Ever on and on I continue,
Circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony,
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing,
And suddenly I see that I can't break free.
I'm slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity,
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony.
To tell me who I am, who I was,
Uncertainty enveloping my mind,
Till I can't break free.
__________________________
If there's one thing I've always prided myself on, it's my self control. My ability to pull back before it was too late, to shove away unnecessary thoughts and feelings, to never allow myself to get lost in my anger, because I know that acting upon it will get me absolutely nowhere.
However, I will admit, sometimes the mask slips. Sometimes the blood running through my veins is set ablaze, and nothing can rid me of that burning feeling except physical contact. Sometimes, I simply lose it.
Now that I really think about it, I'm not a person who is easily angered. I don't suddenly snap at people out of nowhere, not unless they do something to truly upset me. Of course, I do love to fight, and when Damien and his gang brought a battle to my doorstep I was quick to take advantage of it, but fighting does not always allude to anger.
However, in this case, it did.
In all my nineteen, nearly twenty years, of living, I have never allowed anyone to get away with insulting my family, or my people. One of Zac's friends had carelessly tried one of those shitty "yo mama" jokes on me, and let's just say, he's never tried to mock anyone since. If there was one thing that could make my blood begin to boil in seconds, it was when someone spoke ill of them, even if they were merely joking.
Because the fact is that when someone is truly gone, when their soul has fully left this world, the only thing you can do is keep their memory alive from within the darkest corners of your conscious. You're responsible for ensuring that every word that is spoken of them is truly able to carry the weight of their faded existence. Petty insults, and blatant disrespect should not be permitted.
Besides, what else can you do when the people you considered home are no longer with you? You can either find somewhere else, whilst keeping them in your thoughts, or you could constantly dance along the lines of life and mortality with the hopes that you'll be reunited with them, but with the fear of what is on the other side.
Victoria had insulted my people once, and I had let her walk away with a tiny bruise on her jaw. Not because I didn't go all out, no, but because Livius forbade me from hurting her. And the respect I had for his words were enough to make me pull back. The love and adoration my soul held for him were enough to make me shove my anger aside.
Whether I liked it or not, that man was my true and only weakness. He's the only person who could make me hesitate in my steps, the only wolf who could make me flush and look away, and even now his words were ringing in my ear, an image of him saying them flashing in my mind's eye.
A Luna never hurts her own.
They were weighing on my conscious, willing me to just forget it, to turn away from her. I was mad at him, and yet I still didn't want to upset him. I didn't care what he thought, and yet I was still hesitating.
To think that it would take a situation like this for me to realize the true intensity of my feelings for him. For me to realize that the grip he had on my heart and mind were not only caused by the mate bond, but instead were the result of my own subconscious. For me to finally come to terms with the fact that I had fallen so deeply for him that I knew there was no way of digging my self out.
What is falling in love, anyway?
How is it any different from digging up a pit, and burying yourself underneath the sands of your feelings with your significant other being your only provider of oxygen? How is it any different than being caught underneath a wave, with no one's hand to grasp but theirs. There's a reason why it is referred to as falling. Because it comes with a danger, a risk.
So what happens when the moon of your life, when the person you'd lost yourself for refused to give you that oxygen you so desperately needed? What happens when they never extend that hand? What happens when you were wrong about them, and now you're left to fall on your own?
Easy, you catch yourself.
Livius may be the very center of my universe, but I wouldn't allow myself to get lost in everything that we were for too long. And this is where it ended. This is where I draw the line. Although, what I felt for him would never truly go away, I will not let it control me. If I wanted to beat the shit out of anyone who insulted the people who raised me, then I would, regardless of who they are.
"So, what'll it be, Cruella?" I asked, cocking my head to the side, my eyes narrowing on her frame. "Should I kick you into that tree back there, or will you just run away crying to my mate before I even do anything?"
Her lips pulled into a sneer at the nickname, proving to me just how much she disliked it. But instead of answering with a similar threat, she simply scoffed, and rolled those ocean eyes. "We all know you're not allowed to touch me."
"You're right, I'm not." I shot her a feral grin, and for a brief moment I saw a flicker of fear in her eyes before it faded back into those calm waters.
"Lavias."
I didn't bother with that long ass incantation this time, instead I simply murmured that one word. My voice was eerily calm as a flash of light cut through the clearing, before quickly fading nearly as fast as it had appeared, and in my right hand was my father's sword, the silver blade familiar against my tender palm.
Her eyes widened, and my lips quirked up at her reaction. She immediately recognized what metal this sword was made of, and judging by the way her eyes narrowed, she also knew what it could do to her.
