into something more serious - when Harry was more stressed and anxious about it all. Louis didn't know what it was that triggered him becoming so crazy and desperate, but there was something there that he didn't understand. It wasn't even fun for him anymore. More like a task he needed to check off. That wasn't supposed to be the point.
They've talked about it before - right when they moved into their house was when it officially started. Louis gave the deadline, he gave the time frame, but not even half a year before it closed in on that time frame, Harry continuously brought it up. It was almost a cry every time he questioned him about it, needing to know when, needing to know if he was still committed or not. It was a hassle. So different to how they started out university together.
Which was a crazy accusation in the first place. Louis didn't think he had done anything in the last four years to show that he wasn't committed to Harry anymore. All he did was to try and steer the conversations away from the proposal. Because the more times Harry asked him about it, the closer he got to ruining it all. He had a plan. A vision, and Harry made it hard to keep quiet. Especially when he questioned his love for him. Now, it was such a drag to think about.
Sometimes, he needed a fucking break from it all.
"Kicked out the house again?" Zayn teased when he walked up to the bar table, cheekily smiling as Louis looked up from the table with a scowl. Zayn eased his approach by holding up two pint glasses, handing one over as a gift.
The two of them met up at a local pub right across the street from where they all lived. The other three boys were planning to meet up as well, but Louis and Zayn were able to get there early since they were done with classes for the day. Plus, Zayn had been trying to get to him alone and away from the others so they could talk privately.
It was obvious within their group that Harry and Louis were going through another rough patch. Throughout the four years they've lived together, they've had quite a few hiccups in their relationships. Usually, that ended up with Harry trying to kick Louis out the house. Even on some occasions begging the other lads to drag his ass out. The attempt was always there, a strong effort on his end because he would get so fucking pissed or annoyed, but the majority of the time Louis refused to leave. There was only a handful of times when he did actually leave to go stay with Zayn and Liam, and that was typically because he was mad himself.
Again, it wasn't a frequent occurrence. Only whenever they had stupid and petty arguments because well, they were not perfect.
"Not this time," Louis stated nonchalantly, taking a sip of beer. "The other night, maybe. It isn't the first time he has tried to break up with me."
Zayn snorted. "What does that even mean? How does he try to break up with you?"
Oh boy, does he have a story to tell.
"Harry's a brat, you know?" he began, setting the pint down and crossing his hands over the table. "He thinks when we argue, that some shit is going to happen. If you ask me what shit he thinks it is, I couldn't fucking tell you. He gets so caught up in his mind, so he thinks to solve the issue is to break up or take a break or whatever the fuck. Half the time I don't know what's going on in his head. But it never works out."
Zayn's eyebrow rose up. "So he tries to break up with you ... and you don't let him? Is that what I'm getting at?"
Louis shrugged, laughing a bit. "I mean," he reached for his pint glass and took another sip of beer. "Yeah, if we have a bad argument or a bad week or something - he thinks we should break up. Like it'll solve things. Or he'll tell me to leave the place. Of course I don't fucking listen to him. We're not breaking up because of something stupid. And I'm not leaving a place I pay rent for. No. We talk about our shit together."
"You two really are something else," Zayn shook his head, laughing lightly. "I didn't think the two of you would be on the verge of breaking up. I mean - shit, has things gone bad at times?"
Louis hummed thoughtfully, glancing down at the table again. "I mean - we broke up once. Officially. For a week. Clearly, that didn't last long." He began to smile at the memory, tilting his head up and laughing. "He came back to me."
It was an odd thing to be reminiscing so fondly about, but Louis really did find pure amusement in that whole situation. Of course now he did, back then he didn't. When the break up happened, he was furious. About two years into their relationship and living together. Things were getting a bit testy. Rocky. Had been building up for weeks until it all fell over. Harry was a nursing major, so by his second year of school, he made some pretty close friends. Ones he would stay up late studying with or attending clinic with. It was a good group of friends he had, but of course there was always someone. That one person who had to go and ruin it all. Louis saw it from the start, another boy who was head over heels for Harry.
