Hi, I'm Merlin. Im a warlock and the kings man servant. I have two secrets: I have magic and I'm depressed. I hide both from everyone though. I've even managed to hide it from Gaius. Lancelot has seen me act strange lately though. I've said I'm fine though. Though it's a lie.
I sit on my bed and let the blade go though my arm. Blood drips down on the wooden floor. My arm starts to numb, so I stop. I lay on my bed with my clothes and boots on, thinking. "What if I was dead?" I mutter to myself. I know the perfect way to get me dead too: I'll jump off of the tallest tower of the castle. No one cares anyway.
"Merlin, I need you to help me" Gaius calls from the other room.
"Coming" I say in my most cheerful tone I can muster.
"I need you t- are you alright?" Gaius walks up to me. Then I realize that my face is tear stained.
I realize I can't lie, "Gaius, I-I have depression. I cut every night. I-" I realize I start to cry.
"Come here" Gaius takes me in his arms and I sob there. I feel like I could stay there forever.
"I'm sorry." I say between sobs. I really do want to die right now. But I can't tell him that.
"No reason to be sorry for, my boy" Gaius says patting my back.
I pull away, "Thank you. I need to get to bed."
"Merlin" he says, "you can come to me whenever. You know that right?" I nod.
The next morning, I walk to Author's chambers with his breakfast.
"Hey, mate!" Gwaine greets me happily. Gwaine pats me on the back.
"Hey" I say with a fake smile and walk away to do my duties.
Gwaine P.O.V
That was weird. Merlin fake smiling? Somethings wrong and I'm gonna find out. First I need to go to his other best friend: Lancelot.
"Merlin did what?" Lancelot looks at me with disbelieving eyes.
"He looked at me and I could see in his eyes he was very very sad" I say sadly.
"Is he alright?" Lancelot paces the room.
"Idk. We need to find out. Lets just watch Merlin more closely now" I conclude.
Merlin P.O.V
"Rise and shine, sleepy head!" I say happily as I pull the shades away from the window of authors chambers.
"Merlin, go away" he moans and rolls over. Typical.
"Sire, you need to get up. You have much to do today" I drag him out of bed.
After much struggling, I got him out of bed and dressed. I hold a pitcher and stand behind Author just in case he wants more wine. I look out the window and see how far a drop it is. No, not right now. I need to plan before I do this. I obviously need to write letters to everyone I care for.
"Merlin, can you hear me?" Author breaks my dozing.
"Sorry, sire" I pour more wine into his cup.
Author looks at me weirdly, "you never call me Sire unless you're upset. Are you alright?"
"Yup. Happy to be your servant" I smile. He doesn't seem to buy it but lets it go.
"I need you to polish my armor, clean the stables and sharpen my sword today. Understand?" Author gets up from the table. I nod. I can finally be alone and think. I head out to the stables to clean and then off to the armory. Just another day in Camelot.