Of course, I have no intention of touching her with it. I know how much of a threat silver is to wolves, how much it weakens them. One wrong swing, and she could be scarred forever.
I'd never forgive myself.
Even if I severely disliked her, I'd never cause permanent damage. I was better than that.
So what was I going to do?
There's always so many options with this sword, it's a bit overwhelming. Lavias was very different from Asterias, the weapon Victoria currently held. It has more purpose when carried by a fae. Unlike Asterias, Lavias had the potential to amplify ones magic power. It could turn a mere wave into a tsunami. A gust of wind into a tornado. A strike of lighting into a forest fire. It really was the ideal weapon for a royal.
Regular Fae's could only use, and master, one element or specified power in their lifetime, therefore if they were to hold this blade there wouldn't be much of a difference in their power. However, with the Sparrow blood running through my veins, I had power over it all. From controlling the waves of the ocean, to reading the mind of another mortal.
When I wield this sword, I am once again in tune with the nature around me, with every element I had at my fingertips.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no master of all the elements, but with Lavias, I could pass off as though I actually knew what the fuck I was doing.
Oh, the things I could do.
"You're not allowed to hurt me," Cruella warned, warily eyeing the sword.
I pursed my lips, before tapping my chin in thought. "No." I shook my head, my golden rimmed pupils briefly disappearing behind my eyelids as I blinked. "If I remember correctly, Livius said I wasn't allowed to touch you."
"You know what he meant."
"I really don't." I shrugged, glancing back at Damien only to find him admiring the sword I held. I watched his eyes take in the perfectly forged silver, the way the white dragon drawn on the hilt swirled up to meet the breathtaking blue pearl at the center. It's similarities to Asterias could not be missed, I knew that. Their only true differences were in color, and potential.
The red tinted gem at the center of the other twin sword was a simple design, while Lavias' blue pearl was what harnessed its wielders magic.
I knew the weapon was ready to be used when that very same pearl began to glow from within, the light getting brighter with each passing moment.
Smirking, my grip on the hilt tightened as I shifted my legs into a fighting stance. For once in my life, I found my right hand sliding up the hilt to make space for my left.
I never used two hands, but I suppose I just can't risk "accidentally" letting go of the sword and tainting the gorgeous silver with Cruella's blood.
No need to stain my fathers perfect blade with something so ugly.
She didn't move, seemingly sure that I wouldn't dare defy my dearest mates command.
Speaking of him, I better hurry the fuck up and give her what she deserves before he shows up and ruins all my fun.
After all, she had cut off some of my hair. A large part of my fae identity. I had to repay her.
Tightening my grip on the sword, I allowed my true element to surround it, to fill it with its essence, and when I blinked up at it again, those familiar burning flames of mine were swirling around the length of the blade. Never once touching it, just hovering a few inches above it as it spiraled around.
Damien shot me a warning look, and Noah looked genuinely afraid for his sister.
I noted William's sudden disappearance, a part of me already knowing he'd been sent to call their Alpha.
There were a few pale faces amongst the group of wolves that were watching us, none of them having ever seen any sort of magic before.
I internally snorted.
Wait until you see a transformation.
"Let's get this over with," Victoria hissed, eyes narrowed into slits as she held up my own sword against me.
To be honest, I'm kind of scared I'll break her.
That sword meant far too much to me for me to risk shattering it like this, but then again it's not like I was going to touch her anyway. Asterias will be fine.
Victoria on the other hand...
This fight was going to end far before she even got the chance to attack, and hopefully it'll be all the encouragement she needed to never fuckin approach me again.
*******************
Damien's POV:
It was on fire.
Her sword was on fire.
And damn did it look pretty fuckin cool.
Times like these I wished I was born as a fae instead of a wolf, damn.
If I were Victoria, I'd be running out of the pack by now, and booking a plane to Bora Bora or some shit because Alexandria did not look like she was fuckin playing.
The intensity in those golden eyes was enough to tell anyone that, and a part of me was a little scared for her opponent. As far as I'm concerned, Alexandria isn't a killer, but then again, she's absolutely unpredictable when she's angry.
But was she even angry, or was she simply trying to prove a point?
That she was not to be messed with.
Frankly, I think everyone in the clearing got the message except for that hard headed werewolf across from her. The men and women standing and watching beside me looked like they were a breath away from falling onto their knees before her.
She truly did look like a Queen.
However, as much as I'd like to see this through, I know for a fact that it won't end well. Hopefully, William manages to get to King Livius in time to stop her from ending a pack member, because I doubt anyone else could.
Too late.