Of course, Harry was oblivious. His reasoning, he never looked at Dan the same way. Saw him as a friend. A study buddy in a mix with all the other friends. But it was obvious to Louis. Had told Harry multiple times to stay clear of him because he was always so touchy and flirty, even when he was around. Acting as if he didn't care if Harry had a boyfriend or not. Dan was the worst. Easily weaseled his way in between their relationship and drove a wedge right through them. He was an instigator.
On one side, he constantly manipulated Harry into thinking Louis had gone crazy. Or that he never trusted him and didn't want him to have friends. It was the absolute absurd things he would say that would lead to the two of them arguing. To Harry yelling out that he should be able to have friends and not be controlled by Louis. It was pathetic, was what it really was. But on the other end, Dan fed lies to Louis as well. Constantly implying things that were not there and making stuff seem a certain way when it wasn't. It didn't help that some nights, Harry spent more times with his friends and Dan than he did with Louis, mainly because of exams or projects. But it didn't make anything easier.
However, it all came to a head when they finally broke up. And at the time, Louis easily agreed, couldn't handle the stress of everything that was going on and how Dan was able to ease right in the way. It wasn't public knowledge, not even to the guys. It was embarrassing, actually. After fighting so hard for them to live together and to eventually get married to now breaking up without the intent on getting back together. It was a secret. But somehow, Harry's nursing friends found out. Dan found out, and that had been the motive for him to finally make a move.
It happened almost a week after the break up. There was a big nursing exam they were all studying and stressing for. Once it was completed, they all went out to the bar. Intending to get drunk. Harry was tipsy, mainly drinking away the fact that he was living with his ex boyfriend and had no idea how he would manage another two years being broken up. Dan clung on to him all night. Touching. Getting closer. Making his move, and when Harry finally realized what was going on, he bolted. He ran away, all the way back into Louis' arms crying and apologizing and begging that they work through this.
So, yeah. It was stupid. And it only lasted a week.
"He doesn't actually want to break up. It's his lame attempt of a threat," Louis explained, continuing on with the conversation. "He's desperate for a proposal."
Zayn groaned at the comment, shaking his head. "Yeah, tell me about it," he complained, taking a large gulp of beer. "He won't stop talking to us about it too, man. Trying to get an answer on when and if it's happening. Lou, he's gone mad. Crazy. Literally is desperate to get something out of you."
Louis hummed in response and brought his beer up to his mouth. He took a couple of sips and idly looked around the bar area, noticing it was pretty empty going into a Friday evening. "Are the others coming?" he decided to ask instead, not really interested in continuing the conversation anymore, hoping this was a good enough change in subject for them.
"Li said he's picking Niall up after their physics test," Zayn informed, soon raising his eyebrow. "What about Harry, is he coming?"
Louis grunted because he should have known that the question was inevitable. He reached for his glass and took larger gulps of beer before he sat the glass back down, leaning on the table and scratching his jaw. "Yeah, he is," he sighed breathlessly. "I just know he's stressed with all our fighting lately, and then he has his qualification test in a month, so he's stressed with that, too - I don't know. It's been a bit weird between us. We can go from good to bad to good in a matter of seconds."
"Maybe it's because he's waiting for a ring," Zayn teased, winking. Louis rolled his eyes and kicked his shin. He didn't need to be reminded.
Thankfully, Niall and Liam were making their appearance not too long after. Louis instantly felt relief when the conversation dropped and he could focus on their arrival. He stood from the chair and hugged them both before waving down the waiter to come by. Liam rounded the table to Zayn and kissed him as a hello, taking the seat next to him. Niall took the chair to the other side of him, and the there was still the open seat for Harry when he was finished with his clinical hours.
It was crazy how they argued just the other night and then are now seemingly fine. Kissing and giggling. So far, this was one of their better days, and maybe that was because they planned on drinking and hanging out with their friends.
"So," Liam breathed out once they were settled with the next round of drinks ordered. "Have you and Harry had sex in awhile?" he bluntly asked.
Niall barked out a laugh when Louis choked on his drink, spitting some of it back up. It dribbled down his chin, so he quickly set the glass down and grabbed a napkin to clean it up. "Eh, what?" he questioned, eyes wide.
