Erin
"Well hello there." I greet Sarah, Joel and Jay as they step into my dorm room and I toss my phone down on to my bed. Sarah just ran downstairs for a smoke, Jamie called me, and now - here they are. Talk about good timing.
"I ran into the boys outside. They totally caught we with a cigarette in my hand." Sarah says, sheepishly glancing at the boys. So, what? We all know she smokes.
"Don't worry about it." Jay says casually, while looking around the dorm room. This is the first, and probably last, time he's been in here. Same goes for Joel, who isn't looking around curiously, I note. He's looking at Sarah. The room is pretty basic, and girly. Not much to see. Sarah's body is a better view, I guess. Fill your boots, Joel. As long as Jay doesn't look at her that way, it's all good.
"Yeah, we're all smokers here. Nothing to be ashamed of, Sarah." I add casually, and Joel frowns at me.
"Excuse me, I'm not." He reminds me.
"Ex-smoker. Whatever." I say, waving my hand dismissively.
"I really wanna quit, too." Sarah says, cocking her head at Joel. "Got any tips?"
"It's not that hard, really. Just think of all the things in life that are better than nicotine. There's plenty." Joel smiles at her. "But I gotta admit, I do crave one sometimes."
"Like, when Jamie is being dramatic?" I offer with a grin, and Joel laughs and nods his agreement. Jay frowns at me.
"I'm not dramatic." Jay says.
"I was talking about Hawkins." I clarify, and he rolls his eyes at me.
"Okay, well maybe if you didn't call me Jamie so often, I'd understand you better." He comes back, smiling at me and twirling his lip ring with his teeth. Ugh, I love it when he does that. And he knows. I told him last night... Fuck. Note to self, no more disclosing weaknesses to Jay.
"Whatever, Jamie." I fire back at him, while twirling my hair through my fingers. He told me some of his weaknesses too. And two can play at this game.
"Okay you two, settle down. Stop undressing each other with your eyes." Joel says, and I am actually startled. A comment like that, from Joel? I know Jamie told him about me and Jay, but still. Weird. And not very subtle in front of Sarah, who knows nothing. Thanks, Joel.
"Joel, shut up." Jay says, before collapsing down on to our one and only couch.
"Joel, sit." Sarah says, gesturing towards the space next to Jay. She's awfully polite, all of a sudden. "You guys want a soda or anything? We don't keep coffee in here, we usually just run out and grab coffee from the shop around the corner."
"Sounds good." Joel smiles at her before sitting down. Jay doesn't bother answering Sarah's question. Rude. I'll assume he doesn't want a soda then.
I follow Sarah over to the mini fridge in the far corner of the room. I glance back at the boys and see that they're looking at something on Jay's phone now. Probably something band related. I wait until I hear Jay's voice, before whispering to Sarah.
"Listen, would you mind if I fucked off with Jay for a bit today?" She raises her eyebrows at me in interest while opening the mini fridge. "There's so much history with us, you know? And we got along pretty well last night. I wanna just talk to him for a while and make sure the air between us is totally clear. Would you mind keeping Joel entertained for a few hours? I'd owe you one? Please?"
I have no fucking idea why I'm pleading with her, because her eye's have lightened up, and she looks fucking ecstatic about this. Wow, this is gonna be easier than I thought.
"Sure, Joel's cool. I'll show him around a little, maybe take him for lunch. Not a problem, roomie." She straightens up with Joel's soda, and turns to walk back over to the boys. But, something about the way she just emphasised the word 'roomie' isn't sitting right with me. Is she not okay with this?
"Are you sure?" I whisper, glancing over at the boys to make sure they're not listening. They're still talking and pointing at whatevers on the screen of Jay's phone. Good.
"Yes, I'm sure." She whispers back, frowning at me. No, I'm not buying it.
"Okay. So why did you pronounce 'roomie' like that just now?" I ask her.
"Like what?" She says, cocking her head at me. "I said the word like I say any other word. You're imagining things, friend."
Okay, no. I am most certainly not imagining things. She put a weird emphasis on the word 'friend' just then, too! But now she's walking back over to the boys, and she's handing Joel his soda. I can't make any further enquiries about this right now, I can only assume she doesn't actually wanna spend the day with Joel.
"So, how'd you guys sleep last night? How was the hotel?" Sarah asks the guys, as I rejoin them by the couch. I sit down on Sarah's bed, so that I'm facing them. She sits down next to me.
