08-16-19
Dear future-self,
Today is my day-off and I did nothing but laze off and stay in bed all day. It was really humid today and I've been sweating all the time. I discovered that Atlas shrugged and Fountainhead have movie versions of the book. And much to my surprise Ayn Rand had a facebook page, not only that but my only mutual friend who liked her page was kuya Dale. 😳 I had no idea he read her works. None at all. We have that in common, and save the fact that he also keeps a diary (the mysterious black notebook). I wonder, what sort of things does he wrote on his diary? But of course I'll never know.
He is the type who could have been a nice friend to me. One whom I wish to actually be my friend. But then could not be more than just a mere acquaintance for time and destiny are not for us. And I cannot dare myself to be confident and comfortable around him, although he was trying his best to be nice to me.
I hate that part of me. That part that I cannot find myself being comfortable with men. I only get comfortable around men if that guy is gay or he is married. But to a real man who is single, I can't. I'm trying my best to overcome this kind of personality, but it's still hard. I hope I'd get over this kind of anxiety someday.
Love,
Me (August 2019- self)