"Sex, you and Harry?"
Louis fish mouthed for a second, trying to find a way to answer, but a gaping sound was what came out. He looked over to Zayn, as if for help or an explanation, but he was laughing. Not much help for him.
"I suppose not recently, no," Louis finally answered slowly, running his fingers through his hair before running them down the side of his face. It has been awhile since they last touched each other. Maybe the stress and frustration was partially contributed to the lack of sex and intimacy they had. Not nearly as much as they were used to. They were on quite a long dry spell.
"I think you two need to fuck," Liam continued, grabbing the drink menu and casually reading the listings, acting as if he didn't just ask and suggest such an invasive thing.
Well, okay then.
Louis blinked again, licking his lips. "Thanks for the relationship advice."
"Okay, babe, why did are you saying that?" Zayn questioned once he calmed down, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.
"I'm just saying, Harry called me the other night mad talking. Whining about getting proposed to and what not. He really needs something to calm down. A good fuck, maybe. I can't handle those calls anymore," was Liam's reasoning, which earned him more blank stares from Louis and an even louder laugh from Niall. "I listen to it a lot. You know? It's more than school that's bothering him."
"Come on, Li," Louis huffed, feeling something odd stir in his chest.
Liam raised his hand up defensively. "Hey, M' just trying to help. It doesn't seem like the two of you are talking much about what's bothering him. He seems to tell everyone but you." Louis' eyes cast away. "I don't know what's been going on, Tommo, but something is. At least with Harry and your whole future with him. I don't know what we're supposed to do. Are the two of you talking at all?"
Louis twisted his lips to the side, thinking. Unsure of how he was even supposed to respond. He knew something was bothering Harry deeply, probably completely unrelated to the whole proposal desperation. It was definitely something they should talk about so they don't have this constant cycle of arguing and making up. But it was so difficult to do so. Any conversation that involved getting married or proposed to always led to an argument. It was tiresome, how desperate he had become. The constant need for reassurance when it felt so out of the ordinary.
It was never Louis' intention at all. When he stopped talking about the proposal, he never meant for it to spiral out of control. Never meant for it to seem like he was no longer interested. He just didn't want the focus to be on that, especially when they're hitting on four years. The timeline that he created. But now, it seemed like that was all Harry could focus on. His desire to not talk about it. Focusing way too hard on the fact that he brushed the conversation aside and try to redirect to something else. Louis had his reason, he was keeping it a secret. He was planning. Preparing.
But even then, it wasn't like he was neglecting Harry in their relationship. They might argue. Have some bad days and nights, but Louis loved him. Made sure he knew even in the height of any argument. They still ate ice cream in bed and stayed up late to watch movies. Every night they would kiss goodnight and wake in morning cuddles. Every so often, Louis would buy flowers or little treats just because. The only thing he stopped doing though was talk about the proposal. It wasn't like he was staying out late or partying. And when he did go out, Harry was right there with him.
The proposal was a line he couldn't cross though. Not when they were so close to it. So yeah, he stopped talking about it. Remained silent. Got frustrated any time the conversation was brought up. It added on to whatever stress was already piling up on Harry. Most likely related to the end of his nursing classes and getting closer to his certification test. Then there was the inevitable of what happened after graduation. The unknown of where things were supposed to go. So there was a lot bundling up on his shoulders. And Louis knew because he felt the same way. He had similar stresses with all his exams, graduating, and then figuring out life after. But his additional stress was the actual part where his boyfriend bothered him every day about an engagement. About a ring and a proposal.
Everything had just gone to right shit so quick, and it seemed impossible to not constantly fall in the trap. It was such a small minor thing that caused a huge inconvenience in their relationship. Almost to the point where Harry had been on the verge of breaking down because of it. Which concludes, they really needed to talk about what was truly bothering him. Why all of a sudden his emotions have changed and he'd become very desperate and insecure. It wasn't normal for Harry. Not when they had been stable and strong for so many years together.