"Good, comfy bed. No complaints here." Joel says, smiling up at her broadly. I catch Jay's eye, and quickly look away. He didn't do much sleeping last night, and boy do I know it... He doesn't say anything.
"And you, Jay? You sleep okay? Jamie didn't snore too loud or whatever?" Sarah asks, blinking and smiling at Jay. She's being weird. Why is she being weird...?
"Um, yeah. It was fine. Thanks." Jay says, glancing between me and Sarah awkwardly. I sigh in my head. Try to make it more fucking obvious, Jay. I know that Joel knows about us, because Jay text me and told me. I know Patrick knows too. But, Sarah doesn't. And I wanna keep it that way.
"Awesome. I'm so glad to hear it." Sarah beams at the boys, before turning her head around and beaming at me. She's acting so fucking weird.
"And what about you?" I ask her. "You decided you were spending the night at your mom's last night, but you slept here. What, you just bailed on your mom last minute?"
"Pretty much." Sarah says, still smiling at me sweetly. She turns to face the boys. "I had a great sleep, because I had the dorm to myself. Erin, here, hooked up last night."
I try to stop myself from frowning at her. Why the hell would she say that? In front of Jay!? She knows how I feel about him! And she doesn't know that he's the guy I hooked up with last night. As far as she knows, she's just told the boy I'm madly in love with that I fucked some other dude last night. Not cool, roomie!
Joel and Jay look at each other awkwardly, and neither of them respond to what Sarah just said. I'm grateful, and I'll handle this.
"Yeah, they don't wanna hear about that, Sarah." I say with a fake laugh, waving my hand like I'm brushing the subject under the carpet. Whatever you were trying to do just now, Sarah, it didn't work. So screw you. "So, what's your plans for the day guys? When are you heading down to Philly?"
"Just whenever, really." Joel replies quickly, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Topic of conversation successfully changed. "We're gonna get a rental and drive down, maybe dinner time?"
"Whatever, dude." Jay says, shrugging his shoulders. "You drove New York to Philly before?"
"No, I haven't." Joel answers him. "Should be easy enough, though."
"How long's the drive?" Jay asks him.
"Uh..." Joel pulls his phone out, presumably to look up the drive time from NYC to Philadelphia. There's no need.
"Sarah?" I turn to face her, and she blinks at me, confused. "You drive down to Philly all the time, how long does it take?"
"Uh..." She seems awkward all of a sudden. Why?
"You do?" Jay asks her, conversationally.
"Um, yeah." She says, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. "My friend Sheryl goes to college there. I visit her sometimes."
"Sure, but there's another reason?" I prompt her. Her secret lover lives in Philly. She knows what I'm talking about.
I'm waiting for her to tell the guys about her Philly boy, and I can't understand why she's hesitating. She's looking down at her hands as she fidgets with her skirt, and I'm frowning at her in confusion. When she looks up, she doesn't look at me. She looks at Joel. My eyes dart over to him, and I see that he's looking right back at her. He's raising his eyebrows at her a little. Ever so slightly. What the fuck?
"Uh, yeah, right." Sarah finally answers me. "There's this guy I sometimes see in Philly, too. So anyway, it's like a two hour drive tops. Sometimes quicker, depends on traffic really. The Holland Tunnel can be a bitch sometimes. Seriously, I think the train would be a smarter option than getting a rental. Totally up to you guys, of course."
She smiles between Jay and Joel, and I eye her curiously. She said that really fucking fast. I have a feeling she's trying to change the subject now. What, she doesn't wanna tell the guys about her mystery Philly boy? Why not? It's not like it means anything to them.
"We could get the train, if you want?" Jay says to Joel, and Joel shrugs his shoulders. "You in a hurry to see Melody?"
"Not really, no. I'm happy to hang out here for the day if you want. I'll probably spend the weekend at Jordan's now, anyway. So there's no rush. We can stay in the city all day if you want. I don't mind." Joel smiles at Jay, and Jay smiles back at him, happy with this.
Because the longer they stay in the city, the longer Jay gets to spend time with me. Joel's just doing him a favour with this. Right? That's all that's going on here? Why do I feel like I'm missing something...?
"Awesome. Well, you're cool to hang with Sarah for a while if I steal Jay away, yeah?" I say. I didn't wanna be quite so up front about this in front of Sarah, but fuck it. There's a weird tension in here right now, and I wanna get to the bottom of it. Is it because Joel found out about Jay and me? I don't know. I can't fucking figure this out.
