I was given this prompt
"Could you do something with Deceit being really upset about something, and it’s pretty angsty, but ends really really fluffy?"
By this wonderful being
(More explanation at the end)
I'm sorry it's not super angsty and I know you wanted DLAMP, but I will do another one which will be pretty angsty and DLAMP soon, I just love Loceit and had the idea to write it for these two
Hope you like it 🖤
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The whistling was slowly grinding on his nerves. He had dealt so well with Remus' eating, Romans inability to sit still and Virgil's constant tapping. Why was it the whistling?
The shivering started. Not small shivers of being cold. More like full body shakes as if he was being tasered. That was the first sign, he needed to get out of here.
To accompany Patton's whistling, Roman started singing along to the song just under his breath as a kept the plates from the table. His insides started humming and that's when he knew that if he wanted to retain dignity, he'd have to run now.
Remus found a straw and started chewing on it while taking to Virgil about something Damien couldn't care about. His hands started to shake. That means fight, or fucking leave.
Virgil started chewing his nails, while his free hand started to tap a silent rhythm against the table. He focused in on that, unable to rip himself away.
Why was it so difficult to fill that burning thing in his chest? Why was his face itchy and wet? Why did his hands hurt? Why were his eyes burning? Why couldn't he talk?
Suddenly, his muscles were working again. They quickly came online and listened to his brains commands. Too quickly. The chair squeaked against the floor as he rushed to his feet. Feeling light headed he stumbled out the door, attempting to explain. He needed to get away. Too much. Too much. TOO FUCKING MUCH.
He was at the bottom of the stairs when it became too much to move his body. He couldn't do it. He was feeling light headed. His body was suddenly feeling carpet. When was the last time he breathed?
He felt his throat burn. His face was still itchy. His hands weren't listening! His body wasn't working! Was he dying?
Someone touched his shoulder. No. No. No. Don't. Too much.
A voice was trying to get to him. What was the words? All he could hear was the fucking awful breathing.
He tried to tell them to go, but the didn't listen. Why didn't they listen? He fought through the pain in his throat and tried more times. Why weren't they listening?
Alone! He wanted alone! Quiet! Music! Nothing! He wanted all of it!
He didn't want the fucking warmth of the hand on his shoulder.
He didn't want the insects to crawl under skin anymore! He was too warm!
His stupid fucking hands wouldn't listen properly! He needed this thing off! He pulled but it wouldn't move. He tried pulling, breaking, tearing, nothing was working! What if he was stuck?
He could still hear someone breathing loudly behind him.
Fuck off!
Suddenly! No more warmth, no more loud noise, no more anything!
Quiet!
He lay on the stairs for around half an hour before he felt he could breathe again. Although Damiens throat still felt like it was on fire, it was so much better than being surrounded by that stifling heat.
When he looked down, he saw blood. Blood? Where-
Oh...
His knuckle...
He bit his knuckle so hard he drew blood? That was a new one.
And a note?
His hands were still stupidly fumbling as they attempted to fully come online again, but he somehow managed.
We're in the kitchen, take your time to calm down fully before you join us,
You're welcome to wait until the morning, but this is a conversation we will have to have with the others,
Love, Logan x
P.S. I also left an alcohol wipe for your knuckle, I can clean it for you if you'd prefer
Fuck, he really must've been out of it to miss Logan putting a note at his feet. He hadn't had an attack like that in so long he forgot what they felt like.
Fuck this.
He attempted to stand on shaky legs and marvelled at the feeling of being oddly weightless and heavy. Of being empty, yet feeling so full. Those attacks really fucked with his head.
He slowly made this way into the kitchen, sitting next to Logan, who had been absent for diner as he was finishing something or another for Thomas. It was pretty urgent so he was allowed to miss one dinner so he could finish before he pulled another all-nighter.
Damien silently handed the alcohol wipe to Logan, avoiding eye contact with everyone since he felt stupid. Plus, the floor was interesting right now. He winced slightly when Logan started cleaning the blood from the teeth marks on his hand.
When Patton cleared his throat, dread chilled his back. He didn't want to talk about it. Why didn't he take the offer to wait until the morning for this?
"Damien, if you're comfortable, could you tell us what happend, kiddo?" Ah, Patton. Always trying to help.
Thing is, Damien has gone nonverbal. Something he often does after an attack which makes him loose more than 5 minutes. He looked up at Logan. Begging with his eyes.
Logan, pleeease explain for meee
When he received a nod, relief pooled into his gut. His body relaxed and he released the breath he was unconsciously holding.