"Don't even try, Liam" Zayn sighed when the silence dragged on, sighing heavily. "This conversation is a dead end. Lou refuses to speak on it."
Louis rolled his eyes.
"You two should definitely talk though," Niall added his input, and they were momentarily paused when the waiter swung by to drop their drinks off. Louis instantly reached for the full pint glass and gulped a good amount. "Marriage is for life, yeah? S' an important thing to discuss."
Liam nodded. "For real. You two are close to reach four years. You should be able to talk about this stuff."
Louis huffed, trying to bite his tongue. But it was getting rather hard. His frustration was truly growing.
"No one is saying you have to rush anything, Lou," Zayn added in as well, and he rolled his eyes at the comment. Nobody knew anything. "But you at least need to talk to Harry about all of this. I know he is being pushy with it, but obviously he needs some sort of reassurance that these are things you still want. You owe that to him, yeah?"
There was a chorus of agreements going around the table that made his eye twitch, his aggravation completely taking over. It was the same thing the group of them had been talking about for the past month. Always giving their input but never knowing enough. They never talked to Harry about it. They just listened to him complain and then would turn around and put it all on Louis to fix it. Like he had to do everything right. It was a pressure that he never asked for. Didn't want but seemed to always get. Honestly, it would be easier if Harry just opened the fuck up and explained what was going on with him.
Keeping a secret was hard. Especially something as big as a proposal, and Louis simply needed to fucking breathe. Constantly being hounded on when and if it was going to happen was stressful. It took the fun out of everything. Louis was tired of listening to Harry talk about it all the time, but more so, he was more tired with his friends intervening. He was keeping quiet on purpose, but he also knew if he gave Harry the answer he wanted, then this would drive him to push for it even more. At this rate, Louis was getting fed up and was ready to drop all the plans that he had been working on.
"I think-"
"Fuck," he finally snapped, interrupting what Niall was about to say, slamming his hands on top of the table. Everyone silenced, and Louis let out a heavy breath through his nose, feeling all the emotions beginning to rise within him because it was just too fucking much. "I'm proposing to him next month, okay?"
And well, there he went. Blurting out the big news that he tried so hard to keep a secret. It was enough to make each one of the boy's react, all looking as if they were deer caught in head lights. Under any other circumstance, he would probably laugh. Really enjoy how shocked the three of them look, but now, he simply felt defeated. He chugged down the rest of his beer, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
"What?" Zayn finally coughed, voice cracking.
"When did you decide this?" Niall leaned forward on to the table, almost putting all his body weight on top.
Louis sighed heavily, glancing up at them. "About a year ago," he responded, a bit nervous. "I mean - I got the ring early on. So really I been working for years now."
"And you didn't tell us why?" Zayn blinked owlishly, almost on the verge of sounding offended. Which, it was fair. He told him nearly everything.
"Because I wanted it to be a surprise."
"You didn't want our input though?" Niall frowned.
Louis shrugged in response, placing his hands together on the table. They all have been friends for so long that he understood them wanting to be a part of this big proposal. His and Harry's relationship really have been a big thing within their group. The lads all experienced the ups and the downs of everything, being right there through it all. So it made since that they would want to be involve, especially since they were all best friends. But this was a thing that had been on Louis' mind for years. Something he planned out so strategically and perfectly that he couldn't risk sharing it with the others. Not when he was already nervous to do it in the first place.
Telling the lads also meant someone could easily slip up to Harry, and if one of them spoiled his plans, then he would be so pissed. The five of them often hung out together. Almost every weekend. It was too risky to sneak that information at some point without them acting suspicious or different around Harry. Any time Zayn was high, he got all deep and emotional. He loved to talk about Harry and Louis' love for one another as if they didn't already know and experience it. It wasn't safe to tell him about something as big as a proposal. He could have easily brought it up in one of his high moments.
Then there was Niall. Any time he drank, there was no telling what would come out his mouth. It wasn't like he told off everyone's dark secrets, but he did say random shit that probably should have been kept to himself. No way was Louis risking his proposal by telling him. Liam probably would have been the most reliable. However, telling him meant telling Zayn. And then telling Zayn meant telling Niall, and it wasn't fair to just tell one of them without telling all. So he didn't want to take that chance.