"Fine by me." Joel grins at Sarah. He doesn't even meet my eyes. "As long as you're okay with that, Sarah?"
"Sure." She says, smiling back at Joel.
I look between the two of them for a second, before looking over at Jay. He's smiling at me. In that way. That way that let's me know I'm not just some random ginger chick to him. I'm more. Much more. Jay's happy he's gonna get to spend most of the day with me. I'm happy about that too. But - the way he's looking at me now. And the way Joel's looking at Sarah... Seems - similar?
Hold the fucking bus.
"You still drive up to Philly from North Bridge to visit Jordan and the girls much, Joel?" I ask him. I already know the answer.
"Sure, as much as I can." He tears his eyes away from Sarah to look at me. As soon as he answers my question, he looks at Sarah again. Wait. No. Surely not.
"That's awesome." I reply slowly, still watching the two of them as they practically stare into each others eyes. "So, when's the last time you saw Jordan?"
Joel looks away from Sarah again, and this time, he looks confused. "Um, week before the Halloween Dance I think. Why do you ask?"
I nod my head at him a few times before turning my attention to Sarah. "And when's the last time you went to visit Sheryl, Sarah?"
Her eyes widen, and she glances back over at Joel for a second before her eyes meet mine again. I look over at Joel, and he looks a little worried too.
Oh. My. God.
Sarah and Joel!?!?! Joel is Sarah's mystery Philly boy!?! Fuck. Me!!!
Sarah
"I can't actually recall, Erin." I answer, trying to remain calm. "That's not important. Now, why don't the two of you get out of here. I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do..."
"Oh, we do." Erin butts in. She's glowering at me right now, and I already know she's figured it out. I'm panicking, sure. But, I'm still pissed that she hasn't told me about her and Jay. She doesn't get to be mad at me. Not today. "But, I don't know. Maybe the four of us should just hang together, you know? I mean, you and Joel barely know each other. I feel badly about leaving you guys alone together."
"Erin, it's fine -" Joel tries to interject, but she cuts him off. She doesn't even look at him. She's too busy staring daggers at me.
"No, no, J3. I wanna make absolutely sure that Sarah's okay with this. Sarah?" She raises her eyebrows at me and flashes me a big fake smile. Fuck you, Erin.
"I am." I say confidently, my initial panic subsiding now, and my anger towards her replacing it. "But, are you sure you wanna be alone with Jay all day? I'd feel awful if you guys ended up yelling at each other and arguing all day, you know, like you used to back in High School?"
I feel bad for saying that in front of Jay, but damnit, she deserves it.
"Um, I guess you girls have talked about me then..." Jay says quietly. We both ignore him, and never break eye contact.
"Oh, I'll be just fine with Jay." Erin hisses at me. "I've know him for years, after all. He's not just some random guy I met at the Halloween Dance and ended up spending the night with."
That's it. I'm on my feet now, and so is Joel. Fuck this. The cat is officially out of the bag now anyway, what's the point beating around the bush anymore?
"Erin, if you-" I start, but Joel cuts me off.
"Girls. Outside. Now." Joel commands, stepping between the two of us and holding his hands up between us.
"What the fuck?" Jay says, getting to his feet too. "What just happened?"
"The girls need to go out for a smoke, that's all." Joel says, raising his eyebrows at me and Erin in turn. I don't stop glaring at her. She's the first to back down.
"Ugh, fine!" She exclaims, raising her arms in frustration. "Are you coming?" she adds.
"No, I'll wait here with Jay." Joel says calmly, sitting down on the couch again. Jay looks completely mind blown. Poor guy, he has no idea what's going on here. "Sit down, dude. They just need to talk."
Joel pulls Jay back down by his arm. He sits down, mouth open, gawking at me and Erin. I pick up my cigarettes and storm out of the dorm room, with Erin hot at my heels.
"So, were you ever planning on telling me that your secret Philly boy is one of my fucking best friends!?" Erin yells at me, the minute we're in the elevator.
"Don't start with me." I warn her, pointing a finger right into her face.
"Are you kidding me!?" She yells, throwing her hands up again. So dramatic. "How could I not start with you!? You've been seeing Joel! Fucking Joel! Since before I even met you! Christ, Sarah, you know him better than you know me! How could you keep this from me!?"