I watched as her now completely golden eyes sparkled, and the glowing red fire spinning graciously around her sword seemed to increase when her grip tightened.
"What are you going to do?" Victoria taunted, carelessly taking her threat lightly from behind the protection His Majesty had given her.
I frowned in distaste. Was she really stupid enough to believe that Alexandria fuckin Sparrow would hold back just because her King told her to? She was going to land at least one hit, that was for sure.
Turning to glance behind me, I searched for William, hoping that he had returned with our King, but the brief distraction was enough to make me nearly miss Alexandria's attack.
By the time I turned back, she had already taken a threatening step towards Victoria, and when her sneakers dug into the ground beneath her feet, I knew this was the end of the ordeal.
All it took was one swing.
It almost looked half assed, as it all seemed to happen in slow motion, the moment too perfect to be real. Her long sword cut through the air as she stood nowhere near Victoria. She didn't even move from her spot several feet away from the girl. Was this what she meant when she alluded to not touching her? Was she just going to pretend to be dangerous?
I nearly laughed at the thought. She'd never do that. She'd never make an empty threat.
In the next moment, a harsh concentrated wind swept through the clearing. The ground seemed to shake, and the trees rippled, the intensity of it could've been enough to bring a few of them down, but that's not where she was aiming. She had another target.
The few wolves that were too close to the fight seemed to almost fall back, some of them stumbling into the other, but the one that was truly hit let out a scream as she was shoved into the tree several meters behind her, the air knocked out of her lungs.
I winced.
That definitely fuckin hurt.
Alexandria had once delivered a roundhouse kick to one of my friends abdomen, and to this day he complains about it. What she just did to Victoria, however, was probably a thousand times worse.
The she-wolf fell against the tree, attempting to get some air into her chest. She coughed and shook, falling onto her hands and knees as she inhaled. For a moment everything paused, the only sound filling the clearing being her painful wheezing, and then the clock began ticking again.
Alexandria took another step towards her, those unfamiliar golden eyes flashing dangerously. "I told you I wouldn't touch you." Her voice was calm, and collected, one could almost say relaxed.
Victoria lifted her head. The air may have been knocked out of her, but her will to fight and that annoying stubbornness remained. "What? Did my comment on your family really rile you up that much?" she bit out, one eye cracking open to meet the gaze of her Queen.
Alexandria said nothing. Simply staring down at the girl. The only indication that she even heard her words was the way her shoulders slightly shook.
"Believe me when I say that I meant every word of it." Victoria snapped, not even caring that she was the one weakly leaning against a tree whilst Alexandria held a sword. "I hope your ruthless father, and whore mother are rotting in hell right now for what they've done to my family."
I like to think that I know Alexandria pretty well. And because I do, I know that that was the worst possible thing to say to the girl who has you at her mercy. I remember that day in the library, about a month ago, when she'd mentioned her losses. I remembered the sadness and clear loneliness in her eyes. But right now, I only saw anger. Raw, uncontrollable, burning, anger.
Alexandria was silent for a while, her head dropping as her chin grazed her chest. Her knuckles were white from her harsh grip on her father's sword, and her eyes had slid shut. It was almost as though she was trying to convince herself to calm down. To not let Victoria's words get to her. But when she opened her eyes again, I knew she'd failed.
"Do you want to die?"
I was left shocked by the bitterness in her tone. By the cruelty, and the unrestrained anger. The question came out calm, but I knew she was nothing but.
Victoria needed to shut the fuck up.
Right now.
"Alexandria," I spoke up, stepping forward, my hand coming up to reach for her.
"Quiet, Damien."
That same cold tone. But this time it came with a command that I could never will myself to defy. When had she even mastered the perfect command art? I thought it was a power granted to Alpha's alone.
"Do I want to die? Of course you'd ask me that." Victoria chuckled bitterly, tilting her head up to meet Alexandria's gaze. "Like father, like daughter, I suppose."
That was the last straw.
I could see Alexandria visibly snap, and I braced myself for the exquisite yet terrifying sight of her flames. The moment she lifted her sword above her head, I knew it was over for Victoria.
My eyes widened to the size of saucers when a ball of flames gathered above her head, the heat enough to make me sweat in seconds. The air shifted around her, gusts of wind pushing at everyone in the premises. Her flames had always been powerful, but I've never seen anything like this. It was like she was holding a mini sun, and judging by the way she was staring straight at Victoria, we all know who it was going to be thrown at.
Well, at least she still didn't touch her... right?
Victoria genuinely looked scared now, and I shook my head in disbelief.
Took her long enough.