"I did want it, truthfully," Louis reassured, not wanting them to take anything the wrong way. "But then when I got everything together in my mind, I realized it was perfect. I didn't need any help."
"And you're sure of that?" Zayn raised his eyebrow, looking a bit doubtful.
"Well, I could propose to him where we first hooked up," he teased, laughing when Zayn grimaced at the suggestion. Niall cackled loudly, and Liam rolled his eyes, placing an arm around Zayn's shoulders. "But I figured you wouldn't like that idea much considering we fucked in your guest room."
"Yeah, I'm glad you thought otherwise."
"Well, how are you going to propose then?" Liam asked very enthused, sitting on the edge of his chair.
"I'm not revealing much," Louis laughed, ignoring their groan in response. "But it's definitely going to be the night Harry has his nursing exam. One month from today. It's on a Friday."
There was a significance to the day he was planning to propose. And although he did not want to reveal too much to his friends, he felt like it was safe to give them some clues to his proposal. The guys may or may not piece together the importance of the day he chose, which worked out perfect to fall on the same day Harry took his final nursing exam. It seemed like the perfect celebration after enduring a stressful few months. It was also the perfect excuse to take the boy out without having him be too suspicious of anything.
"Wow, wasn't that the day we had-" Niall cheered, before he was being interrupted.
"That was when you-" Liam added.
"At the-" Zayn started, but Louis was cutting them all off with a smile a continuous yup's. "Wow, Louis. That's great."
"I agree then, you probably didn't need our input," Niall smiled, almost gushing as he got up from his seat to give him a hug.
"He's going to love it, Lou," Liam softly reassured.
Their moment was interrupted when Zayn noticed Harry was finally walking through the entrance of the bar. He tilted his head up subtly to signal to Niall and Louis to break apart from their hug before he noticed them. Thankfully, they were quick to pull apart, and all three of them tried to remain neutral by drinking their beer as he approached the table with a tired smile.
"Hey, guys," Harry greeted, circling the table to give the guys a hug.
He was still in his navy blue scrubs that he wore to his clinical hours at the hospital. The past month he'd been working long hours, constantly on his feet all day and not getting home until late. Only for him to turn around the next day and do it all again. The stress load of finishing up the nursing program had really weighed heavy on him, and it added a lot to his current stress. His hair was long enough now to tie up in a bun on top of his head, a few stray pieces framing his face. He looked the epitome of tired, truthfully, and it was so heartbreaking to see.
Hopefully once they were finished with school and he completed the nursing program, he could finally relax. Get some sleep and ease some of the tension lines on his face. Maybe the proposal will help too.
"Hi, baby," Louis greeted when the boy finally made his way to him.
Harry smiled sleepily and easily walked right into his hug, putting his full weight up against his body. He sighed heavily when Louis' hands pressed to his back, rubbing him gently and softly. So comforting. Simply being held like this was already relaxing and calming enough, something that he seemed to need in order to loosen the tension in his muscles.
"Long day?" he questioned, already knowing the answer considering it had been the same routine for Harry for the past couple months - always coming home looking completely exhausted.
"Super long. I need a drink," Harry mumbled, tucking his head against the crook of his boyfriends neck and turning to look at the guys.
"Sorry, I just finished mine. Would've given it to you." He tightened his arms around him.
"I'll order us a round. Don't worry," Zayn quickly added in, catching Louis' eye and winking.
"Thanks, Z," Harry sighed again, finally pulling his body back just a little to look into blue eyes. "A couple students had to reschedule their hours, so I was one of the only ones in the clinic today. I was so swamped. I had to draw blood from lots of screaming children. I feel like I have a massive headache now."
"You drew blood?" Niall squawked, sounding highly interested. "That sounds amazing.".
"Yeah, but - I need a drink, now," He huffed, leaning forward again to rest up against Louis' chest, clinging on close. If it wasn't for his ams, then he was sure his legs would collapse right now.