"The same way you've been keeping your secret hook-ups with Jay from me." I say calmly. I'm gonna be the bigger person here. Her mouth falls open in shock, just as the elevator doors ping open on the ground floor. I shove past her and head outside, sparking up a cigarette as I walk. I really do need one right now. Poor Joel is probably desperate for a smoke right now too. I wonder what's going on with him and Jay upstairs in my dorm room.
"How do you know?!" Erin rushes over to me, "Did he tell you this morning? Joel?"
"No, he didn't, Erin." I spit at her as she lights up a cigarette too. "I heard about it from Jamie Hawkins, actually."
"WHAT!?" Erin almost chokes as she inhales smoke. I knew that one would get her. Ha.
"I was with Joel in his hotel room last night. That's why I told you I was staying with my mom." I explain, casually flicking ash from my cigarette. "But, Jamie showed up, so I hid in the bathroom. She pretty much begged Joel to let her stay with him, and her reasoning was very interesting indeed. You know the rest." I glower at her again while taking a drag from my cigarette.
"Okay." She starts, eyes wide. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But seriously, Sarah. We can come the fuck back to that. You've been seeing Joel!? This is fucking crazy!"
I sigh and look up at the sky. Because, I know she's right. As pissed as I am that she didn't tell me about her and Jay, I know it's nothing on the fact that I've been sneaking around with Joel behind her back. I know I have far more explaining to do than she does. I need to calm down. I need to look at this from her perspective. And first thing's first.
"I didn't want you to find out this way."
"Oh yeah?!" She yells at me. "Kinda feels like you didn't want me to find out at all!"
"That's not true!" I shout back at her. "Just hear me out, okay?!"
She purses her lips and glares at me. I can practically see the steam coming out of her ears from beneath her flame red hair. She folds her arms across her chest and takes a long drag from her cigarette, never breaking eye contact with me. She's gonna let me talk. Okay. Good.
"I met Joel in Philly just before school started." I explain calmly. "It was a chance encounter in a bakery. We didn't know anything about each other. He asked me out, and I accepted. Because we clicked. We just...clicked."
She rolls her eyes and exhales sharply. I ignore her and continue.
"I thought he was from Philadelphia, and he thought I was too. But, he told me he was actually from North Bridge on our first date. I knew it was stupid to keep seeing him after that, but I couldn't help it. I was just so drawn to him. And I never told you the guy I was seeing was actually from North Bridge because I knew how judgemental you'd be about my seeing him."
"And you never thought that maybe I'd know him? North Bridge isn't actually a big town, Sarah." She spits at me.
"I honestly didn't consider that!" I defend myself. "I was so wrapped up in him, so eventually, I told him I was from New York. I thought he'd break things off with me then, but he didn't. And that's when he told me about his friend Jay, and how he was madly in love with a girl who moved to New York. We figured out the connection then."
"And you still didn't bother saying anything to me!?"
"No." I stub my cigarette out, I'm done with it. "Joel and I discussed it, and we agreed it would be best to keep things quiet, until we figured out exactly what we were doing. We knew it would hurt you and Jay..."
Her eyes widen, and for a second I'm afraid I've said the wrong thing. Shit. She's gonna explode.
But, she doesn't. In fact, she looks like she's about to cry. She hangs her head and sits down on the steps outside our dorm building. I sit down next to her.
"You thought it would hurt me and Jay..." She starts. She pauses to take a deep breath. I wait. "Because you and Joel wanna try to make this thing work. But, Jay and I don't."
I wrap an arm around her shoulders as she flicks her cigarette butt away, defeated. She is hurting. I can see that.
"He does wanna try though, Erin." I say softly. "Joel told me..."
"Forget whatever Joel told you!" She says sharply, shrugging my arm off of her. "Me and Jay are irrelevant. We slept together in North Bridge, the night of the Halloween Dance. And again last night. That's it. We're done. No more."
She shakes her head and looks down at her feet.
"Erin, it doesn't have to be." I say cautiously.
"Yes, Sarah. It does. Because I'm not a fucking idiot. I know that long distance doesn't work." She gets to her feet, glaring down at me where I'm sitting on the steps. "So, I hope you and Joel are happy with whatever the fuck you're doing right now, because believe me - it won't last! It's destined to fail!"