"Damien has something called Misophonia, also known as Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome. In a nutshell, certain noises, such as chewing, tapping, humming or whistling, can set off a panic like reaction. The mind then goes into a panic mode and Damien experiences a panic attack." Logan explained it so much better than he ever could. "Although the name suggests it is purely sound, certain repetitive motions are also potential triggers. Such as fingers tapping, legs bouncing, or pens moving up and down on a piece of paper."
Silence.
Thaaaat wasn't good.
He glanced up and saw Patton and Roman slightly confused. Virgil was looking kinda guilty and Remus was blank, he already knew, but always forgot that his actions caused Dee such a reaction when he was tired.
"Do any of you have any questions?"
Remus' hand went up quite quickly.
"Any appropriate questions?"
Remus' hand went down.
"Then I will allow you sometime to filter this information, for now I will put Damien to bed. I'm sure his energy is quite drained after such an attack." When no one made a move to stop them, Logan helped Damien onto his still shaking legs and guided him back to his room, Damien's head on his shoulder the whole way there.
"Are you feeling any better?" Damien nodded his head, unable to break the comfort blanket that being silent had given him. Without question, Logan sat him down on his bed and retrieved the Bluetooth headphones from Dee's bedside. Damien has told him what to expect and what to do should a situation like this ever arise.
He played Damien's sleep playlist and made sure the headphones were comfortable. He removed his clothes and got him into a hoodie and underwear. Logan did the same for himself and pulled Damien under the sheets with him. After about an hour of Logan reading silently with Damiens head on his shoulder, the latter pulled off his headphones and yawned.
"Hi," he whispered, "I'm sorry." Logan kissed his forehead and pulled him in impossibly closer.
"There's nothing to apologize for, I am the one who has something to apologize for. I should've been at the table in order to catch this in time, however we were both unaware that this would happen." Damien nodded into Logans shoulder, snuggling into the warmth that the other side provided.
"I'm apologizing for my weird brain. Like you said, neither of us knew it was going to happen. I sorta thought it was gone. It hasn't happened in so long." Damien couldn't help but feel dread when thinking about having daily attacks like he used to. As though he could hear the thoughts in Damien's mind, Logan out his book on the bedside table and made sure they were face to face.
"You're brain is slightly unique, but that's allowed, nothing to apologize for. And don't worry, if your attacks become frequent, we will find a solution. I can start outlining a plan tomorrow if you like? Just incase?" He kissed the corner of Damien's mouth, "We'll work this out."
"Lo..." Damien couldn't hold back the tears, he connected their foreheads and just let the tears fall. He was safe here in their little paradise of blankets and pillows, he knew that. No one had ever even suggested to help him with his Misophonia, and yet here was Logan. Possibly one of the strongest sides, wasting time to help him... him. "I love you... so much. I.... No.... No one has ever even attempted to help."
"Well, you have me now. We will get through this, you know why?" Logan wiped the tears away with his thumb, rubbing their noses together. "Because I love you too. My own little Angel."
"Oh please, if anything, you're the Angel." Damien said through laughter and tears.
Logan chuckled and kissed Damien softly, several times. He kissed away the tears on his cheeks and asked him if he was alright one last time.
"Yeah, I'm good Lo. Promise." Damien kissed him again, allowing himself to get lost in the contentment he felt in this moment. "You're not a dream, right?" Logan smiled adoringly at him.
"No, Angel, I'm not. Go to sleep, you'll develop a splitting headache in the morning if you don't." He kissed Damien's forehead one more time.
They exchanged 'love you's and many more kisses before Logans turned onto his back, letting Damien rest his head on Logans shoulder. That's how Damien fell asleep, warm, happy and safe. He supposed that although the attacks would bring about many problems, he would always have Logan.
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I hope you enjoyed that, it was great attempting to write about the way I experience panic attacks. I have Misophonia, which, as Logan explained, is basically triggered when I hear a certain sound normally repetitive or continuous. Repetitive motions and movements can also be triggering, but I'm still attempting to figure out all of my triggers and find a pattern.
Of course, everyone experiences attacks differently and are triggered by different things. This is based on my attacks in the past. I only wish I had a Logan on hand everytime it happens.
As I said, I will do another Oneshot soon, which will be angsty and DLAMP. I just really wanted to write this.
Feel free to leave criticism, love and requests in the comments. I actually love reading the feedback.
Stay awesome 🖤🖤🖤