As if on cue the waiter stopped by their table, and they ordered another round. It was a quick turn around of the waiter returning with their drinks, setting down an extra pint glass in front of Harry since he was fairly behind and clearly needed to catch up. After the first couple sips of beer, he relaxed even more. Smiling even. All dimply and goofy, and Louis couldn't resist but to lean forward and kiss his cheek. He always adored when Harry smiled, even when he was stressed and tired. Something about seeing it always made his heart swell so much.
Eventually, the guys left the table to start a game of pool, leaving Harry and Louis behind at the table. Which was perfect considering they do not get to spend as much quality time together as they used to. A lot of it was due to their different school schedules. That was the main reason. But on some days, they would argue about the proposal and the future of their relationship and that always put a strain between them, not able to spend quality moments together when they were dealing with that.
But this was nice. Holding each other like this. Especially in public. It felt like them. Not caring about who was around. Only focusing on each other. Sneaking in kisses every so often. Sneaking a hand underneath clothes to feel skin. Personal and intimate.
"Feeling better?" Louis asked after a moment.
Harry reached for his glass and ended up turning his body around, leaning against the table. "A bit," he responded, smiling when Louis placed a hand on his hip, keeping him close. Always touching somehow someway. "Would not be opposed to getting smashed tonight, though. I have a free weekend."
"I'm with you, darling," Louis agreed, raising his glass for a cheers.
And that was how the next couple hours went at the bar. Their bodies remaining close together. Always touching. Giggling in each other's ears and whispering softly about random stuff. Drinks cycled between them, enough to where they started to feel light on their feet. The guys mainly kept their distance, remaining over by the pool table or dart board. It almost seemed intentional, like they were allowing Harry and Louis the space to simply be together like this. Not arguing. Acting affection and loving like they used to be.
It had been a long while since the two of them were last like this. So close and in each other's space. It felt natural, like all those long months of being distant or arguing meant nothing when they were in their element like this. Everything came so easy, and Louis wondered when they could return to acting like this for the majority of their days. Hopefully soon, because he loved the press of Harry's body against his and the feel of their hands together. Maybe once they get past this funk with school, graduation and planning for the next chapter in their life then things will feel relatively sane again.
Around midnight, the two of them stumbled back into their home. The entire cab ride back, they sat close in the seats and giggled to one another, sneaking kisses every so often. It was a challenge to transition from the cab to the curb to inside their home, but they managed to do so with lots of clumsiness and stumbling. Then it was like once they were inside, nothing else mattered but those touches and kisses. The long hours of build up that finally could be turned into something else. It had been months since they last were connected and intimate.
Louis sat down on the couch, easily pulling Harry to sit on top of him. They kissed instantly, lips chasing each other. Louis' hands went to the boy's back, trailing under his shirt to press against the warm skin of his back, rubbing up and down his spine. Harry mewled, sinking further into his lap, hips rocking idly as he tangled his fingers to the back of his head, curling into his fringe. It was easy to fall back into their routine of kissing and touching, the intensity and heat building behind every time their lips pressed together eagerly, tongues clashing and chasing for more.
It was in that moment that Louis realized he really took some of his moments with Harry for granted. As if he had gotten so used to his kisses and touch that he never truly appreciated it all. At least not like he used to. But now, he understood the true beauty and power he felt with being loved by Harry. After going so many months without being close to him like this, he realized just how much he adored it. Cherished it. Nearly craved it, and that was something he should start saying more often. Maybe then things between them could be on the right path of rekindling their relationship.
Harry slowed his kisses down once he became breathless, resting his hands now on top of Louis' shoulders and pulling back just a bit. He leaned forward to rest their foreheads together, eyes opening and looking directly into soft blue. He smiled, feeling Louis' hands trail lower on his back until they were resting on his hips.
"You love me?"
The question was sudden. Quite random, and Louis' brows furrowed together. He feared at where this was going, knowing this was often the start to a conversation that led to an unnecessary and stupid argument.
"Of course I do. I love you so much. Always have."