Glancing back, I couldn't even let out a sigh of relief as I caught sight of William and His Majesty rushing towards the clearing.
They were too late.
Personally, I doubt she's going to kill her. Alexandria Liliana Elise Sparrow was a lot of things, but a murderer she was not. However, simply throwing that massive fireball would be the end of her time as Luna Queen.
The simple threat towards a pack member would be enough to make others turn away, and news spreads fast. But no one else had the power to stop her besides her mate, and he was too far away. She'd unintentionally used a direct command on me, and now I was rooted to my spot. There was no one in her way anymore.
Or so I thought.
I was left gaping in shock when a hand suddenly wrapped around Alexandria's wrist, whilst another landed on her shoulder, a part of me already wondering who in their right mind was bold enough to do something like that in a situation like this.
Judging by the way her face pulled into a jarring glare, she too was wondering the very same thing as she turned on the man, but he refused to let her go.
When I slid my gaze over towards the male. The action made sense.
General Levon Artemis.
I hadn't realized he'd even returned from his pack until now, but that was the least of my worries.
Alexandria pushed against him, attempting to get his hand to release her wrist. To my colleagues and I's relief, the ball of flames seemed to already be thinning out by her sudden lack of focus, yet a part of me still feared she'd blow the general across the clearing and pick up where she left off.
But another part of me knew that this was the end. The only reason that ball of flames had even been created was because of her moment of anger. Now that her concentration has been snapped, she's already back to reality.
I'm sure she's still angry, but not enough to let it blind her.
To my surprise, General Levon pulled her to him, his hand sliding up to her own and forcing her fingers to loosen around the sword as he quickly took it and threw it aside.
He was a godsend.
Who knows what would've happened if he hadn't made it in time.
I had always carried a deep respect for the man. He was one of the strongest werewolves alive, and if it weren't for the powers that came with being Werewolf King, I'm sure he could hold a candle to our Alpha.
But it was always his loyalty that made everyone respect him. It was his trust in his fellow pack members, and his ability to set everything right.
He was an incredible man.
And even now, it was almost as though Alexandria could sense it. I could feel her magic settling as he murmured the same word to her over and over again.
Breathe.
General Levon finally released her hand, and instead seemed to soothingly brush her hair back, almost as though he were her parent. Although, I'm quite sure she'd never even met the man before.
Even so, she let him.
And to my surprise, for a brief moment I caught sight of a flicker of white in the roots of her hair, but I immediately passed it off as a trick of the light.
By now, a few men had made their way over to Victoria, helping her stand up as they asked if she was alright. All of them had seen they way she taunted her, and although they pitied her, I'm sure they knew she had practically asked for it.
You never rub salt on an emotional wound that has yet to heal.
Never.
******************
He was stroking my hair.
This stranger was stroking my hair.
The same way my father used to.
The action was eerily familiar, and although it had been years since I'd felt such tenderness, it still had the same calming effect.
The older man stared down at me, those unbelievably familiar blue eyes reminding me too much of my mate. He and Livius looked nearly identical. The only difference being the few lines on his face that truly showed how old he really was. He looked to be in his mid-forties, and the wisdom in his eyes only proved that.
I didn't think anyone but Livius would be able to stop me, but he'd managed to surprise me.
And now as this stranger calmingly patted my head, and continued to urge me to simply breathe, I am left to wonder who he is.
Setting the question aside, I turned to look back at Cruella, the burning rage within me now a simple calm storm. However, my eyes never met hers, instead this same stranger grabbed my shoulders and forced me to meet his blue eyes, as though he was afraid if I even looked at her, I'd slip back into that state.
I had come close.
I knew I did.
I probably would've gained my epiphany if he hadn't stopped me.
And I was kind of grateful that he did. Never in my life have I felt so overwhelmed by my own magic, but today it felt like it was another being ready to crush me. I had fully lost control, and the consequences could've been dire.
Even afterwards I would've struggled. I've always known that there was far too much divine power locked up in my small body, and after I fully transformed, it'd take months of training to fully be able to control it.
I wasn't anywhere near ready to begin that journey.
"Breathe," he said again, but by then I was already calm. My shoulders no longer shook, and my eyes no longer dilated. I knew I was alright.
After a few moments of searching my face, most likely taking in the disappearing traces of gold in my eyes, he finally pulled back and ran a hand through his hair.
"I've lived forty years and I've never seen such intense magical power."
I said nothing, my mind too caught up with the fact that I'd seen this man somewhere. And yet, I couldn't place it. Perhaps his similarities to Livius made him feel oddly familiar, but I doubt that's it.