"Erin, please." I get up to my feet. "You don't think I considered that already? And Joel? We would never have carried on seeing each other this long if it wasn't something special. It is."
She frowns at me, but she doesn't yell this time. And she isn't storming away from me. Progress.
"I am honestly sorry I didn't tell you. I've felt badly about it this whole time. But we agreed not to say anything to anyone until we were absolutely sure about this. None of the guys know. Joel told them he's been seeing someone, but he didn't tell them who."
"Really?" Erin sounds surprised by this. "Jamie never mentioned anything about Joel seeing anybody."
"He didn't make a big deal out of it." I supply. "Just like I didn't make a big deal out of my Philly boy." I smile at her, and she's not frowning so hard anymore. "I really did wanna tell you. I swear."
"And I wanted to tell you about Jay." She sighs. "I just couldn't. I thought keeping quiet about it would make sweeping it under the rug easier. I guess not."
"So. Are we okay?" I ask tentatively. She seems calm now, but she's so fiery. You can never be sure with Erin.
"Of course we are." She mumbles. "This has just totally fucking blown my mind. I can't believe it. All this time, you've been falling in love with Joel."
She is completely correct. I do love Joel. But I never said that. "Woah, Erin-" She holds up a hand, cutting me off.
"Don't deny it. You said so yourself, he's special." I smile at my feet in embarrassment. "You guys wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't real. And I know Joel. I've know him a hell of a lot longer than you have. He's gorgeous, and he doesn't give girls the time of day. Not after India. You must be pretty fucking special to him too, Robinson."
Joel has talked to me about India, his one and only ex-girlfriend, before. Just a little. I'm not asking Erin anything about that though, it's none of my concern. Joel told me he loves me. Nothing else matters.
And finally, finally, Erin gives me a weak smile. This is okay. This is gonna be okay. I feel the relief wash over me.
"Oh my god, you spent the night at Joel's place in North Bridge." Erin says, her mouth falling open. "None of us even batted an eyelid about that! I feel like such a fucking idiot!"
She shakes her head and laughs at her own stupidity. I smile at her. I am actually glad she knows about this now. Such a relief. But... what the hell is going on upstairs with the boys? I pull out my phone.
Joel, 12:49pm: Everything okay? She knows, doesn't she? Jay is clueless. He's too wrapped up in Erin, he didn't suspect a thing just now.
"Erin, can you keep this to yourself for now?" I ask her, holding my phone out to let her read Joel's text. Her eyes widen as she reads the message, then she frowns at me.
"You're asking me to lie about this? You want me to keep your secret from Jay? From Jamie?"
"Um, yeah. Joel and I still haven't exactly defined our relationship." I tell her quickly. "But, I'm hoping we'll be official soon. I want to, and I think he does too. I want him to ask me though, you know?"
"Cool it, Robinson. I have absolutely no problem lying to everyone about this." She says casually, and I laugh. She's totally calmed down now. I can't believe how well this has gone. Thank god.
"Especially Jay." She says quietly, the colour draining from her eyes again. "I'm glad he didn't catch on upstairs. If he knew about this, it would crush him. Jay and I have known each other a lot longer than you've known Joel, and yet..."
"Yeah, exactly." I say. We both understand why it was so important to be discreet about this.
"Okay. We tell Jay nothing." Erin says decidedly, straightening up her posture where she stands. "Text Joel and tell him, then we'll head back up there."
I smile at her before typing at my phone screen, letting Joel know that Erin won't say anything for now.
"You have an amazing day with Joel ahead of you." She smiles at me, but her smile doesn't quite reach the corners of her eyes like it usually does. "And I have a difficult conversation with Jay ahead of me."
"Erin. You love him, right?" I cock my head at her.
"I do." She agrees, looking away from me. "But I'm done talking about this. It's my issue. Not yours. Not Joel's. You guys deserve to be happy, fuck what anyone else thinks about it. Just because I don't wanna try the long distance thing with Jay, doesn't mean you shouldn't try it with Joel. I totally support your decision, Sarah. So please, try to understand mine."
I nod my head at her before linking my arm through hers and heading up the steps towards the entrance to the dorms. I'm excited about my day with Joel, and I have a feeling I'm gonna be heading down to Philadelphia this weekend to spend even more time with him at Jordan's. I'm happy, and I'm glad Erin wasn't totally crushed by this revelation about Joel and me. I just wish she would change her mind about things with Jay. You can't force these things though, huh?