Harry's smile faded a bit, and he glanced down in between their lap. Louis could see as a weight landed on his shoulders, the way he instantly looked tensed and insecure, as if a million thoughts were running ramped in that head of his. He held his breath as Harry looked up at him again, eyes glossing over a bit.
"You still want to marry me?" was the follow up question, voice cracking a bit. The alcohol really influenced the bout of emotions he currently was showing, but it was the same question he often asked for the past six months. Almost every day if not twice a day. Always urging and forcing the conversation when it had been something settled so long ago. Again, Louis did not understand what happened that made him start questioning everything that they were.
At the heavy sigh in response, Harry pulled his head away completely, placing his hands now in his lap. "Why can't you answer me?" he begged, face turning slightly pink, eyes glossing over more. "Just tell me you want to marry me, okay? Tell me it's going to happen."
"Darling, you won't stop bringing it up. We've already talked about this."
Harry immediately scrambled off his lap, now standing up and backing away. "You won't talk about it anymore. What do you expect me to do, Lou? What are we even doing here?"
Louis sighed heavily, brushing his fingers through his fringe tiredly. "We don't have to constantly talk about it, H. I told you once that it was going to happen, but I don't get why it's something you want to bring up every damn day. It's the same question. Why can we not enjoy what we have right now? You bring it up so damn much, it's exhausting."
That alone caused Harry to laugh, bitterly. A few stray tears rolled down his cheek, and he hastily used the neckline of the scrub top to wipe them away. "I bring it up because it seems like you don't even want to think or talk about our future anymore," he answered lowly, as if trying to truly hold in the tears. "We've been together for four years now, and you no longer want more from this. Much like how you were before we got together."
Well, that was a low blow. Before they were together, his life was in shambles. He was only a seventeen year old who held the responsibility of caring for his siblings and making sure his mother had everything she needed to get better. He was fighting for his life between football, school, and working just to help pay for dinner. Not even to mention he struggled with hiding a big part of who he was because he didn't want to add any more stress to his family's life.
Fuck. They've had long conversations about their early relationship back at North Bridge, and Louis held so much guilt and regret for it. But to bring it up in a fight like this, reminding him of how childish and immature he used to be was truly a low blow. Especially since he had done nothing since then but be the best version of himself and prove time and time again how much he loved Harry.
"Don't fucking bring that shit in to this conversation," Louis warned, eyes hardening. He stood up from the couch as well, frustration and anger growing. "You know things were difficult at the time for me. We've talked about this before."
Harry huffed loudly, lazily tossing his arms defeatedly in the air. "What the fuck is your reason for now?" Well, he did already have a proposal planned. "Because I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like we are going no where. It's been four years now. Four years. We should have a future together. A plan. Something."
The desperation in his voice was at an all time, and it seemed to be stemmed from something that not even he could understand. Admitting the truth was right there on the tip of his tongue. Ready to blurt out the fact that he was about to propose in a month. Maybe it would be the solution to calm all the insecurities and worry that was going on in Harry's mind. Ease him a bit and stop the constant arguing.
But then telling him would ruin everything Louis had been working towards. He thought of his proposal so strategically that he wanted it to go perfectly and a certain way. If he told Harry now that he was planning to propose, then who knew the next round of questions he would be getting.
It had already been such a long day. A long week. A long month, and having this conversation when alcohol was in their system was probably not the best idea. Not when telling the truth about the proposal was on the tip of his tongue. They only had so much time left with the stress of school.
"Look," Louis said after a moment, sighing heavily as he took a seat on the edge of the couch. Harry had tears in his eyes as he looked over. "Let's just - let's head to bed, okay? It's been a long night. We're tipsy. S' probably not the best conversation to have right now, yeah?"
Harry scoffed bitterly, shaking his head and turning away. "Whatever. Let's go to fucking bed then." He walked straight to the bedroom door, and Louis instantly felt relief knowing that this was something they could sleep off. However as he followed him towards the door, Harry stopped and turned around to face him, hand on the knob. "You can find somewhere else to sleep."
And then he stepped inside the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Just a few more months, Louis thought to himself as he walked back to the couch. Just a few more months until everything will be fixed.
//
It's a build-up, I swear.