"Who..." I began to ask, still too confused by everything that just happened to be able to form a full sentence.
Where have I seen this man before?
I could sense his power. Everything about him screamed authority. He was someone important, that was for sure. The wisdom in his eyes was enough to let me confirm that. So where could we have possibly met before this? When could I ever have run into a man of such prestige?
Shaking my head, I attempted to shove the thoughts away. My head already hurt from all the magic I'd just frivolously wasted, I wasn't about to make it worse.
"Who are you?" I questioned, meeting those unfamiliar blue eyes.
I didn't miss the way his lips quirked up, amusement written all over his face as he finally relaxed, and took one step away from me. "Good to know you've calmed down enough to ask that. It's rather unfortunate that we are meeting for the first time under such strange circumstances."
This isn't our first time meeting.
Biting my tongue, I said nothing as he briefly inclined his head and extended his hand to me. "General Levon Artemis, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Luna."
Shaking it, I offered him a tentative smile, choosing to ignore the way Livius was striding towards the training grounds with his anger rolling off of him in waves. "The pleasure is mine, General."
He returned my smile, cerulean eyes suddenly filled with a strange amount of warmth as he blinked down at me.
"Although we've just met," I began, turning to meet my mates angry gaze from across the clearing. "It seems I may not know you for long."
Following my gaze, his brows shot up at the sight of Livius, before he let out a low chuckle. "You needn't worry, my nephew will cause you no harm. You are his mate."
I didn't question the confirmation he'd just given me. Of course the two of them were related, it only made sense. This man was the brother of the man who killed my father. Perhaps that's why he seemed so unbelievably familiar.
"Yes, I am," I murmured, watching as Livius went to ensure that Cruella was fine. "But he loves her."
"Platonic intimacy truly is beautiful, I suppose."
I scowled in their direction, feeling a bit of my anger return as my fists clenched. "She wants him."
The General raised a brow. "But does he want her?"
I remained silent after hearing his words, already knowing the answer. He didn't want her. But the fact that he even cared, that he was defending her even after she directly insulted me was enough to make my blood boil again.
Taking in my reaction, Levon's hand once again landed on my shoulder, forcing me to rip my gaze away from my mate. "Calm down."
I let out a bitter laugh at that. "We all know a Fae's only weakness is their emotions. Do you really expect me to just relax?"
Why was I even talking to him? He was an absolute stranger, and the fact that my my heart sunk whenever I attempted to remember where I'd seen him couldn't have been a mere coincidence. But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to care. He was a General, it's not like he wasn't trustworthy. Besides, I don't have anything left to lose.
"I can teach you how to control it, you know?" he offered, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Eyeing him curiously, I arched a brow, waiting for him to continue.
"Young fae's are trained at a young age to connect with their supernatural abilities so that they'll be prepared to shift, yes?"
I nodded once.
"So how about I help you with that?" he said, giving me that same knowing look.
Frowning, I briefly looked away from him, before meeting his gaze again. "How would you know?"
He gave a simple shrug. "I like to think that I'm the most knowledgeable werewolf alive when it comes to training supernaturals. I've read hundreds of books on your people, and met just as many. Strength is my expertise, Luna. I am his general for a reason. I suppose you'll simply have to trust me."
I stared at him for a few moments longer, debating his words. He did seem rather powerful, and with age does come experience. This may very well be my only opportunity to truly get in touch with that part of myself. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.
Before I could begin to accept his offer, his eyes left mine, and instead zeroed in on something over my head.
"Speaking of him..." he trailed off, and I squeaked as I turned to meet Livius' furious gaze, his eyes burning with an anger I'd never seen before.
I knew he would be upset if I truly hurt her, but I never expected him to be this... angry.
Frowning, I found myself rushing to hide behind his uncle, but his tight grip on my wrist was enough to bring me to a stop.
"Oh, no you don't," he hissed, voice laced with pure vexation.
Pulling me back to him, I winced as his grip on my wrist tightened to an almost painful degree. "What have you done?"
"I didn't do anything!" I lied, although I knew there was absolutely no point. I couldn't get out of this. Not on my own. Shooting Levon a pleading look, I found him looking back at me with something akin to mirth in his eyes.
"I'll see you tomorrow at dawn," was all he said, before quickly bowing to my mate and walking away.
That bastard! How dare he leave me to fend for myself?
"Livius," I began slowly, slowly looking up at him from behind my lashes. "Let me explain."
"I don't want to hear it, Alexandria," he snapped at me, that familiar authoritative voice from weeks ago returning.
And in that moment I knew I had managed to get myself into trouble.
Again.